and my only consequence is my own self disgust ...

today will be an interesting day. for the majority of the day i have nothing to do but sit around and think. luckily i get to work opening which means i don't have to close. i hate closing. i'm really getting tired of working at the restaurant. i can't wait for the day when i don't have to have shitty jobs. i really can't stand them for that long.
It's strange. On one level i am pleased at the person i have become, the person i am now. But when everything catches up , when you take a moment to reflect, you realize that there will always be dark things about you.

"Remember, your a wreck an accident
Forget the freak your just nature
Keep the gun oiled and the temple clean
Shit, snort and blaspheme let the heads cool and the engine run
because in the end everything we do,
is just everything we've done. "

I wish i had a better understanding of people's minds and emotions. They never fail to confuse and amaze me. not just other people's but my own i suppose as well. i wonder if i should paint today. it seems like forever since i have painted something for myself...

two more weeks till summer is over... i wonder what my life will be like after that..