your songs won't stop ringing in my head

i have had a pretty fucken good week, if i do say so myself. aside from work which has been very slow lately. let me start where i left off i supose. the 23rd, i don;t rembmer what i did, i think just worked.
the 24th i quickly helped josh wrap some gifts. we exchanged our gifts. eeeee he gave me one of the best things ever . i dunno when but i mentioned something about this old movie i used to watch when i was a youngin, and he found it for me and made it into a dvd! you cannot understand how happy that made me. he also gave me a game that we always play together which i will have to show you becuase it is uber fun. and music and a book. then worked, then went over to joshes and played board games and guitar hero.
then i headed over to my parents house to spend the night so i was there for christmas.

Christmas. got up around 10. opened some presents , kenny called. got new dishes to match my set. some pasta thing, noises off !( that i have to go pick up from my parents) gift card. some drink mixes.
then we went to my aunts and sat and talked... then we went to my grammies where we played some you don;t know jack, and had some deliciouse dinner. then pass the ace. then i came home and spencer came over and we watched hudson hawk. which he baught me! and i llove it.. hehe sush a weird movie but it;s fucking awesome. i lovelovelove it.
then boxing day i slept in. no shopping for lisa. and i worked. work was dead and boring. josh came over for a bit and we watched some of flight of dragons. but he had to go to dinner. ummm
the 27th... i went and gave martha her present. and painted eryns pic she wanted me to do . and also painted some more of a painting i am working on . and then made an apple crisp and started a roast dinner. because josh, his sister serina, and dustin dame over for dinner and board games. serina whent home and the boys and i continued playing, kaitlyn came home and we started drinkin more.. haha we played this game called Queef, it;s like fuck you in a way, but more structured.. it;s hard to explain but it was really fun. anyways we all ended up having many drink. yesterday was soo hung over... was in bed until like 230. when josh called me to go get some fast food

so josh dusting and i traveled to A&W then back to my house for some more settlers. i was still very hung over.. and had to go to work. but ended up getting to go home early becuase i was "sick". i did really feel like shit thought. but i pulled through and went to joshes where me him kyle and dusting played some more settlers. then josh and i played guitar hero . which i am actualy getting not so bad at hahah. yes go me.

then i drove home and ended up getting pulled over. for going to fast, even though iwasn;t going that fast. but i didn;t get a ticket... i think the cop was just bored, since it was really late at night. anyways then sleep for many hrs. which was good. more time to recover form hung over ness.

as of now i am going to shower then , to get my movie, and prob watch it with spencer. then get to see jilly tonight ! yay ...

damn i still have to do the dishes... balls.

i think if i could go back in time , i would stay here forever. or if i could take a chance, i would fly past this time all together.

switch the cd and change the tune to your life

christmas punch.
1/3 oz. creme de menth
2/3 oz. light rum.
gingerale.
mix above. pour into short glass with ice. pour in a bit of grenadine and creme de menth without stiring to make it red and green.

I have just returned from my family christmas gathering. it was alright but for some reason i got really tired as soon as i got there.. perhaps partially because i was really bored or partially because i spent the past two nights partying it up? who knows. anyways it is a cold night alone now. kaitlyn has gone home to be with the fam. which is good, i know she wanted to go home.
i think i will just vege on the computer. i need the rest. haha i have not slept in my own bed for 5 days. hahahaha. tomorrow and monday i work. i do not think i will do much in the day but hang around. which is probably good as well. perhaps not particularly interesting. but whatever.

i have a bunch of songs stuck on my head. ahaha i am addicted to them at the moment. it;s nice though. it;s good to have as different tune now and then.

" arn't you such a catch , what a prize, got a body like a battle axe. love that perfect frown , honest eyes, we ought to buy you a Cadillac"

i am soo very tired. i am excited for future days. i have a craving for guitar hero. once you have a taste all you want is more! eeeeee. hahaha
i really have nothing to say so that be it.

