have fun sitting still on your high horse. I'm walking the fuck out of here.

there are so many little annoying things that you have to deal with as you grow older. blarg. it;s nothing really but i just kinda feel like i need an office or some kind of organizer to deal with all of them . haha. they are just little things that you never really think off. like ccalling and making appointments and stuff. "*shrug* i was just thinking.
yesterday i was suposed to have an inspection of my suit however the person never showed up soooo i have to do it today after work. which is balls.
you know what else is balls. getting fucked over for hours at work. for the next two weeks there are 3 of us and i am getting less hours than when there where 4. out of 15 days i work 6. and they are like 5 hour shifts... my pay cheques are going to be under 200$ , dont even say anythign about tips because half the time i make shitty tips. so what is there to do ? should i run out and find another job for two months. or stick it out, try and relax and maybe work on my own artistic endevours.
its a tough choice for me. on one side i need to work.. i need to be making money constantly. On the other hand i could do what i kinda have been wanting to do and try to sell my art. to this point i haven;t given myself enough time to do this, but as i get tired of the meaningless jobs that i have had i want to do it even more. so do i take a chance and give up some money saved and pursue some dreams?
and it's all fine and dandy to say yes... go get your dreams... but how plausible is that? i don;t wanna end up being idle. i hate to waste time, but.... i dunno.
one day i will be an artist. i just have to get started i guess

haha i've come to think that many jobs that i have worked end up not treating me like i deserve. i am a hard worker. the only thing i ask from a job is a some what flexable shedual. i give notice in advance. i guess that is too much to ask. i find that i feel unappreciated and then become bitter about working. 6 days out of 15. that is bullshit. but i guess the people who are getting this shifts need it more. because really they have nowhere else to go and i am gonna get the fuck out of there and make something of myself.

...

as i was walking to my appartment from my car i had the perfect title for a blog... but now i have fogotten it... fuck. and it was epic too. i remember that because i though it might be a little too epic.
(time passes)
..... so now it is 7:48 on wednesday morning. i'm moving the rest of the stuff out of my appartment today. it's gonna be all nekkid. i will be happy to move on, i am looking forward to living in victoria. i love my parents however i am not looking forward to living with them for a month or so.. haha i know i am a big winner. but whatever. I wonder where i will sleep tonight. tomorrow is a big day because we are going to MATT GOOD. tomorrow is going to roxor my soxors... anyways
i'm gonna get on it. it is a beautiful day outside and i don't want to waste it

I am waiting for vincini...

or martha .. hehe.. yeah yeah i know i am not funny. if you tell me exactly what that is from i will give you a prize. fucking waiting i hate waiting. it drives me nuts when i have to wait for people.. but o well such is life... it kinda seems like we are always waiting for something. people, time to pass, things to get better mr right to come alone. i wonder if there will ever be a point in life when i have everything i could need and am not waiting for anything.

earlier today i felt energized. i wanted to go out , to experience to feel alive.. i wanted an adventure. i still do . everyone is however pre occupied.. either with being out of town or busy with work. so i came home and started packing up my shit. i got a done. though it doesn;t look like much .. i have pack pretty much all of my clothes and my other closet junk into boxes and culled out some clothes that i will probably never wear. some of which are in not to bad condition and make take whatever they please.mmm rum and coke rum and coke.

i was thinking today that it is kinda funny how many of us planned to go away for at least afew days around the same time... and i dunno about anyone else but i never knew of other peoples plans until they where coming us.. i just think it;s funny. it;s kinds nice to.

