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music is an amazing thing. it can make you realize thing and change your mood and view and give you insipiration to do great things. i am compleatly lost when it comes to creating or knowing the "ways of music". but i appriciate it greatly.
it;s intersting to find somethign that just fits into your life. that explains it. somestimes you find the soundtrack to your life, and you realize that someone somewhere eles understands what you feel. you get the breif reasurrance that your not compleatly crazy. understand that i have no idea what i am talking about, there is just this thought in my head that makes compleate sence and it;s makeing me feel better. not that many people would care to know that i haven;t been feeling "better" as it where however, for now i have a little drive to i dunno, i guess look at me differntly.. that sounds so lame. i need to help myself before this goes to fari'm already scared of it...it;s like subconsiouse punishment or something. and i dunno how it got started.*shutter*
i cannot wait for school again. i need my family back.

"On this bed I lay, Losing everything, I can see my life
passing me by, Was it all too much, Or just not enough,
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare
I will not die, I'll wait here for you"

i'll never forget you

so today was christmas. it was fairly alright, i have found that over the apst few years i have been loosing my christmas spirt dropping to an all time low this year however there where some moments that while not neccisarially being christmasy made it a day that is worth remembering
~ the best present my brother has given me. he wrote a short story dedicated to me. it;s a fantacy one about a battle. this might seem not the more exciting thing but right now he is writting a fantacy novel and i think that it is really great , like he is perfest for writting it. anyways he is already famous to me so i think it is great
~exchanging gifts , recieveing something that i will cherish and getting the longest hug ever. i hope you are happy with your gift and you remember what is written by you and myself. we are wise people, maybe just not all the time.
~ and finally a crazy short film that was produced by myself and my twin who is 6 years older than myself. i hope to have it here for you as soon as she DL's it. it features holly, blue chapstick the cheerio and a domino. talks of a sequil are in the making.

i hope everyone had a great day.
LoVE

i miss you a little you could say, a little to much , a little to often , and a little more each day.

and it;s time for a new post

sooo the past two days have been super busy work wise. but i have 4 days off now yay. after dinner tonight i am going out with matt to the crazy mall so hje can do his christmas shopping and i can pick some stuff up.
the past two nights i went to see the christmas carol, the second time was better. i dunno why exactly but shmea. hehe i gave everyone in the cast and crew a carnation, becuase i know that it;s night to get flowers from people after a play ummm .. then i hung out with spencer. it was nice i had a really good time. better than i would have had at the closing night party, i am sorry that i didn;t go , but i haven;t really been in the party type mood latley.

tomorrow i am going to visit kylans family becuase they love me. hahaha and then it;s megan's birhtday tomorrow! i am excited gonna buy that girl some drink and have a real good time.
the omg it;s christmas. that kewl. i am excited to give my gifts rather and get any really. i like seeing how happy people are when they get somethign they really like. i mean i like stuff , but yea

then on boxing day .. i really wanan go like hardcore early morning shopping so i might go with matt, or if their are any girls that wanan go.. i am just suggesting cuz they like trying on clothes and stuff. but yea. umm adn then kylan and i are going to so save kaitlyn form her current location, after staying over for a night. then yea..

anyone have any suggestiong for newyears? my da just ripped up the kitchen floor tonight, so i'm sure we scould still have people over to celebrate, but it definatly has to be a smaller thing. if anyone eles and any suggestions .. yea..

things are looking up, it;s a great little world we live in
i'm happy as a pup since love looked up at me.
~crazy for you~

it just popped into my head.*shrug* that was a great musical.*heart*
anyways

I can;t even esape it in my dreams ...