"we were alive -- we were pure"

what... the .. fuck ... my apartment is sooo fucking cold. it for some reason has stopped producing heat. in response to it being literally colder than outside, i have turned the stove on, a few lights, sectioned off the smaller rooms and lit about 14 candles to try and help generate heat. progress is slow but steady.

lisa's last couple of days go as follows:
tuesday- josh comes to visit we adventure in liquidation world and watch some galaxy quest. i got to work. work = lame, because of two old stupid people who come at 10 and stay right till the resaturant closes.. bitches. after work i leave with josh and travel to Victoria!. where there is a kyle waiting. sit around, play some you don;t know jack... bed.

wednesday. - sleep in. lounge. guitar hero, haha i was getting better! shopping adventure with kyle and josh. to computer store, future shop and the mall. i baught kyle two gum balls and each of the boys a bouncy ball. heheh. josh almost ate his because he thought it was a gum ball at first.
hmmm then you don;t know jack, distracting dustin from the studying he should have been doing. matrix, south park, pool, lounging bed.

thursday - sleep in,, way in . lounging. i make the boys waffles. play two rounds of guitar hero. then just after two josh drives me to timmy ho's on duncan where my dad picks me up.
drive home lounge. work. party at eryns! hahahahah puddle hug. invention of the atomic pinapple... it goes at fallows
1/3 oz absinth
2/3 oz pinaple malibu
top up glass with pinapple juice(about an oz and a 1/2). use one ice cube in a champagne flute, or pineapple shaped glass. if you use a bigger glass double the booze. maybe put a cherry in it just for fun.

yea hmm hmm and now i am just chilling until work. after work i will venture to spencers for some more drinks and such.

hmmmmmm. things that make you go hmmmmm
lOve

hmmm snow,

so i am sitting here, just waiting around, lookin at blogs. and i think what is that funny thing that i see through the blinds. i go and take a look and low and behold it be snowing. and it;s hella coming down. it is too wet to be sticking but , i am undecided if i would enjoy the snow being around. it will probably turn to rain. infact i went and checked the weather and apparently it's already raining... good thing i have the weather net work to tell me what the weather is, my eyes seem to be deceiving me. how can i trust the weather reports to tell me what the weather is like tomorrow if it is lieing to me about today

anyways... yesterday i did lots of knitting. yay. if i am lucky i will finish my rents chirstmas present. i also went to my other house and ate waffles and sausages mmmm deliciouses. and decorated the christmas tree. then i went to go see i am legend. i am reminded that i really don;t like those kinds of movies.... there was one part.. it was sooooooooo sad. i probably almost cried.

speaking of that there was an SPCA comerical on and that almost made my cry too. i had pictures of animals and some of them had been hurt. seriously i had to fight to keep composed. i feel a lot of compassion for animals.

hmm two days ago... tasia and i watched a weird movie... it was not particularly good. then work, then came home and nathan tasia and martha came over, and we listened to this meditative tape thing. but it was weird and we all ended up falling asleep.

not much is up, i have tomorrow , saturday , christmas, boxing day , and the 29th off , if anyone wants to do anything. other than that i am up for stuff after work if people want. or possibly before.
As for newyears, i work , but it will be no later than 11. i have talking to kaitlyn and she is ok with haveing some people over here.. max 15 possibly,,, but i don;t think we really need that many. i'm kewl with just you guys pretty much. possibly afew more. i'm more for a friendly gathering that an party party. ya know.
anyways soooo i might have to work until 11, and kaitlyn mig tbe with terry... soo i dunno jill.. is it ok if people chill at your house until then ? or i'm ok with people over here when i am at work, cuz i know your guys won;t be stupid retards and i trust you. yes? sooo jill tell me what you think, everyone else what do you think? have any other ideas?...
i dunno.

