Dieing

basically i'm sick and alone and miserable. everyone is gone, and i have the house to my self. generally i would love this. but instead i am just sad and lonley. i wish i had someone to take care of me... or anyone who seemed to care . sometimes it seens i only cause more trouble than i'm worth. it;s been along time since i felt anything close to special or appriciayed. it seems like i give so much and end up with nothing. sick and alone and miserable.
exam tomoorow at 9, jut something eles to look forward to. pulling up the seats so we can put new carpet in the theatre. hopefully i'll be feeling better so i can help. might as well be usefull. well thats it. i think i will go do nothing, in my empty house, in my sorry lonely state. sick alone and miserable

Fragile, she doesn't see her beauty, she tries to get away, some times it;s just that nothing seems worth saving.

it's just that nothing seems worth saving.

My day off from life...

i took the day and did w/e i felt like doing, it;s been along time since i didn;t make plans with people, i needed to spend time by myself. it's been a good day . i was planning on sleeping in but i ended up waking at like 9 30 .. w/e works. got up and watched 2 horatio hornblower.. it;s an A&E series , i have the dvd's. They are very good. then had a nice long shower . while i was in my birthday suit i decided that today i loved myself... my body looked really nice , it;sd all curvy and stuff .. i dunno i just decided that i was in trouble cuz i was falling in love with myseld. hahah oh the vanity.. w/e then went to browse around at the mall , got some more vanilla body butter for my trip soem new mascara, and a blue top. wandered around the rest of the mall , saw ashmo and tony.. came home... did nothing.. painted my granny;s christmas gift... if you wanna see it.. go there....
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/26421497/

dudud now i am just sitting.... i dunno if i wanna paint more , or have a abath .. or go to bed.. it seems that it would be a waste to go to bed now though.. so i'll probabl have a bath and read...

my rents are leaving for our trip tomorrow. yay. party at lisa's....*shrug* i supose we could but i doubt it will happen, but if anyone really want i;m sure we could arnage somethign... taking a random drive to victoria as well tomorrow. just for something to do.. and then friday ...!!! DnD.. Yay.. hehe ... 300 experience for being nerdy.. hahaha .. wow.. o well ..pfft... i don;t care waht you think ... your just jealous cuz i have pretty dice.. yea w.e.....
haa anyways... i supose i should start packing. to make sure i don;t forget anythign.. i am getting pretty excited now. i wanna be all tanned.. i like tan lines... i like how they make the skin look,, it adds depth i think .. i dunno maybe i am just crazy..

hmm perhaps i will make soem cookies some time.. or somethign eles... hmm i wish i had somethign more intersting to say .. but no i don;t... oh.. hmm i saw pride and prejudice yesterday with spencer.. i really liked. it... and OH and amber if you read this Narnia was Uber good also !!.. dudud... i have a craving for caramel popcorn.....

*hissss* ahh the sun

augh why does it have to be sunny, i hate it when it is like this in the winter. it makes me in a bad mood. funny eh . dudud , so the play is over and i have all the songs stuck in my head. it was entertaining though. i went to the cast party after there were little people everywhere and i guess i wasn't having the most enthusuastic day yesterday... so i so was not in any type of party mood( i think it was sunny yesterday )anyways so ashmo and i hid outside and upstairs, then i drove he home and came back for a little bit. went to bed right when i got home pretty much. so many of my friends from highschool smoke, like i know there are soem that don't but it;s crazy to see how many do. it kinda makes me sad, cuz they don;t realize that it has no benifit and it just makes you sick and smelly. i just don;t get it.
last night i has some really fucked up dreams. like this thing from this book was throwing arrowthings at me, and mel and laura whre hungry so i was gonna make them craft dinner, but we where in this weird building. and there was a store downstairs that had a whole bunch of cheap stuff. and at one point i was searching through this bin of tights that was only 50 cents, but they where like winniw the pooh and all wwird shaped.. and there was this weird part with leppers. and some part in the theater andther where 2 main curtains and one was orange and i was closing a door and ripped it a bit.. but then i looked at it closer and it was all shreded and painted for soem play.. but it was ok cuz they where gonna buy a new one. and this other part driving in a car with kylan in this like underground parking lot and we got out of the car and i was looking for my black shirt... anways .. they where all very fucked up
today .. humm well i am tired, i think i work up in the middle of one of those crazy dreams... anyways kylan is comming over and we aregonna hang around and go to The Cronicles of Narnia. today . i am excited it looks really good. then around 6 ish we are gonna play Dnd and i get to use my new dice... thats right i'm a nerd.
exam tomorrow and the next day. w/e than i have lots of time of maybe i can paint or finishe my scrap book , or do w/e. i am gonna have 3 day along in my house it will be wonderful. yay, then i go on my trip.. eppp i am starting to feel sick , i hope that i am better before i leave.. the last big trip i was on i was sick and it was nooo fun..
so for right now i will just sit and wait by my trusty computer and drink my tea.

