I wish ...

so today i was pretty angry earlier on, for an emulsion of differnt reasons althought they mostly resule from similar things. i was furiouse. i needed to step out and get it out. i wrote some stuff down and it actaully helped alot. i was able to keep going with the rest of my day. i was going to post it as soon as i wrote it but was unable to. then i didn;t know if i should becuase it is fairly harsh. but i decided i would becuase i am done with forgetting how i feel all the time and moving on. cuz i dont really move on , i just supress it and then it comes back even worse, which contributes to my up and down days. so this is me getting it out. you probably won;t like it.it's harsh, i know but i'm tired of keeping it in.

I wish..
..you would listen to what i tell you
..you would respect what i say
..you would realize i never loved you
and never will
..I didn't remember what you did to me...
fucking pervert
..you knew how fucked up you are for doing it
i'm done denying it
..you didn;t always touch me
it makes me uncomforatble
..you would remember that i told you this already
.. i won't have to have to tell you this again
..you would realize it will never be the same
and yes this time, it is your fault


I wish..
.. i learned things much faster than i do
.. i said how i feel, when i feel it
.. i wasn't my own worst enemy

.. i could kiss you at any time of the day
.. you would invite me over when other people are already there
.. i wish i didn't have to be your little secret

there it is, said. realize right now i don;t have the same emotion, like right now i am content for the most part and my mind is fairly blank. but i needed to write this because it's important to get out. just cuz i dont feel anything right now , doesn't mean these feelings arn't very important, infact they are becase why would they keep comming up in my head if they wheren't.