for the most part today sucked balls. to put it plainly i am quite mentally exausted from the past five days. i did not want much today. anything, it could have been anything. i hate time. one way or another it always seems to be my enemy... being to much or too little, no time for me. it;s the story of my life no time for me. i always try to make time for other people. no matter if i have to stay up later .. or go out of my way specifically to see someone. i late being late. i hate being to early. i hate waiting. sigh i hate how selfish a being i am sometimes.
though i supose i deserve a little of what i want once and a while. but.... i hate that i get all sad and moody when it isn't available...
today started early with a bright blast of sun which i loathed with the core of my being... and then a ridiculousely long art class.
"i have become impossible
holding on to when , when everything seemed to mattermore
the two of us
all used and beaten up,
watching faith as it flows, down the path we have chose,
you and me , we're into this together now....
.. until the very end of me, until the very end of you"
"the farther i fall i'm beside you, as lost as i get i will find you , the deeper the wound i'm inside you forever and ever i am a part of you."
i love that song...
anway continuing. i burned my tounge on some stupid tea that i was all excited for but then i thought it smelled funny so i couldn't drink it .. lame
" twice as clear as heaven, twice as loud as reason, deep ans rich like silk on a river bed"
then i went to work at chemainus, which ithey could of actually done withought me. i just didn;t want to go. i couldn;t think, and all i wanted was to be wrapped up an comfy and happy. not the case. pretty much the whole way driving to chemainus i felt like crying. you know when everything in your life just seems to be out of wack or too much. and it seems that the only think that can make you feel better is just to cry out all the horrible feelings and thoughts in you. well thats kinda how i felt, only i couldnt cry becuase i have to be at work.
"why don;t you kill me , i am weak and numb and insignificant"
so they didn;t have alotfor me to do sooo, i did stupid stuff all day.. finally when i was able to leave, i got a call from kaitlyn saying that they where going to boston pizza, which i thought would be fun .. so when i got home i decided that i needed to get all pretty cuz i felt shitty and normally that helps. i told kaitlyn to get hotted up with me, because she wasn't going to see terry and i though would be fun. our boys didn't wanna hang out with us so nuts to them we are going to be pretty. unfortuantly ... at least for me going out didnt make my day any better .
dinner was ok, except i ordered chicken fingers which ya know .. i love.. and i got shitty ones that you like make yourself... like the ones you buy in a grocery store... what i afucking rip off.
" a startlight in the gloon , i only dream of you, and you never knew.
sing for absolution , i will be singing, falling from your grace, ooOOOooo"
soo yea boston pizza sucks big hairyballs. so after that kaitlyn and i went to walmart cuz we had to pick up afew things, and normally shopping , especially buyign things i don;t need, cheers me up... but no...
" i don;t remember, did somethign in my past create a hole"
anyways so now i;m just sitting at home, whining, as you can see, about my day.*shrug* i guess it could have been worse, but alot of simple things could have made it alot better.
" lying all alone and restless...." i used to do it before, but have rediscovered. do you ever type lyrics when you listen to music... it;s kinda like a typing challenge. i dunno, never mind.
now i have to clean my house... but i don;t think i have the will , or engery to do it now..
so i think i migh just go to bed,
hopefully tomorrow is better for lisa.
why not for me ?
"well i can't explain, i'll take the blame , i brought this all on myself."
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2 comments:
*snuggle* Boston Pizza wasn't that great for me either. But at least we looked sexy, right?
And if you ever need to just cry, I'll totally put of a sad movie and eat ice cream with you while you do so. I never pass up a good cry. *lovelove*
Hooray for being moody! I get the same way when things aren't going my way... I think most people do.
BUT as I've said before, what you need to do is try to seriously, just let everything else go, just once. Just once, say "no, I need to have a me day today" and don't feel bad about it. I know you hate "wasting time" but having a nice bath, reading a book, doing nothing and listening to music... every once in awhile, that is good for you. It isn't a waste of time if it's helping you stay balanced.
YOU DESERVE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF TOO!
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