augh

even when things are going well it's funny how you can still feel crappy. no-one has really done anythign or said anytihgn to me. but maybe thats kinda the problem. all my life i have felt that people where doing things behind my back. not like mean things but makeing plans and having fun that i never don;t seem to get told about. perhaps i am to distracted to notice. for a while i thought i was done with all that. but . i dunno. last night we had and awesome good time. me eryn and kaitlyn, we talked about some good stuff. one topic of which... was it ourselves that was the outcast or was the rest of the world screwy. is it me thats ... or is everony eles...
i guess i should just stop wanting to be involved in everything. i mean i hear all these stories of grand adventures and stuff, and i always wish that i could be apart of it. i should just stop wanting it , because it sucks realizing that you arn;t wanted or even thought of.not worth the mention i guess. i should also stop worrying about other people and just let them live their lives. but i just don;t want them to make the same misteaks i did , have the same horrible things happen. but it;s do hard hearing that somethinng you expierienced more than one, might have happened to another person. i makes me wonder if there was anything i could have done to prevented it.. what could i do, that i could have said. if anyone would have believed me. i mean there are some things that i see, there are some things that other people dont know. that they should know. but do i have the right to tell them. i mean i supose i have the right to talk about my own experiences but if that talking corrupts someone eles perception of something. is it right? i'm really just scared for the people i care about. but i really can;t do anythign anyways so why bother worrying about it. i just hope that they know what hey are getting into and hope things turn out better.

i wish i could shut my mind off. then maybe i could get some work done. i cannot wait for this school year to end. i will miss most of the people, but i will be glad to get something new going and leave a whole mess. anyways

i don;t exaclty know what that was but i have to get my art project sone, at least alittle before people start showing up.

p.s. one day i will have enough time to create some grand advenrures

procrastination at it's best

so here is the deal, i'm trying to write my theatre history essay. augh. and i'm very proud of my self so far. but ever 50- 100 words i seem to loose focus. so far i've checked my bank accound and cretid card, read through everyone's blogs, had a shower.. and nwo i am writting a blog. i had officially diagnossed my self with essay A.D.D
however after i return from whatever activity i have choses to do instead of my essay i do get a small chunk done. which is good.. right now i am 1/3 done my essay and i have all tomorrow to do it .

augh so last night i worked all night and stuff... and then i got up early this morning and worked for a long time .. and now i am very tired. i could use a shoulder rub if anyone is feeling generouse.. eh eh .. didin;t think so. you knwo waht feels better than getting your shoulders and bacl massaged... no no .. heh not that .. silly kids.
either getting your feet/ legs massaged or your arms. cuz they don;t get alot of attention. anyway s

so i got payed today ,but our store won this thing becuase how must we made went up the most from jan to mar.. so i got an extra 80$.. i would have got more if i had worked more hours during that time. but hey .. i'm happy with that.

anyways thats enough for this distracton..

p.s i am open for people to update their blogs so that i will have another distraction in the future.. thank you.

o my fricken god

i am soo busy comming you in this next week. tomorrow i have a digital media presentaion and a hitch hickers show. thursday school and then work 3-10, friday work 7-3, the hitch hikers rehearsal i belive. the i possibly get to hang out with eryn and kaitlyn. woot. next day i have nothing.. excpet you knwo writting the essay that i have jsut barely started and is due on mondaym oh and an art project that is also due on monday. augh. but i do get turkey for dinner. then possibly more attempting to write. sunday i;m in chemainus all day then to a hitch hickers rehearsal. monday class and hitch hickers. tuesday the is alighting assignment that should be due, wednesday hitch hickers. and sometime before next thursday i have to find time to go out and look at supplies for kids fest then make a budget so i can go into my meeting with kim on thursday and work out my salery. alright.... after next firday it should be smooth sailing though.

alright.. i just have to survive the next week and a 1/2 .. hahaha
why does everythign always have to happen at once..like i am sooo no complaining that i get to do all these things( except for assignments... no one likes those) but it;s intese that they are all with such a tiny time space.

anyways that is all

day one

of the hitchhikers guide to the galexy went very well. there wasn't a huge crowd but they very much liked and i am confident that it will get much bigger. i encourage you all to come and see it , every monday and wednesday till April 11th. it;s pay what you can so there are no excuses of being poor.
the past two days i was working on the turn over in chemainus. that will be nice for some extra cash whenever i get it.. however i am soo sore. can you say out of shape much. turns out i actaully do have triceps after all.hmm... i am also please with how comfortable my steel toe boots are.
next on the agenda, finish my theatre history essay, and get to work on 2 art projects. then i should be ready to rock and roll... kinda i guess
haha

you know what i love, rice crispy squares, i wouldn;t mind going for one of those now. but i especially like them when i have a sore throat. *shrug*

anyways thats all i feel like writting...

