Come inside just for a second, baby show me your attention ...

friday morning... i can't decide what to do. there are probably, in fact i know there are, plenty of things that i should/ could be doing, but i really cant decide. I find that this often happens when i have time to waste. I become lazy and indecisive. I have a big project for my directing class that i should find someway to start....

Victoria. i like the city, love my house and the people i live with. however i am not settled yet. i have accomplished the bus. you probably all know that i am not bus savvy, so i see this as an accomplishment. i suppose my next task is to become part of the theatre community at the uvic theatre. i want to know how the theatre is run, and be part of it. it will probably take some time. as of now i feel disconnected to it. I want In.

the other day i was thinking... i have flipped from being into wanting commitment to being afraid of it... well no not being afraid but certainly not wanting it. i have made this flip before, however before it was in the opposite direction. I find myself emotionally unattached in a romantic kind of way. I still respond to hahaha lets call it " male stimuli" , however i see it as more of an instinct hahah ( when i say that i don;t mean in a directly sexual way, but if there is a cute boy... you wanna flirt with the cute boy and get some attention kinda way) ... i'm intrigued and curious and want to know more, perhaps feel more. but not in a "love you till the end of time" kind of way.
I feel as though i am an entity , living for myself. i don't see this as a bad thing. i'm quite content with myself. i just think it;s interesting how i switch from wanting things. Over all it is a strange thing for me, i'm used to feeling so much, so deeply, and now i just don't. I know it is not forever, and i know there is nothing i can do to change it. eventually something or someone will happen that will change me again. until then i am content. i have enough things to short out. hahah

it;s funny when you have a silly thought, you wish for something to be true.. and then you look back and realize it is...