your songs won't stop ringing in my head

i have had a pretty fucken good week, if i do say so myself. aside from work which has been very slow lately. let me start where i left off i supose. the 23rd, i don;t rembmer what i did, i think just worked.
the 24th i quickly helped josh wrap some gifts. we exchanged our gifts. eeeee he gave me one of the best things ever . i dunno when but i mentioned something about this old movie i used to watch when i was a youngin, and he found it for me and made it into a dvd! you cannot understand how happy that made me. he also gave me a game that we always play together which i will have to show you becuase it is uber fun. and music and a book. then worked, then went over to joshes and played board games and guitar hero.
then i headed over to my parents house to spend the night so i was there for christmas.

Christmas. got up around 10. opened some presents , kenny called. got new dishes to match my set. some pasta thing, noises off !( that i have to go pick up from my parents) gift card. some drink mixes.
then we went to my aunts and sat and talked... then we went to my grammies where we played some you don;t know jack, and had some deliciouse dinner. then pass the ace. then i came home and spencer came over and we watched hudson hawk. which he baught me! and i llove it.. hehe sush a weird movie but it;s fucking awesome. i lovelovelove it.
then boxing day i slept in. no shopping for lisa. and i worked. work was dead and boring. josh came over for a bit and we watched some of flight of dragons. but he had to go to dinner. ummm
the 27th... i went and gave martha her present. and painted eryns pic she wanted me to do . and also painted some more of a painting i am working on . and then made an apple crisp and started a roast dinner. because josh, his sister serina, and dustin dame over for dinner and board games. serina whent home and the boys and i continued playing, kaitlyn came home and we started drinkin more.. haha we played this game called Queef, it;s like fuck you in a way, but more structured.. it;s hard to explain but it was really fun. anyways we all ended up having many drink. yesterday was soo hung over... was in bed until like 230. when josh called me to go get some fast food

so josh dusting and i traveled to A&W then back to my house for some more settlers. i was still very hung over.. and had to go to work. but ended up getting to go home early becuase i was "sick". i did really feel like shit thought. but i pulled through and went to joshes where me him kyle and dusting played some more settlers. then josh and i played guitar hero . which i am actualy getting not so bad at hahah. yes go me.

then i drove home and ended up getting pulled over. for going to fast, even though iwasn;t going that fast. but i didn;t get a ticket... i think the cop was just bored, since it was really late at night. anyways then sleep for many hrs. which was good. more time to recover form hung over ness.

as of now i am going to shower then , to get my movie, and prob watch it with spencer. then get to see jilly tonight ! yay ...

damn i still have to do the dishes... balls.

i think if i could go back in time , i would stay here forever. or if i could take a chance, i would fly past this time all together.

switch the cd and change the tune to your life

christmas punch.
1/3 oz. creme de menth
2/3 oz. light rum.
gingerale.
mix above. pour into short glass with ice. pour in a bit of grenadine and creme de menth without stiring to make it red and green.

I have just returned from my family christmas gathering. it was alright but for some reason i got really tired as soon as i got there.. perhaps partially because i was really bored or partially because i spent the past two nights partying it up? who knows. anyways it is a cold night alone now. kaitlyn has gone home to be with the fam. which is good, i know she wanted to go home.
i think i will just vege on the computer. i need the rest. haha i have not slept in my own bed for 5 days. hahahaha. tomorrow and monday i work. i do not think i will do much in the day but hang around. which is probably good as well. perhaps not particularly interesting. but whatever.

i have a bunch of songs stuck on my head. ahaha i am addicted to them at the moment. it;s nice though. it;s good to have as different tune now and then.

" arn't you such a catch , what a prize, got a body like a battle axe. love that perfect frown , honest eyes, we ought to buy you a Cadillac"

i am soo very tired. i am excited for future days. i have a craving for guitar hero. once you have a taste all you want is more! eeeeee. hahaha
i really have nothing to say so that be it.

"we were alive -- we were pure"

what... the .. fuck ... my apartment is sooo fucking cold. it for some reason has stopped producing heat. in response to it being literally colder than outside, i have turned the stove on, a few lights, sectioned off the smaller rooms and lit about 14 candles to try and help generate heat. progress is slow but steady.

lisa's last couple of days go as follows:
tuesday- josh comes to visit we adventure in liquidation world and watch some galaxy quest. i got to work. work = lame, because of two old stupid people who come at 10 and stay right till the resaturant closes.. bitches. after work i leave with josh and travel to Victoria!. where there is a kyle waiting. sit around, play some you don;t know jack... bed.

wednesday. - sleep in. lounge. guitar hero, haha i was getting better! shopping adventure with kyle and josh. to computer store, future shop and the mall. i baught kyle two gum balls and each of the boys a bouncy ball. heheh. josh almost ate his because he thought it was a gum ball at first.
hmmm then you don;t know jack, distracting dustin from the studying he should have been doing. matrix, south park, pool, lounging bed.

thursday - sleep in,, way in . lounging. i make the boys waffles. play two rounds of guitar hero. then just after two josh drives me to timmy ho's on duncan where my dad picks me up.
drive home lounge. work. party at eryns! hahahahah puddle hug. invention of the atomic pinapple... it goes at fallows
1/3 oz absinth
2/3 oz pinaple malibu
top up glass with pinapple juice(about an oz and a 1/2). use one ice cube in a champagne flute, or pineapple shaped glass. if you use a bigger glass double the booze. maybe put a cherry in it just for fun.

yea hmm hmm and now i am just chilling until work. after work i will venture to spencers for some more drinks and such.

hmmmmmm. things that make you go hmmmmm
lOve

hmmm snow,

so i am sitting here, just waiting around, lookin at blogs. and i think what is that funny thing that i see through the blinds. i go and take a look and low and behold it be snowing. and it;s hella coming down. it is too wet to be sticking but , i am undecided if i would enjoy the snow being around. it will probably turn to rain. infact i went and checked the weather and apparently it's already raining... good thing i have the weather net work to tell me what the weather is, my eyes seem to be deceiving me. how can i trust the weather reports to tell me what the weather is like tomorrow if it is lieing to me about today

anyways... yesterday i did lots of knitting. yay. if i am lucky i will finish my rents chirstmas present. i also went to my other house and ate waffles and sausages mmmm deliciouses. and decorated the christmas tree. then i went to go see i am legend. i am reminded that i really don;t like those kinds of movies.... there was one part.. it was sooooooooo sad. i probably almost cried.

speaking of that there was an SPCA comerical on and that almost made my cry too. i had pictures of animals and some of them had been hurt. seriously i had to fight to keep composed. i feel a lot of compassion for animals.

hmm two days ago... tasia and i watched a weird movie... it was not particularly good. then work, then came home and nathan tasia and martha came over, and we listened to this meditative tape thing. but it was weird and we all ended up falling asleep.

not much is up, i have tomorrow , saturday , christmas, boxing day , and the 29th off , if anyone wants to do anything. other than that i am up for stuff after work if people want. or possibly before.
As for newyears, i work , but it will be no later than 11. i have talking to kaitlyn and she is ok with haveing some people over here.. max 15 possibly,,, but i don;t think we really need that many. i'm kewl with just you guys pretty much. possibly afew more. i'm more for a friendly gathering that an party party. ya know.
anyways soooo i might have to work until 11, and kaitlyn mig tbe with terry... soo i dunno jill.. is it ok if people chill at your house until then ? or i'm ok with people over here when i am at work, cuz i know your guys won;t be stupid retards and i trust you. yes? sooo jill tell me what you think, everyone else what do you think? have any other ideas?...
i dunno.

tra la la.
adieu

you hurt me with words and i scratch up your face

i just had a terrible dream. it started out not so bad. there was some dog party at james' house( but it didn;t look like it) lots of people had their dogs and some cats. they where all white. i had with me a cat and a dog. the dog was snowball or something and the cat was sugar. for some reason i had this kit, and in it was dog makeup? just a little container. i was baffled by it.i walked around the house, through all the people that i didn't recognize. looking at all the animals. then the dream started over. i was the only one that had animals. but they where not with me. instead people where drinking and preparing to go to the bar. i was in my kitchen washing the sink. martha and spencer where drinking some wine in funny little bottles. one was mine that they where going to drink. i asked if it would be alright if i came to the bar with them. however the event co-ordinator said no. after this i was angry and when to sit on the couch, where shortly after i got into a big fight with the co-ordinator and said many horrible things and had them said to me. i theatened to hurt him is he continued, which he did, so i hit him. and as i was leaving i used my nails to scratch into his forehead. some how i had a broom and was theatening to smash the handle over his head. but i didnt, i pretened to then said " this is my mercy" and walked outside and broke it over something. i called for the animals that i had braught with me, and shortly after they both came.we started to rive the short distance home, when somehow the person i was fighting with was like hovering outside my car as i was driving( i think it must have been in my head) he said more horrible things. i was crying and ignoring him. then he said " fine don't listen" and dissapeared. and i remember though i wanted him gone because he had hurt me so bad, i was sad that he had left. and thats where i work up. realizing that it was 1245. and that i had wasted ha;f of my day.
not that i had anything important to do anyways.
i hope that this is not a reflection of how my winter break is going to be. days like this one are not good. and it should be my responsibility to fix them. i don't think i am doing so bad now, as the dream beginning to fade from my memory. thats the thing with my dreams they are so clear they are real.

i am definably still in a slump. i decided that if i cannot be happy by myself, then i am not happy in general, with myself and with my life. will you all help me. this is not something i ask very often. I'm actually quite stuborn on the fact, but seeing as i can quite get through all of this on my own i would really like some advice. any advice, anything that i could try.... i'm just so tired of feeling low all the time.

ummm thats all for now.