fare well

i got my hamburger. and it was sooooo good

happiness is best

so it;s been a while since i've posted, and even thought it is way past my bed time i am tired of looking at that survey i did. things are going pretty great, or ya know pretty fricken awesome. the last 2 weeks just... sooo good. got to hang out with some awesome girlies and watch some movies and see this boy that is pretty cute and get called for some theatre work and being in a radio play.
the universe is balancing it self. this is my high point, i doubt i could be any happier, and more sadisfied with where i am right now. now is when all the bad things that happened or have been annoying me , don;t matter. it just doesn;t matter, it;s gone for all i care. it;s not worth getting upset over, or angry over. why bother with things like that? now i know it won;t last forever. there can be no good without evil, but at least for now everything is amazing.

anyways.yea.. i really dunno how to follow that up.. but whatever. i am so happy that things are going good for the people i care about to, at least i think things are going pretty well.. i know at least for one! yay *dances* you know who you are , you lucky( hahah at first i mispelled it lusky- that should so be a word) girl.
anyway s

yes
i am obviously far to tired for an cognitive thought here. so i go to sleep and dream my wonderfuly dream, an i will wake tomorrow in hopes that tomorrow will be as good as today.

*heart*
p.s. just for the record i think you compleat me. your the part of me that likes water chesnuts and i'm the part of you that likes meat. i love you

yoink

You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
it would be half anf half cuz thats how i roll

Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently.
one of the southern annoying ones

You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna try?
probably sex

What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
glingy or unstabely emotional

What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
umm idunnio

You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?
umm a scrambled egg sandwich

What's something that most people do that you've never done?
thats a hard

Before you die where do you want to go to...?
hawaii and australia and newzealand and ireland

Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
eat stange food and enjoy it

A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
leamur

A drug you'll never try.
like all them

If you were an animal what would you be?
cat

Worst way to die?
tortured

Best way to die?
in sleep?

Grossest injury you've ever seen?
probably some kind of burn those are gross

the worst injury you've ever had?
the condition with my knee

What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
new york

What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
mythology

What's your material obsession?
jewlery, alcohol, funny little things

Favorite kind of dog?
well trained dogs

Its Saturday at 3am where are you?
probably in bed

Worst job you've ever had? wall mart

What's something your friends make fun of you for?
my spelling, but i can't blame them

What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
when i was in grade 5 i told someone a secret and then not someone eles, and then i told them it was cuz i didn;t trust them. i felt terible

Ever fallen out of love?
no, there will always be a part of love that is alive

Have you ever dated someone you met online?
negative

Have you ever dated/fooled around with a coworker?
umm i kinda was seeing someone for a while actually

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?
only megan

Would you tell your parents if you're gay?
yes i probably would

Do you walk around the house naked?
if there isn;t anyone around

Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
hahahahahahahahahahah

Are you afraid of commitment?
i was

Are you a jealous person?
sometimes , if i am insecure about somethign

If someone you had no interest in dating, expressed interest in you, what would you do/say?
tell them how i felt

What would you rather be doing right now?
i would not mind some sex...

Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex
normally opposite, but both

Can others make you cry easily?
no

Who was the last person to piss you off?
*cough* lets just say it;s someone who obviously "knows more than me"

How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
like 8

Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
ummm i don't belive so , some i guess are less attractive

What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
need to have a sence of humour and play

Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
nope never in a million years........

Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
yes and i love him so much

When was the last time someone hit on you?
i don't know.. i am pretty dense and i normally don;t notice... it might not have been for a while

so .. closing party pretty much rocked hard core

yes yes??? i think soo.. all i know is that i had a super fun time,just a dancing and chatting and going to nathan's car.. and eating pizza.. and seeing pam! i just had a most enjoyable time. one of the best parties i've gone to for sure.and then going to bed ;) and getting to sleep in. it was so nice..

the day yesterday was good as well, hanging out with kaitlyn and devin. going to the mall and finding a sweet sweater that i love and an awesome ring.

dudu then today playing dnd. fun fun fun
my rents came home today. they baught me a necklace pendant with some crazy stonein in it that you can only get from where they where.
it was just a good weekend.

