Summary of my trip

ok so this is the story of my holiday season, so the last blog i wrote was all about how i was misteravle and l;oney well the day or two after that i had the girls over( ashley and laura) and we talked about boys and dyied my hari adn watched buffy and made milk shakes and went to the adult surplus store..... then the next day michelle and spencer came over and we made paper mache masks itwas fun.. then i had to go and stay at grannies. spencer came with me cuz i was sad i was leaving.

so i wake up early and travel all day .. got into galveston texas very late.
next day , my family went to moody gardens its this theme park kinda. there are these pyrimids with stuff in them.. like a rain forest in one( wich was really kewl) and an aquarium... anyways. dawn and i hunged a possum.. well it wasn;t a possume it was a guy dressed up as one... and he wasn;t really a possum it was a mouse... but.. to us he was a possum.

the next day i went shopping with dawn. in a HUGE mall . for like 6 house.. two of which where spent sitting on leather chairs talking about the people that walk by.. mostly boys... but anyways. i baught a sweet corsette! and new cords and this otehre really pretty pinky top and a hand cuffs belt buckle

next day i think we got on the cruise ship. yes.. so dawn ( dawn in my older cousin by the way, but we are reall close.. like it was so creepy we kept talking in unison) and i explaored and then at the muster stationg... that was like our safty meeting... this guy was like hitting on my.. so we called him safty boy.. and we decided that we where safty buddies. anyways we kept seeing him and we ran away

the next day ... chistmas day ..was a day at sea.. we just kinda chilled walked around looking how.. cuz thats what we do hahah. we decided that we where the hot canadian girls... OH yea we made these shirts that said MADE In ( on the front) and had a maple leafe on the back . where was I ... anyways. dinner was a formal night so i wore my prom dress and after dinner joey dawn and i went to the chirstmas show..in the theatre. and before it started we met these people behind us from seatle. and one of them was named jake and i will get back tio him later. we went to go and watch the santa clause. and then saftey boy came up to talk to me.. Drunk( his name was jeff.. i hadf to ask him cuz i wasn;t actually paying attention at the meeting thingy) anyways his step brothers where with him. and they where dressed sooo kewl .. like mobsters.. they had pinstripped suits and black and white shoes and hat.. *melts*.. all boys should dress like that. dawn and i decided we needed to be friends with them cuz they where kewl

umm the next day was costa maya .. our first stop i was suposed to go sailing and snorklying but our tour got pushed back so we didn;t go . instead we went back to the ship and i met up with the mobsters ( josh and jake ) and safty boy.. and hung out with them .. eventually safty boy left thought..anyways.. yea i don;t remember much after that

then our next stop was in belize. we only had a little time there. most of my family went Zip lining.. so we went to this place and you get to goup into the canopy of trees and go form platfor to platform. it was very kewl. um ssome of these events are kinda foggy so i am probably missing things so i think i;ve seen jake afew times and said hello as well as the mobsters Oh.. i remember i was hanging out with Charlie jake( NOTE: charlie jake is the mobster jake... step brother of safty boy... man this is confussing.) and he was farily tips so we hang out and eventually we go back to his room and he is all like so what you wanna do .. and i;m like hahaha not what your thinking. haha. and so eventually i;m all like ok your tired and tipsy i'm gonna put your to bed. so i tuck him in and give him a good night kiss... i thik it was that.. day .. actaully coem to think about it .. it was the day after cuz it was formal night and that was on the 27th... anyways..

the grand cayman . this was my fave day .. we started of going to this place called hell. wich was a little dissapointing but o well. then we went to a rum facorty.. SWEET from hell to heaven in like 5 min. haha . adn we can try a shot of any kind of rum we want. and have rum cake... so i end up getting a big bottle of creme rum. which is deliciouse. after that we went to a turtle farm and saw all these sea turtles.. there where really big ones and tiny ones and i got to hold a medium one.. ahahah and then we went and ate turtle soup. thats right i said it.. think i'm a barbarian if you like. but it was good. jake jake ( jake from seatle) was on the same tour.. but not in our buiss. so we kept seeing him all day
after that we went and got on a boat and were taken to this sand bar. and we got to snorkle with sting rays it was awsome. there where soo many.. and we got to feed them.. and they where slimy and i help one and kissed it on the top of it.. and got a pic with it.. i'll show people when i get them, so we get back to the dock and ther is a huge line to get back onto the ship.. cuz we had to take a boat to get to the ship. Dawn and i saw jake jake.. and he was all like come with us.. and we where like yes ... but no we have to go with our family or they will get mad.. and then they where like of w/e we wouln;t have cared.. grrr.

hmmm oh hah dawn and I would have like a snack of mashed potatoes and gravey and a bun. at like 4.. and then possily again at like 11

the next day was in cozumel.. but i went to cancun cuz i had a different tour than people. so me my mom joey and aunty kathleen went to see these undergground gaves . they where nead. tehre where alost lots of animals around ourside cuz it was like an animal reserve or seomthgin ... i was bitten by a baby monkey:P hahah. but it din;t hurt.. i saw a toucan it was kewl... they hop funny
after that we got to go to this beach with like no one eles on it.. BUT ok .. so by this time , liek the night before or soemthign 2 of this ships generators had broke.. so we wheren;t going as fast.. and we got to our stop late. so when we where at the beach it was getting dark so i just seached for shells.. but .. lame.. and dumb me i had my camera around my neck and i had just put it behind me .. but when i was bending over.. guess what went in the water... yes... i dunno how fucked it is... but .. iyea.. lame rushed back to the ship.. went abd put my corsette on ... it dawn and mines mathcin corsette night. she has a red one and i have a black one. they are embroidered the same. went to dinner. then the show.. ( where where 3 stage shows.. we went to all cuz we found a dancer we liked.. he had a mowhawk hehe) then hung out with charlie jake( we decided that mobster jake didn;t suit the name jake...cuz jake seems like and out going name... and he is shy so he is charlie jake) and jake jake hung out a bit on our favorite seats . then when we where leaving.. charlie jake was all like .. i found this for you.. and iwas a blue anklet that matched my bathing suit... he so wanted me.. hahaha. anyways
then dawn adn i went up to the bar.. i had some rum and cokes.. and dawn and lotlotslots of other alcohol. we danced itw as fun.