Doesn't make sense i know, but...

i don't understand why some days are so different from others. yesterday i was fine i was happy. but today is horrible. i don't know what happened. how and why did that good feeling just fade away. why can't i just remember it? remember that it's there. or is it really there in the first place. all i know is its gone. and with that my motivation.. i have done nothing today, which is pathetic. i just sat around all day feeling fucking sad and sorry for myself. my stupid, lazy, lonely self. it's fucking pathetic.
thats the worst part of this. these random days of sad.
one of my friends ben made a cd. it's pretty neat/good. you should check it out, go to my facebook group" bens imaginary band" you can Dl it.

thats all, there isn't anything else to say. this is one of bens songs

Do you have to pretend I don't exist?
does it make you happy when I'm not around
am I at the very end of your list
why do you make me feel so put down
maybe now I'll disappear

Doesn't make sense I know
but you make me feel better when I'm feeling low
silence isn't as sweet
but I love every moment whenever we meet

There is nothing I want more than to see you smile
have you ever considered - the fault is all mine
never anything to you and all the while
I know I'll just disappear

Doesn't make sense I know
but you make me feel better when I'm feeling low
silence isn't as sweet
but I love every moment whenever we meet

but i don't know how, to get it back to good

It's nothing, it's so normal you
Just stand there I could say so much
But I don't go there cuz I don't want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I'm lonely now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good

This don't mean that, you own me
This ain't no good, in fact it's phony as hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you don't know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I'm going to do

And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like
They do
It's best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn't tell, why everyone here was doing me like
They do
But I'm sorry now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, is wondering what it's like to be with
Somebody else
Everyone here's to blame, everyone here
Gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain, everyone hides
Shades of shame, but looking inside we're the same, we're
The same
And we're all grown now, but we don't know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, it's over now
There's no getting back to good

have you ever find that there are sound tracks for different parts of your life. different albu,s that depict how you feel, and whats going on. then that music forever reminds you of that time in your life, sometimes to the point where you can't listen to it ?? it happens to me all the time. some things that i remember
cold chamer, spine shank, aslip knot,= grade 9
finger eleven = summer of 2004 driving around in james' van late at night
marlyn manson , tool , NIN = first half of grade 12
APC, porcupine tree = second half of gr 12 , with spencer
panic at the disco= my caribean cruise
three days grace, one X - the hell of last december
matchbox twenty - now
it;s funny that my last two novembers an decembers have been bad. this one is more sad than angry. it;s the end of three years, which is very sad. and like that song says. i don;t know what to do with myself. i want to be happy. but i am too scared to take chances. not that i can see that possibly working out for me anyways, not any time soon.
i want this school year too be over. i want summer to come and go and i want to be gone from here. i want someone to find me and realize how amazing i am , and love me for it. because thats what i deserve. i deserve more than i have been given in the past. i want to believe i won;t settle for less, again. but right now i feel that anything is almost better than nothing.
I don;t like working many days in a row at night. it makes me feel like i have no life, or have not accompished anything. which is silly because i have done thing. last night i went to the golden compas with jill gregoire tasia and nathan .. and it was fucking sweet. and before that people came and watched movies with me... but even with all that, i still feel like i haven;t accompished anythign .. it;s this stupid work like this... it makes me depressed.
two more days and it will be over...

but for now balh.
~lisa~
p.s. i suggest you listen to this song as you read it. it makes it better. matchboxtwenty. back to good.

chaos sheer chaos

day two of 6 over. this red room thing is so very ridiculous. there is no organization what so ever. i will tell you all about it if i make it out alive. :p *sigh* at least i am getting payed. i am very tired. at least i don't have to worry about school. one exam, that is all .

i am listening to the songs that remind you of me. it makes me happy that you don't forget me.

i have a fantasy. a vision of my life down the road. it's seems to real. it's beautiful.
i was thinking earlier, i was knitting, ahaha and the thought occured to me that i am ment to be a mother. not now for certain. but you can see it in the way i act. hahah mama lisa right. i dunno. to be honest i cannot wait for that time to come. i know it will not be soon hahaha i would no be so foolish. years from now. it will be beautiful. a little girl perhaps. could you imagine me with a little girl. we would be the cutest pair. and in the fantasy of my life to come, she would be the ultimate joy of her father.nhahahah i am talking silly for this is indeed a fantasy. a beautiful dream. i might as well look to the future. when i will be truley happy next. who knows when that will be. i know it isn't now. right now i;m just lonley. i've dealt with the pain, now if only i could get rid of being lonley. i might as well look to the future, cuz is isn't going to be soon.

" Someone must have loved you ,Not the way that I do..."

4 more days of chaos. at least i'm getting payed.*sigh* so tired. at least i have the mornings off.
i wanna thank you guys for always comming over. it makes me happy.
i think it is time for lisa to go to bed now.
nightynight
"I don't know what it means, But I've been wondering, Who let you go? "

wholly crapy snow eh

i guess the weather made up it;s mind to do it's thing. i expected it to be going away by now. hahah yesterda i work up at 8 and looked outside expecting to see a nice while landscape however i was misteaken, i decided to go back to bed. woke up though to myself maybe i'll go shopping. i walk down the hall. hmm the sky looks very while is it foggy. oh no, it was like 3 inches of snow. hahaha there when my shopping plan, since we all know... my car and the snow doing get along.
so i tided the appartment and when out to brave the elements to bring our rent to the office.
then i just chilled until spencer gave me the yes or no on our trip to vic.
friday tim asked if i wanted to go help out on tool call in vic and i was all for it. anyways we where still going so at 6 we started heading out, picked up tony and drive. specners step dad offered to drive us which was goood.so much snow.
i estimate there where between 35 and 40 cars stranded on the highway to vic. there where at least 15 on the malahat. but we made it.. haha no snow in victoria. we meet up with tim and got some warm drinks before we where allowed to go backstage.
when we finally where. spencer, tony and i did some paper work and recieved our extra large oranger shirt. we where pushers. ( also present people designated to lights, sound, video, rigging, stage carps) we took all the loaded crates and braught them to the trucks, then loaded them on.
it;s was pretty simple, the where people who told you what to do. which was good. haha ther was a lot of stuff to move. anyways we finished the call at the like 2: 30 is.. then we got a ride home with tim, because harry and spencers mom had gotten a hotel room and we didn;t want to stay the night. which was probably a good idea because .. as i can see it started snowing again and it is probably more difficult to drive back now that it was last night. the roads where fairly clear.

soo the school is closed for the weekend... i wonder if it will be open tomorrow. i have my final print making class. i am sooo glad i did my print on friday. also i have a gig, that honestly i would be upset missing, except for the fact that i have that gig until sunday and that would make us behind.
but it's up in the air..because it;s hella snowing now. but the weather network says that the temperature is suposed to go upt o like 8degrees. and it is suposed to rain.
who knows. all i know is that i cannot wait for this week to be over with. i have to work every night at the college then i have a night off for the christmas party.. then i work at the restuanat... yay day off them two more days...
lots of work.. which is supose is good

anyways i have nothing really to talk about.
if the college is closed tomorrow i say we all get together here for some good snowy times ....say perhaps involving a snow fort??? and cough cough who knows
*love*

mad season - matchbox 20

future thoughts and a depressing denument

68 Thingies! from martha

1. Single or Taken - Single
2. Zodiac sign - pices
3. Birthday - march 3rd
4. Male or Female - fem ale
5. Preschool- some church basement i think
6. Elementary - rutherford
7. Middle - negative does not compute
8. High School -Dover
9. Eye color- grey blue
10. Hair color - brown... but spicey red
Are you a health freak? ahahahahahhah no.
12. Height - 5'4" :)
13. Do you love someone - yes indeed
14. Is that someone in your school - yes
15. Piercings you have - ear lobes and a rook
16. Righty or lefty - righty

FIRSTS :
17. First piercing- my ears
18. First sport - fastball
19. First pet - misty my grey kitty
20. First vacation - does camping count ?
21. First crush - my first hard core crush was levi in grade 5
22. First love - james
23. First boyfriend/girlfriend- well there was shane.... but i'm gonna have to say james

CURRENTLY :
24. Eating - nothing
25. Drinking- apple juice box
26. Listening to - nothing
27. Wanting to see/speak to - josh and kyle or spencer

YOUR FUTURE:
28. Want kids - yes
29. Want to get married - Yes, eventually...
30. Job - an artist
31. Where will you live - anywhere

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
32. Lips or eyes- Eyes.
33. Looks or personality- Personality, when you like someone for who they are they become more attractive to you anyways
34. Athletic or lazy - i don't think those two work as a contrast...
35. Intelligence or attraction? Attraction i guess but i think its hot when a guy knows alot about something.. but isn't pompus about telling you
36. Romantic or spontaneous- both
37. Body or mind?-mind
38. Tall or short- Tall and skinny
39. Shy or outgoing- outgoing.
40. Older or Younger? - doesn't matter

HAVE YOU EVER :
41. Kissed a stranger- i don;t think so
42. Lost glasses/contacts - yes...*sigh*
43. Ran away from home - noop
44. Broken any bones- my collar bone
45. Broken someone's heart - yes
46. Been arrested- Negative
47. Cried when someone died - yes
48. Liked a friend - yea
49. Been cheated on - not to my knowledge
50. Seen porn- gay for pay!
51. Snuck out - no ,
52. Been called a slut- not to my face, so i dunno
53. Got in a fist fight - no, but i think it would be fun
54. Shoplifted- kinda

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
55. Yourself - most of the time, sometimes i'm not so sure
56. Miracles- not really
57. Love at first sight - no
58. Santa Claus - nope.
59. sex on the first date - i don;t think so ..
60. Kissing on the first date - yea
61. Angels - no
62. God - not specifically,
63. Gay Marriage - yea
64. Abortion - a womans body is her own
65. Barack Obama - i feel dumb cuz i don't know who this is

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY : (isnt that what I've been doing?)
66. Is there anyone you would really like to be with right now? yes.
67. Have you really liked someone that you shouldn't have? hahaha yes
68. Have more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Negative

thats was a nice warm up, i like surveys, but you cant do the all the time cuz it;s just the same questions over again. they are fun because sometimes you get to say things about your life where you would not normally get to say. i dunno.
it was weird today. i was at work and it randomly occured to me that one day, someone is going to want to spend the rest of their life with me. i found that though very assuring. i thought about myself, i am beautiful, pleasant kind, kinda funny, i am talented. ext ext. i am many amiable qualities and one day some one will realize and love all that and stuff... i dunno, i guess i didn;t get that far on the thought train, but whatever it gave me something nice to think about while i was cleaning.. and then i thought what kind of man will i end up with? i have no clue, i really could not think.. i guess thats good though.. too many women have their ideal man and they miss one that might not fit perfectly into their plan... but w.e i dunno
ha ha i did alot of thinking today. and got two things out of the way, what an efficiant day.

