sometimes i want to fucking scream

was it so bad? that everyone else saw but me. did you treat me like shit and i just didn't notice, are you just trying to make me feel better.
why do you say it's for the best? do you know something i don't.
i want to hit the wall until one of us bleeds. that is my urge right now. but i won't do it because in my head i know it;s fucking stupid. and now i;m fucking crying cuz i don;t know what to do with myself. i want to run away. to forget all about my life right now. forget because i don;t understand why things happened the way they did. was i just a blind fool. how long did you humor me to make me happy. congrats it fucking worked.. but i'm sure you knew it would. go along and have you party, i'll watch from the sideline till i get up enough fucking guts to leave.
it must have been true. cuz you do all the same shit now, exept you just arnt there to pick up the pieces all the time.


... i just don't want to feel like this anymore. i have your picture. should i just put it away? not see you not talk to you? would that help or make it worse. but your the only one who knows. who knows how this feels right now. i guess it doesn;t matter i already feel alone. almost all the time. i know the rest of you will say you are there and i know you mean to be, but nothing you can say can help. i need what none of you can give.

go a head and have your party, i'll stay here until have the will power to leave. don't worry, you won't miss me when i;m gone, you might not even notice.