you don't know the things you do for me

today and yesterday where not particularially good days for me. basically i felt like shit. i wanted to run away and hide. to forget that i had ever even thought about theatre. i feel as though i have failed this show. i was useless to help design and unable to paint the set my self. not like entirly my self but to over see it. to have my vision portrayed. no mike had to step in and make it less shity. i feel it everytime someone comments about how good the set looks, because i know it wasn't me who did it. i wasn't able to.
i;m so dissapointed in my self. i dunno what is wrong with me. normally i;m good at this, why was it so hard this time. my confidence has gone to shit at the moment. will i really be able to do this as a job? successfully? i feel small and insignificant. the only thing holding me together right now is the thought that in a short while things will go back to normal. i may be sane again. my head hurts and i am sooo tired . but i need to write this, to get my thoughts out before i loose it.

this all poses the question. if theatre is not for me what would be? there must be many things i am good at. what my dream would be ..to win the lottery and open a gallery. just do art, make things, do whatever i want . sell my wares to people. i don't know.my head hurts

i want you. i want you so bad, it's driving me mad. it's driving me mad
you make my days better
with only a kiss you melt away my frustration
and sadness
the feeling you give me is like a drug
please forgive
that i can't get enough
i love you
goodnight

p.s. one more day till opening. 12 more days till my life starts again
i want a foot massage