sometimes i wonder why i put myself through this. i have good times, but at the end of the day when i am alone again, the same feelings keep coming back. the worst part is i know it isn't going to just go away. yesterday i had a good day. time took tasia and i to uvic for a tour and a play. it was nice, but when i got home to my empty house and crawled into bed, there was just me. and i was sad that i was alone.
i also realized yesterday that people will still always judge me for the way i am , and act. for things about myself that i cannot change. i would not be myself if i could change it. it is so flustering trying to explain. wash up jonny, ha ha it's a big joke. people wonder why i get so worked up about things, but they don't realize those are things i have been made fun of for many years.
oh no poor lisa got made fun of and now we can't make any jokes because she gets upset. don;t make jokes about lisa she'll throw a shoe at you.
oh lisa your life is sooo hard. fucking get over it already.
i wish i didn't need someone else to make me happy. i wish a lot of things... but wishing doesn;t make them come true, nor does it make people love you, nor does it make you happy, nor does it give hope, or relief or make time pass.. it doesn't do anything.
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4 comments:
People tend to make fun because they don't know how sensitive other people are. I know what you mean, because I'm more sensitive than I let on, too.
But I think we just need to realize that no one makes fun to hurt, it's just play. I know it still hurts though... I still haven't figured out how not to let certain things hurt me.
In any case, I love you and I don't judge you for anything... except for being awesome.
i'm really not sure how to fix the loneliness problem... but aren't lots of things still good about being single? you should make a list or something. and i'll talk to you about flower formulas, because there might be one that would help.
or i could lend you my cat. she likes to snuggle! :)
your not the only one...
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