anyways i also pondered as i drove, about how unfortunate this has been. the end to what was an amazing exciting thing, was merely a fizzleing out. as my mind likes to see it. no big drama , no passion, just meh, and it's almost as if there was never anything there. except ya know that love i find myself repressing, but it doesn't really matter i don;t think.
i think my biggest uneasyness is that although i do, at the same time i dont understand.. why. not that it matters now anyways.

i am getting quite sleepy, today was an exausting day, as with the next few be as well. next week will be no different. why is it i have been waiting for things to be over, i want somethign to start.
oh well oh well, one day things will be set in a way. i am looking forward to that life. i do not think i am much for this atm. who knows.
i am excited for your visit , i am excited for mine.

sometimes i want to fucking scream

was it so bad? that everyone else saw but me. did you treat me like shit and i just didn't notice, are you just trying to make me feel better.
why do you say it's for the best? do you know something i don't.
i want to hit the wall until one of us bleeds. that is my urge right now. but i won't do it because in my head i know it;s fucking stupid. and now i;m fucking crying cuz i don;t know what to do with myself. i want to run away. to forget all about my life right now. forget because i don;t understand why things happened the way they did. was i just a blind fool. how long did you humor me to make me happy. congrats it fucking worked.. but i'm sure you knew it would. go along and have you party, i'll watch from the sideline till i get up enough fucking guts to leave.
it must have been true. cuz you do all the same shit now, exept you just arnt there to pick up the pieces all the time.


... i just don't want to feel like this anymore. i have your picture. should i just put it away? not see you not talk to you? would that help or make it worse. but your the only one who knows. who knows how this feels right now. i guess it doesn;t matter i already feel alone. almost all the time. i know the rest of you will say you are there and i know you mean to be, but nothing you can say can help. i need what none of you can give.

go a head and have your party, i'll stay here until have the will power to leave. don't worry, you won't miss me when i;m gone, you might not even notice.

my Christmas wish list

i want to be curled in someones arms right now. i don't care which per se, just some good, male(sorry tasia*winkwink*)arms.
i want to feel wanted and appreciated.
i want to be able to give myself to someone. someone who will give themselves back.
i want to be kissed like i remember kissing someone used to be like
i want to go for a walk at night time and maybe getting lost
i want to be able to sleep next to someone. to wake up and cuddle.
i want butterflies
i want to be taken out on a date, to be treated special
i want to be told i;m beautiful and feel like i really am.
i want to be wanted, lusted after, and maybe to lust back. a girl has got needs that need for fillin'
i want to cuddle
to feel stable and safe
i want someone to notice and enjoy that my skin is soft.
someone to laugh at my horrible jokes, to think i am fun and quirky
i want someone who calls me to see what i am up to, who wants to see me
i want my evil, my smurf, my sir, my barnacle, my goth, my cupcake, my mr who the fuck knows , my knight in any kind of armor to find me.
i want what i cannot have and will not have for what seems quite a while.
i want to be ok with that

" i don't want a lot for Christmas , there is just one thing i need, i don't care about the presents, underneath the Christmas tree.. "
... and to all a good night

why certainly , what's certain

i'm not really sure of much at the moment. it seems that there are too many variables floating in the air. or perhaps its just cuz i am a little foggy today. thought i am sure tomorrow will hold no mighty answers. how can you be sure exactly how you feel about something when it always seems to be different or flip back and forth depending where you are . or what you are doing. i always seem to have something in mind but something will come up that changes that. is it like that for everyone or am i just horribly indecisive. i know i suck at making decisions, but this almost goes past that. how do you know what you really really feel???
today was a bad/good/ mediocre day. curse you print making. whatever i'm all caught up and i only have one project left. np.
i wish i had a stable life, ha good luck with workin in theatre, i have no desire to be on the edge or go out and be crazy. i like to stay in and have a good time with the people that matter to me..
does that make me lame. i know i don;t like to try things, but does the fact that i have simple pleasues bring down my kewl marks as well?
bad lisa brain, stay on one topic....
one day i will understand where this is all going, right now there is no use fighting. one day life will turn out in my favor. something, someone will be there with me.

to think i went all the way to the school after work to get my computer because i wasn't tired... and now i am .. pft,
good night my love.
~lisa~

so many blogs latley

but i guess i have a lot on my mind. i looks like i will be spending tonight alone again. *sigh* st least tomorrow will be different.
ok so i am pretty sore in some spots from basket ball yesterday, like my arms a bit, my sternum, and the spot where spencer kneed me in the ovaries. i guess it was all worth it because it was pretty fun.
today, just did some work op stuff, yay future money. then i sat around with kylan, not doing my art project, and then i came home and cleaned my balcony, and some of my house, someone has got to do it. decorated a bit, then jill and tasia and i when on a costco adventure. there where so many wonderful things there. tasia definatly did not buy 2lbs of truffles ahahaha ...
and then to walmart where we met a lisa m, i baught some christmas lights, yay festiveness. then to work which was lame and slow. o well , at least i don;t hate it.. and .. and i get saturday and sunday off. which is sweet, but now i just realize i dunno what i will do.. hmm i'll figure somethign out.. perhaps i will knit... which is kinda what i wanna do now cuz i wanns finish my rents present before christmas but i am le tired....
so i will probably sit around a bit then off to bed.
so good night ,
see ya
~lisa~
in my heart i always hope, but my head knows i will get nothing in return

maybe be i wanted me to be nothing special

so tired right now.
today while i was waiting i got restless. it was a very frustrating / angry day for me i am not sure exactly why. it just started that way and continued. anyways i was getting annoyed that nothing could keep me entertained, so i went out, i wasn't quite sure where i was going. it was raining so hard, i love it when it is like that. i would have walked around outside if i had felt safe doing it alone. i ended up getting a coffee and driving to departure bay beach. i sat in my . my car a while listening to the waves and rain. i resolved to stop feeling sad, even if i have to feel nothing for a little while. i hate crying all the time. i sat there a while.. until i got restless once again and just started driving. where ever , it didn;t matter as long as i was going somewhere. i thought about josh, he offered that i move out with them next year to victoria, if i could go anywhere that is where i would be able to go. the thought will remain with me i think,. but i do not thing that i am ready just yet,we will see i know you want me to go, so you can get on with you life and i with mine. but even without you i am not ready. sorry to dissapoint
swimming was very fin tonight. i really love swimming. my dad used to take us all the time, i hope i get to come again. i apologize if i was rather rough at basketball. i think that it was a combination of my natural competative nature and some extra energy i needed to get rid of. i'm sorry if i was mean, it's really just a front. i just don't wanna be sad anymore...

why does this weekend seem like it will be really lonley.arg enough. fuck fuck fuck enough

tonight i will sleep with your heart in my hands...
and it will keep me safe and loved through the night

why are we made to put up with this. i just don't wanna do it , not right now, not any of it. i don't want a job, i don't want to go to school, i don't want any of it... i don't know what i want. i feel so vulnerable. i want to collapse and watch the world rush by me. i want to be caught. i want to be safe. i won't be caught. i don't want this. i want to feel something other than i what i feel right now.
i have so many questions, but i doubt i will get answers.
i don't want to deal with any of this thing called life.
yes i'm aware i;m probably being over dramatic. but thats how i feel, so go a head and think what you like and i will feel my shitty feelings and we can both go on our ways.
i think i'll sit a while
i need to collect myself, the part i still have, it;s falling to pieces can;t you see, of course you can't. no one can.part of me has dissapeared. i don't know when i lost it or how but apparent;y i am not to blame. what is to blame.

i think i'll sit a while ,
i need to be put back together

sad, hurt, lonley, confussed, unattactive, unwanted, betrayed, cast asside, ugly, worthless, unmotivated confused, lonley, unwanted, sad, hurt, confused lonley, confused lonely hurt sad, sad , confused unwanted, sad, lonley sad, sad sad sad sad

alone

i'm not taking this so well anymore. loneliness and confession have set in. i've been sleeping dreaming on the couch until now. dreaming stupid dreams thats my mind makes up. i know they are not reality. but i can't get you to take away my poison thoughts anymore. they seed in my mind and grow like weeds. they fight reality.
i feel kinda lost, terribly unmotivated, confused. i keep thinking what i could have done to help you be happy. the worst part is this is only partial realization. there is a part of my that imagines this is only for a short while. that within a month or two this will all be but a bad dream. but you asked me not to take you back. how can i possibly begin to fulfill that request when all i want is you back. but at the same time i want you to be happy for the long run.
i want to curl into a ball and cry. but i know it will not help. there isn't anything i can do. i am helpless. it feels like i have been alone forever, it seems like so long since i have seen someone.
i want to come to you. to make sure i;m still here. but i can't ... can i. i don't know what i can do.
i don't want to be alone. but i'm afraid that if i see anyone i will just start crying.. i hate crying in front of people. i'm even more afraid of school. i think that i will only be able to block out the truth for so long before i break down. fuck it's not like it matters anyways. nothing seems to matter atm.

comfortably numb

a state of shock. limbo.
this will probably hurt more tomorrow.and twice as much the next day. right now i understand. i am calm, tired, sedated. i understand. i'm dreading the time when the loneliness sets in. when i won't understand anymore. we are funny creatures you and i... i think we always have been.
i hope so much that you find what you need. i hope you find what i could not. at lease i have comfort in knowing i let you do what you needed, i love you enough to know i might not be the best thing for you. there is a hope that one day we will find each other a new ...
i concede. there is no more worrying as to when this time will come because it has passed. my nerves are set free. though it seems a part of me is missing, i will endure. because thats all i can do

the farther I fall I'm beside you
as lost as I get I will find you
the deeper the wound I'm inside you
for ever and ever I'm a part of

no matter what, i'll love you for the rest of my life
goodnight, tomorrow will be a very different day.

