We love in vain narcissistic and so shallow

i love listening to music in my car. i was't into any of my cd's for a while so i didn;t end up listening to anything in my car for a long time. Then recently i've been rediscovering all my wonderful old music. like marylin manson, he has made some really awesome songs. and done some pretty sweet covers as well, tainted love... sweet dreams.. personal jesus. and the reason they are particularly good in the car ,is because you can really feel the music around you. it;s like your surrounded by the song or in it... *raises eyebrow* marilyn manson ... sooo goood.

you know what i am really excited for.... tomorrow! i get to have a day off. horay. just like these past few days i have been comming to see how much a work. why i am so dumb to work so much. you know the funny thing i keep on telling myself that i will give myself more time off. but then i just accept all the work i get offered... really i think my mother created a monster... she always goes shopping and she is a super bargan hunter. she always shows me her newest "deals" but she is also hard core about saving your money. sooo my want to save money is being spent because of my need to shop. so the little working lisa needs to work all the time to be able to save and buy. i'm a monster i tell you.. A MONSTER...!

I figured a fun thing to do for you guys. i'll organize it and then we can get all excited about it. and trust me.. its fucking awesome

hmm hmm things that make you go hmm

so i totally don't know what to think now... it's been a long time it seems since someone put so much thought into something. i will show you my new found treasure, which i dunno, i guess i don;t deserve? should't have accepted.. but thats out of the question. his hands and voice where shaking
anyways just makes me think, and smile a little

things arn't as pretty on the inside.

"Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind."


i was thinking about this... and it feels true to me. i'm not saying that i am the character who said this or anything. it;s just the idea that people.. i guess guys tend to think of me as this adorable novelty. at least thats how i see it. they seem to like me so much without even really knowing me. It gives the connection a hollow feeling. it makes me feel like a pet. and i am not a pet. i find that i flirt with the idea of someone and then i kinda push them away. or i tell them not to bother with me because i am too much trouble, and if they took off their rose glasses they would be able to see that i am pale and scarred just like everyone else. i'm not saying that is what i am currently doing. In fact i guess i enjoy my current attention however it seems like the same old situation when a boy looses all his senses. I'm tired of goofy eyes. i want a chase, i like a challenge. one day i will have someone thats makes me feel alive. i want to feel alive.

anyways, my thought of the mornin... time for work.

You say the world has come between us, our lives have come between us, still iknow you just don't care

so i did it again. i had some crazy dream where my character in the dream( this time i think it was me) ended up breaking down into tears. i wonder what it means because i really don't feel that upset about anything. in this dream a bunch of us where going on this adventure trip thing... and we had stopped at this big busy store to buy some stuff. this older lady and i where looking at this aqua pastic or something and we where wondering how it worked so i went to customer service where a very useless employee very slowly showed me what i knew and didn't tell me what i didnt,she in the process of showing me she she ruined the product i was thinking of buying. so i ran back to get a new one. i was in a hurry to get back to the group and the store was really crowed and i was dodging around people , i think i then ran outside to check to see where everyone was. they where all waiting for me.. so i ran back in jumped over some bar things the like a police man stopped me and asked me to step outside. it was at this point that i was so frustrated that i collapsed into tears. i was escorted outside by the police officer to a picknic table around the back of the store where he asked me why i was in such a hurry.. and told me that apparely i has poked some lady with a bag i was carrying... ( totally didn;t have a bag but whatever) then that was it. the police officer asked if i had any beer, i said had some in my trunk if he wanted.( the police officer was sitting across the table from me and i think at this point someone was sitting next to me)
then everyone else drove around back to where i was, someone drove my car around for me. and that was basically the end. the was alot more before but i just thought i would share that part.

strange eh. i have always wished that i could determine what dreams mean. i pertty much always dream and very clearly recall what happened. there are many dreams from years ago that i still remember pivotal parts of. o well i will probably never know.

as for today it looks like a waste of garbage, very shortly i will be heading down to the kids fest office to hand in my reciepts for finally get paid back for what i baught. and then guess what i get to go back down there.. probably later today to actually pick up the cheque.. then i get to work at 6, how fucking lame is that like who came up with that system. the annoying part is i'm going to fucking put up with it because i want my 530$ back. a.s.a.p
i guess i will find something to do at home . augh.. they are showing people around my house again today and tomorrow. that is annoying.. means i have to put pants on...

And now what you've all been waiting for...

