What'll you do when you get lonely, And nobody's waiting by your side?

i want to get out. i want to see and be seen. it feels like i have been cooped up forever. two whole days is long time for me not to do much of anything. i think it makes me go a little loopy. yesterday as i was driving to my parents, i thought what it would be like if i changed my name to layla. most of you know that i am not particularly fond of my name. i don't think it really fits me. lisa just isn't very interesting to me. not that i think layla would be perfect for me either.

i feel very trapped right now. like I have been compressed and i need to spring and release myself. this could be because of my past two days. but i think that it is more than that. i need to go somewhere and do something that excites me. i think i am bored here. if not in this place then with my state of life. i know i am not happy.

another funny thing i noticed while driving. i go kinda strange when i am not content with my life. i become quite eccentric. the way i think changes, i do small things differently. and i get a intense need to change things about myself. normally they are physical things because those are easier. i have seen it before in myself and i am sure i will see it again. it makes me think that i have a few personalities. this may seem dumb or strange but it;s like there was more to me than one person. never mind i cannot describe it. i most likely have gone loopy. i have killed to many brain cells, i have watched too many movies in the past three days.

i need to break free, the only problem is i don't know how. i want to accomplish great things. but i have no drive to do it. it all seems to much effort why bother. i think other people have more faith in my than i have myself. i almost always fell that when i am doing things i am just fumbling by. like i was lucky that something worked out for me in the end.BAH i have a love hate relationship with myself. whatever i know that. what is really important right now. what really matters to me at this instant is
what the fuck am i going to do today?