fitting out

what up ... another day has past, well pretty much. worked, visted spencer, got soem pizza visited some more old friends at tidy's. they where haveing a martini party which i would have enjoyed greatly if it where not for my extream tiredness and work at 7 tomrorow.

tomorrow should be a pretty good day. work should go by quickly and then i am hanign out with matt and shari. they are my favorite co- workers.. i;m sure i have said that before. my furture looks so bleak right now. it seems like all i have to look forward to is work.
i guess the tool concert is comming up , but i haven;t thought about it much. i dunno

i am looking forward to school so much. it seems that lately i have noticed how i don;t fit in to the places that i used to, like groups and certain people's lives. i mean i can't excpect everyhitn to stay the same.. but for most of my life i've always felt a little outcast and for the past year or so that wasnt the case as much. but not being able to see anyone has really braugh me back to fitting out again. thats why i can;t wait for school. cuz i know i will it in there. i will have my friends around me and we willl be a group again. i dunno. mayhaps i am just lonely. after thinking about it , i don;t really have any friends that i can talk to, or rather that i see and can share stuff with... save for one who i dunno if i know anymore. i dunno if i am just being crazy but it;s like you are two diffent people or i just don;t knwo the person you are anymore. and it drives me crazy cuz all i wanna do is know,

i sometimes think i can see the future or know what will happen... i hope that i am wrong. august is definatly no fun. in fact this summer has not been the greatest.. it goes to re-enforce how i could never live with a regular job. i need to do something that means somethign to me , or i'd probably go a little more insain.

well i supose it is to bed for me early again. i'm so fucking tired.

sometimes i wonder if you would be better off without me... but id miss you to much...love