and update. horay... an extremely long overdue update. it's not my fault i've been retardedly busy.
first thing first kids fest was awesome, a super good fun time. on the whole i would say that i didn;t spend that much time actually working maybe like 25hrs, however i had to spend a lot of time hanging around looking like i was working haha and what took the most effort haha, no jk,.. then everyday after kids fest we would go out or stay in and get liquored.. it;s a tradition. heh a tradition that ended up costing me a good chuck of the money that i earned but... it's totally worth it. anyways then i got back from kids fest and had to work a gig at the college. it was the most beautiful hottest day of the year so far and i was stuck inside a dark box... totally not impressed. o well i'll get some nice over time. then the next two days i went to work at chemainus for some nice 8 hr days.. one of which was a stat holiday so hopefully i get payed moremuhahaha. sun and mon i hung out with cody apres work, then tuesday i worked at the restaurant and got to see some lovely ladies tasia and gabby, horay for a porch oreo. hehe. then yesterday... wait for it... yesterday i had a day completely off... and it was all i thought it could be.. i slept in a bit, got some junk done, cleaned my room( it;s amazing how big it looks now hahaha) made personalized wrapping paper then wrapped my mom;s gifts and gave them to her. then went shopping with gabby tasia and jill. i baught some super cute shirts and the best dress in the world.. but all of those pale in comparison to my new red tea pot and big plate. i love them sooo much . i also had gone shopping the previouse day in my break and got some new capris and shirts and a jacket. really i should be saving my money but honestly, when i work and work and work i need to unwind and waste some of the money i made. i just need it.
anyways after shopping we came home and i made some dinner then we went to pipers with some blankets( apparently not enough hehe) and chilled in the grass. it was nice but to bad we didn;t have a camera. o wells. then came home and chilled.. i passed out like super early. like 10.... i fell asleep. i dunno why i was so tired, i was completely sober. i'm guessing / hoping that i just needed to catch up on some more sleep. i slept solid till like 9. my brain was fully of crazy dreams
it was like a movie... and it seemed like a pretty good movie however there where some parts i found needed a bit more explination.. there was a plot to do with lying.. like there was this group of people who had this kind of power because of lying... like almost magical powers.. anyways there was this one part when i was in the mind of this man and he was in danger of falling from these stairs that where falling apart and his wife is there and ends up telling him that she is on love with another woman.. anyways long story short he finally gets to the ground and had broken down into extreme agony over the loss of his beloved wife that he is sobbing hysterically on the ground. and i can totally feel this emotion. it;s fucking intenst. and then it turns out that i was all a lie. the wife was just saying that to save him or something. i;m not exactly sure how it works but i can kinda see... anyways it was just a dream and mine are strange as hell. but isn't it intense how much you can feel when you are asleep.. it;s like waking up crying that is fucking h-core..

and now for today. woke up to a clean room which was awesome haha. now i am chilling until work.o man opening shifts are a piece of cake. chillen reading on my break. a bit more work then bowling. haza! with cody and melissa and robin. i love 10 pin bowling. : D it will be uber fun and
next thursday i get to go to the chemainus opening with cody, melisa and robin as well. i'm pretty excited.. i'm totally gonna wear my new dress hehe!

anyways i think that is enough useless comentary for now. hopefully now that everyone is caught up on my doings i will be write something kewl. but maybe not. *shrug* it seems like i was gone forever but really i was only out of town for like4 days... weird

kill the bugs

tasia and i just watched star ship troupers... and it was pretty much fucking amazing. well up until the one guy gets his brains sucked out.... sooo fucking intense and ... everyone dies.. eeeee. but terribly entertaining. so today... was the creating of the greatest fruit plate ever. oranges pinapple strawberries, cherries and grapes... all surrounded my nuttella. muahahahahahaha so very delicious. work tomorrow then work for the whole week. anyways

i think that is all ..really i just wanted to express to you how much i loved watching star ship troupers just now.

farewell

did you ever think of me? your so considerate...

i have decided i am very particular about what i like certain things to be like. lots of things i don't care but others... for example, i love being touched. i like when people play with my hair or rub my back or feet. massages are awesome. but i don;t like being touched when i am trying to sleep i have found, it keeps it awake. i defiantly don;t like being touched when i am feeling ill or hung over because i am super sensitive to every feeling. i do like to be held. but not all the time. i like to be free. i have never really liked holding hand it makes me feel like i restrained and i can;t go anywhere on my own. however there have been exceptions... times when i am feeling connected or people that i feel comfortable with. when i feel trapped i tend to get really twitchy and have the insane urge to break free. hmm oh... hmm revilation... perhaps it;s not that i don;t like cuddling but i don;t like the expectation that i have to cuddle. i never like it when someone tells me i have to do something. i guess it is kinda the same except with gestures instead of words. i am such a strange person. i hate when people don;t listen to what you tell them. especially when you are just trying to help them. warn them perhaps of dangers to come. i hate being ignored. it used to happen to me alot.... thought nicely happens much less now. haha people dont cut me off as much anymore yay.. hahah . .

anyways. * large exasperated sigh* what is a girl to do , because yea.... and stuff and junk.. hahaha
i guess i better get dressed and junk.
loves

were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl..

i had something insightful and poetic and possibly life changing to write however i seem to have forgotten. i was thinking about it as i washed chairs because i had nothing else to do.
hmmm i think it had something to do with life and how we see it. like how sometimes we think we know exactly what is going on with our lives. we think we are in control. obviously life had ups and downs right, and then other times we realize that we know absolutely nothing, and knowing that is more knowledge than "knowing exactly what is going on " does that make sense to anyone?
i am very tired. today at work was excruciating after about an hour my body just started to hurt and all i wanted to do was collapse and not move. that is still what i want to do. i am in a low spot right now, working this past week has slowly stolen my soul. the weather doesn't help, nor does pointless waste of time meetings that i have to go to. at times like these i wish i had a room mate. not even really to talk to, just so i know someone is there. i like to have people near me, it's comforting.
i really need to go to sleep so i can wake up and forget about right now. i hope the weather improves. sometimes you just need a little sunshine to brighten your day.
" you are my sun shine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey...."

anyways bed time for lisa, you know she needs her sleep when she starts singing.

early..ish morning musings

i know this sounds like a horrible thing to say, but sometimes i get really tired of pathetic people. i'm not saying that i am alway better than these people because sometimes i am pathetic myself. i think we all have those moments. but those are just moments... it just drives me nuts, it boggles my brain how people can not make things better for themselves. they are generally just lazy, they sit around and complain. take money for instant. many people complain that they don;t have enough money. well don;t spend it on stupid shit.. or maybe if you worked more than three days a week it wouldn't be a problem. it;s not hard to find a job, especially ridiculously easy ones. think your better than that job? don;t complain about not having money. get off your ass and do something useful for a change. it hurts my head. AHAHAHAHAa i read something today that makes me want to throw my head back and laugh. sometimes i wonder if some people really have any clue about themselves. maybe they should take a step down from their hight horse. maybe they'd see they are sitting on a donkey... no not a donkey they are useful....
perhaps a sheep...