so today i was pretty angry earlier on, for an emulsion of differnt reasons althought they mostly resule from similar things. i was furiouse. i needed to step out and get it out. i wrote some stuff down and it actaully helped alot. i was able to keep going with the rest of my day. i was going to post it as soon as i wrote it but was unable to. then i didn;t know if i should becuase it is fairly harsh. but i decided i would becuase i am done with forgetting how i feel all the time and moving on. cuz i dont really move on , i just supress it and then it comes back even worse, which contributes to my up and down days. so this is me getting it out. you probably won;t like it.it's harsh, i know but i'm tired of keeping it in.
I wish..
..you would listen to what i tell you
..you would respect what i say
..you would realize i never loved you
and never will
..I didn't remember what you did to me...
fucking pervert
..you knew how fucked up you are for doing it
i'm done denying it
..you didn;t always touch me
it makes me uncomforatble
..you would remember that i told you this already
.. i won't have to have to tell you this again
..you would realize it will never be the same
and yes this time, it is your fault
I wish..
.. i learned things much faster than i do
.. i said how i feel, when i feel it
.. i wasn't my own worst enemy
.. i could kiss you at any time of the day
.. you would invite me over when other people are already there
.. i wish i didn't have to be your little secret
there it is, said. realize right now i don;t have the same emotion, like right now i am content for the most part and my mind is fairly blank. but i needed to write this because it's important to get out. just cuz i dont feel anything right now , doesn't mean these feelings arn't very important, infact they are becase why would they keep comming up in my head if they wheren't.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
dududu
i hate it when the blogger sign in decided that your sign in infor just isn;t good enough to sign you in ... and it;s all dumb and stuff.
umm today was allright.. i was very worked up this morning then i had art and i just became full of hate for my dumb teacher, aughjdhfaskhfklash.... then i was find and happy and then happyer that my class was cancled.
soo that was my emotional veiw of today... approprate because it was indeed emo monday
sadly i don;t think that geoff got the point. i dunno about you guys but i dressed up to mock him. yea it;s fun and all but i'm still miffed at what he said. and still wouldn;t mind punching him in the face.*shrug* but o well
i probably won;t get angry enough to do it at the right time. it;s a shame . i;ve always wanted to punch someone... they have to deserve it though
hmm other than that there are lots of things i gotta get done. which is lame and stress filled .. i am excited for citt. um um umu
OMG i had the best meal ever today. it was a roast with mashed potatoes and gravy.. and broccoli.. mmmm one of my fave meals... so good. .aksdaksj;l
i kinda wanna have a nap now, but i wanna go see kaitlyn, cuz i miss her. it;s weird i was over there for like a week or 2 and then i haven;t been and yea... sad.
anyways thats all i've got
umm today was allright.. i was very worked up this morning then i had art and i just became full of hate for my dumb teacher, aughjdhfaskhfklash.... then i was find and happy and then happyer that my class was cancled.
soo that was my emotional veiw of today... approprate because it was indeed emo monday
sadly i don;t think that geoff got the point. i dunno about you guys but i dressed up to mock him. yea it;s fun and all but i'm still miffed at what he said. and still wouldn;t mind punching him in the face.*shrug* but o well
i probably won;t get angry enough to do it at the right time. it;s a shame . i;ve always wanted to punch someone... they have to deserve it though
hmm other than that there are lots of things i gotta get done. which is lame and stress filled .. i am excited for citt. um um umu
OMG i had the best meal ever today. it was a roast with mashed potatoes and gravy.. and broccoli.. mmmm one of my fave meals... so good. .aksdaksj;l
i kinda wanna have a nap now, but i wanna go see kaitlyn, cuz i miss her. it;s weird i was over there for like a week or 2 and then i haven;t been and yea... sad.
anyways thats all i've got
Sunday, January 28, 2007
muahahahahahha
61 Odd Questions.
1.) Do you talk in your sleep?
sometimes
2.) Red Jello or Blue Jello?
Blue
3.) Whats the song thats getting on your nerves right now?
i don't think there is one
4.) Favorite Food Group:
meatand potatoes
5.) What's your favorite color(s)?
blue, red
6.) Window seat or aisle seat?
aisle
7.) Ever met anyone famous?
i don' think so
8.) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
umm it's been pretty good, but i hope ive got a ways to go
9.) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
actaully i grab some and hold it up then bit off 1/2 of it and suck that up... it;s proably not the most atracive way to do it
10.) Who do you like - Ricky Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
neither....
