today suvked so much and crying just isn't making me feel any better. so to start off i just spilled a bunch of stuff on the floor in front of me, which i will get to clean up. whoopie. so yesterday was the fireworks, not that big of a show, but for some reason i feel like compleat shit. so 1/2 of yesterday and all of today i am tired and sore. not just sore i'm weak, i can;t even lift stuff .. i was struggleing with 7kg things of litter. that not heavy. i cna;teven beguinn to exlain how depressing that was. having trouble with 15 pounds. i almost lost it.. i mean i have cried becuase of work before.. the stress or whatever, but never at work and i almost lost it. cuz you knwo what i had somethign to look forward to, key word in that sentance is HAD... beucase i no longer have that. i was suposed to hang out with spencer and he was gonna give me a massage and we where just gonna hang out.. and that probably would have made my day mostly , if not compleatly all better. but no,. much like i should have guess he got called into work and won;t be done until i am in bed, beucase i get to get up at 630 tomororw to go to work. sweet. and spencer will probably have to work tomorrow to so i , if at all ,. will only get to see him for a very short time. and i if i don; get my massage, i probably won;t get it. . cuz we will forget , and all i want is to feel better. i'm just so sore and tired. FUck i just wann skip ahead a week. i don;t wanna go though tomorrow , or the next day ... or the next 5-6 s days. i don;t even care about the tool concert right now.. the concert i payed 80$ for and will surly pay alot more for , i don;t even fucking care. as of right now i don;t even wanna fucking go .. i don;t wanna go over tomorrow night.. or walk arounf vancouver. or wait in line. listen to band i love and then spend another night. i don;t wann get home 1/2 way through the day. and be so tired that i am probaly just going to sit on my ass and do nothing. i just wanna skip it all .. but you know what i have to do it.. becuase the plans are made, the tickets payed for and what eles am i going to do ... what am i going to do .. not go waste my money. kick myself for it later.. foget about the ticket i didn;t even want kylan to buy me becuase i was supoed to go to the convert with spencer. i don;t even care what you think about it. i don;t are about alot of things right now.. all i wanna be is happy and i can;t be that until i get this stupid trip over with, and i know right now that i seem like a total bitch but did you ask me waht i wanted .. no you assumed.. and i was just stupid and was to fucking to polite to correct you cuz i didn;t want you to get all whiney and bitchy at me.. well it;s my turn .. not everythign is about you. maybe if you wheren;t thinking about yourself all the time you could see what others want or how they feel. btw i don;t feel the same way , so yo ucan just forget it. i don;t wanna cuddle.. or give you kisses , don;t leave stuff on my car .. i don;t want it. i makes me uncomfotable.. you've had your chance and you fucked that up. i just don;t care enough to keep it in anymore... i'm so tired of making eveything seem like it;s ok .. this has honestly beenthe worst summer ever, i can;t wait for it to be over. two more weeks left.. hopefully things will improve. but ytouknow hat even looking a head won;t save me from tomrorow or the next day. i'm just going to go cry myself to sleep and hope i feel like i can bear it tomorrow.
don;t feel you need to comment or tell me it;s ok and that everyone has a bad day. . i know that.. i just needed to get shit off my chest and i can never put it verbaly into words.
you... don;t get upset don;t whine.. listen to what i have said and deal with it.. get over it. move on. cuz i dont wanna listen anymore.