*deep breath*... last full day on the boat... day at sea.. i pack... i am a little hung... dawn adn i find jake jake adn go to swing danceing.. yay fun.. hang out.. then go to dinner.. and yay after dinner we find him again... we sit on the top deck and watch som tina turned thing.. lame.. but super fun. cuz jake jake is hillariouse.. so fucking funny. then we go to watch princes popstar( which is like a mimi american idol) andways.. after that charlie jake tag along and we go and sit at this kewl place above one of th bars.. charlie jake is drunk and annoying... and gets all angry becuase i am more entertained by jake jake better than him..so he leaves.. that is the last i saw od him... i never did get a picture of their suit.. o well . so we continue sitting. and then move to one of the lounges.dawn goes to bed and jake jake and i hang out seom more. i started to fall asleep so jake walks me to my room. haha and what do i get.. i kiss from jake... haha two jakes... geese lisa...

last day... we are spose to be getting into the port at 7.. BUt .. our ship is not working. so we get there at 1130..meaning that we don;t get to get off the ship will way later.. like 3.. Oh and guess when our flight home. is... 2 25. so we miss our flight and princess cruises puts us up in the marriot( a 300$ a night hotel.. we got 6 rooms) and of course this is newyears ever right... so lame.. anways so my new years consisted of ordering pizza and hangong out with my family on a hotell room. we watched afew showes and chatted alot.. it was fine like it will be an awsome memory for like ever.. but at the time it erally sucked.. we didn;t even stay up till midnight. we went to bed at like10 .. It was nice though cuz i had a huge big bed to myseld.. dawn and i got to share a room. next day was spend traveling . i finished my book.. almost got sick on the place becuase of turbulance.. thank go i didn;t hurl i would have never heard the end of it.. and finally ay 6 30 our time arrived home.. it wasn;t the best trip i've gone on but i certainly will remember it for a while.

by the way i forgot a bunch of stuff so feel free to ask me

For FUN/ wasting time

this was on barbs/ jordans blogs.. andi have time and ilike to fill in surveys.. hehehe
( yess by all that apply)

stayed single the whole year
got your first kiss
kissed someone new- yes
made-out for the first time
made-out in/on a car- yes
kissed in the snow- yes
kissed in the rain - yes
fell in love - in a way
had your heart broken- yes
broke someone else's heart- yes
had a stalker
had a good relationship with someone
questioned your sexual orientation
came out of the closet
gotten pregnant
gotten someone else pregnant
had an abortion
gotten married
had a divorce
had a gay marriage
kissed someone of the same sex - yes
dated someone you'll never forget
done something you've regretted- yes
lost your true love
lost faith in love
kissed under mistletoe- yes
got a promotion
got a pay raise- yes
changed jobs
lost your job
quit your job- yes
dated a co-worker
dated your boss
dated your boss' daughter/son
got fired from your job
got straight As
met one teacher you really like- yes
met one teacher you really hated- yes
found the subject you love- yes
failed a class
cut class- yes
skipped school -yes
got into a fight with a classmate
did something you were proud of- yes
discovered a new talent- yes
gave the teachers a reason to teach
proved yourself an idiot- yes.. all the time :P
embarassed yourself in front of the class- yes
fell in love with a teacher
got a lead in the school play
made a varsity team
were involved in something you'll never forget - yes
got sent to the office
painted a picture- yes
wrote a poem- yes
ran a mile
listened to music you couldn't stand - yes
double-dipped - yes
skinny-dipped
went to a sleepover- yes
went to camp
threw a surprise party
laughed till you cried
laughed till you peed in your pants
flirted shamelessly- yes hahah
visited a foreign country- yes
visted a foreign state- yes
cooked a disasterous meal- yes
lost something important to you- yes
got a gift you adore- yes
realized something new about yourself - yes
went on a diet
tried to gain weight
dyed your hair- yes
came close to losing your life
someone close to you died
went to a party - yes
drank alchohol - yes
drank alchohol underage - yes
did drug(s)
got drunk - yes
got arrested
read a great book - yes
saw a great movie - yes
saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
saw your favorite band/artist live - yes OMG YES
saw someone famous in person
did something you want to tell everyone - yes
enjoyed this - yes

Dieing

basically i'm sick and alone and miserable. everyone is gone, and i have the house to my self. generally i would love this. but instead i am just sad and lonley. i wish i had someone to take care of me... or anyone who seemed to care . sometimes it seens i only cause more trouble than i'm worth. it;s been along time since i felt anything close to special or appriciayed. it seems like i give so much and end up with nothing. sick and alone and miserable.
exam tomoorow at 9, jut something eles to look forward to. pulling up the seats so we can put new carpet in the theatre. hopefully i'll be feeling better so i can help. might as well be usefull. well thats it. i think i will go do nothing, in my empty house, in my sorry lonely state. sick alone and miserable

Fragile, she doesn't see her beauty, she tries to get away, some times it;s just that nothing seems worth saving.

it's just that nothing seems worth saving.

My day off from life...

i took the day and did w/e i felt like doing, it;s been along time since i didn;t make plans with people, i needed to spend time by myself. it's been a good day . i was planning on sleeping in but i ended up waking at like 9 30 .. w/e works. got up and watched 2 horatio hornblower.. it;s an A&E series , i have the dvd's. They are very good. then had a nice long shower . while i was in my birthday suit i decided that today i loved myself... my body looked really nice , it;sd all curvy and stuff .. i dunno i just decided that i was in trouble cuz i was falling in love with myseld. hahah oh the vanity.. w/e then went to browse around at the mall , got some more vanilla body butter for my trip soem new mascara, and a blue top. wandered around the rest of the mall , saw ashmo and tony.. came home... did nothing.. painted my granny;s christmas gift... if you wanna see it.. go there....
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/26421497/

dudud now i am just sitting.... i dunno if i wanna paint more , or have a abath .. or go to bed.. it seems that it would be a waste to go to bed now though.. so i'll probabl have a bath and read...

my rents are leaving for our trip tomorrow. yay. party at lisa's....*shrug* i supose we could but i doubt it will happen, but if anyone really want i;m sure we could arnage somethign... taking a random drive to victoria as well tomorrow. just for something to do.. and then friday ...!!! DnD.. Yay.. hehe ... 300 experience for being nerdy.. hahaha .. wow.. o well ..pfft... i don;t care waht you think ... your just jealous cuz i have pretty dice.. yea w.e.....
haa anyways... i supose i should start packing. to make sure i don;t forget anythign.. i am getting pretty excited now. i wanna be all tanned.. i like tan lines... i like how they make the skin look,, it adds depth i think .. i dunno maybe i am just crazy..

hmm perhaps i will make soem cookies some time.. or somethign eles... hmm i wish i had somethign more intersting to say .. but no i don;t... oh.. hmm i saw pride and prejudice yesterday with spencer.. i really liked. it... and OH and amber if you read this Narnia was Uber good also !!.. dudud... i have a craving for caramel popcorn.....