warm fuzzies and two pink dicks

you know what i've decided. that we as a group are really caring... like i know be talk about each other and are mean sometimes.. but we don;t really mean it. take the party last night, thank you james you are awesome btw, there where lots of little spills and hick ups and way to drunkenness, but evryhting is all good. becuase no matter how fucked up we are we are still looking out for each other. we help each other to the bath room when they are sick, and come and check up, we help clean up spills and any unfortunate events. and just look out after each other. last night was a spilly night. i think every one would agree. any like every time it happened like three people would rush to find tissue or paper towle.

i dunno about everyone else but i had a really good time last night. here are some things that i remember
- ditching the girls meeting then having a stomp session to combat the one downstairs with eryn and maddy.
- cock fighting with tom heheh
- dancing to no music with crowded
- becky and alex
- sitting on the stairs with Karly and alex
- attacking rick with a dildo
-wandering in circles around james main floor, floating an visiting
there are more but they do not currently come to mind.
but anyways see you all tonight, i'm off
lovelove love

you don't know the things you do for me

today and yesterday where not particularially good days for me. basically i felt like shit. i wanted to run away and hide. to forget that i had ever even thought about theatre. i feel as though i have failed this show. i was useless to help design and unable to paint the set my self. not like entirly my self but to over see it. to have my vision portrayed. no mike had to step in and make it less shity. i feel it everytime someone comments about how good the set looks, because i know it wasn't me who did it. i wasn't able to.
i;m so dissapointed in my self. i dunno what is wrong with me. normally i;m good at this, why was it so hard this time. my confidence has gone to shit at the moment. will i really be able to do this as a job? successfully? i feel small and insignificant. the only thing holding me together right now is the thought that in a short while things will go back to normal. i may be sane again. my head hurts and i am sooo tired . but i need to write this, to get my thoughts out before i loose it.

this all poses the question. if theatre is not for me what would be? there must be many things i am good at. what my dream would be ..to win the lottery and open a gallery. just do art, make things, do whatever i want . sell my wares to people. i don't know.my head hurts

i want you. i want you so bad, it's driving me mad. it's driving me mad
you make my days better
with only a kiss you melt away my frustration
and sadness
the feeling you give me is like a drug
please forgive
that i can't get enough
i love you
goodnight

p.s. one more day till opening. 12 more days till my life starts again
i want a foot massage

I want to be the starlight in the room

i wrote that phrase earlier and i think that it sounds particularialy beautiful now. which is good because thats how i intended it to sound.
"pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind possesing and caresing me "
nothings gonna change my world
nothings gonna change my world
nothings gonna change my world
nothgins gonna change my world
images of broken light which dance before my like a million eyes. they tumble blindly as they make thier way across the universe.
i am a silly girl.silly silly. so , so that i don;t even know the extent. and a miserable wretch. sooo music is pretty much amazing. i need to get the across the universe sound track

i need to go to bed now.to sleep, per chance i may dream of you.
i ;ove you darling. tell me when you are free and inclinded to see me. i would very much an evening, night, hour, minut, in your company.
love love

cuz we are all wasting away...

work t minus two hours. only one more shift before i get like a week off. a well deserved week off.
" screaming feed me, fill me up again" tired today and kinda grumpy. just woke up that way. not really looking forward to the next 3 days. they are going to be a lot of work. more people said they would help out. i hope it is true. i need to figure out something for the bar, like weather we are doing pre order drinks or not. i guess if i think of good system... we will see

..i'm dying my hair... but only part of it.. i wonder waht it will look like..
shower time...

i want life to go back to normal. i'm tired of not eating properly. it seems like i haven't been living anywhere, like i can't remember where i went to bed. i know that it must be here or spencers but i cannot recall specifically spending nights at either. i supose the repetative nights of work blend time together .. one more night to go . i wish i was included in your plans. i hope i will be comming up. it's like your walking and i'm trying to catch up to you. and i have to keep calling for you to wait up.
i want a new dress. i want to be compleatly gorgeouse at opening. is that a funny thing to want. to have people look at you? admire your beauty? i supose i am just vain. it's wonderful if not necessary and think yourself beautiful, but it's also amazing to have everyone else think it to. i want to be the starlight in the room.
are we doing anything on wednesday???? because if not, i think that after preview we should get together an watch a Halloween movie. i mean it will be wednesday which is movie night. and if spencer doesn;t want people over we could probably come here. i dunno. i just think it would be fun.

i'm excited to see a full run of the show. with costumes and stuff. i think it will be good.

i guess thats all i got

what to do what to do

i am trapped in a moral delema. i have a huge print making project that is due on monday. my original intention was to get as much done today and tomorrow, and hopefully it will be finished. but i just can't bring myself to get up and go do it. i just don't want to . what i want is to take this day for myself. steal it away from the rest of the world and claim it as my own. this week so far has been alot of work. what with painting the set and work. *sigh* i was quite frusterated at how few people showed up to help paint. especially those who said they would help. i cannot express how annoying it was on wednesday hearing everyone singing and playing the guitar are doing nothing, while i was alone painting the set. many came to watch at the top of the stairs, but few helped.
*sigh* whatever

today i will be on day 3 of 5 for work. it is going just fine, last night rocked for tips. but working 5 nights in a row is tiresome. i hope that i will not continue to work so much, hopefully when kat gets back it will go back to normal, but unfortunatly we are down a server. one of the girls quit. she was pretty snotty, so w/e . but again i will put out there if any of you girls is lookin for a serving job it wouldn't be a bad idea to apply.

but anyways.yesterday i was exaustedi fell asleep on the couch in the lobby and had this weird dream that i had switched to the other couch and was trying to sleep wile annoying people where sitting to close to me. and i wanted to punch them. and then i was walking around the lobby and into the theatre. but then i realized that i was only imagining my self doing that and was actually still on the couch( the big one) but when i woke up i was still on the little couch i had fallen asleep on. it was strange cuz i actually thought i was on the other couch . haha . anyways.

having the day for me is looking more and more appealing. eep i have to find my brother a birthday present. hmmm it is a big project, but it's not like i won't do it. hm hmm things that make you go hm. i actually think that i have already decided. i just feel a little bad about it.
"i'm taking it back"
i deserve this.

in other news ross has asked me to design his spring show, to which i said yes to. i am kinda nervouse. but apparently ross asked mike and tim if it would be a good idea and they seemed to agree. so prehaps i have more ability that i think. it will be good for me. as it is i am kinda nervouse if i really know enough , and have to ability to create a set design or paint a set on my own. like i have kinda done it but. i never know if it is good enough. i supose i just don't feel ready. experience is all i need.

over all it has been a good week. yes it's been tiring and iritating at times, but meh.

tomorrow seems so far away.
i cannot wait.
~lisa~
man i need to go shopping. there is like no food in my house

taking a cue from eryn

so there is a lot of things going on in my life. i barely have time to think it seems. also i am taking a cue from chekove.
and now ladies and gentle men this is my action of in action

i have am amazingly creative, generouse, and in my opinion fun to be around.
i have an amazing family who i love.
my cat is the sweetest cat ever.
i have had the opportunity to travel the world, i have seen, the Carribean/ virgin islands, venice, turkey greece,france, spain, denmark, russia, polland, estonia, sweden, ext ext.
i have eaten caviar... but hated it.
.. but i tried it
i have amazing friends, that i can say for probably the first time in my life, i feel included and cared about by them.
i have a sweet appartment that i like living in.
i am an artist.. even if it's self proclaimed.
i have sold, given away, and desplay my art.
i've had a painting in a gallery.
i've been offered a scenic painting job without applying for it.
i've set off a big firework and am able to handle them legaly
i've worked on a pyrotecnics for a movie. even if it was a b movie it was fucken sweet
i've hung upside down off a the catwalk
i;ve zip lined through the trees in belize
i'm a sweet bar tender
i've seen a giant gold penis
i've been to a bar made entirly of ice
i have a good fashion sense that matched my personality
i've been in love twice, and had my heart broken twice
my consiouse is inherantly good, even if my mind tries to corrupt it.
i've tap danced in a musical
i played a fetus in a play.
i can cook a mean apple crisp
i've been scuba diving
i've swam with manta rays
i've eaten turtle soup
been to a rum factory... i love rum
i've beem euphoricly happy and depressingly sad
i've been a day camp leader
i've perfecty parallel parked a big budget van into a tiny space
i've been mushroom picking, camping, fishing hiking ext more times than i can count
i give money to food banks sometimes when i go to the grocery store
i've played tackle football and kicked ass
i've played fastball for 14 years, and was awesome
i believe i could make anything....it i dhad enough time.. and duct tape

thats good for now i need to have a nap before work,
i am 20.beautiful and amazing

somedays i have a face, some i am invisible

same old same old.good days and bad, good and bad. i probably will never understand why.
i'm not afraid. i think there are things that are important to you and you need to hold onto those. but i can and do change. i regret that i started writing this blog. it just makes my mind hurt with the things i have thought, the things i found are becoming more true. how can i not live with worry that each happy day might be our last. even in expressing how i feel, i seem in a sense to condemn myself to the fate which i currently dread. my worry and despair is a nuisance to you i think. i feel old and uninteresting. i hold no more exploratory value. i am the known path walked many times. i supose what is most unsettling is not knowing when you will decided you have had enough, and want to move on to a new experience. trying to prepair me for change.. i am not ignorant. i understand.
one day. today. tomorrow, afew months, a year form now. no matter what you want or hope it will still hurt very badly. forgive me for being a bother, as i said before any disgusting display i make can old lessen my time, but i hope you at least kind of understand what the world looks like from 11inches down.

why every week i look forward to the next in hopes that it will some how be better than the present. everything seems so dissorganized right now , but i guess it is becuase of the show.
it's interesting to see one's progression through time. looking back at things that where said. see so contradictory. but i guess life will never make sense. it never claims to.