spaghetti!

what up yall, ha ., ha *robotic voice* .. yea so i am sooo hungry... we are having spaghetti for dinner and i can;t wait .. soo hungry. today was the last day of classes. now i have 4 exams... eepp. the only one i am really worried about is english becuase i have to write essays... and my mind is fragile and dies.. i duno . augh i got my sociology paper back.. and i only got 70% .. it was lame. i though i would have done better. handed in my othello reseach paper today .. i don;t reallylike the essay . i think it is lame.. i hope i do ok though.. augh.. but yea, i have like 2 weeks..before my trip i guess i better use some of that time to study... an i think i will do some sleeping in .. and hopefully some painting.. ext

Cinderella this week, for anyone that doesnt; know it;s the musical being put on by dover bay, runs , this wed thurs fri sat, at 7 pm. doors open 630 . students 6$ aduls 8$, so far i am planning to go wed ( with megan , kylan , ace danilee),. thurs( michelle) sat i think ashmo is going... and it;s closting night so i have to go .. if any one wants to see it come with us! i'll go friday if someone wants... just come and see it ..

dudud. i feel so relieved not having school for a while i mean sure i have soem exams..but i have so much time.. it like blows my mind.. i feellike i can do anythign .. muiahah. it;s nice. i dunno . lalala man i am sooo hungry.
man next semester is gonna rock .. i get to make masks .. and build mroe stuff and i have the one act festival and eeee.. acting was fun toda ..
OMGOMGOGM leon is gonna be teacher our acting class for liek a month next semester... i am sooo stoked...
NOTE: if any one from the theatre program reads this and is the SM for a play could i eitehr have a copy of the scrip or a props list. so i can get started on that.. i'm sure i'll track you down but it would be nice if i didn;t have to .. anyways i think that is all that i have for now.. i dunno whay but i am just so happy right now.....

Dec, 1st

first day of december today. not to long till my trip. umm i dont think my theatre history teacher likes me... or at least i know she doesn;t like my writting style. umm thats ok i don;t like her. haha umm watched never swim alone again today .. it was better the second time. it was weird i was watching the door to make sure no one came in . and i was just lying down on the top step and i streched. and it was so peaceful. it was dark there where people around by they wheren;t paying any attention to me. it was nice just fading into my own little world. i dunno
stage craft was fun more drafting. it started to snow. i like snow.. when i walk around in it and i am all bundled up with my hair down , i feel pretty. cuz it;s like a dream.... anyways.. then i watched my cousin joey's documentary on crystal meth. it was pretty good.

now i am home and going to try and do some more work on my english essay. i want to get it lots done so i can help paint the back drop for cinderella on sat. i hope if i can circomstances will be more friendly. somehow i've managed to screw things up royaly, but i hope that things will right themselves in time.. and i'm sure they will, ust need some time.i'd hate to loose such a good friend. things will not be like they where, but differnt is better than nothing and i hope he understands.once we stop feeling sorry for ourselves, and being frusterated or angery at one another things will work out. i'm sure you probably don;t see things the way i do, but these are just the thoughts going through my head. I am still inside here A little bit comes bleeding through I wish this could have been any other way But I just don't know what else I can do.
and now lisa is getting to her english. whoo hoo the hightlight of my day