11.) Basketball or Football?
baseball
12.) How long do your showers last?
15min
15.) Are you self-conscious?
sometimes
16.) Have you ever given money to a bum
i dunno , it;s a possibility
18). Where do you wish you were?
on a beach somewhere
19. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance.
no
20.) Can you tango?
nope
21.) Last gift you received?
i cannot recall
22.) Last sport you played?
probably soccer.. haha which is funny
23.) Things you spend a lot of money on?
food, gifts for people, clothes/ random wants
26) Favorite FAST food restaurant?
A&W!
27) What food will you not eat?
tofu, i don;t understand it and it scares me
28) Can you sing?
ummm kinda sometimes .. not while i;m driving
30) What's your least fav. chore
washing the dishes.. it makes me hands all soggy
31. Favorite Drink.
rootbeer, or apple juice, or raspberry juice or cocktails
32) Are you a vegetarian?
Hahahahahaha
33) Do you believe in Heaven?
no
34) Do you miss someone?
yes
35) Have you ever come close to dying?
Nope
37) Are you eating?
i was... but now no
38) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
yes if they are conneted to the tops of the broccoli...
39) Do you wear makeup?
yes
40) Whats your worst fear?
natural disasters or getting pregnant
41) Would you ever have plastic surgery?
nah
42) What do you wear to bed?
depends, pj pants and tank top/t-shirt.... or nothing....
45) What kind of shoes do you wear usually?
brown shoes
46) Do you want kids?
yes , but i am already scared for them
47) Future child's name?
i like boys names for girls... like alex or jo...
50) Do you snore?
a little bit i think
51) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
venice or hawaii
52) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
negative... i sleep with a rock
53) If you won the lottery, what would you do?
i would build a theatre, or just work in theatre for the rest of me life
54) Gold or silver?
Silver
55) Hamburger or hot dog?
thats a hard one... depends on the mood i like em both
56) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be ? potatoes, cuz you can cook them soo many ways... mashed , baked,fried, fried potaote sticks
57) City, beach, country?
beach
58) What was the last thing you touched?
before the keyboard, the mouse
59) What did you eat last?
nachoes
60) When was the last time you cried?
the 19th , i had a stressful day
61) Do you read blogs?
*blush*,,, i do sooo not look at everyones blog like 3 times a day
----------
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
i'm not wearing any ... take that question 1
2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
all of the work that i have been/am .. putting off, and how it is gonna suck to actaully do it
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
these surveys.. yay survey...
4. Honestly, what did you do today?
worked
5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
yes, but not all the time
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
no i don;t think so
7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
no
8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
ummm no actaullay
9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
eating, being with friends, cupcake, sex
10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
only when they get cracked and then i bite the rest off
11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
ummm upbeat i supose thoughi am exaused
12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
umm not really, but i guess you could kinda say yes... but no
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yes...
14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
indeed
16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
umm kinda, it;s probably not realy hated though
17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
kaitlyn, my kitten , spencer
18. Honestly, are you loyal?
yes
19. Honestly, are you in denial?
a little bit
20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
umm no actually i'm kinda tired
21. Honestly, who is your best friend?
spencer and kaitlyn
22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol?
no...
23. Honestly, do you like someone?
maybe...
24. Honestly, does anyone like you?
the answer is yes
25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
i like where it is
26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
yes i belive i did
so that was some fun to get me going on this post, cuz i need to update but i don;t have a lot to write and well i needed something to distract me from actually doing my art project. i have to make a colage but all the pics i already cut up are at school. so i have to start all over again. augh.. i remembered that i had to do it last night and then i got to work all day.. wee then tomorrow i get to finish my other art project...
OMG tomorrow i get my stove back , yay i can have real food. yay anyways this weekend has been quite agreeable. though packed with much work.i am excited for lots of things comming up, mostly moving out. oh i dunnot thing i actaully mentioned to anyone.. but after or 1/2 way throug the summer or w.e i am going to move out, and possibly live with kaitlyn. which would be very sweet, i think that we have agreeing habit and temperments. anyways i would love to move out asap however it would be wise to work a while in the summer and save up some funds. i am also planning the things that iwill need and i shall stock up on them before i move out so i have everthing. *nods* good plan eh...
anyways i dunno whateles i want to write... if i think of somethign i'll come back . but right now i am having a bath..