any now , the nights are free. and i shall hang out with the people that i want an stuff..yup yup yup

but nowi am tired... so this doesn;t make lots of sence. *shrug*

see you all tomorrow

one more day to go

till the show is over.two more days till my parents come home.i am glad they will be retourning. as much as i want to movie out and be on my own it;s nice having them around. at least i won;t have to take care of my crazy cat anymore. she brought in two birds today. one when i woke up and one when i got home. i saved the second one and released it.. it was neat opening my hands and it flew away. anyways. i am tired. i'm excited for the show to be over becuase hopefully then i will be doing less running around or i guess driving around. during everyshow i always forget what it;s like to have a whole night to do something.
ach.. i dunno at least i don;t have to work till next friday.not that i don;t like working*shrug* i guess i will go and clean a bit and then maybe have a nap for a while.

see you all tomrorow.

because i have the time to do it,

- Accidents:

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? nope
02. Do you have a lot of scars? yes i do
03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? only kinda but not really, i've always wanted to get into one though
04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? not physically i don;t hink
05. Have you ever had stitches? omg i've had so many

B - Beauty:
06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? umm yea
07. Are you self conscious of how you look? sometimes , but less than i used to be
08. Do you put on a lot of make-up? no normally just some eye makeup
09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? no, well maybe if i was burned by acid
10. What do you think makes a person beautiful? how they see the world and live in/ react to it.

C - Consequences:
11. What was the longest amount of time you've been grounded for? i've not been ground. well there was a time when i wasn;t alowed to go over to spencer's for one week, but i could still go out andhe could still come over. thats the closest
12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? now? i would probably have an abortion. don;t want to end my free life yet. that might be different in 5-10 years
13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? yes i do, ifact i used to do that far to much but i am getting better
14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? i dunno
15. What is one thing you wish you didn't do, just because it wasn't worth it in the end? Ha oh i know exactly what it is, but i shall not say it. it would not be kind

D - Dealing:
16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? don't even bothere with them or possibly confront them.
17. Name a time when you had to be strong: when i lost the person i love. i dunno how well i did it
18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? i can remember my dad yelling once in my entire life... and that was whenhe and my mom where redoing thekitchen
19. When people at school don't accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? just be me i guess
20. Have you ever lost someone to death? yea, my granny. i miss her

E - Experience:
21. Have you ever had a job? yup yup lots
22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? i guess i would say i am pretty experienced
23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? ummm there have been afew tough times, but in the grand scheme of things there could be far worse
24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? ummm yes, but i would rather live with kaitlyn
25. How old do you act? probably my age, sometimes a bit more sometimes less

F - Family:
26. Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to? my cousin the crack whore
27. If you had to choose, family or friends? well i don;t have that many close friends and i love my family .... buti have decied taht my friends are my family so i can choose family
28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? no
29. Do you have any siblings? yea kenny. he;s pretty kewl in s nerdy sort of way
30. How often do you spend 'quality time' with family members? very rarely , which is kinda sad...

G - Growing:
31. How tall are you? 5'4".ish
32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? no
33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? probably a bit mature ? i dunno it;s hard to say about yourself
34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50?no
35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? what are you talikng about i know everythign.....

H - Hope:
36. Love - real or not? so real *warm fuzzies* oh shaun connery te hehe
37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? kidan both .. it depends
38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? i kinda think that it is 1/2 and 1/2... that there must be some big things that are meant to be, but some other things depend on your actions
39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? yea in some way
40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? my love and friends

I - Issues:
41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? actaully i could probably vomit happiness atm
42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? not that i know
43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? things are good
44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? umm no
45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away?not so much

J - Jokes:
46. Are you usually the one making people laugh, or the other way around? umm i think i make people laugh more now than i used to , and i laugh lots
47. Do you cry when you laugh hard? no... but i breath less
49. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? nope

K - Knowledge:
50. The purpose of school:umm to learn.. stuff
51. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? sometimes i am pretty smart but sometimes i am very dumb
52. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark)? 98% reahearsal/performance).
53. What was your last average? je ne sais pas
54. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? science, sociology

L - Love:
55. Are you currently in love? *nods sheepishly*
56. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? yes,, yay love
57. Is love worth it? ummm sometimes it is...but not all the time.
58. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they 'love' someone that they've been dating for a few weeks? it just makes me shake my head
59. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? when i mean it i will say it without thinking that maybe i shouldn;t.

