somedays i have a face, some i am invisible

same old same old.good days and bad, good and bad. i probably will never understand why.
i'm not afraid. i think there are things that are important to you and you need to hold onto those. but i can and do change. i regret that i started writing this blog. it just makes my mind hurt with the things i have thought, the things i found are becoming more true. how can i not live with worry that each happy day might be our last. even in expressing how i feel, i seem in a sense to condemn myself to the fate which i currently dread. my worry and despair is a nuisance to you i think. i feel old and uninteresting. i hold no more exploratory value. i am the known path walked many times. i supose what is most unsettling is not knowing when you will decided you have had enough, and want to move on to a new experience. trying to prepair me for change.. i am not ignorant. i understand.
one day. today. tomorrow, afew months, a year form now. no matter what you want or hope it will still hurt very badly. forgive me for being a bother, as i said before any disgusting display i make can old lessen my time, but i hope you at least kind of understand what the world looks like from 11inches down.

why every week i look forward to the next in hopes that it will some how be better than the present. everything seems so dissorganized right now , but i guess it is becuase of the show.
it's interesting to see one's progression through time. looking back at things that where said. see so contradictory. but i guess life will never make sense. it never claims to.