work last night was sooo ridiculouse. we had out main shipment of stuff come in yesterday and one of the managers made a bet with the other managers that we could get it done last night , and if we did we would get pizza. sure ok so rick and i go at it.. hwoever there are like 5 skids like 8 feet hight and two others that are just these boxes filled with small random stuff like fish food and dogs bones and toys or w.e and they are all mixed up in no particular order.. so
i started at 4 and worked straight till 11( minus a short break for food) anyways we worked sooo hard and we got all the 8' skids done and 1/2 of the bigger dc boxes skid. no to mention facing the store and me cleaning up the back so that some of the over stock , new and fish tanks could go up onto the steel. i'm sure this is not intesting to anyone who reads this.. but i can't even explain how tried i am even today.. and i get to work more today

i miss the theatre. i am so jealous of those to get to be their now. working and then going to bed then not seeing anyone and working again is horrible it compleatly drains me of anything that i would call joy.*sigh* i can;t wait for christmas to be over too. christmas songs are go depressing when you are not all "up and happy"... they all talk about santa's gonna bring me what i want, or stay here it;s cold outside, or all i want for christmas is you.. " and hearing the same songs like 2 or 3 times in your shift... not just the same songs but the same versions ..i would say that i hear the same songs about 3-4 time and hour... times that by 7 hours

i cannot wait for tomorrow. today is going to be another long day.

help me i am in hell -NIN

so things have been alright i guess, been working lots which is good for the money however it is very exausitng. umm other than that not o muc has been going on. stuff happens ya know, there is so much going on in my head that i dunno what to do with myself. i have no motivation but i want somethign to distrat me from my thoughts. I have so much self doubt now.

i thought it would be for just a little while,
but it turned into forever
all i wanted was to fix some things
to try and make it better

i am lost in a sea acidic thought
that pours into my veins
it;s eating me from the inside
till no happiness remains

i'm so good at telling other people how to do things, but so bad at making my own dessicions.
there are somethings i just don;t understand. why did you give up, it just wanted to be bettter.
i wish i could scream, but whats the point.
*sigh*

help me i am in hell

today and yesterday..

so today was pretty nifty. braught some stuff over to kaitlyns the we braught the bottles back. then we went to the mall and i got almost all the rest of my christmas presents. yay i was uber excited to frind my dad's gift! yay. then kaitlyn and and i came back to my house and watched some epidsodes of dilberts. then we came back to the aka house where i am currently now

YESterday, meghan kylan jordan and i went to see urine town which was AMAZING, the set and acting and tech and everythign was so good, the musial it self was a litle de[ressing at the end but hey that happends.. the script was so well written. bti of trouble getting their, wha with the power out at duncan and a huge line up for gas. we made it to the show with 10 min to spare. aha. then after the show ross gave us a bit of a tour back stage of the belfry. then to deny's . i had chicken strips and mashed potatoes and gravy. it was alost my dream meal.. then when we got back to nanaimo kylan and i went to visit jill to watch a bunch of episodes of scrubs.. which is uber fun and awesome

the following chunk is part of one of the episodes that i thought was an amazing speach. it would be a good monologue or something anywas it really gave me warm fuzzies. you should read it... read it....!

Dr Cox- Relationships don't work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something.

i'd like to thank jill for finding that. i stole it from her blog. cuz i think it is awesome

but yea thats it

LoVE

dududu

sooo just thought that i would make an update. slept in alot today,, well not alot just till 11. but i woke up and was all like tired/ then by the time i knew it it was almost 1 . and i made my way to drop off spencers suff then made my way to brianna's. we did christmas crafts. yay. i made the prettiest decorations. thanks brianna for having us over. dudud then i came over to kaitlyns , we went and got some food then lee came over and we are watching some christmas things.. like right now we are watching married with children.. it;s interesting my must say.

dudud i am excited for for tomorrow. at night i am probbly going to go to the swish chalet with people for dinner and then go geoffs show. wednesday gonna go to vic with people to go see urintown...

i think i will stop now because i'm really noy paying atention... better update later

