i don't know where i am , i don't know where i've been

why is it that i sometimes feel the sexiest with frazled hair a big baggy shirt and pj's on? why do i feel the greatest accomplishment in trivial things like doing my dishes? as i brushed my hair out i had what i can only think to describe as "honest" look at myself. and it made me realize that every time i look in the mirror, i am not really seeing myself, but what i perceive myself to be. it's hard to look past what we think of ourselves sometimes. sometimes i wish i could trap that honest essence, and save it. keep it for myself? share it with someone most dear. because thats the most beautiful part, when i am just me. when there is no pretense, no awkward uncertainty. just times when i am myself and being happy doing it. it makes me wonder, if whatever 'me' i am now can be happy like that again. deep down i hope that some day, one day things will be good again.