tra la la.
adieu

you hurt me with words and i scratch up your face

i just had a terrible dream. it started out not so bad. there was some dog party at james' house( but it didn;t look like it) lots of people had their dogs and some cats. they where all white. i had with me a cat and a dog. the dog was snowball or something and the cat was sugar. for some reason i had this kit, and in it was dog makeup? just a little container. i was baffled by it.i walked around the house, through all the people that i didn't recognize. looking at all the animals. then the dream started over. i was the only one that had animals. but they where not with me. instead people where drinking and preparing to go to the bar. i was in my kitchen washing the sink. martha and spencer where drinking some wine in funny little bottles. one was mine that they where going to drink. i asked if it would be alright if i came to the bar with them. however the event co-ordinator said no. after this i was angry and when to sit on the couch, where shortly after i got into a big fight with the co-ordinator and said many horrible things and had them said to me. i theatened to hurt him is he continued, which he did, so i hit him. and as i was leaving i used my nails to scratch into his forehead. some how i had a broom and was theatening to smash the handle over his head. but i didnt, i pretened to then said " this is my mercy" and walked outside and broke it over something. i called for the animals that i had braught with me, and shortly after they both came.we started to rive the short distance home, when somehow the person i was fighting with was like hovering outside my car as i was driving( i think it must have been in my head) he said more horrible things. i was crying and ignoring him. then he said " fine don't listen" and dissapeared. and i remember though i wanted him gone because he had hurt me so bad, i was sad that he had left. and thats where i work up. realizing that it was 1245. and that i had wasted ha;f of my day.
not that i had anything important to do anyways.
i hope that this is not a reflection of how my winter break is going to be. days like this one are not good. and it should be my responsibility to fix them. i don't think i am doing so bad now, as the dream beginning to fade from my memory. thats the thing with my dreams they are so clear they are real.

i am definably still in a slump. i decided that if i cannot be happy by myself, then i am not happy in general, with myself and with my life. will you all help me. this is not something i ask very often. I'm actually quite stuborn on the fact, but seeing as i can quite get through all of this on my own i would really like some advice. any advice, anything that i could try.... i'm just so tired of feeling low all the time.

ummm thats all for now.

Doesn't make sense i know, but...

i don't understand why some days are so different from others. yesterday i was fine i was happy. but today is horrible. i don't know what happened. how and why did that good feeling just fade away. why can't i just remember it? remember that it's there. or is it really there in the first place. all i know is its gone. and with that my motivation.. i have done nothing today, which is pathetic. i just sat around all day feeling fucking sad and sorry for myself. my stupid, lazy, lonely self. it's fucking pathetic.
thats the worst part of this. these random days of sad.
one of my friends ben made a cd. it's pretty neat/good. you should check it out, go to my facebook group" bens imaginary band" you can Dl it.

thats all, there isn't anything else to say. this is one of bens songs

Do you have to pretend I don't exist?
does it make you happy when I'm not around
am I at the very end of your list
why do you make me feel so put down
maybe now I'll disappear

Doesn't make sense I know
but you make me feel better when I'm feeling low
silence isn't as sweet
but I love every moment whenever we meet

There is nothing I want more than to see you smile
have you ever considered - the fault is all mine
never anything to you and all the while
I know I'll just disappear

Doesn't make sense I know
but you make me feel better when I'm feeling low
silence isn't as sweet
but I love every moment whenever we meet

but i don't know how, to get it back to good

It's nothing, it's so normal you
Just stand there I could say so much
But I don't go there cuz I don't want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I'm lonely now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good

This don't mean that, you own me
This ain't no good, in fact it's phony as hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you don't know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I'm going to do

And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like
They do
It's best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn't tell, why everyone here was doing me like
They do
But I'm sorry now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, is wondering what it's like to be with
Somebody else
Everyone here's to blame, everyone here
Gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain, everyone hides
Shades of shame, but looking inside we're the same, we're
The same
And we're all grown now, but we don't know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, it's over now
There's no getting back to good

have you ever find that there are sound tracks for different parts of your life. different albu,s that depict how you feel, and whats going on. then that music forever reminds you of that time in your life, sometimes to the point where you can't listen to it ?? it happens to me all the time. some things that i remember
cold chamer, spine shank, aslip knot,= grade 9
finger eleven = summer of 2004 driving around in james' van late at night
marlyn manson , tool , NIN = first half of grade 12
APC, porcupine tree = second half of gr 12 , with spencer
panic at the disco= my caribean cruise
three days grace, one X - the hell of last december
matchbox twenty - now
it;s funny that my last two novembers an decembers have been bad. this one is more sad than angry. it;s the end of three years, which is very sad. and like that song says. i don;t know what to do with myself. i want to be happy. but i am too scared to take chances. not that i can see that possibly working out for me anyways, not any time soon.
i want this school year too be over. i want summer to come and go and i want to be gone from here. i want someone to find me and realize how amazing i am , and love me for it. because thats what i deserve. i deserve more than i have been given in the past. i want to believe i won;t settle for less, again. but right now i feel that anything is almost better than nothing.
I don;t like working many days in a row at night. it makes me feel like i have no life, or have not accompished anything. which is silly because i have done thing. last night i went to the golden compas with jill gregoire tasia and nathan .. and it was fucking sweet. and before that people came and watched movies with me... but even with all that, i still feel like i haven;t accompished anythign .. it;s this stupid work like this... it makes me depressed.
two more days and it will be over...