*hissss* ahh the sun

augh why does it have to be sunny, i hate it when it is like this in the winter. it makes me in a bad mood. funny eh . dudud , so the play is over and i have all the songs stuck in my head. it was entertaining though. i went to the cast party after there were little people everywhere and i guess i wasn't having the most enthusuastic day yesterday... so i so was not in any type of party mood( i think it was sunny yesterday )anyways so ashmo and i hid outside and upstairs, then i drove he home and came back for a little bit. went to bed right when i got home pretty much. so many of my friends from highschool smoke, like i know there are soem that don't but it;s crazy to see how many do. it kinda makes me sad, cuz they don;t realize that it has no benifit and it just makes you sick and smelly. i just don;t get it.
last night i has some really fucked up dreams. like this thing from this book was throwing arrowthings at me, and mel and laura whre hungry so i was gonna make them craft dinner, but we where in this weird building. and there was a store downstairs that had a whole bunch of cheap stuff. and at one point i was searching through this bin of tights that was only 50 cents, but they where like winniw the pooh and all wwird shaped.. and there was this weird part with leppers. and some part in the theater andther where 2 main curtains and one was orange and i was closing a door and ripped it a bit.. but then i looked at it closer and it was all shreded and painted for soem play.. but it was ok cuz they where gonna buy a new one. and this other part driving in a car with kylan in this like underground parking lot and we got out of the car and i was looking for my black shirt... anways .. they where all very fucked up
today .. humm well i am tired, i think i work up in the middle of one of those crazy dreams... anyways kylan is comming over and we aregonna hang around and go to The Cronicles of Narnia. today . i am excited it looks really good. then around 6 ish we are gonna play Dnd and i get to use my new dice... thats right i'm a nerd.
exam tomorrow and the next day. w/e than i have lots of time of maybe i can paint or finishe my scrap book , or do w/e. i am gonna have 3 day along in my house it will be wonderful. yay, then i go on my trip.. eppp i am starting to feel sick , i hope that i am better before i leave.. the last big trip i was on i was sick and it was nooo fun..
so for right now i will just sit and wait by my trusty computer and drink my tea.

spaghetti!

what up yall, ha ., ha *robotic voice* .. yea so i am sooo hungry... we are having spaghetti for dinner and i can;t wait .. soo hungry. today was the last day of classes. now i have 4 exams... eepp. the only one i am really worried about is english becuase i have to write essays... and my mind is fragile and dies.. i duno . augh i got my sociology paper back.. and i only got 70% .. it was lame. i though i would have done better. handed in my othello reseach paper today .. i don;t reallylike the essay . i think it is lame.. i hope i do ok though.. augh.. but yea, i have like 2 weeks..before my trip i guess i better use some of that time to study... an i think i will do some sleeping in .. and hopefully some painting.. ext

Cinderella this week, for anyone that doesnt; know it;s the musical being put on by dover bay, runs , this wed thurs fri sat, at 7 pm. doors open 630 . students 6$ aduls 8$, so far i am planning to go wed ( with megan , kylan , ace danilee),. thurs( michelle) sat i think ashmo is going... and it;s closting night so i have to go .. if any one wants to see it come with us! i'll go friday if someone wants... just come and see it ..

dudud. i feel so relieved not having school for a while i mean sure i have soem exams..but i have so much time.. it like blows my mind.. i feellike i can do anythign .. muiahah. it;s nice. i dunno . lalala man i am sooo hungry.
man next semester is gonna rock .. i get to make masks .. and build mroe stuff and i have the one act festival and eeee.. acting was fun toda ..
OMGOMGOGM leon is gonna be teacher our acting class for liek a month next semester... i am sooo stoked...
NOTE: if any one from the theatre program reads this and is the SM for a play could i eitehr have a copy of the scrip or a props list. so i can get started on that.. i'm sure i'll track you down but it would be nice if i didn;t have to .. anyways i think that is all that i have for now.. i dunno whay but i am just so happy right now.....

Dec, 1st

first day of december today. not to long till my trip. umm i dont think my theatre history teacher likes me... or at least i know she doesn;t like my writting style. umm thats ok i don;t like her. haha umm watched never swim alone again today .. it was better the second time. it was weird i was watching the door to make sure no one came in . and i was just lying down on the top step and i streched. and it was so peaceful. it was dark there where people around by they wheren;t paying any attention to me. it was nice just fading into my own little world. i dunno
stage craft was fun more drafting. it started to snow. i like snow.. when i walk around in it and i am all bundled up with my hair down , i feel pretty. cuz it;s like a dream.... anyways.. then i watched my cousin joey's documentary on crystal meth. it was pretty good.

now i am home and going to try and do some more work on my english essay. i want to get it lots done so i can help paint the back drop for cinderella on sat. i hope if i can circomstances will be more friendly. somehow i've managed to screw things up royaly, but i hope that things will right themselves in time.. and i'm sure they will, ust need some time.i'd hate to loose such a good friend. things will not be like they where, but differnt is better than nothing and i hope he understands.once we stop feeling sorry for ourselves, and being frusterated or angery at one another things will work out. i'm sure you probably don;t see things the way i do, but these are just the thoughts going through my head. I am still inside here A little bit comes bleeding through I wish this could have been any other way But I just don't know what else I can do.
and now lisa is getting to her english. whoo hoo the hightlight of my day

survey i found on barbs blog

1.What Time is it now? 6:06pm

2.What is your name? lisa kathryn vezina

3.Single or taken?single
4.What does your name mean? oath of god... or something

5.Who picked out your name? My rents... both i think i dunno

6.What's your nickname? pink, millie

7.How old are you? 18 almost 19 woot

8.What colour are your eyes? blue grey ,, sometimes greenish

9.What size are your shoes? 7

10.How tall (or short) are you?: 5'4"

11.Honestly what do you like about yourself? My eyes, my hairis soft, my pinky on my right hand( its my cutest) my shoulders and back

12.Do you think you're cute? yes .. generally

13.Hair colour? spicy red

14.How many ppl sent u this?no one.,, twas on barbs blog

15.Do you wear contacts? Nope

16. Favourite Drink? raspberry juice

17. Favourite alcoholic drink? rum and coke, strawberry daquiries... kaluha milkshakes

18. Favourite Month? july august. they are warm

19.Favourite Food? hmmm chicken strips?

20. Favourite thing you are good at? painting...well i think i am good at it
21. Favourite Clothing Brand? n/a

22. Favourite day of the Year? the first day of summer when it is hot enough to wear just my bathing suit and a serong

23.Favourite colour? navy blue and lime green ..

24: Favorite Animal? Cats

25: Do you steal for fun? ummm dumb things like spoons or pins off pants...i'd say it;s more of an addictions... or somethign ..

26. Are your parents still together? yea

27. Do you talk to your parents or your friends more? Friends

28. Anything special about your parents? my dad is smart.. and funny. haha my mom is kinda nuts... but creative

29. Whats the worst thing you've done to blow someone off? run away

30. You're slutty? nope ,,,

31. You're Mean? Yes, sometimes

32. You like someone: umm yea kinda

33. You can keep secrets: yes

37. You've seriously hurt someone? Yes.

38. You've been hurt seriously?yes

39. You swear? all the time

40. You get your way? i guess so generally.

41. You're willing to try new things? in some instances but gernally no .. i'm bad with new things

42. You've cheated on a test? probably but i can;t think of anythign major ,,, oh ahaha laura and i alwaysused to cheat on french spelling tests.. yea french

43. What are you wearing? jeans.. nin shirt.. white hooddie... CHICKEN SLIPPERSomg

44. What colour is your underwear? black lace

45. What are you listening to? the news in the other rooms

46. How are you feeling? excited, angry. frustrated, impaitent , ignored, thirtsy

48. What are you eating? Nothing.

49. How many people are online? i'm ot lazy to count.. more than 10

51. What books are you reading? guide to getting it on, six characters in search of an author, the cout of monte cristo

FOR GIRLS

52. How many lip glosses do you have? 2

55. Thong or regular panties? thong

56. Tall or short boys? a little taller than me

57. Blonde or brunette guys? Dark hair

58. Boxers showing? not so much

59. Long hair or short on boys? depends on the person, long and short ..touche

60. What do you find annoying? when people don't listen to what i am saying... to assume that becuase i am a girl i am girly... theni have to beat them up . muahaha... or when people go farther then they need to go .. and once again face my wrath
BOYS