1.) Do you talk in your sleep?
sometimes
2.) Red Jello or Blue Jello?
Blue
3.) Whats the song thats getting on your nerves right now?
i don't think there is one
4.) Favorite Food Group:
meatand potatoes
5.) What's your favorite color(s)?
blue, red
6.) Window seat or aisle seat?
aisle
7.) Ever met anyone famous?
i don' think so
8.) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
umm it's been pretty good, but i hope ive got a ways to go
9.) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
actaully i grab some and hold it up then bit off 1/2 of it and suck that up... it;s proably not the most atracive way to do it
10.) Who do you like - Ricky Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
neither....
11.) Basketball or Football?
baseball
12.) How long do your showers last?
15min
15.) Are you self-conscious?
sometimes
16.) Have you ever given money to a bum
i dunno , it;s a possibility
18). Where do you wish you were?
on a beach somewhere
19. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance.
no
20.) Can you tango?
nope
21.) Last gift you received?
i cannot recall
22.) Last sport you played?
probably soccer.. haha which is funny
23.) Things you spend a lot of money on?
food, gifts for people, clothes/ random wants
26) Favorite FAST food restaurant?
A&W!
27) What food will you not eat?
tofu, i don;t understand it and it scares me
28) Can you sing?
ummm kinda sometimes .. not while i;m driving
30) What's your least fav. chore
washing the dishes.. it makes me hands all soggy
31. Favorite Drink.
rootbeer, or apple juice, or raspberry juice or cocktails
32) Are you a vegetarian?
Hahahahahaha
33) Do you believe in Heaven?
no
34) Do you miss someone?
yes
35) Have you ever come close to dying?
Nope
37) Are you eating?
i was... but now no
38) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
yes if they are conneted to the tops of the broccoli...
39) Do you wear makeup?
yes
40) Whats your worst fear?
natural disasters or getting pregnant
41) Would you ever have plastic surgery?
nah
42) What do you wear to bed?
depends, pj pants and tank top/t-shirt.... or nothing....
45) What kind of shoes do you wear usually?
brown shoes
46) Do you want kids?
yes , but i am already scared for them
47) Future child's name?
i like boys names for girls... like alex or jo...
50) Do you snore?
a little bit i think
51) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
venice or hawaii
52) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
negative... i sleep with a rock
53) If you won the lottery, what would you do?
i would build a theatre, or just work in theatre for the rest of me life
54) Gold or silver?
Silver
55) Hamburger or hot dog?
thats a hard one... depends on the mood i like em both
56) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be ? potatoes, cuz you can cook them soo many ways... mashed , baked,fried, fried potaote sticks
57) City, beach, country?
beach
58) What was the last thing you touched?
before the keyboard, the mouse
59) What did you eat last?
nachoes
60) When was the last time you cried?
the 19th , i had a stressful day
61) Do you read blogs?
*blush*,,, i do sooo not look at everyones blog like 3 times a day
----------
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
i'm not wearing any ... take that question 1
2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
all of the work that i have been/am .. putting off, and how it is gonna suck to actaully do it
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
these surveys.. yay survey...
4. Honestly, what did you do today?
worked
5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
yes, but not all the time
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
no i don;t think so
7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
no
8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
ummm no actaullay
9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
eating, being with friends, cupcake, sex
10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
only when they get cracked and then i bite the rest off
11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
ummm upbeat i supose thoughi am exaused
12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
umm not really, but i guess you could kinda say yes... but no
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yes...
14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
indeed
16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
umm kinda, it;s probably not realy hated though
17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
kaitlyn, my kitten , spencer
18. Honestly, are you loyal?
yes
19. Honestly, are you in denial?
a little bit
20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
umm no actually i'm kinda tired
21. Honestly, who is your best friend?
spencer and kaitlyn
22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol?
no...
23. Honestly, do you like someone?
maybe...
24. Honestly, does anyone like you?
the answer is yes
25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
i like where it is
26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
yes i belive i did
so that was some fun to get me going on this post, cuz i need to update but i don;t have a lot to write and well i needed something to distract me from actually doing my art project. i have to make a colage but all the pics i already cut up are at school. so i have to start all over again. augh.. i remembered that i had to do it last night and then i got to work all day.. wee then tomorrow i get to finish my other art project...