LoVe

holy cow it;s 12:50

time sure passes when you don;t do anythign all day.. this is the longest i have been chatting on msn in forever. it was enjoyable though

after the exam today i cleaned up the green room. and then came home OMG,,,
ATE PIZZA WITHOUT CUTTING IT INTO TINY PIECES yay
so close to actual eating!
then i had a bath
went to the mall for some shopping.. tried to find jill but failed.. found a nathan who now works at lush howcute...
came home and have been on the comp ever since..
yea i aknwo i am lame but whatever
so eya i really have nothing to say .. becuase i didn;t do anythign today

christmas party tomorrow yay .. mmm yummy food... ya gifties!
see everone tomorrow

new post new post

so this is just a quickie to up date. ummm stage craft final today dudud hope i did alright. theatre history tomorrow. dudu du .. came to aka to watch some movies.. watched never been kissed.. then i made mashed potatoes and then we watched pride and prejudice. i misse the warm fuzzies of meeting someone and all that jazz. i miss feeling that i am loved and special. i like girly movies, but at the same time i hate them lots. cuz i watched them and now all i am left with is a longing for someone to love me...*tear* mush mush mush

now to get away from that.. i realy have nothing eles to say. dudud
i want a hamburger and chinese food and chicken fingers and chips....
SOOON.... soon

Being nice to people doesn't make you friends

being a good hostess doesn;t make you friends, being good at art, or cleaning up after people or knowing how to solve problems doesn;t make you friends.
i know for a fact. if i did i would have more than i can count, for unless i am heinously misteaken i am a nice person. why do i not have friends? aquaintances i have many but who can say that they are really my friend? who really knows me? i think some how i must be deficient at making friends.i'm just tlaking about people to hang out with or spend time in a group, i'm tlaking abotu the people who you can spend all day doing nothing with, who you can know how each other is feeling, someone who undertsands .perhaps it is my own actions that has prevented it. i know there are people who are my friends and no matter what happens they will be. even if they move away to victoria.. which funnily enough most of them did go. augh i don;t even know what i am saying right now. all i know is that right now i am so lonely. even though i did see people it was as though i spend 3days by myself. i just wish i was closer to people, that people wanted me to go out to dinner or to coffee or shopping with them not just becuase i have a car or they feel obligated to, but becuase they might enjoy my company. what a strech eh. fuck.
i came to school today and everyone noticed my fat cheeks. is that what it takes? idunno. we are probably just so involved in out own lives, myself included to notice anything eles in the world.

i'm sick of these stupid swolen cheeks, i'm tired of looking in the mirror and starting back at a monster. here is my new trend

I hate these cheeks. i hate being cold. i hate being lonley. i hate not knowing what peopel think of me. i hate that people don;t think about me. ihate being excluded. i hate how i feel right now. i hate when i complain. i hate when i cry. i hate not seeing you. i hate being selfish, i hate how other people are selfish. i hate stupid arguments.i hate suborness, i hate bad tempers.i hate being scared. i hate how i need you so much. i hate many kind of vegetables. i hate luke warms drinks. i hate it when it;s sunny and cold. i hate it when the snow melts. i hate it when dollar stores aren;t really a dollar.i hate when i procrastinate. ihate not knowing the time i hate how my mom nags me about stupid things. i hate not having any girl friends to talk to. i hate the pain i get in my knee.i hate when people try and make themselves mroe important than you. i hate nto playing fastball. i hate pork steaks. i hate not liking strange foods. i hate the way i will forget all this tomorrow, continue on as i always do , and have all this happen again...

now before i die of negativity

i live vanilla. i like cinniamon, i like candles. i like sleeping. i like masks. i like theatre. i like venice. i like shopping. i like glass work. i like to swim in lakes. i like camping. i like mushroom picking. i like to go hiking. i like building sand forts and defending them against the waves. i like making cocktails. i like painting i like cooking and baking. i like driving, but not for too long. i like the sun when it;s hot out. i like watching movies. i like the color of my hair when it is first died. i like regular orange peko tea. i like rum. i like writting on big stacks of paper.i like chapstick. i like rollar blading. i like sitting around all day with people and just hanging out. i like makign spaghetti sause from scratch and then just eating it. i like taking picutres. i like looking at pictures of my self. i like walking places with a purpose. i liek adventures. i like eating raw cookie dough. i like dumb teen movies. i like hot hot baths. i like it when it rains. i liek storms. i like painting my nails french maniture style. i like dressing up formal. i like bare feet. i like flip flops. i like fastball.. and even slop pitch.i like hugs, i like cuddleing, i like kissing ,i like sex. i like likeing on a bed and listening to music. i like walks on the beach in the fog. i like holding hands.... someitmes.... very rarley. i like organizing things. i like lilies. i like giving gifts for no reason to people who deserve it. i like that kaitlyn likes dinosaurs. i like kaitlyn. i like ceasar salad. i like meatloaf. i like mashed potaoes. i like bread and gravy. i like how my kitten brings me sticks. i like being under blankets. i like my james bond. i like your mystery, i like massages. i like musicals. i like being in musicals. i love hippies even if they are dirty. i like my eyes, my body, my sense of humor, my feet and laugh.