62. What kind of deodorant do you use? soft and dry

63. Whats in your pockets? chap stick

64. Boxers or briefs?

65. Blonde or brunette girls? hmmm well pam seducded me into comming in the hot tub so blond

66. Tall or short girls?

67. Piercings on girls?
68. Long or short hair on girls? longish

69. Good or bad girl? good girl who does bad things

70. What do you find annoying in girls? the talking be hind backness and ridiculouse emotions

71. What's the first thing you notice about girl?

OTHER QUESTIONS

72: What was the last movie you saw? Harry Potter

73. What did you have for dinner? hamburger.

74. What are you hoping for? calm, happiness... moer snow

75. What movie do you really want to see?i dunno

76. Where is your favourite place to travel? to victoria with ashmo

78. What was the last thing you ate? hamburger

79. If you were a crayon what colour would you be? spank me pink(thats how i got my superhero name

80. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? spencer

81. Do you like the person that sent this to you? I sort of stole it from barb .

83. Ever had a crush on a teacher? ewww

84. Are you too shy to ask someone out? nope

85. Scary movies or happy ending? Happy.then i can clap about it

86. Summer or winter? summmer...it;s warm

87. Chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla

88. Do you want your friends to write back? shmea

89. Who is most likely to respond?shrug

90. Who is least likely to respond? See above.

91. What did you do last night? :last night i worked on my essay ... and then went to bed .. sweet eh

le snow

today was weird, felt randomly sick during acting.. my eating habits are all out of wack, i assume that is the culprit. as the title of my blog states it is snowing. if the snow sticks there is a grand chance i don;t have school tomorrow. which would be kewl. then maybe i'll stay in my pj's all day and watch movies and sleep in .. hehe. yay. but i mussent get my hopes up.. less than a week of school left .. yikes! started working on my research essay today , just taking soem notes.. but then i got distracted and re aranged my room to how i think i want it when everything is all done. apparent;y i will be lucky if my dresser is done by the before the trip... augh. lame.. anyways.. less than a month till that,, kewl. umm lalalalal.
i dunno what to say the last little while has been interesting/ exausting, lisa's brain hurts and is now taking a vacation. lala kylans party was super fun. naked hot tubbers...not me.. but people, the jello shooters went over great. taboo in the morning. woot. having a fist fight with mike.. nothing like getting your frustrations out in a frienly brawl. hahaha . to bad i lost : ( .. look i am even admiting it that i lost... arn't all ( and by all i mean the few peole who read this) of you proud of me. hahah anyways... enough of that

probably gonna go to improve on wed just to watch.. i had a great itme watchin in class today.. . got rehearsal that day to so i;ll be at the theatre all day .. :P .. o wll... i am the green room cleaner this week.. and i will be soo bloody clean muahahah.
anyways.. augh i have to think of a secret santa gift for my person fro friday ,,, augh it;s hard cuz i don;t particularially like my person .. so even though i could so something uber kewl,, i am not certain iwill put as much effort ito it as i could.. o well ... it will probably still be somethign neat. this operson is eazy to please. hahah

anyways thats all i have to say ..au revoir .

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

it;a like i can;t win, try to do something right and it hurts someone, do nothing i hurt myself. what can i do i just dunno anymore.. i am out of ideas. FUCK. all i see is me failing to make you happy. i hate life. i'm so tired i just wanna give up

" your a wreck and accident , forget the freak , your just nature"

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i can;t do anything right... i hate life.
it hurts to much to make sence

whats with today?: today ?

sooo just to answer to question of why i am the biggest nerd in the world... nick and I make a bunch of weapons for our Dnd game.. there the secret is out.....

anyways today got up nice and ... kinda earliey ish .. to finish my theatre history essay.. i finished it to my sadisfaction... i've written better essays but hopefully eliza will like it my neck is ridiculously sore todya .. i think it is formwhen i hit my head on the flood yesterday. i am so clumbsy. today i tripped down the stair and twisted my anckle. kylan and chirs just laughed at me... michelle was concerned... thank you michelle.. hehe . then ashley and jordan arrived and we all watched battel royal.. it;s a very messed up movie from japan.. it was ok though . apparently there is a second one we have to watch. then we all went to meet up with everyone eles at the hong kong house becuase it was sara rob's birhtday today .. it was fun until everone left to go to the bar...tear i was 1 of 3 that was underaged... 3 and a 1/2 more months .. thats it.. muahaha... anyways it was fun , we had some good conversations. i love taking and eating... well not at the same time.. but there are always interesting conversations. then i came home and wathed soem tv.. OMG TV,,, what is that... haha 2 hours of tv.. i think that is more than i watched all last week hahaha.. w/e. lalal

now i am off to read a play. it;s a good thing it isn;t long . hahaha.
p,s. oh yea i got my new bed .. yay .. new bed.. heheh

Officially the biggest nerd ever

haha so i can;t devulge why yet, cuz it's a surprise.. but due to recent event i am the biggest nerd ever

thank you

posty posty

tis friday morn.. and it's been a week of a week...( know that doesn;t make sence) got two projects done.. have 2 miore to do. lets see what hs been neat the pastlittle while. in acting this week leon came in and thaugh us stage combat, he is sooo funny. haha wed we used "swords" which was neat but i thought less entertaining. in stage craft we have been learning about light, i find it very intersting... hehe and yesterday we got to hand lights... it was neat... thats what i have wanted to learn about.. yay.. i can be a well rounded techie. umm OMG i baught fluffy chicken slippers!!! they are sooo kewl and i love them... love love love. don't know what i shall be up to for most of the day ..but mightgo to dover and see if they need help with set stuff... ouch .. it actaully hurt when linda and mr A told spencer to say that he made better marble than me... isn;t that silly. it;s not like it;s his fault, he;s being such a good little techie and doing so much .but seriously blow to my ego. i mean thats not fair ... it;s harder to make bigger salabs....*defeated sigh* anyways i am somewhat not wanting to go and help because i know i will hear about it...

anyways...like last sunday my mom decided that she is going to changemy room which is fine... it;s gonna be like this goldish color on the walls and i will have black wraught (spelling?) iron assecories and a bed.. and a black curtain thing.. and a black dresser and possibly a book shellf... well i want one anyways... but it;s not done.. 3 of my walls are kinda painted and everythign in my roomis pushed into the centre... lame lisa has no room .. can;t find anythign... for some reason though my cat has taken a likeing to sleeping on my bed... whenever i go to go to bed . she is there. and in the moring around 8ish .. i hear meow... and then i meow back.. and she comes and sleeps with me.... i do love it when she comes but bloddy helll.. she takes up alot of the bed for such a tint creature... . o wel

i've decided that i am taking this weekend off.. i'm gonna do what i want.
hahaha hopefully some D and d on sunday .. yea i know i'm a nerd.