OMG tomorrow i get my stove back , yay i can have real food. yay anyways this weekend has been quite agreeable. though packed with much work.i am excited for lots of things comming up, mostly moving out. oh i dunnot thing i actaully mentioned to anyone.. but after or 1/2 way throug the summer or w.e i am going to move out, and possibly live with kaitlyn. which would be very sweet, i think that we have agreeing habit and temperments. anyways i would love to move out asap however it would be wise to work a while in the summer and save up some funds. i am also planning the things that iwill need and i shall stock up on them before i move out so i have everthing. *nods* good plan eh...
anyways i dunno whateles i want to write... if i think of somethign i'll come back . but right now i am having a bath..
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
on my drive home i listened to my thoughts,
and i think i'm going deaf.don;t you hate that. when there are just so many things going on inside your head that listening to quiet music seems too loud.
uuuuggggg*clutches tummy* i just can chow down 2 papa burgers like i used to. i want my kitchen back , then i can eat real food again. soon Soon!
things have been really up and down for me the past little while. it;s like at one moment everything is perfect,but the next moment none of it exists. it isn't allowed to. and as much as i try to stay positive that things will be better again. it is hard for me to make that transition sometimes. i've been finding school particularially draining this year, or this semester rather. like mondays and wednesday with the overlapping classes, or the rushing to meetings after other classes. it's like everything is going so fast and i am stumbling to keep up. running for my next minut of peace my next moment of " happyness" hahaha i am so dumb... w/e never mind
*sigh/ deep breath* btw this isn;t anything but me letting things go. i'm not that great at etting things out there, i'm getting better but still , i'm pretty bad at it. andwell writting things helps me get them out.
you know what bugs me.. when you have something that you want to say, and youthin kabout it.. and find exactly what you wanna say, but when the moment comes, the words just don;t seem right or you forget. that happens to me all the time drives me nuts, thats kidna why it's better to write things. though when i actually have somethign important to say i never do because that would be kinda cheesy/ silly. *shrug*
my world on blood
you are my blood.this high that you feed. this high that i feel. it eats the pain of life . the troubles of reality. i am free and my wildest dreams become reality. but then i can see it comming. the crash. the world stops
colours are not as bright. the world has become dull as if covered in a haze of dust. this dust covered reality i see. i dream of those colours, until can drink of that blood again...
and be free.
i enjoy how writting something can make you feel better, even if only for a little while.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
this is my new post
today
hmm weird, for some reason there is a line under my typing, i don't knwo hoe to fix it omg. anyways. today . worked. not that hard though. i was kinda bored for parts but o well. it is over now. came home and had a nice bath*nods* yea all right. i have nothing really super duper to say.
yesterday i went to the film festival at the school. there where some pretty sweet ones. i wish i had awesoem ideas like that. o well . came home earlyish and went to bed cuz i had an ugle head ache.
i've been thinking alot about things that i wanna do, for a while now.like for next year and stuff. like i used to have a plan, but then the world changed a little and now it looks like there is something better. well maybe not better but differnt that i think is best for me.*shrug*... ok bare with me... i have this intuition( belive it or not) that i know when things are right for me. it doesn;t work for everything.. like it;s more like i know if i am ready for something. normally if i get this its like, whatever it is becomes so clear as to what i should do. and in my head it's " this is what i am going to do" there are no doubts, i just know. anyways. we will see what my rents think. and really it;s not that big of a change it;s just what i want/feel i need.
i dunno if some of you will be excited or dissapointed in what i am doing or really if you care at all. but i'm putting it out there.. without putting it out there i guess... i gotta have some surprises.
oh yea. soooo also my parents aregoing away from feb 23- mar 10th. away for my b-day on the 3rd.. they better bring me back soemthign *shakes fist* no jkjk.. like i need anything. but mayhaps we can have that girls night or a mini/ casual cocktail party, cuz i don;t want my house wrecked and don;t wanna have a big party with many drunks, however i love cocktails and it would be silly for me to drink alone. ahaha right right..
just putting that out there too
yar
hmm weird, for some reason there is a line under my typing, i don't knwo hoe to fix it omg. anyways. today . worked. not that hard though. i was kinda bored for parts but o well. it is over now. came home and had a nice bath*nods* yea all right. i have nothing really super duper to say.
yesterday i went to the film festival at the school. there where some pretty sweet ones. i wish i had awesoem ideas like that. o well . came home earlyish and went to bed cuz i had an ugle head ache.
