Thursday, December 11, 2008

my body has been clamed, soul has been shipped away

what i tell you, more thinking. well this is certainly turning out to be quite the day. i see patterns emerging that i have seen before. hmm I understand this. part of me feels hurt, part of me see's some guilt fall away. Sometimes i hate myself, sometimes i am very proud of myself. i see strength in myself, that gets me though. at many times i say i have no logic, but at time like right now i try and let what little logic i have take over. i have to separate myself or else everthing i have falls apart. I'm beguinning to see patterns, it;s becoming exhausting.

about half an hour ago i returned home after a walk to london drugs. it is crisp and sunny out. i went to the dollar store and london drugs for some key gift pieces. got a caramel machiato from Sbucks and walked the path home listening to my music.two bags, a coffee and a roll of gift wrap under my arm. For about the span of a minute, with the sun filtering onto my face through the trees and the warm flavour of my drink turning in my mouth. I was undeniably happy.
for a moment i was panicked.I thought something terrible had happened. The response was much better than that i dreaded. i think about what this means.hmmm

" Don't wake me up, i am still dreaming, the stories undone, unravel at the seams. Don't wake me up death is misleading, when i fall asleep, sleep with a ghost"

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