this water never tasted so sweet

soo tired. work was crazy today. my whole section was full so i had to put some people in another one. there where only two of us on. and i made a mistake that cost me almost twenty dollars of my tip money. i gave carol the wrong bill for someone. and i didn;t realize until he had payed. anyways blahblabh the guy didn't pay enough so i had to pay. but i take responsibility , it was my mistake, but it still sucks.
at least i got home at a reasonable hr. and now i am just chillen, drinking some water... thats right water... i need to for yoga tomorrow so my head doesn't explode... cuz that would suck right. i'm really excited for it again. i think martha and i are going to get twenty classes. then we will be all buff... and hawt.
i thought i had alot to say , but come to think of it .. i don;t so i think i will go to bed.
maybe i'll read a bit.. ooh now i'm excited.
~lisa~
yay for tomorrow , maybe if i'm lucky i'll get what i am

"i check the mail, but there is no letter from you"

i finally got to sleep in. i wish i could do it more but eventually i have to get up and finish my print making project. the windowers are still thumping away. i keep thinking of all the things i have to do, all the plans, i can;t wait to be done with the next few days. why does every hour seem like an eternity. i guess i need a new watch. every thing seems like forever past, forever away. my head is ichy*pouts* martha and i went to hot yoga yesterday morning. it was intense and i can't wait to go back. i wanna do something good for me. thump thump thump is what i hear. i just don't want to get up, it seems like a waste of time right now. but i know i have to do all those stupid little things. it's been no time at all and already i'm a disaster. do you mind when i message that i miss you. is it an annoyance when you are trying to be alone.are you trying to be alone. two more days of work.*sigh* i don't mind it when i am there. but i hate going and i am always anxiousness to leave.
kylan might be getting a job there. as a delivery driver. i told him we needed people so we will see how that goes.
" fragile she doesn't she her beauty, she tries to get away. sometimes it's just that nothing seems worth saving, i wont let her slip away"
i will most likley have to work till 12 on the night of james' party. i have doubts if i should come. i probably will. i always tent to get upset when imiss out on things like that. thought i'm guessing everyone will be drunk and stoned by the time i arrive. which is never a fun situation i think.
i guess thats it, there isn;t much point of my rambling on for nothing. especially when i have things to do.
i hope you know i miss you

I've given into what's been given, Take a taste of what's within. You cast me over ,yet I've risen and I am real

i feel a little sickish. my stomach was bugging me for a chunk of the day. felt a little better after some food but not 100%. jill is on her way over... i hear her comming....
and.... there she is.

and now martha

if jill was a pink rabbit and martha was a beaver, martha would fuck jill in the ass

it tasted like heavan if heavan was made primaraly of meat

it;s like those cookies gave my tounge a flavor orgasm

wedding singer, yay. nice days for a white wedding.

went to the firehouse tonight it was fucken awesome. drinks sooo good, food sooo good, and an awesome decore. iam excited for tomorrow morning,

i love you so much
~lisa

Omega

What a skeletal wreck of a man this is
Translucent flesh and feeble bones
The kind of temple where the whores and villians try to tempt the holistic tones
Running rampant with free thought to free form the free and clear
And the matters at hand are shelled out like lint at a laundromat to sift and focus on the bigger, better, NOW
We all have a little sin that needs venting, virtues for the rending and laws and systems and stems ripped from the branches of office do you know what your post entails?
Do you serve a purpose or purposely serve?
Wind down inside your adivistic allure, the value of a summer spent and a winter earned
For the rest of us there is always sunday
The day of the week that reeks of rest but all we do is catch our breath so we can wade naked into the bloody pool and place our hand on the big black book
To watch the knives zigzag between our aching fingers
A vacation is a countdown
T minus your life and counting
Time to drag your tongue across the sugar cube and hope you get a taste
WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR? (*background*WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?) SHUT UP!
I could go on and on but let's move on shall we?
Say, you're me and I'm you and they all watch the things we do and like a smack of spite they threw me down the stairs haven't felt like this in years the great magnet of malicious magnanimous refuse
Let me go and plunge me into the dead spot again
That's where you go when theres no one else around it's just you and there was never anyone to begin with now was there?
Sanctimonious pretentious dastardly bastards with their thumb on the pulse and a finger on the trigger
CLASSIFIED MY ASS THAT'S A FUCKING SECRET AND YOU KNOW IT!
Government is another way to say better, than, you!
It's like ice but no pick a murder charge that won't stick its like a whole other world where you can smell the food
But you can't touch the silverware
*laughs* What luck!
Facism you can vote for
*snorts* Isn't that sweet
And were all gonna die someday 'cause that's the american way and I've drunk too much and said too little when you're gaffer taped in the middle say a prayer save face get yourself together and (*sung in the background* SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING!) SHUT UP! (*background* FUCK YOU!) FUCK YOU!
I'm sorry I could go on and on but its time to move on so
Remember, your a wreck an accident
Forget the freak your just nature
Keep the gun oiled and the temple clean
Shit, snort and blaspheme let the heads cool and the engine run because in the end everything we do, is just everything we've done.

sooo fucking tired, if only i could have slept in till 9 I would have been happy. at first i thought i had the most part of today to myself. but then slowly and steadily i remembered things that i had to do, places that i had to be. and then my day was not mine anymore. i cannot wait to have you again to myself.even for the shortest time, i think that is one of the times that i am most happy. everything else is a glimpse of that. i like it when i can snatch your attention for a brief moment in a day. it reminds me. a kiss, a passing glance, the touch of your hand.. and if all i have to do is make an extra trip for a late night kiss, to remind me that you love me, that i love you then i can see no reason against it.*warn fuzzies and a little but of vomit* that all makes sense right now. i think it may be a long 5 days haha. sooo fucking tired. new windows.. thats right we are in the process of getting new windows, we have two so far! hopefully that means that we will have a) a warmer appartment b) ummmm stuff and.. well whatever but the outsides to our appaartment will be finished and stuff. bah i guess i better start my stupidly long day,
~lisa~
Remember, your a wreck ,an accident
Forget the freak... your just nature

" awe the little baby squirrl gone and smoked herself stupid"

i dont realize it very often, but i am beautiful. i had just gotten out of the shower and was putting lotion on, my skin is soft. my breasts are cute and perky. just the right size for me i think. hehe. my body is curvy. it was a nice revelation for me( not that i've never thought that before, but sometimes you forget. perhaps i should put lotion on more often.
my buns didn't turn out like grammy buns, i suppose it will take me a while to get the hang of it. still its disappointing. i'm pretty kewl ya know. baking stuff from scratch all the time. i dunno about anyone else but i think that is really fun and unique. especially for a person my age. haha i guess i am proud of it.. i dunno..
last night was fun.
sexy good times indeed. work was dead so i got to home at 8:30. spencer was having the boys over to play halo, which would not have been fun for me( video games are the devil... lisa gets cranky without her lovin) but anyways came home and invited jill over, i packed her a surprise. but after two hours i thought she was not coming.. so i smoked some of it. but then she showed up! with knitting. haah and we has some good times... and then martha came ove with for good times.oh sexy on a spoon jam. deliciouses toast. i can't wait for the video's. then martha and i had a sleep over in a blanket nest on my living room floor. mmm blankets.

yea that was it

i wonder what this week will be like... the past two seemed packed with stuff. hopefully this week i will have a little more room to breath.
excited for dinner tonight. i hope i look as beautiful as i feel, cuz thats always nice.
horay for turkey
~lisa~

update em

dududu
i am cold. blarg. sooo i have sexy back stuck in my head and it's driving me nutteres. also it seems my glasses have once again vanished into nothingness. i cannot find them in my appartment and they are not at my rents. i last remember having them at costco with jill. and then at the mall. martha and steph when i saw you was i wearing them??? i don;t remember taking them off.*cries* CURSE YOU BLACK WHOLE
so althought i lost my glasses i did have a fun time with jill yesterday. costco adventure = awesome. boourns to gross samples and horay for costco food.

i have just recently decided that i want to knit a blanket .. but i;m not sure how exactly.
work tonight. blarg. tomorrow.. more turkey!!! *DAnces to sexy back in head*.. noooooo

as for recent events, there is no point in me saying what has already been said. but i agree and think there will be many better times in the future as a result. dududu. sad i missed out the other night thought. it sounds like you had a good time. i wish i was there.
anyways i guess i'll be on my way.

life is a lemon and i want my money back

a day off for lisa. horay. it started out with a well deserved sleep in. friday and saturday where busy days. thought not as busy as i had previously thought they would be. i had more time in between my gigs and work. man work is ridiculously busy. friday was pretty sweet thought, i had some awesome visitors.. nathan, jill, lisa and steph.
yesterday after work i rushed home to go meet up with the gang at acme for spencers birthday. everyone was finished and then dispersed, so spencer lisa and i sent for a walk around town in the rain. sexiest trio ever. haha i took spencer home soon after.

anyways balh balhblah , today i went to visit my grammies and got some of her recipes. i tried making my favorite cookies, jumilie jumbles. but they just didn;t turn out right, they arn;t bad, but i can;t eat them cuz i know what they are suposed to taste like. o well next time . also today i baught myself a marinated steak. and it was deliciouse.
hehe somehow i got a song from mulan stuck in my head so i decided to watch it. later i think i will have a bath.
days off are good. hahah though writting this make me realize i don't have alot of interesting things to report. o well

*heart* lisa

for jill...

because she asked.
so today i woke up feeling particularally crappy. you know that feeling in the back of your throat that is all gross and you just know you are getting sick. thats how i woke up. no to mention it was fucken like 7:30 cuz i had to be at school at 8. lame. so anyways it was like i had a ridiculously long theatre history class and the whole time i felt icky. and now my body just hurts. i guess this week i have been going pretty hardcore. tomorrow and the next day are going to be intense. working on bit of nanaimo in the morning/ afternoon and at my restaurant at 6 and 5 till close it think. = lisa being exausted on sunday. i went like everywhere looking for something. yet came home disappointed. nothing is right. we will see where i end up with that. bah not much time to dally.
i wonder how work at the restuarnt will be in fri and sat. good i hope.

i think i am getting sick because my body, is like " wholly fuck lisa,, slow down" but what does it know.. cocky body... ahahah i like you guys, you bring good times my way. i wonder if jill still wants to hang out tonight, i guess i will just bundle myself up and vege until i hear back.
mmmm recouperation.