i've been thinking alot about things that i wanna do, for a while now.like for next year and stuff. like i used to have a plan, but then the world changed a little and now it looks like there is something better. well maybe not better but differnt that i think is best for me.*shrug*... ok bare with me... i have this intuition( belive it or not) that i know when things are right for me. it doesn;t work for everything.. like it;s more like i know if i am ready for something. normally if i get this its like, whatever it is becomes so clear as to what i should do. and in my head it's " this is what i am going to do" there are no doubts, i just know. anyways. we will see what my rents think. and really it;s not that big of a change it;s just what i want/feel i need.
i dunno if some of you will be excited or dissapointed in what i am doing or really if you care at all. but i'm putting it out there.. without putting it out there i guess... i gotta have some surprises.
oh yea. soooo also my parents aregoing away from feb 23- mar 10th. away for my b-day on the 3rd.. they better bring me back soemthign *shakes fist* no jkjk.. like i need anything. but mayhaps we can have that girls night or a mini/ casual cocktail party, cuz i don;t want my house wrecked and don;t wanna have a big party with many drunks, however i love cocktails and it would be silly for me to drink alone. ahaha right right..
just putting that out there too
yar
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
emo post......: P
i am soo tired. i dunno why. today started out great, like driving to school i was in the best mood in the world, when i got to school i fluke dout and got a spot at the top. after stage craft thought things just kinda went down hill. rushing around to get things done, going to a long pointless art class. i got to learn how to use a ban saw... never used one of those before..ha. kaitlyn and i made some props but we where both like dead. so now i am home maybe i will read or something.>>> this is a drawing i did last year in english. i like it. i kinda wish there was a bigger person than me that could just pick me up and carry me in there hands.. like. i dunno if that makes sence but for me , in my exaused state the thought of not haveing to walk around and stuff is pretty sweet. anyways i was just looking through my art and decided to share it.
i cannot wait for this week to be over. i will have no more dumb rehearsals , or plays like that to worry about. however i do have media stuff and art that i will have to do. augh.
i just want to relax, i want to have fun. so many things just agrivate me. augh fuck i want my glasses. driving me nuts.*sigh* i am unsure as to what i should be doing, how i should act sometimes. there are things about life that are funny. i hope that you understand me a little better now that you have been where i am been. or maybe not. i wonder sometimes if my life is all in my head...
i better go lie down now, before i hurt my self with philosophy.
much love
~lisa~
Sunday, January 14, 2007
My little mouse is very hungry
went to the mall yesterday with kaitlyn, cam back with some sweet shat. some new earings, a necklace that is a big black heart, ohh so symbolic. hahaha. 3 long sleeve shirts 2 foxy dresses. and the sweetest head band ever.
oh and new underwear. there is somthign magic about new underwear. it just makes you feel hot. and of course when i finally got home i tried on each pair in front of the mirror... and boy did i feel hot. got 2 pairs( blue and pink) of lacy boy shorts, some satiny ones, and one that says" my little mouse is very hungry. i know most people don;t actually care about my underwear but i figure unless i get really lucky, i won;t get to show many people or share .. ya know. anyways now you know and now they may live in darkness in peace
" my little mouse is very hungry:" so cute. the poor little guy. sooo hungry. if only he had some cheese to satisfy him. a nice stick of cheese for a nibble on> * evil grin* i know how you feel little buddy. i could go for a stick of something to nibble on myself.
today at work, was alot of work. my day started out very well i was quite happy, happiest i have been in along time. all i had to worry about was work. but then i got tired of working , and it was less good. rushed to stupid rehearsal to be there for 1/2 hour. lame. and now i am home
i am kinda excited for tomorrow. i get to year my new clothes... in particular that i am excited for is my hair band. i pretty much love it.
and now for some retorical ranting
why why why must i be like ya know... sometimes. with the wanting of the not getting yeesh. *cries* and me with the more difficult of the stuff with the akward angles, augh. and the dumbness.... i guess what i am really saying is this sucks.
.. poor little guy. why you gotta be like that with the goodness and ya know, it;s not your fault i just gotta control the animal, but sometimes he gets all caged up, and could use a little run in the yard ,some excersize. hahaha oh lisa lisa lisa what are we going to do with you.
anyways i apologize for that. everyone has their vacation days from reality. i'm in cuba right now... mmmmm.... warm....
i will see you tomorrow, yay.