i don;t expect anyone to read that, but i certianly needed it to feel better. thank you for your paticance.good night

OMG FUCKING ASLKHDLKFHASd

sometimes i hate this stupid blogger. it is all like "unexpected error" whe ni try to leave comments".. it isn;t do ing that to other people is it .. cuz they have left comment i see.. i seee!!!


sooo
to kaitlyn - there where three of us who finished the snow for , we were hard core and lee got eaten by a yetti. i love you.. i've tried to leave 3 comments

to jordan- i think your picture idea is wonderful, it;s a nice collage and i hoep it works out for you

Megan- that sucks that your boss left you off the shedual... i cannot wait till you come back! yay megan!!

amber- you forgot that you like to bite people... alot.... haha

....
i hink thats all for now.. but geeze annoying..

so anyways.. today has been very boring.. i have all all day to do whatever and have aonly watched one movie ( who framed roger rabit).. or and a bit of ace venturea .... oh and the 2nd 1/2 of flight of dragons.. but thats like it.. where did my day go.it is lame.

now i am just bored and puffy, and a bit mroe puffy and some bruised. there have been soem good pit of today though. i got my glasses back.. and i had mashed potaotes and gravy for dinner... mmm mashed potaotes.. i think that i am going to have some bread and gravy in a bit..
ahh the wonders of gravy how i love thee

tomorrow kylan said that he would come and visit me.. yay a friend. i will probabl ymake him take to the garage sale at my grannies... which i think o have told all of you about.. if you don;t knwo it;s on the forum. then i dunno.

i'm not looking forward to monday.. idunno why i just aint, thats right i said aint..
well monday night should be good. but i don;t wanna go to school. i'm all puffy... *sad face if i could make expressions*
haha i am le kewlmm bread and gravy

ummi guess thats all i got for now.. .
ttyl !lisa~LOVe

my little chipmunk

so yea, i got my wisdom teethout today so now i'm just hanging around with my ggod friends ice pack, gauze and Mr T3.. hehe. I am hungry which as well can be expected. and it is uncomfortable not reallu being able to spit. p.s i hate freezing.

in other news i have found one of my favorite movies on utube. "flight of dragons" when i was little my mom had taped it off of tv and i can really watch that tape anymore, but io found it and have been watching it. i suggest that if you are bored search for it then watchit.. it's in chunks so you will just have to look at he numbers to get it in the right order.. hey is it possible to down load those video's, i'd like to put it on cd. haha next movie to look for... the chipmunk adventure, horay for chilhood favorites. ummm yea

haha looking at kaitlyns name makes me laugh, ( i love her.. she kicked me in the face) it reminds me of willow( the awesome movie we just watched) and val kilmer.. man was he good looking in the movie... (however not so much now) and a fighter too, weilding a sword.. i supose thats the way to my heart. i supose there is a little piece of Iris in me hashaha. oh how i miss her

dududu, now i am bored. i thought i was goin to be sleepy but i am not. dudu. hopefully tomorrow is more interesting, i will have afew visitors i believe. if anyone wants to stop and come watch movies with me i am alll up for that. call first maybe... or text i'm kinda hard to understand.

OMG.. i am going to eat mashed potatoes when i eat.. those are soft.. wooo hoo..

LoVe