i don't think i will dress up for the song party. for some reason i just don't seem into it. i dunno, maybe i'll find something last minut.

umm i guess thats enough for now.. my brain doesn;t seem to be working too cohearantly

p.s. tonight is going to be so lonely, it seems like forever since i have slept by myself.

a broken plate and 80$

so shortly ago i just returned form my first real shift at the golden inn restaurant. i had a whole section to my self. which included a reservation for 16 eep. and i had to close, which kinda sucks but it;s kinda ok too .
so i get there and for the first hour and i am kinda in a rushy panic. and well yea... i had to much on my plate once and it toppled when i was putting the dirty dishes to be washed. broken plate.. augh.. felt so horrible. hahaha like fuck, i suck. but after about an hr i got into the swing of it. hopefully i will keep the swing of it for next friday when i work again. mmy feetses hurt and i am quite tired yet awake. but the hightlight of my evening was coming home with an extra 80$ in my wallet. the big table tipped me 70$, plus some other tables. so really i made more but i had to give 10% to the cooks.. what evo,,, yea.. haah i probably won;t make that much every night. but it excited me... so i am telling all of you.

eryn's b-day tomorrow..
eryns going to be old.. should we start calling you granny..?
no.. ok never mind. forget i said anything... dudu d
night loves

i'm surrouded by yarn

crazy knitting people are in the jill and steph house. eeeee
todays events and such, print making project done... work.. in 3 hrs( which i am still kinda nervouse about, i get my own section today and i have to close everything up eee.)go see spencer still waiting for a call. day off tomorrow. yay . this is my first day off in a long time. it will be nice very nice to sleep in and not worry about when i have to get up or what i have to . and i can relax and then go to eryns birhtday and have a sexy time. oh and kaitlyn and i are wanting to go to across the universe tomorow. people could come if they want. i'm not sure when we are going. dudud
um um um

i don;t got a lot. hmm

yess well...
that is all
love

metaphor for a misssing moment ..pull me in to your perfect circle...

for the most part today sucked balls. to put it plainly i am quite mentally exausted from the past five days. i did not want much today. anything, it could have been anything. i hate time. one way or another it always seems to be my enemy... being to much or too little, no time for me. it;s the story of my life no time for me. i always try to make time for other people. no matter if i have to stay up later .. or go out of my way specifically to see someone. i late being late. i hate being to early. i hate waiting. sigh i hate how selfish a being i am sometimes.
though i supose i deserve a little of what i want once and a while. but.... i hate that i get all sad and moody when it isn't available...

today started early with a bright blast of sun which i loathed with the core of my being... and then a ridiculousely long art class.
"i have become impossible
holding on to when , when everything seemed to mattermore
the two of us
all used and beaten up,
watching faith as it flows, down the path we have chose,
you and me , we're into this together now....
.. until the very end of me, until the very end of you"

"the farther i fall i'm beside you, as lost as i get i will find you , the deeper the wound i'm inside you forever and ever i am a part of you."

i love that song...
anway continuing. i burned my tounge on some stupid tea that i was all excited for but then i thought it smelled funny so i couldn't drink it .. lame
" twice as clear as heaven, twice as loud as reason, deep ans rich like silk on a river bed"
then i went to work at chemainus, which ithey could of actually done withought me. i just didn;t want to go. i couldn;t think, and all i wanted was to be wrapped up an comfy and happy. not the case. pretty much the whole way driving to chemainus i felt like crying. you know when everything in your life just seems to be out of wack or too much. and it seems that the only think that can make you feel better is just to cry out all the horrible feelings and thoughts in you. well thats kinda how i felt, only i couldnt cry becuase i have to be at work.
"why don;t you kill me , i am weak and numb and insignificant"
so they didn;t have alotfor me to do sooo, i did stupid stuff all day.. finally when i was able to leave, i got a call from kaitlyn saying that they where going to boston pizza, which i thought would be fun .. so when i got home i decided that i needed to get all pretty cuz i felt shitty and normally that helps. i told kaitlyn to get hotted up with me, because she wasn't going to see terry and i though would be fun. our boys didn't wanna hang out with us so nuts to them we are going to be pretty. unfortuantly ... at least for me going out didnt make my day any better .
dinner was ok, except i ordered chicken fingers which ya know .. i love.. and i got shitty ones that you like make yourself... like the ones you buy in a grocery store... what i afucking rip off.
" a startlight in the gloon , i only dream of you, and you never knew.
sing for absolution , i will be singing, falling from your grace, ooOOOooo"

soo yea boston pizza sucks big hairyballs. so after that kaitlyn and i went to walmart cuz we had to pick up afew things, and normally shopping , especially buyign things i don;t need, cheers me up... but no...
" i don;t remember, did somethign in my past create a hole"

anyways so now i;m just sitting at home, whining, as you can see, about my day.*shrug* i guess it could have been worse, but alot of simple things could have made it alot better.
" lying all alone and restless...." i used to do it before, but have rediscovered. do you ever type lyrics when you listen to music... it;s kinda like a typing challenge. i dunno, never mind.

now i have to clean my house... but i don;t think i have the will , or engery to do it now..
so i think i migh just go to bed,
hopefully tomorrow is better for lisa.
why not for me ?
"well i can't explain, i'll take the blame , i brought this all on myself."

eeeeee nervouse

and excited. sooo i start my first serving shift tonight in less than an hour. and like i just said i am nervouse and excited. sooo i have about 20 min to waste so i thought i would write something...

umm so yea

yesterday i got out of painting early cuz we (mostly me ) finished what there was to paint , so i went o look for a table..and i found one. yay so all i need is afew more chairs. anyways so you wil actually all know this because you are the ones that where there , pretty much, but i made an awesome roast beef dinner. with mashed potaotes and carrot and brocoli and salad and gravey and yorkture ,... which i kidna forgot to put oil in but they where eatable anyways. and everyone liked it yaya . then somepeople left and some people came... and then my down stairs neighbour came up..

she is was drunk or somethign .. and very scary. she flipped out at gregoire and lisa m and then stormed off. we where all afraid she would come back with a gun. eee. so i made everyone be extra quiet.*nods*
then this morning there was a note from her saying she as sorry and wouldn;t bother us anymore.... even thought i sounds kinda horrible to me i hope she doesn;t. expecially is she is under the influence.. because it is very akward and i dunno how exactly i would ask her to leave, without really upsetting her , becuase she is kinda on the edge already ... eee
10 min till i leave.
umm umm umm
yea i don;t really have anthign eles intersting today say , but i cannot wait for this week to be over so we can have some more dinners here and stuff and i really wanna go to hot yoga. i have been feeling all to flubby latley. DAMN YOU SUMMER HABITS.... but anyways yea realy wanna do it and feel fit again.... becuase kaitlyn can attest to it , i feel fat.


mayhaps i will go make sure i have stuff and stuff
eeeeee
bye

oranger juice and stuff

oh fuck. i could feel it in my ears and now that slight sensation in my throat tells me that misery is on it;s way.... i'm getting sick. i'm blameing you kaitlyn... a ha no just kidding. hopefully i can fight it off. go lisa go. why do you always get sick at the most inconvenient time? i have a hella week and a 1/2 comming up. painting at chemainus tomorrow and sunday. i forgot about those days and just remembered today.ug also today mike called me and asked me to do tech for the crimson coast dance festival. so thats 4 long days. so i;m signed up to be a res tech and a work op, which is awesome, but i am also trying to get trained for the golden inn.. blah blah blah no one really cares, to main point is if i don;t die , i'll have quite the chunk of change at the end of the month.

in other news the mixer was fun. got to know a few of the first years and they are pretty kewl. i look forward to more time with them.
i was thinking today, just how lucky i am to have all you guys as my friends. especially this summer i have felt like i belong and people want me around. that more than just one or two people really know me. i thought it was kinda funny cuz a most of us felt like we weren't really part of what ever group we were in , but i hope that we all feel part of us. if you get what i mean..
anyways i am off to see the love of my life.
farewell

when you hold me you make nothing else matter...

typed therapy

i am in kinda a miserable mood right now. i am very tired, exausted even. and well i am just plan grumpy. i just wanna put afew things out there.

i hate cleaning up after people. once and a while is fine, especially if it is give and take, but i don;t like feeling like a maid. right now i feel like a maid.
i hate the sounds some electronics make, it's high pitched and anoying. i can here it now.
i am hungry but too lazy to make food.
i always wonder why you kinda change your mind in the morining
i worry sometimes that people think i try too hard, but i don't really try to be anything other than i am.
i met an older version of myself, but i hope i age better
i love my new scarf it fucking rocks
i don't wanna take any job just because i don;t have one
i haven't give my dad anything for his 50th birthday yet, and i feel really bad about it, but i can't just buy him anything, it needs to be something specail. i love my dad, he;s so awesome.
i have some of the funnest dreams ever. but two nights ago i had a really scary one. my dreams are never really scary.

i am tried, kinda grumpy ,hungry,thinking about you, tomorrow will be another long day.

no job and no friends makes lisa a dull girl

today was boring and sucky. spencer left early in the morning and i did not get to say good buy properly which made me sad. then i came home and waited around for my mother to pick me up to go to my knee appointment. talking to the doctor and if my knee is "acting up" ,aka bone chip popping out, on a thursday i'm suposed to call the doctors and see if i can get surgry on that day, when the doctor is on call, other wise if i book and appointment and go in for surgery they might not be able to find the little chippy again.. which would just be a big waste of time for everyone. my knee sucks.

after that i came home did some stuff , baked a sponge cake which is delicious... watched a movie... augh.. and now it is 10:17 and i am not tired yet.. i really need to find a job so that i can appreciate the time i have off. augh places where suposed to phone me today yet didn;t.. perhaps i will have some luck tomorow, maybe i will go there, or just apply at some more places. i really don;t wanna have to work in retail.
i can just imagine it if i did, one of my old managers or coworkers would come to where i work and see me working at some stupid job and .. yea it would suck.*sigh*

i think tomorrow i will make a pie....
is this why my grammy bakes so much, because she is bored? at least she is very good at it by now.hopefully when i am her age i will be as good.