*dances*.... some more *dances*
dududud
omg this post just doesn; want to end.
i'm not bored i swear.
goodnight and LovE
oh and new underwear. there is somthign magic about new underwear. it just makes you feel hot. and of course when i finally got home i tried on each pair in front of the mirror... and boy did i feel hot. got 2 pairs( blue and pink) of lacy boy shorts, some satiny ones, and one that says" my little mouse is very hungry. i know most people don;t actually care about my underwear but i figure unless i get really lucky, i won;t get to show many people or share .. ya know. anyways now you know and now they may live in darkness in peace
" my little mouse is very hungry:" so cute. the poor little guy. sooo hungry. if only he had some cheese to satisfy him. a nice stick of cheese for a nibble on> * evil grin* i know how you feel little buddy. i could go for a stick of something to nibble on myself.
today at work, was alot of work. my day started out very well i was quite happy, happiest i have been in along time. all i had to worry about was work. but then i got tired of working , and it was less good. rushed to stupid rehearsal to be there for 1/2 hour. lame. and now i am home
i am kinda excited for tomorrow. i get to year my new clothes... in particular that i am excited for is my hair band. i pretty much love it.
and now for some retorical ranting
why why why must i be like ya know... sometimes. with the wanting of the not getting yeesh. *cries* and me with the more difficult of the stuff with the akward angles, augh. and the dumbness.... i guess what i am really saying is this sucks.
.. poor little guy. why you gotta be like that with the goodness and ya know, it;s not your fault i just gotta control the animal, but sometimes he gets all caged up, and could use a little run in the yard ,some excersize. hahaha oh lisa lisa lisa what are we going to do with you.
anyways i apologize for that. everyone has their vacation days from reality. i'm in cuba right now... mmmmm.... warm....
i will see you tomorrow, yay.
*dances*.... some more *dances*
dududud
omg this post just doesn; want to end.
i'm not bored i swear.
goodnight and LovE
Friday, January 12, 2007
the monster
there is a monster. it is green. it is ugly. it has stone skin that is cold as ice. the monster thinks only of the monster. it is fed with sadness. it grows stronger with fear. it is weakened by happiness. however it cannot be killed. the monster has a mind of it's own. it will not listen to reason. it crushes hope for fun. it will eat your soul for breakfast.
there is a monster. it lives inside me.
tortured artist
Oh my soul is dieing
my dog has run away
now my lovers left me
i just can't face the day
my paintings are not beautiful
my tallents gone array
i need a bowl of ice cream
to help me face the day
i need to dye my hair again
the black has gone away
can't stand it when my roots show through
how will i face the day
no one listends to my whining
i'm sooo misunderstood
people should appriciate me
i won't face the world today
blacks my favorite color
my life is not okay
i'm such a tortued artist
why bother face the day
random thought
Who is that stranger looking out at me
seeing beyond the borders of simple sanity
does she see what i see?
why can't i recognnize this person? me
---------------------------------------------------------------------
i just thought i would get some writtng out. some of those are old, some are new. i dunno about you but i think that i can have some pretty poetic thoughts... well you might not be able to tell from these but the other things that i write sometimes. they are pretty deep. slightly tortured.. even .. prehaps... i guess i can be a true artist ... since i'm all tortued and stuff. anyways. it;s always night to have people read waht you write sometimes. like i'm sure there are quite afew of us who have a book. not really a journal or diary but more of a place of refuge. where when they get to be to much all your thoughts go to live in writting. do you ever look back through your book? i do. you can see how you where feeling. what changed. what was important to you when. it's crazy to think about it, well for me. looking back 4 years in time( thats how long i've had the same book, it;s almost full now) and knowing exactly how i felt. imagine that in 10 years or 20. it kinda blows my mind a bit. just a little thought i don't have a lot to spare.
i am working towards something. i don't know how i will do it. i want to control it. i want to defeat the monster. however i don't any weapons. WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT A GREATSWORD... jkjk.. i don't mean anything, or expect that you come to a final conclusion. i will try with all my will power. it's not that great though, like plus 2 or somthing. but that doesn't mean i'm not trying. there are times when i wish things could just be easy, but i guess that if they where they wouldn't be worth fighting for... right.
i would like to wish all that read this a delightful weekend. i hope you have good sexy times.
loVE
p.s. je t'aime petit gâteau
there is a monster. it lives inside me.