but for now balh.
~lisa~
p.s. i suggest you listen to this song as you read it. it makes it better. matchboxtwenty. back to good.

chaos sheer chaos

day two of 6 over. this red room thing is so very ridiculous. there is no organization what so ever. i will tell you all about it if i make it out alive. :p *sigh* at least i am getting payed. i am very tired. at least i don't have to worry about school. one exam, that is all .

i am listening to the songs that remind you of me. it makes me happy that you don't forget me.

i have a fantasy. a vision of my life down the road. it's seems to real. it's beautiful.
i was thinking earlier, i was knitting, ahaha and the thought occured to me that i am ment to be a mother. not now for certain. but you can see it in the way i act. hahah mama lisa right. i dunno. to be honest i cannot wait for that time to come. i know it will not be soon hahaha i would no be so foolish. years from now. it will be beautiful. a little girl perhaps. could you imagine me with a little girl. we would be the cutest pair. and in the fantasy of my life to come, she would be the ultimate joy of her father.nhahahah i am talking silly for this is indeed a fantasy. a beautiful dream. i might as well look to the future. when i will be truley happy next. who knows when that will be. i know it isn't now. right now i;m just lonley. i've dealt with the pain, now if only i could get rid of being lonley. i might as well look to the future, cuz is isn't going to be soon.

" Someone must have loved you ,Not the way that I do..."

4 more days of chaos. at least i'm getting payed.*sigh* so tired. at least i have the mornings off.
i wanna thank you guys for always comming over. it makes me happy.
i think it is time for lisa to go to bed now.
nightynight
"I don't know what it means, But I've been wondering, Who let you go? "

wholly crapy snow eh

i guess the weather made up it;s mind to do it's thing. i expected it to be going away by now. hahah yesterda i work up at 8 and looked outside expecting to see a nice while landscape however i was misteaken, i decided to go back to bed. woke up though to myself maybe i'll go shopping. i walk down the hall. hmm the sky looks very while is it foggy. oh no, it was like 3 inches of snow. hahaha there when my shopping plan, since we all know... my car and the snow doing get along.
so i tided the appartment and when out to brave the elements to bring our rent to the office.
then i just chilled until spencer gave me the yes or no on our trip to vic.
friday tim asked if i wanted to go help out on tool call in vic and i was all for it. anyways we where still going so at 6 we started heading out, picked up tony and drive. specners step dad offered to drive us which was goood.so much snow.
i estimate there where between 35 and 40 cars stranded on the highway to vic. there where at least 15 on the malahat. but we made it.. haha no snow in victoria. we meet up with tim and got some warm drinks before we where allowed to go backstage.
when we finally where. spencer, tony and i did some paper work and recieved our extra large oranger shirt. we where pushers. ( also present people designated to lights, sound, video, rigging, stage carps) we took all the loaded crates and braught them to the trucks, then loaded them on.
it;s was pretty simple, the where people who told you what to do. which was good. haha ther was a lot of stuff to move. anyways we finished the call at the like 2: 30 is.. then we got a ride home with tim, because harry and spencers mom had gotten a hotel room and we didn;t want to stay the night. which was probably a good idea because .. as i can see it started snowing again and it is probably more difficult to drive back now that it was last night. the roads where fairly clear.

soo the school is closed for the weekend... i wonder if it will be open tomorrow. i have my final print making class. i am sooo glad i did my print on friday. also i have a gig, that honestly i would be upset missing, except for the fact that i have that gig until sunday and that would make us behind.
but it's up in the air..because it;s hella snowing now. but the weather network says that the temperature is suposed to go upt o like 8degrees. and it is suposed to rain.
who knows. all i know is that i cannot wait for this week to be over with. i have to work every night at the college then i have a night off for the christmas party.. then i work at the restuanat... yay day off them two more days...
lots of work.. which is supose is good

anyways i have nothing really to talk about.
if the college is closed tomorrow i say we all get together here for some good snowy times ....say perhaps involving a snow fort??? and cough cough who knows
*love*