i want to go out but do not know where i would go , nor do i dare take a walk at this hour.

o well

i hate my fucking knee

it fucking hurts. grrr grrr grr

now that i am done complaining *for now* hahaha

last night was pretty alright. i was so unbelievably baked it's not even funny. thanks to dumbledoor baggins, and purple rain who once again kicked my ass. hmmm yes .. i kinda started at the end...let me go to the beguining

my day started my the side of my lover... and seeing as he was still sleeping i decided to venture home and have a little lisa time in my awesome smelling clean house. i watched some futuramma until kaitlyn and steph showed up with all stephs stuff which i helped to move. hung out .. was fed some steak , yummy thanks.then i made some cookies! yay then josh and caitlin came over and we watched the good the bad and the ugly. i was the ugly hehe. it was pretty alright except all of the shots where really long so the movies seemed rediculously long. but clint eastwoods intensness made up for it.

then i got ready to do.. and spencer called yay and he got off work early and came and got me and we went to marthas and had a pretty good time. when i got home i had peanut buttre toast and it was amazing... just so you guys know

.... wow i write about lame stuff.. the thing is most of you guys who read this already know what i do day to day because you are there. perhaps later i will write about somethign profound.

anyways.. love lisa
p.s. yay for tonight

one set closer

yay me. ok so for some reason i woke up at like 545. and was like what is that light.. so i get up and check it out and it was totally the sun. anyways short stort even shorter i got up. and finally finished reading thought the dealy and taking my test for serving it right. yay i passed go me. then i needed a printer to print my certificate out.. i have one but it was in a box. like all brand new and stuff. so i took it out... but i had to find a place for it soo i cleaned up all the computer and tv cords.. yay it looks so pretty now.. but i was still missing a cable so i will have to go to my rents anyways later to print it off. hmm u guess i should try and find a table before i go back to the north end so i can take my dads truck back.. but then i have to take everything out of it ... screw this idea... i'm going back to bed...
*marches down hall*

i'm just kidding... i'm probably get to it later...

so i guess today that i will go and apply for afew jobs. i soo cannot keep up with this doing nothing. it makes me sooo lazy. mm my house smells like hippy.. mmm hippy.
i love my house. have i ever mentioned that. for like ever i have wanted my own place that i could decorate and walk around naked in... and stuff. ya know. it's so nice not to havew to worry about being home at certain times or get bitched at by my other for having clothes on the floor. or leaving things places. i clean up in my own time. generally it;s pretty clean here.

lovelovelove.
hmmm so i am kinda nervouse about applying at a restaurant. i've never actually done any serving and if i get hired i keep thinking that they won;t give me any training and ill be like thrown into it and fail miserably.... yup. sounds fun eh ..
this being so i am tempted to apply at the liquor stores i ssaw needed people. cuz i could so do that super easy. but no lisa.. dont; cop out. go for the tips.... the riches....!

i dunno. i will apply. i can;t not. i'm just abig chicken.

fare well
~lisa~
p.s. I SOOO NEED TO GO AND SEE ERYN TODAY EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee

She's baAAAack

hihi hi. you guys can all stop missing me now*wink wink* my trip was definatly a lifetime experice. but i have to say that i amm sooooo soo glad to be home. althought it is unfortunatle at the moment becuase i am all jet lagged timey screwed up. it;s 4 am and i am not tired... though tkind hungry. anyways for those of you who don;t know i visitied. denmark(copenhagen) , norway(oslo), estonia(tallin), russia(st petersbourge) polland(gadansk) finland( helsinki) and sweden (stolkholm). it was quite the adventure. here are some of my highlights

copenhagen - absolut ice bar(everythign was made of ice) and the erotic museum , need i say more haha you all would have loved it. it had everythign from love myths, to gay porn to marylin monrow to a giant golden penis... which i took my picutre next to .. you will see it it;s awesome. also in copenhagen i liked that everyone rode their bikes and there was this one huge park that everyone went to after work and just pickedniced in .

oslo- there was this park with a bunch of bronze statues about the circle of life. some of those where pretty kewl

estonia - we walked around this old town and there where just wonderful streets and you could just kinda feel how old the city was in some parts.. i dunno how to describe it. um and i baught a little painting, a poncho and some absenth. it;s not the reall stuff.. but who fuckign cares it's sweet anyways

russia,- saw some amazing art work. tried caviar... however that wasn;t so much of a high light than somethign that i just havet o mention.. you will see the pic... hahaha. umm i went to the room where rasputin was assasinated.. it was pretty kewl. umm h-core palaces.. lots of vodka

polland- was kinda boring
so was helsinki
sweden was beautiful , my dad and i baught some swedish chocolate and it was awesome

nanaimo - comming home to spencer..
sorry that was cheesy

now i expect to see lots of you as i have braught back treasures. so now i guess i wil go and find a job or somethign before school starts.. omg it;s so close.eeeee
love lisa

August 1st.. already

where the fuck did the sumer go? in 5 days i will; be leaving for my trip. you know i used to love going away. traveling on air planes staying hotels. everything was so novel. i've realized i really don't like going away. i don't like missing my home , my friends , or the people i love.
every year imy moms side of the family has a reunion on the august long weekend. i used to love to go. to see my cousins, to enjoy the theme, to do the horse races. but now i just never want to go to it, and i mean i feel bad about not going to see my family... but i never remember who anyone is, or their names. they all pretty much live in victoria so they see each other all the time.
in2003, i went away and satyed the whole weekend, and all i wanted to do was come back. i was missing mine and jame's 1 year aniversary. my first real boy friend and i miss our anniversary.

i guess what i really mean by this is , right now the people that are most important in my life have changed. and while i love my family, i don't want to leave without those people.

in other news i still have a cat. the owners have not returned from where ever they are and i am worried about the other cat still in the appartment below us. i've given it a bit of food, which it seems to have eaten. but i wonder how long i should wait before we take measures to remove the cat. like i feel wrong about going into someone's place when they are not home, however what the fuck are they doing leaving two cats for so long with no one to take care of them. no one is. it 's heart breaking to hear the other cat meow, and feel so helpless.
aggggg.

if your not going to take care of your pets don;t fucking get them in the first place.

in 5 days i will miss you all
~lisa~

In todays news..

I made cinnamon buns. they are deliciouse.

currently i am sitting at home. I've been at home pretty much all day just relaxing, and of course baking. I also make kaitlyn a birthday cake. cuz thats how awesome i am. I have discovered that the best grilled cheese sandwiches are made with marble cheese. trust me. try it.

Yesterday was jills birthday. yay jill. 20. since it was not so nice for going to the river, her and i celebrated with some substances, she's the man, cupcakes, and strawberries in chocolate. this was followed by a trip to walmart to look at house goods. and then to the grocery store to purchase a roasted chicken. after which we headed to kylans, and jill with her cavewoman/ hunter gather skills made a fire. i made a bed and napped. life is hard sometimes

eventually everyone showed up and chilled. man was i full at the end of yesterday ... hahahah that sounds so dirty... full of food kids.. food. hahahah

today today today , as you already know i have been baking... OH i should makes jello shooters.... and so i shall. hehehe i am so fucking brilliant.
i gotta go ...geniouse has struck,,,, farewell,

What iz up ... bitches

so i am home now. i had a good time but am glad to be back.. and much richer than i left. yay
hmmm there wasn;t alot that happened some drinking, going out for pacho's( potato nacho's sooooo good ) the weather was well. mmm yea illiteration. went out in the dinngy.hehe. yea and painted a set. i hope everyone likes it.. cuz this is kinda, pretty much the biggest show i have working on .... mmm yea probably. he he.


but in any case i am back and now you can all stop missing me. i have 11 days before i go on my trip. and there is lots going on in between. two very special girls birthdays. eh.. eh .. yes i think so ..
today i am soo going shopping. hopefully i will find something decent. all the clothes seem very ugly right now. but as a treat to myself, i'm gonna try and spend a little more on things like pants and shoes... because i need them desperatly. a pair of both where compleatly destroyed by paint.*shrug* yay new.

i hope to spend many days in the sun with the people i enjoy.
any idea's for adventures kids? i'm up for sum

another good day...

yesterday in the late evening my day did improve, after much "medicine" my head ache did go away and i was able to have some fun. i am glad that people seemed to have a good time last night, eryn in particular. today is not looking well for me. staying in bed all day seems a good idea.
see you when i get back

sometimes i don;t know why i bother

The following is a blog of no real importance, i'm in a rotten mood and can thus see not in a positive light...

what the fuck, it seems there must be something wrong with me. either that or it;s the entire world. i think that i give to much, i must because i always feel like i am just waiting for something in return. to fill the empty hands, empty heart, that i am left with .perhaps people are not as generouse as i, but in any case a thank you would be sufficient.
i'm not greedy, i don;t grasp for everyones attention, i realiziwhen it;s my fault. i don;t like to make people feel bad. i'm aware of the environment. i recycle what i can ..try not to waist. So what, i like to shop, find sales good deals, own nice things.

am i not kind, considerate, loving.
...........................................
a short while ago spencer braught my a dozen roses for no reason. it made me feel special
last night eryn did the dishes that i had been dreading doing. thank you soo much , you don;t know how relieved that made me.
.......................................
perhaps i am merley blind, or selfish in a way i do not realize. i suppose deep down it is I who has caused my own distress and misery. i hope that my day improves, cuz right now it;s kinda shitty.