tortured artist
Oh my soul is dieing
my dog has run away
now my lovers left me
i just can't face the day
my paintings are not beautiful
my tallents gone array
i need a bowl of ice cream
to help me face the day
i need to dye my hair again
the black has gone away
can't stand it when my roots show through
how will i face the day
no one listends to my whining
i'm sooo misunderstood
people should appriciate me
i won't face the world today
blacks my favorite color
my life is not okay
i'm such a tortued artist
why bother face the day
random thought
Who is that stranger looking out at me
seeing beyond the borders of simple sanity
does she see what i see?
why can't i recognnize this person? me
---------------------------------------------------------------------
i just thought i would get some writtng out. some of those are old, some are new. i dunno about you but i think that i can have some pretty poetic thoughts... well you might not be able to tell from these but the other things that i write sometimes. they are pretty deep. slightly tortured.. even .. prehaps... i guess i can be a true artist ... since i'm all tortued and stuff. anyways. it;s always night to have people read waht you write sometimes. like i'm sure there are quite afew of us who have a book. not really a journal or diary but more of a place of refuge. where when they get to be to much all your thoughts go to live in writting. do you ever look back through your book? i do. you can see how you where feeling. what changed. what was important to you when. it's crazy to think about it, well for me. looking back 4 years in time( thats how long i've had the same book, it;s almost full now) and knowing exactly how i felt. imagine that in 10 years or 20. it kinda blows my mind a bit. just a little thought i don't have a lot to spare.
i am working towards something. i don't know how i will do it. i want to control it. i want to defeat the monster. however i don't any weapons. WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT A GREATSWORD... jkjk.. i don't mean anything, or expect that you come to a final conclusion. i will try with all my will power. it's not that great though, like plus 2 or somthing. but that doesn't mean i'm not trying. there are times when i wish things could just be easy, but i guess that if they where they wouldn't be worth fighting for... right.
i would like to wish all that read this a delightful weekend. i hope you have good sexy times.
loVE
p.s. je t'aime petit gâteau
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
" we are creatures of the underworld , we can't afford to love"
so today was a pretty good day i slept in , went out to see a movie.. children of men.. man that was intense. sad at some parts and kinda sticks with you. still good though. then went out for coffee and then sent spencer on his way to work. *sad face* i then came home and had a sweet dinner and watched movies with my dad.. yea thats right. we watched moulon rouge and the italian job. haahaha the funny thing is( well i think it;s funny) is my dad put on moulin rouge then i wanted to watch the itallian job...
i remember when i first went to go and see moulin rouge. it thought it was so amazing, like just the way it was filmed with the camera angles and stuff. and i loved the songs. what can i say i;m a sucker for musicals. anyways i thought i was so beautiful. i decided that i was a a bohemina revolituonary becuase i belive in truth beauty and above all things love!
" love is like oxygen , love lifts us up all you need is love"
hahah of course this was in grade 9 before i had actaully been in love and had my heart broken for the first time. *shrug* aaaa what wisdom comes with life experience.
i was walking today. and i had a thought. suddenly i fell to my knees in pain... no jk
i was thinking that normaly when you change( like we are always changing like little things about our personalities and stuff, ) yoyu don;t notice it. it;s so gradual that it;s like " OH wow...."
but today i just felt like a part of me was differnt. not bad different in anyway. i can't exaclty descrive it, but i think i might like it. i just wonder if it;s like a thing that is ust for now or somethign that will stick around. anyways
here are some wise words given to me from chocolate.
"let us enjoy our love, as long as we may"
" treat your friends as you would your paintings and show them in their best light"
i dunno exactly what the second one means but i like it becuase it talks about my paintings*wink* haahah and the first wel thats just chaulk full of relivancy.
and now i shall leave you with some more wisdom and mushyness from the moulin rouge...
because it;s beautiful...
" the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return"
" never knew i could feel like this , like i'd never seen the sky before, want to vanish inside your kiss, everyday i love you more and more, seasons may change, winter to spring, buti love you till the end of time"
i remember when i first went to go and see moulin rouge. it thought it was so amazing, like just the way it was filmed with the camera angles and stuff. and i loved the songs. what can i say i;m a sucker for musicals. anyways i thought i was so beautiful. i decided that i was a a bohemina revolituonary becuase i belive in truth beauty and above all things love!