M - Money:
60. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? unfortunatly yes for the most part
61. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? i'd say we're doing pretty good
62. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? i'm always saving for life
63. Would you rather win millions of dollars and be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry and start a family with? so if i win millions i can;t find my perfect person.??? fuck money.
64. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? 4, it;s not important. like i can do without it, but i like it

N - Naughty:
65. Are you a virgin? no
66. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you're not going out with? i don;t do more than like making out with people i'm not kinda seeing
67. Do you know anybody you consider a slut? probably
68. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? i would defiantly erase things
69. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? probaly nice

O - Openness:
70. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? a while
71. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? i just need to know them, and i will decied if they can be trusted
72. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? no
73. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? i dunno,
74. When it comes to parents and close friends, what's the limit of what you can tell them?i don't tell my rents alot, my close friends i can tell lots

P - Positive:
75. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn't necessarily end positivetly? yeas
76. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? yes
77. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? depends on the day
78. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? umm i dunno
79. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? ummmmm yes

Q - Questions:
80. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? i am bad at asking for help
81. Do you often question the world and how we came about? not really
82. Do you think the government is truthful? I doubt it.
83. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? i usually let it go ,, but there are definatly times when i shouldn;t
84. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? i dunno ther are lots of things.. my brain does not work so much

R - Respect:
85. How do you show respect? accepting what the person has to say even if i dissagree, act kinda buy gifts
86. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? break my trust, say that it will never happen again, and then do exactly the same thing compleatly forgetting that anythign ever happened before that moment.or act like you better than everyone or act like a jackass, it;s pretty hard to actaully loose my respect
87. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? Yes
88. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? i'm generally not, but if i am i will just feel guitly
89. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? i just stop bothering with them
S - School:
90. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? 15
91. When will you graduate high school? 2005
92. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? work
93. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? i like the courses , i hate the work sometimes
94. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? negative

T - Temptation:
95. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? yes
96. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? nope
97. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? no
98. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn't really know or love?What did you end up doing? probably i've had like a crush or something but i would never act on something like that
99. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? i do give into temptatin, and alot of time i hate that about mne

U - Unique:
100. Would you rather blend in with the crowd or stand out? Stand out
101. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? no , although i do like to be encluded i do what i personally think about things
102. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? i wear what i like at the time
103. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? not really
104. What makes you different from people your age? sometimes i am boringinly responsible

V - Value:
105. What's the most expensive thing in your room? probably some of my granny's old jewlery
106. Would you sacrifice your life for other people? depends if they are worth it
107. What is something you value not because it costs a lot, but because it means a lot to you? my rock, i sleep with it
108. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the one thing you would want to save? my picure frame
109. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could happen? then the future? the past always affects things in the furture

W - Wishes:
110. If you had three wishes, what would they be? that i could erase you from my past, that i will have a at least semi successful life in theatre, that one day we will be standing on the beach in hawaii
111. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? Loved ones, because that in turn would make me happy
112. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? not really
113. Have you ever had a wish come true? yes
114. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that's meant to happen, will happen? there isnt anythign wrong with having somethign to hope for

X - Xanga: ummm

Y - You:
115. Are you more independent or social? both
116. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? people who flip out for no reason or are to ignorant to try and understand somethigng.
117. Do you think that you have potential to do great things?sure do
118. What kind of person would you be if you didn't have guidance from family members, God, teachers, etc.? i would be very very different
119. Do you think people are generally good? Yes

Z - Zest:
120. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? yes i am .
121. Are you more outgoing, ready for anything, or boring and shy? i am outgoing and boring
122. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? i just roll with it
123. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? depentds what the new things are and i love meeting new people
124. What is the most motivational thing in the world? love/passion. either for a person or a passion you have to achieve something


wow that took me two days to do.. sure i left it and came back but still two days

it's my birthday, and i'll.... something.. if i want to

thats the jist of today. it;s my birthday and i have most of the day to do whatever i want to, but i have nothing that i particularially wanna do. so we are doing nothing. kaitlyn and i are making me a cake. making my own birthday cake how kewl am i. i baught myself things to decorate it .. and candles. i actually feel like the lamest person ever for doing things to "celebrate my own birthday" . it feels kinda like i;m planning a surprise party for myself.

today seems like a waste. o well
at least last night was fun. we ate soo much stuff. was so full. patty cakes was so intense. kaitlyn you and i are hardcore.

maybe i will just have a nap.hopefully after the show my day will improve.