And Now... and update

so here i am . dudud duh. anyways i get my own internet tomorrow. presently i am at spencers. he is still sleeping. i can't get how he sleeps so much. i supose that he does stay up late. it;s funny i have found that in the past year i don't sleep as much as i used to .. like even if i wanted to sleep in , it;s only till like 9:30. anyways today should be an awesome day.

for those currently out of the loop. i am done done with petsmart now. my last day was on sunday. patrick the store manager was sad to see me go. although not entirerly becuase shortly he would also be leaving the store. he said that i should come and work for him in his new store on the main land. haha. other people seemed sad to see me go as well. giving hugs and " it was nice working with you" which i found odd. anyways YAY freedome.*dances*.
so after sunday i drove down to chemainus becuase i was suposed to be helping out with some photo shoot. the peopel got stuck in trafic or soemthign so where 1/2 hr late. lame. then it took hardly any time to get the set up. i was suposed to help them out sunday night, monday for like 12 hrs and tuesday(today) for another 8hrs. however they did not need me. so yesterday i ended up doing light walking for the kids show. then i visited with meghan which was lovley.yay meghan .then when home. the awesome part of all this is i still get payed for all the hrs that iwas shedualed to work . WOOT

so i have a day off with pay today and i am going to use it to my advantage. a nice visit from the pot fairy and a trip to see mr potter. then who knows... probably a nap for me hahaha

on saturday i am leaving for kelowena to paint my set. which shouldn;t take that long. afew days perhaps. and then i shall be back for some more time off.

anyways i;ll probably be posting again soon. sincew by this time tomorrow i will have my own internet

posty posty

i supose i shall post, just to give you all an update. presently i am at my parents house doing laundry. kaitlyn and i do not have internet yet, but are hopping to get it soon. the problem is that we do not have a phone line or cable. sooooooooo i pose a question to all those who have been movied out and got interenet. did you just break down and get cable along with your interenet or was there a way to just get it ?

anyways so the house is good. many of you have come to see if and hang out and even claimed part of it as your own. i of course am speaking of eryn who has a cubby in the closet and conditions on the fridge in exchange for some cleaning services. i think it is a good agreement hehe
so pretty much i love kaitlyns and mines appartment. the only down side that i can see is that with it being summer it and there being lots of windows it get quite warm in the apparment. this is fine during the day because we can open all the windowns and the down balcony doors and let the air fow through ,. but at night the misquitos; come out and there are no screens :P
i can survive the heat becuase of my reptile like body adjustments to temperature, however any nomal person finds it unbrearable... or so i;m told

in other news this past friday i gave my two weeks notice to petsmart. i'm tired of them treating me like crap and doing all their work. that being said there is no point of me finding another job until after i come back from my trip. so at the end of august. so actually i'm not taking that much time off work. since i am doing afew days up at chemainus and then going to kelowna for a week. i am wanting to look for a waitress or hostess job where i can get tips. that failing i may look into the delivery of food since that also gets tips. what i don;t want is just another 8 $ an hour job. i want some perks for my hard work damn it

soo hmmm i think thats all i got. i'll post again when i have the chance.... or the interenet... dun dun

love

what the hell am i doing drinkin in L.A....

that song is stuck in my head. so does everyone wanna hear some great news

i lied it isnt. my knee is still fucked up, it still has a nice bone chip in it. infact it;s worse. it is killing my right now. fucking fuck fuck fuck ... im not pleased.
work lately has been very tiring. it;s like twice the work effort because im gimped. sigh. but whatever. two more days... i'm gonna see if i can get out early today.
yesterday hmmm after a long day of work, i went to spencers where he was just starting his day. we hung out and watched some sopranos then went out to dinner with glenn, robyn and another girl. you should all be proud of me it was indian food and i ate it and pretty much enjoyed it. i actaully wouldn;t mind going back there when im not full. when we returned to spencers i pretty much passed out from exaustion.

i had this weird dream that took place at rutherford school. and we had made these butterflies and where either doing some excersise or playing a game. the there was this other part with like an obstical course or something. the last part i remember was comming into a room , and it had a bunch of pallets in it and steel with pallets full of stuff . like the recieveing at my work. but it was just a small room and it was so crouwded. and i think it was "spencers" and he was either lying down on a really tall pallet or something and i was thinking about how i was gonna make space. like i remember there was a skid of litter that i was gonna get rid of and two skids of nutro that i was gonna put together. this probably sounds like non sence. but going over it actually making me think about what it means which is funny. well not funny really but anywyas. me at work while spencer is sleeping it makes sence. i guess i am kinda just dissapointed at it. it;s like work why try so hard at something, put so much effort into it if you know there isn;t anything to do to change it.
i will probably have to quit work soon, well i dunno when but there is no fucking way i am staying there if they make a certain someone a manager. i need to get a job as a waitress somewhere so i can get tips and have lots of money. i just have to get some more training and my serving it right. it will be worth it thought.


oh man going to work is the last thing i want to do today, but o well.
~lisa~
p.s. when i have a day off, i want to spend the day with you. the whole day

*dances*

we got the place! gonna start moving in next week. you all have to come and visit!!!!

don't you hate when you feel like crying but you feel silly cuz you have no real reason to be doing it... i hate life sometimes

loss of inspiration

don;t you hate that, when you get all gung ho about working on something and then you just loose it. you just stop careing. it;s funny how fast your feelings can change. anyways
its funny how some funny stupid things that i think, continually prove themselves to be true. like when something is going good i can;t acknowlage that it is or it will turn the other direction.
without fail, it happened today. even thought i know what would happen, i guess i thought maybe this time it wouln;t, but i went and did it. whatever. i guess some time alone isn;t the worst thing in the world.... however missing someone you love is.

it;s not like i have much to complain about. i supose i'm just being selfish. i have other people who love me and would gladly spend their time with me. but somehow when i can;t have what i want, it;s all i want. you know.
anyways ... so i haven;t posted in forever or like a few days. last thursday i think it was a bunch of people came and visited me and i felt super special. i swear people never come and see me. so thank you to jill, josh,ben, gregoire, and eryn who traveled vast distances to see me. and to kaitlyn and spencer who where stuck with me by defult. i thank you for puttin gup with me.

kaitlyn and i went to hand in out application today. i hope that we get it soo much. it is so nice and will be much closer to everyone so you can all come and visit and have cocktails and stuff. spencer can come visit me finally. you better anyways, no excuses now. terry will come over hopefully. i think he is scared of my parents so he like never comes over here. perhaps it;s me he is scared of thought.....
we thought, kaitlyn and i, that we could go and have a picknick once we move in, i mean when we hopefully move in. i'm scared we won;t get it for some freak reason. its like what i was talking about before. getting to excited about something and then it not going your way.

kaitlyn is going to he far off home tomorrow for like a week. man it;s sooo weird having so much time. i can't wait to get back to work kinda cuz then i will have stuff to do in the day. i actually have stuff to do though, of course i just procrastinal though.*sigh*

hmmm i'd like to thank my blog and it allowing me to ramble aimlessly. i was feeling alittle down and you made me feel better.
~lisa~

sigh

sooo i am fricken bored out of my mind. i love them but i can only watch so many movies in a row, particularially by myself. it;s fine with people but doing it alone is so no fun.
so far today i have watched two movies. done some sitting around... wasted as much time as possible on face book. read blogs. hobbled around the house. texted people, looked up laptops , looked up appartment and created a list of them. compleat with newspaper clippings.

last night was fine spencer came to visit me and he spent the night but he left early this morning which made me sad. and then i was fine, but now i'm so bored and lonely.

if you aren't busy feel free to take pitty on me and come visit. even for a short while. i have a week off work pretty much and i'd rather not spend it alone. just call my cell or stop by, or send me a text or anything.
i guess i'll watch another movie. i got nothign eles to do.
augh bored bored bored

lisa the cripple

not that much.. but i needed a title.. anyways
soooo what has lisa been up to. well i went to kelowna on friday after work. friday was a long day . got up at 7 work work work .. then took the ferry and drove..said hello to everyone... and went to bed.. yea i know i was lame.
but saturday we ( me robyn cody,and jordan) got up and went to get some breakfast. it was good
then back to the beach house to pick tim, who was going to help out with pyro.
then we headed out to this movie set. now before you get all excited ,, it;s a really bad b movie called hells tome. but it was kewl none the less.

so what we where doing was. there was suposed to be an expolsion in the film where they blow up a monster. and we where going to make the expolsion.
so anyways we get introducted to everyone and then go off to do some test shots. jordan has a video of one of them on his blog btw. it was pretty sweet, i learned how to make the exposive charges. and was not so bad at it if i do say so my self.* nods head*

so we did that for a bit and then go around to actually doing the explosion for them to film . haha at this point it was starting to rain which sucked. but what didn;t suck was how big we where making the explosion.. very very sweet

so we finished that up and went to the beach house to get cleaned up and have a few drinks.
then to dinner. more drink. man i had the best drink.. i wish i remembed what was in it.. of and i met the set designer for miss saigon ,. he was pretty kewl. haha

back to the beach house. more drinks .. and then we decided to have a little pyro compotition. so robyn and i where on one team and cody and tim on the other.. and we made some charges and set them off in the yard. robyn let me fire them off which was super kewl... we totally won.
then some more drinks and such.. and then i painted a door. it looked really kewl when i was painting it.. but i dunno if it still looks that kewl sober. anyways. it has a tree that looks like a woman and a big water drop, some space, and a wave with a confused shark and ogo pogo . nice eh.

to bed.
next day up for breakfast, then to a prodiction meeting, then a long drive home. robyn and i stopped at ikea on the way home and it was awesome!! i want to go there and spend like day looking at everythign. i did buy a lamp thought... it;s kew;; and green . ferry , extext
it was a pretty good time
then today i got to get up and go to the hospital for 9 30 .. to go and have my knee surgery. horay. got changed into hospital gear waited in he waiting room. then waited ina bed .. then waited in a bed in the hallway. then they couldnd find a good vein for my IV... well not until they stabbled me afew times and decided to try my arm. woke up in the recovery room. naped for a bit. got moved to a differnt place have some apple juice and arrow root cookies.. which i love yum yum. and pretty much came hom eafter that. i wa nervouse before but it all when well. and how i am just a bit of a cripple gotta take it easy for a while, probably have take mor time off work than i thought but , meh, it's fine by me, if people wanna come visit me at all i have no objections. call me first on my cell just to make sure i am here. but yea..

oh and the best part of the whole things was i got soem care bear stickers.. i was answering some questions ith a nurse and when we where done i was like ..." can i have a sticker" and she gave me a whole little section. yay

anyways. update compleat.