" love is like oxygen , love lifts us up all you need is love"
hahah of course this was in grade 9 before i had actaully been in love and had my heart broken for the first time. *shrug* aaaa what wisdom comes with life experience.
i was walking today. and i had a thought. suddenly i fell to my knees in pain... no jk
i was thinking that normaly when you change( like we are always changing like little things about our personalities and stuff, ) yoyu don;t notice it. it;s so gradual that it;s like " OH wow...."
but today i just felt like a part of me was differnt. not bad different in anyway. i can't exaclty descrive it, but i think i might like it. i just wonder if it;s like a thing that is ust for now or somethign that will stick around. anyways
here are some wise words given to me from chocolate.
"let us enjoy our love, as long as we may"
" treat your friends as you would your paintings and show them in their best light"
i dunno exactly what the second one means but i like it becuase it talks about my paintings*wink* haahah and the first wel thats just chaulk full of relivancy.
and now i shall leave you with some more wisdom and mushyness from the moulin rouge...
because it;s beautiful...
" the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return"
" never knew i could feel like this , like i'd never seen the sky before, want to vanish inside your kiss, everyday i love you more and more, seasons may change, winter to spring, buti love you till the end of time"
Friday, January 05, 2007
yesterday was ok
had a dentist appointment, went through some old pictures for my portfolio and stuff.i found some really great other stuff. it made me happy, but now i miss it, it makes me sad
today does is not going to be a good day i can feelit right now, i work 1:30 till 10 and i already feel like shit. it's like i am always waiting... but when something arrives, it leave right away.
today does is not going to be a good day i can feelit right now, i work 1:30 till 10 and i already feel like shit. it's like i am always waiting... but when something arrives, it leave right away.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
just picking up the pieces
so... it;s been a rought little while to say the least. today was a bit better got some misunderstandings sorted out. hopefully things will stay alright. i feel really dumb about some things now that i am calmed down. i didn;t really mean all that i said, i was very upset. i wonder what tomorow at work will be like. things often become negative when i am left alone to my thoughts. but for now, i;m alright
aught 2 more days of work. dudud
i baught a cocktail book today, i have to read through it and pick out soem recipes to try, and once i work offmy christmas expenses maybe i will continue expanding my liquor collection.
i can;t wait for summer, i miss the warmth and fun and stuff. but i will be really sad that the progam will be over for me.. it;s gone by so freaken fast.... HALF THE YEAR... gone already.
time flies,. i remember when i was little, it took forever for things to happen and now they are just here and gone. it;s fucken nuts
anyways
umm thats all i guess, i wanna thank the aka house for putting up with me for the past little while, i like haning out with you guys. and stuff i guess
( i swear i had somethign eles but i forget now)
by-ee
aught 2 more days of work. dudud
i baught a cocktail book today, i have to read through it and pick out soem recipes to try, and once i work offmy christmas expenses maybe i will continue expanding my liquor collection.
i can;t wait for summer, i miss the warmth and fun and stuff. but i will be really sad that the progam will be over for me.. it;s gone by so freaken fast.... HALF THE YEAR... gone already.
time flies,. i remember when i was little, it took forever for things to happen and now they are just here and gone. it;s fucken nuts
anyways
umm thats all i guess, i wanna thank the aka house for putting up with me for the past little while, i like haning out with you guys. and stuff i guess
( i swear i had somethign eles but i forget now)
by-ee
Monday, January 01, 2007
last night as i slept i held your heart in my hand
how amusing life is, i thought last newyears was sure to be the worst... sure was wrong there wasn;t I. i don;t know what to do now.i cannot hide forwever, I have one week to pull myself together before i have to face her. the pit in my stomach. i don;t knwo waht people know, i know i haven;t said anything to anyone. i wonder if she has. probably. and those people are probably all for it, on your side, thinking i deserve what i get. maybe i do, but that doesn't change the feeling my world has been turned around. then ripped form me.
you better make him happy. because he deserves it and all the world. he is the most amasing and interesting person i have ever met and i love him with everypart of me.
i'm sorry but
all the love i have for him, is how much i hate you
it;s nothing personal. i like who you are, just not what you've done to me
it;s alright, i have a week to get over it
i hope you try to understand what it's like
you better make him happy. because he deserves it and all the world. he is the most amasing and interesting person i have ever met and i love him with everypart of me.
i'm sorry but
all the love i have for him, is how much i hate you
it;s nothing personal. i like who you are, just not what you've done to me
it;s alright, i have a week to get over it
i hope you try to understand what it's like
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