oblivious

i live in my own little world that people pass in and out of. sometimes i really don't know what i am doing. it isn't an excuse. it's just that i'm to caught up in my own precious world to notice anyone else. especially now. now that i have decided to let go and try to act for me. whatever will make me happy. whatever i feel like doing. i'm trying to push my guilt aside. though it is a tough bitch to fight. and avoid thinking about others needs first. i don't want to do this forever. it just feels i need to break free from the something i was before. the only fear i have is that i will not get that part back. not that it is gone all together now. it;s just that if i let it go , throw caution into the wind... will i ever catch it again.
i don't want to hurt anyone. it isn't my intent. on the other hand i find it funny how quickly people jump to wanting things that they do not, or have not given to in the past. things are a mess it seems. a terrible mess. thats confusing an emotional and hurtful and junk. part of it is my fault. but i know it is not compleatly. that thought gives me comfort when i am down. there is part of me that knows things are going to get a whole lot messier before they straighten out. i don;t know why exactly. but things that i have heard things that i have seen and simply just a feeling tells me. i'm not going to actively change anything. things will happen as they may. though perhaps i'll walk a little more in reality for other people.