oh yeah last night, went to that preview show of how i learned to drive... with chirs , jordan geoff, ashley and me.... haha :P and then we went to MGM... it was we talked alot ( well i mostly sat and listened) and sang to weird songs that we didnt; know why we knew the lyrics. haha i like going out with people.

it angers me that my blankets fall off my bed.. i need to sleep near a wall....

yea i think that is it .. toodles

if you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze into you

woke up today feeling very crappy.. this feeling continued throughout the day with a breif subsidement during acting in which we did soem stage combat and in english in which we watched a movie. unfortunatly it has come back. i hate being grumpy and i am finding it a more often occurence these past few weeks. i am rememinded of a play that was created in the 24 play writting dealyo.. where this one woman was continually given these tasks that she lost it. my situaion is not entirly the same. i think i made my own tasks.. or make them worse by procrastinating... i feel as though many people are wanting my attention at the same time and i can;t give it to them. no matter how hard i try what i give is not enough. the woman in the play was told to let go and just live. but how?
on my way home today i had a realization... mr A once told me that when he had lots to do he would get sleepy.. it was his bodys way of telling him he couldn;t handle it. is that why i am always tired? who knows... it;s probably just that i don;t eat enough healthy foods... this being becuase i am never home .. food on the run. as of right now i should be doing my theatre history oral assignemt. i do not forsee it to take much time though. and i do feel the need to get things out of my head, there are soo many muddled thoughs in my head i don;t know what i believe, or want anymore. all i want is to be happy, but i am to concerned about other people's feelings to be worried about my own. kinda getting back to that play. how can i just give up when everyone eles is counting on me. or am i just making myself into something.
I often wonder if things in my head are they same as in real life. ok so i think that i am working hard at somethign is that really the case?.. do these people really think about my waht i think they do? i think that i am an amazing person... most of the time... but am i actaully. sometime i feel as though people are just stringing me along. patting my head and saying " good lisa" i guess i am actually cynical... as kylan so often tells me.
it;s funny how we beguin to belive what we hear. i supose thats the beauty of conditioning... how do you teach a dog tricks...? do it again rover ... good dog. more and more i realalize how i am affected by what i hear. sadly it comes from my own lips... i think i am a bad person becuase of the emotional harm that i enflict on others. i think perhaps i feel bad about my actions so to cover my own ass i say mean things about myself.. as if to justify my actions... i am sure this sounds like a mindless drabble of self pity, but these are the actual thoughs that pass through my mind... it isn;t all blank you know.
i guess it all comes back to worrieing about other people more than myself. i think i am strong therefor i can cope... but *whisper* i'm really just lieing to myself , fuck i don;t even know waht i am saying anymore.

i'd like to apologize to anyone who thought to read the whole of this. i'm not trying to compain, i just need to relese my mind somewhere.



p.s. i painted something beautiful
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/25207217/

10:17

yes so i got soem free time, so i might as well update. not much is new. the crucible is finally over. live will resurme as normal.the cast party was .. interseting. stayed up till 6 , which is the longest i have in a while. next day i played some D&D. i know i know i'm a big nerd , hahaha but it;s fun ok give me a break. then i dyed my hair.. woot woot.. well before that spencer made me dinner which was nice. random acts of kindness are always wonderful. umm monday was my first night with nothing.. so i did some SM work.. got my scripts together. yup.... umm yesterday ... in stage craft i cleaned the loading bay.... hahah wow you know you havenothing to talk about when you talk about cleaning up ... lame.. watched othello after school and then went and saw... saw2... too gorey for lisa.. i think i am getting more girlly sissy typeish.... i dunno. and today tehre are one act auditions... we shall see who the fetuses are ... woot... *twirls finger* bahh . thats it

p.s. ash mo , we will hang out soon... maybe this weekend?

ONE MORE

FUCKING SHOW YAYYYYYY. i hate the crucible.... with a fiery passion.. this morning i could not sleep in beucase i woke and had crucilve line stuck in my head.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh... tongiht after the show we are doing strike and then the cast party. i am dying kylans hair pink. before the show is underwear warm up... yes it is what is sounds to be... it;s tradition.*shrug*... ummm this after noon a bunch of us are bonding and going to a movie.. neato .. tomorrow i'm watching another othello with chris and michelle... and hoppefully doing somethign with spencer and then going out for coffee with dawn to discuss our day trips for the cruise... neato eh ... presently i am waiting for my hired help to come( haha kylan) so that he have help me put my evil plans into motiotion... p.s. they invole duct tape.. muahahah a.

umm oh tomorrow i will by dying my hair back to it;s brillian .. "spicy red"
eww i have 2 research papers due next week ... eep and then another one soon after... the crucible is almost over thought.

i fucking hate the crucible. ...

exausted

so i'm just sitting and stuff..it has been a long long weekend. building haunted house... the dumb crucible show..stupid parties where i know no one..it woukld have gottne better if i had stayed when pam and carolyn where there too.. then i lost my cell and freaked out. but io have it back finally. i am emotionally exausted and confused from this morning. watched the ridiculousely long othello with michelle and chris. then came home. got yelled at by my mom becuase my room isn;t clean. i'm sorry i haven't been home in a fucking week. i have another fucking week of the crucible. lots of time to sit and think. this probably won;t be a good week for lisa...
umm on an upside i got to talk to amber a bit and that was fun. i saw uncle joe and he is hillariouse. tomorrow i am hanging out with ashley and chris and michelle and going through the haunted house. i hope it is going well tongiht and i hope i didn;t ruin things for people.

there is no cure for what is killing me

somedays i hate myself..
somedays i hate you
i know there are many days
when you probably hate me too
please remember...
though i'm smiling on the surface
i'm crying deep within
my heart isnt breaking
thats how its always been

i'm still here
(L)

and i sat

and it was the best day of my life. ok not quite so today i had to get up at 8 to go to the fucken dentist.. lame. then i came back home and crawled back into bed. made kylan and i soem scrabled egg sandwiches.. he stayed the night at my house cuz it was way late last night after the party and he lives far away. speaking of last night that was pretty fubn ya know.. chillen in formal wear. i like getting dressed up.. they show was ok too. augh i can;t believe i have to sit through it 10 more times though .. lame. anyways back to today went and helped out with the haunted house... trying to give soem guidance i guesshahaha . helped them get soem walls up droped spencer off.. then came home and got into my pj's watched 10 things i hate about you in my couch with soem teawrapped in a blanket with a fire next to me... it was enjoyable.. then i went ad had hot bath... and now i feel refreshed... tomrrow i will help with the house again. i think sunday i might get seom work done... omg omg i have 3 nights off... what will i do .. wel haha probably bigg ass assignments... but w/e ... i don;t have to do the dumb show. can;t wait till it is over... fuck i just realized it;s kenny;s bithday on tuesday ... better get him somethign ... anywasy i'm out ttyl

