maybe be i wanted me to be nothing special

so tired right now.
today while i was waiting i got restless. it was a very frustrating / angry day for me i am not sure exactly why. it just started that way and continued. anyways i was getting annoyed that nothing could keep me entertained, so i went out, i wasn't quite sure where i was going. it was raining so hard, i love it when it is like that. i would have walked around outside if i had felt safe doing it alone. i ended up getting a coffee and driving to departure bay beach. i sat in my . my car a while listening to the waves and rain. i resolved to stop feeling sad, even if i have to feel nothing for a little while. i hate crying all the time. i sat there a while.. until i got restless once again and just started driving. where ever , it didn;t matter as long as i was going somewhere. i thought about josh, he offered that i move out with them next year to victoria, if i could go anywhere that is where i would be able to go. the thought will remain with me i think,. but i do not thing that i am ready just yet,we will see i know you want me to go, so you can get on with you life and i with mine. but even without you i am not ready. sorry to dissapoint
swimming was very fin tonight. i really love swimming. my dad used to take us all the time, i hope i get to come again. i apologize if i was rather rough at basketball. i think that it was a combination of my natural competative nature and some extra energy i needed to get rid of. i'm sorry if i was mean, it's really just a front. i just don't wanna be sad anymore...

why does this weekend seem like it will be really lonley.arg enough. fuck fuck fuck enough