i wish i was more diligent in writting down my dreams. i did it for a while but have long since stopped. it would be interesting to know how my dreams have changed. i just notice things like i haven;t had dreams where i was flying , or there was someone chasing me, or i was fighting with someone. alll my recent kind of dreams have been like little stories. i where i am working through some plot as the main character. so now is when i really wish i had been more diligent writting shit down because i wonder if it coensides with my life and junk. anyways marhta is here YAYYYYY

a barnacle and a heart of stone

my god i am so lazy today haha. thats ok thought it think it is good that i am doing nothing for a change... so .. let me tell you a little story about my night at work last night. i was working the closing shift 6- 12 . which is lame in it;s own right because it;s no fun to work till 12. after 830 our buffet gets put away and it slows down almost entirely. almost no one comes in after that except on rare occasions i will be busy. if everything is done and there is no one there i can go home at 1130 because thats when the kitchen closes. normally someone will come in just before 11 or slightly after so i can;t go home early. yesterday night was no excaption. 3 people came in and ordered at 10:50. fine whatever i think to myself, i can still get out kind early. nope.. then at like 11:10 two people come in and order. at this point i am very unhappy. then just before the kitchen closes a group of 5 people come in and ordera big dinner. FUCK. at this point i am very unhappy. but oh wait it gets better. the group of 2 have since left. leaving 8 people . at like 1158 the rest of their group comes in, like 5 more people, and expet to order food. thank fucking god the kitchen was closed. so finally when they all left i get to re vaccume , clean up after them and wash all the floors. at like 9 i was so tried and all i wanted to do was come home.... i was very not happy about having to stay till fucking 12 30.
haha the funny thing was when i got home i couldn't even sleep so i stayed up till like 2 or something.
today i ended up sleeping in till about 1230, and have not really done much in the way of productive things. except for a nice walk to the grocery store. horray for walking.

because i am lazy today i have been surfing useless junk and reading some old e-mail that i have saved. it almost makes me sad the way things used to be compared to how they are now. but on the whole i am much happier with things now. last night as i was vaccuming for the first time i was thinking about soul mates. everyone has a different view on them. whether they exist or don;t exist and what being some one;s soul mate actally means. to me it seems like a sappy term for a true kind of relationship you have with a person. to me i dont; think it has to be a romantic bond, but it could be. i think it's finding someone who you feel a strong trusting connection to. for me it;s someone i can be honest with and know that even if they dissagree with what i believe they will try to understand. someone that cares for you and even thought you may be apart for however long your connection keeps you together. a soul mate is like a person, a friend, a lover who is woven into your life, who stays with you as you changeand who undertands you on a different level then everyone else. really i am crap at explaining the wait i think/ feel about this. but o well. in my opinion, i have two soul mates and i know no matter how our lives fluctuate, whether they move closer or further appart , they will always be a part of me and ,even perhaps in the slightest measure, i will love them. what do you think of soul mates? true? false? fantacy?
i may not have made it very far thought this life but i have seen enough to know that the people that are worth keeping around are worth the effort, and will put in some effort as well.

much love, lisa

Blend and balance pain and comfort deep within you

you should all be proud of me haha i just turned down some work. it would have been some nice extra money, but really i don't need the money and i need days off god dam it.. to many times i miss out on things because of work. I'm striving to balance my work addiction. in other news i am also addicted to pocky... for those that don;t know they are very skinny bread stick/ pretzel type things covered in chocolate they are wonderful and deliciouse and fun to snack on. mmmmm sooo good.
not a lot is new with me. i always feel bad about not updating cuz i always want other people to update but really i don;t have a lot to say. other than working at the restaurant , i worked at the conference centre setting sound equipment up for it;s opening.. that was very fun and junk. then on my day off thursday i helped cody paint, took in 73 dollars worth of bottles with tasia and eryn, and then went to help melissa clean up the costume storage at mal.

today and tomorrow i work 6-12 boourns... i slept in but an still tired. sigh. got some school junk done had to send more stupid transcripts to uvic. sigh. hope all that gets sorted out. gonn ahave to start packing soon as i move out at the end of this month and i know time is gonna fly bye just like it already has been. it;s already june! going to seattle next weekend with my mom aunt and tasia. and then a week or so after that it's the matt good concert! yay. and then back to my rents... *sigh* it will be nice not to pay rent but i don;t know what i will do with myself. it will be strange for sure.
o well
anyways.. thats about then end of my interesting list of events or whatever. farewell
*loves*
Relax Slip away....