i wonder what you think about me. i'm not perfect, i'm not fixed i'm not anything amazing. you wanna know about putting on a smile, a happy face. i will write you a book. I'm not happier now. I am walking through a series of distractions, a few happy moments maybe. i am not above you, no steps ahead. perhaps you did some good. at least it seems i'm being more responsible and getting things done. I'm trying to make things better for the future. fuck them now. now is task after task of life. no use trying to fix it. I'm just looking past it. I'm trying to make myself better, isn;t that what you wanted for yourself? what happened to that? was it just an excuse at the time? do you really want it ?I wonder what you think my motives are. i'm not going to the bar to pick up guys. there are none. This is what i think is best, for us, at this time. no it isn't fun. yeah it hurts. i'm not jumping for joy here. putting two broken things together doesn't fix them. they probably only look that way till they fall apart. I don't know the answers. i don't know if there are any. i hope this does not make you sad, it isn't intended to. i want you to know what i think because i have no clue about you. i have some thoughts , but no real clue. i never asked for a smile. all i wanted to know was how you felt, why you felt what you thought. you gave me answers, but it that what you really mean? i am beyond confused. so i tried to make thing simpler and they got more confusing. all i want is the best, that takes time. so why do i feel like the bad guy.
I suppose it is my mistake. you told me you would be fine. that you could handle it. how did it turn into double standards? don't tell me you are fine when you are not, don't think i don't know any better.
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