WOw that was fun

last night was so much fun.the plan was 80's themed party after rehearsal. ha ha rehearsal was so like rushed cuz we where so eger to get ready for the party. hahaha the last act only tool lik 20 min haha.. anyways then we made our way to barbs. by the time the bulk of jsut where just getting there the neibours had already called to complain. it was so lame . cuz people wheren't even there yet the dudes jsut saw all the cars... then the cops came but everything was kewl. hahaha wow dude i dunno alot of specific things, i just had so much fun socializing with everyone. there was so much love and lots of kissing.... like i mean everyone... barb tried to slip me her toung.!!! hehehe *blush* caroline got really drunk and passes out kinda everywhere.. alleah woke up drunk this morening. it was james's first time drinking.... becky taught us a new drinking game....met soem new people... foumd that alex is freaking hillairouse and fun to get drunk with , and met afew new people .. all in all it was an interesting night.. that will be rememberd for a long while. till next time.. good night

sometimes i think my name must be mary

I hate life

The past two days have been horrible. yesterday was horrible, yet i think today topped it... i am exausted and getting sick. rehearsal went almost 4 hours beucase people couldn;t fucking remember their lines. i am very sore from sitting and tomorrow promises more dissapointment. i saw ashley today it was nice. she wore that perfume i like for me. i think the highest point in my day was going and picking out frames for glasses... in about a week i will be able to see again. they are need but i am impaitent and want them now : (... linda called me today asking to help the kids with the haunted house... i am very busy but would still like to help cuz they don;t have linda. it's always good to have an outsiders perspective. i will have to work out a shedual with spencer as to when they will be working and when i can come and help. dan and will are also helping... i look forward to being done with the crucible.. and have made kylan promis to beat me up it i ever thing of auditioning for anythign again... thanks to ross i hate acting.

there is no time for anything... i hope i can find time for my theatre history assignment... but who cares. i am worried how well i did on my english midterm.....

on somewhat lighter note i got 91% on my stage craft midterm I think it could be, one of , if not the hightest mark in the class, i hope anyways... i think mike gives me funny looks ? maybe i am crazy

she doesn't see her beauty
she tries to get away
sometimes
it's just that nothing seems worth saving

dirty dirty dirty

coverd in paint and foam chip type things.. the past two days i have been working on the cruicible set, it;s going fine.. hmm what has happened? well the turkey dinners where good. umm also "nerding it up" on the days off where good. this week i don;t remember what happend hmm except for thuesday we went swimming at the pool... we = lots of theatre people . and then had reheasal which was boring and made me hate ross more... umm then i was all sad and angry. so kylan cheered me up .. next day built some set and then today i build more set.. epp then next week there will be more set... man i am going to have a billion crew hours.. thats good though
haha later tonight might go see kylan and get som yummy chicken wings ... then tomorrow... nerding it up most likely.... and watching movies later on... hmm thats about it... and i am pretty lazy at the moment so no more writting for lisa...

one more day till turkey

and i am very excited. hmm i don' think alot has happened this week.. but lets recap. sunday i worked on my dumb essay. ended up finisheing on monday morning.. eww my mom woke me up at 645 ish .. eww... but i think it turned out to be a sweet essay.i get it backl on wednesday i am soo excited eeeep i dont; remember any significant details about the mid part of the week.. except megans and mine's parking adventure... A FUNNY .... and we started to build the set for the cruicalbe.... they trust me with power tools HEHEH

umm yesterday i went to school at 9 30 and built the set for stuff.. hahah i cut wood.. haha then i hung out with kylan and i went and me some of his friends an chilled with them.. he has the kewlest house.. it is like a cabin and there are crazy spiral stairs and it has that nice woody smell.. but his room is very cold... eep . this morning woke up and watched a bunch of episodes of family guy then went and got chinese food.. yummy.

umm yea i just had a hot bath it was really nice. .... ... and now i have just had dinner and am now dining on some apple crisp.. yummy. i think thats all i got..

It;s been a while

but the past week sure way busy. NIN was amazing they played for and hour and a half and i was loosing my voice from screaming so much. i *heart* nin. they played so many good songs to .. umm ebfore the concert soencer and i excpored a bit of van.. we went to metro town and i was bblown away fby all the stores.. then we took the bus and met a big group of other nin fans. then we got denied our room at the hotel we booked becuase neither of us is 19.. fucking lame.. but it';s ok we had a back up..
next day we had to get up early.. lame. so we could get bacl and i could go to stage craft... yay more word learning. tuesday was along day .. cuz after schooll michelle and i did our tech for our moviement peices and then me and kylan and jeff went to get food and stuff. then 3 hours rehearsal.. ouch..
next day kinda the same thing in acting we performed out movemnet peices... lots of people though ours was sweet... yay .., they liked my coreographing even though i don;t know how to dance... haha i geuss i can move still.. * insert lisa moving* except kylan and i got A&W .. yum ymu ... hen equally long boring rehearsal.. oh but we did fin out our part... i got the shittyest one in the play.. i am only on the stage for like 3 min maybe.. lame.. aso i am probably gonna drop it and go do techie work for the dover haunted house and musical .. linda said i could design the back drop!!!!
anyways thuesday had to go to rehearsal again .... gggggrrr beause i was in act 4 i had to go ... lame i maybe did soemone for 20 min.. then sat for the rest .. at least i got soem knitting done..but ew sitting for 2 and a half hours.... went to chris's after and tried to watch " all the great books abridged" but i was tooo tired.
friday went to dover.. finally got my play burned on to a dvd. no now i just need to get soem "Pictures" of it for my portfolo ... met up with kylan, we watched my play then the scarlette pimpernel then baked a cake.. then i showed him my scrap books while i got ready.... to while.. I wanted to look nice!!!! danmit ... anyways.. we went to moxies for dinner cuz it was spencers birthday... ( people present.... rick , robyn. nick , glenn, triin,. kylan, spencer. me cora....) i ordered chicken stripps.!!! then we went to the show. it was good, except by the end i got really tired and not so much into it... but it was ok still spencer held me up... thank you :) .... after the show we went to erins... well first i had to stop by my house adn get more slutty... apparentyit was the theme of the party. anyways. spencer got really drunk and it was funny. ahahah cuz he is cheap... nick also got drunk which was also pretty funny cuz haha well it; nick... and boy.. i never saw him smile soo much . hahah i also go tkinda drunkish . which was fun.. ahah don't worry everyone adam was there to give us all a ride. hahah it was nicks flaut.. silly nicky, then at spencer we where tryin to get nick to bed. and he ws funny haha i dunno; anways .. friday was a fun filled day
satureday was lame... felt kinda hung over but what was really lame about the day was that i had to play slowepitch with my crappy team... *sigh* waste of time.. but i did get a tripple.. man i smoked that ball .. then went to spencers watched movies with people and ate pizza( me nick triin, robyn glenn adam spencer... ) ahah we read soem of this " how to get iton book" that adam got spencer for his b-day . hahah itwas very amusing.. it;s a very think book. hahahah
and today *sigh* an end to the shinanigans.. i have to write and essay.. which actaulyl shouldn;t be to hard. but yea.

things i need to do some time.. possible soon
- get new glasses .. i have lost my other ones..
- update my portfolio
- read spencers new book hahaha it never hurts to be enlightened
- do laundry... i'll probably do that today
- paint somethign new
- extract myself from the crucible without causeing a ruckus
- draw megan a happy picture

i think thats all ...

p.s. i was so moved when i got 5 comments form people. it made me feel special *heart* you all

TODAYTODAYTODAY

OMG fuken going to see NIN TODAY... THIS POST DESERVES TO BE IN CAPITALS... I AM SOO EXCITED. AHHH I DON;T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY .. I I I I I ... SOOOOO STOKED. I JUT HOPE I DON';T GET STOLEN AND RAPED AND SOLD IN VACOUVER.. AHHHHH I HOPE YOU GUYS TRY AND BUY ME FROM THE BLACK MARKET IF THAT HAPPENDS.. I JUST .. AHHHH YAY



OMGOMGOMGOGMOGOGM... CAN YOU TELL THAT I AM EXCITED???
lOVE AND KISSES ~LISA~

2 days

until NIN that is... haha ok so tonight was nolan's birthday at tidys. that was pretty fun though i feel kinda sick now... i don;t know if it was themixing for 4 differnt types of alcohole that did it or those grose pizza things that i attempted to try again. i thought maybe they would be better in the oven... lets say i was wrong and i hope inever eat them again. ahaha it's so weird whenever i have something to drink , when i go to bed after i always have these dreams about still being at the party and then seeing more people show up that have no relevace to anythign going on ... like as iw as seeling earlier .. amber from my program walked in.. and then jordan d...i wonder who will be next???? anyways before the escapades of tonight i went to school(dover) and worked on my DVD version on deliver us not... then went to the mal and met up with michelle , chric and kylan. from my program. we hung around the mall then went down to value villiage. i aught a white dress with gree polka dots on it.. sweet eh.. anyways i'm kinda tired so i will go.. woot 2 days

hi Kids

soooo, i am waiting. .. i hate waiting. tonight we are going to be nerding it up playing board game... i don;t really feel like playing them.*sigh* spencer is suposed to be comming over to play.. i hope he remembers.. i also hope he had abetter day today ..
hmm waht is new.. went for coffee with nicole on tuesday.. and then later on we all went out to see charlie and the chocoalte factory... cuz it was amber's birthday ( she is in my program) umm lets see.. me chris. jordan . jeff. amber. michelle and kaitlyn went . after the movie we went to fast eddie. it was fun yay for getting to know people better. i've decided that michells and chris are my favorite people in the program . haha we stayed at fasst eddies past close cus we are silly and slow.. then we hung out , oustide for like at least 1/2 hour.. man where we kewl. haha group thurst.... then i braught chris home and made him watch moulin rouge. cuz he had not seen it.. that boy needs soem serious movie education
dududu
NIN in 11 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG ... hehe

twidling thumbs

so i am just sitting here waiting trying to get a hold of spencer... but i suspect andrea is on the phone which is lame. just been reading soem blogs and art and shat. i dunno .. suposed to hang at tidys today have some cinniman .. umm .. drink.... haha
so classes where good. omg some are sooo boring though... well i guess all of them have been so far but hopefully once we get into them they will be alot more funn. i am most excited for stage craft. augh my arms hurt and i don;t know why. lame ... hmmm... haha we had out theatre mixer last night.. that was pretty fun.. woul have been better if i was drinking with everyone eles:P o well . haha then after chris and i went and sat on the beach and there was lightening and it was behind the clouds and it look "sooooo beautiful" haha.
today i went to dover.. it;s weird going back and everyoine is like hey... and you feel kinda speical .. i dunno. it was neat decided that while i have timei should go to stage craft on wednesdays and fridays. haha and help out with musical theatre when i can.. i have time i might as welll be as involved in whatever theatre i can... i dunno how difficult my classes are going to get or what.. so i dunno,. but i hope i will be able to keep it up.
augh i am annoyed that i cannot get a hold of spencer :P:P:P:P lame... i will trya gain... 5th time....
ring ...ringggggg. ringggggg.... rin.... ringggggggggggg " you have reached 756..." nope no answer...
spencer says" yea just call my house i will be home..." mmmmhmmm well even if you are home darling i can get a hold of you... *annoyance *.... pause.


5-10 min later...call 6

dududu wastingh time eation rockets. yum yum yum...guess i will clean the comp room.... well thats done... took a whoel 4 min ... dudidid o well
shouldi try calling again... is there any point... i have hope i will try again

short blog

this is a short blog... size doesn;t matter you guys. it is 147 and i have to be at school at 10 30 ... rightnow i am doing laurndry . so i don;t look grubby on my first day of school. yay..school... damnit i forgot me book ... o well.
anyways for any of you that care i offically quit the walmart today. handed in my badge and dicount card( tear no more discount) and lame vest... on another note. i baught some socks new shoes and pants for school.. the pants are very very long... i don;t know what to do with them yet.* shrug*... yay theatre history then stage craft tomorrow... augh so i lost my glasses and i will probablty need soem.. so i should get some new ones... new frames i think... hmm i don;t have much to say. ace and i had a spa night tonight.. i waxed his feet and .veeted my legs( wow that stuff stinks) and we did foot soaks and facials... then i painted our nails and we watched horatio hornblower... he is so hard core.. umm i've decided that all my jobs from here on in should be related to theatre or back stage work.*shrug* it's more of a dream really..
anwyas i will go get my stuff ready for tomorrow so that i can sleep in later... *excellent* thought it will probalbly get up early from excitment toodles

for kate

la dida di da.. it is sunday 2 days till school. yay i am excited ahaha i wrote my shedual all kewl in my sketch book and did this sweet picture of a lily in the water and it;s reflection. also i did some sittign around. umm lets see what eles is new.. i finished the painting greg comissioned me for ... if you would liek to see it goooo. here...
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22485822/
ummm yea other than just kinda hanging out adn watchign movies not mcuh has happened... hmm i went to see a show on thursady .. kincaid played.. it was pretty fun. just hung around outside most of the night ehhe.. augh but i got like elbowed in the back in teh mosh pit and it hurt for a while.but hey ya take your chances... umm oh going bacl afeew more days i got my car sterio installed.. yay it is neat and hip and kewl;..
oooOOo ok so i have wanted to quit for like ever right cuz i hate the mart. so i got up today and made myself a little resignation letter and was all ready to hand it in today and like and hour or two ago my supervisor calls to see what is the deal with me, working and such ... cuz i was taking time off. anways and i told him that i was going to hand in my resignation today ... so that kinda confirmed it... now i have to .. no backing out.. yes... haha haven;t told my rents yet... i'll let them find out later. hahaha ... my mom is gonna be so pisses but watch me give a damn. hahah apparently i am pretty enough to be a waitress at the cactus club *shrug* thats what ace says anyways.. and i shouldn;t become a dish washer.whatever.. hmm of yea last night i went swimming with ace and lee and sarah.. then we played dance dance revolution.. or soemthign liek that.. it was so h-core I am soooo not good at it.. hahah oh and like the day before that.. i baught a 4 pound bag of rocket candies.. muahaaha. omg i love them .. i pretty much garantee i will go through them and buy another bag before haloween.
isn"t it disgusting how soon they put holliday stuff out. o wel

hmm ok i think that is all .. haha perhaps iw ill fill you in later on the walmart situation .. my gloriouse exit.. i dunno hahah a

more boring posts about me :P haha

Your Power Color Is Gold

At Your Highest: You are engrossed in passions that mentally stimulate you. At Your Lowest: You seek thrills and neglect what's important in your life. In Love: You see dating as adventure and approach it with an open attitude. How You're Attractive: You passion for life makes others passionate about you. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Having Fun?"

What's Your Power Color?

found on cora's blog

So yea i am bored and was reading people's stuff i found this on cora;s blog and thought i was intersting enough to share... do you think it is me ?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

sunday august 28th ... a day not as exciting as any other

... if that makes sence at all .. i dunno well at the moment it is not exciting becuase all i have done in gone to staples to look at printers... we are gonna get a kewl on with a scanner.. neat eh.. umm and then we went to A&B sound and looked at car sterio's ... got one ., it;s looks neat.. umm gonna get it installed on tuesday at 10 30 .. it will take an hour so if anyone wants to come and hang out with me for a while down town on tuesday morning please tell me . i would love to have some complany maybe we can go for coffee or a stoll down on the waterfront... dony all rush at once... please people one at a time one at a time... first come first served.... i'm here all week
so yea no i am updating becuase of several requests.... i was away camping give me a break... ahh yes camping... that was an ... interesting time. enojyable i guess.. excelt for the bad moods and hostilitly and pesterding... i went with josh , caitlin, kyle, ben and mike. caitlin was pissy most of the time.. which seemed to agrivate josh which made it akward for the rest of us. umm kyle ben and mike declaired me team leader.. basically i was a scape goat if anythign went wrong and a desicion maker when they couldn;t decide.... they insisted i was power hungery.. but they are silly boys.... umm i taugh them how to play canasta... it was ok .. difficult and painful.. but once they got it we were fine.. play for so long one of the days. last day we had a big game with all of us.. it was sooo painful... mike and ben kept cheeting which i could handle except caitlin woudl get all pissy at then and argu and complain..... needless to say i was not impressed by her attitue the whole trip. went swimming lots and fishing with glow sticks... we caught soem tree;s... i think josh liked his present.. i shall have to ask him

other than camping... hmm what is new.. hahaha spencer got his hair cut and it is really short... hehe... nick is suposed to be comming back from his fishing escapades some time this week.... i made 14.75 at a garage sale we had yesterday ... tonight i am going to see " A my name is alice " with nicole and her mother....
umm i sent out my stories to a bunch of people ... hopefully they liked them.. if you did not recieve them ask and i shall give.... i am uber excited about school this fall..i keep asking ace questions an i am sure he must be sick of my asking by now. but still uber excited...gonna get my books tomorrow hopefully...then i can look through them and get even more excited.. apparently there are only going to be 30 people in the whole program ... thats not so many.. and out of 17 first years they are like all boys... * wink wink * hahahah umm i need to clean my room... but not today ... getting my car sterio installed tuesday but you already know that ... and hey does anyone know when we are suposed to go and pick up our year books... i really want mine...
anyways i hope that this satifies you post hungry few... and please if you knowwhen we are to get out year books... tell me *wink* *heart* ~lisa ~

New And Improved

so i was reading other people's blogs and they looked so neat soi deciede to update my look. it's just like getting a new outfit... right spencer. hahahah not so much is new... haha i just thought i would mention my new style.. justincase you didn;t notice
oh last night i played toss and giggle( slow pitch ) haha it was pretty fun. i got a tripple. ahaha show those guys to movie in on me.. haha.. i guess i am kidna playing with that team now.. it's kewl theya re all really nice people. i wonder how much i will get to play with school though ... hmm better go do the laundry so i have soem clothes....
pfft... not that i';m sayingi need to wear clothes. ahah who needs em . ahah .. umm ahh ... nevermind.. haha

balancing boys

haha i thought it was an interesting title... but seriously.. thats what it feels like i am doing... man and i'm not even romantically involved with em .. so here is my ahh... spencer wanted to hang out at like 10 tonigh when he gets back form his party.. josh left me a message saying we could hang out tonight after like 8:30 and that he was gonna call me tomorrow... but ace also called me today and we are going to a movie tomorrow night.. but that should be find because he works in the day and we will go to a movie at night ... so i can hang out with josh in the day time.. but tonight if josh still wants after soccer i will probably end up going over to viste for a while then go see spencer at 10 30 ish.. we have to watch a movie that i baught on a whim..... i should never buy anything on a whim.... i seem to loose lots of my money that way ... or going out for food.... i like food, haha
omg .. ok so it;s my dad;s birthday today. and my mom made a turkey ( it was in the freezer and i said she should cook it beacuse ,,, well i love turkey sandwitches.....) anyways... .i baught him sincity for his b-day .,,, such and amazing movie... lovelove love it... we are going to wath it now acutally .. heheh yay it;s so visually stuning.. anywyas.. i'm excited atm .. i guess i like seeing all my guy friends.. but another thing i am stoked about is giving josh his birthday gift... hehe it is so kewl . i hope he likes it.. so much work though... anyways i'm off for now.. byeeeeeeeeeee

wasting time

Have you ever.

( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
(X) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) skipped school
( ) seen someone die
( ) had a crush on one of your internet friends
(X) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(X) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
( ) eaten Sushi
(X) been skiing
(x) met someone in person from the internet
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel
(X) had a tea party
(X) flown a kite
(X) built a sand castle
(X) gone puddle jumping
(X) played dress up
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(X) gone sledding
( ) cheated while playing a game
(X) been lonely
( ) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(X) watched the sun set
(X) felt an earthquake
(X) touched a snake
(X) slept beneath the stars
(X) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(X) been misunderstood
( ) petted a reindeer/goat
(X) won a contest
( ) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car crash
(x ) had braces
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) danced in the moonlight
(x) liked the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
(X) questioned your heart
(X) been obsessed with post-it notes
(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
(X) swam in the ocean
(x ) felt like dying
(X) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently coloured with crayons
(X) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't do
( ) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
(X) made a bonfire on the beach
(X) gone roller skating
( ) had a wish come true
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( x) ate dog/cat food
(x ) sang in the shower
( ) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x ) sat on a roof top
( ) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours?
(X) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(X) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(X) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(X) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) gone doorbell ditching
(X) played chicken
( ) pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x ) broken a bone
(X) been easily amused
(X) caught a fish then ate it
(X) caught a butterfly
(X) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
(X) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(x ) French braided someones hair
( ) gone skinny dippin in a pool
( ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house

so yes... unfortunatly that took up less time than was needed to we wasted... so here is what is going on with lisa... i have been commision by two different people to do are work for them... like omg i'm famouse hahahah mmhmm. on a side fo that.. ace has suggested that he can set up a show for some of my art work at the theatre this yea .. isn;t that very neat... umm whateles is new.. ummi dunno i am going to play magic cards with josh and spencer today . haha omh i'm kewl.. guess iw ill bring settlers to ... everyone say hello to the biggest nerds in the world hahaa.. nah there are probably mre nerdy people than i. for soem reason my whole body aches... i don;t know why ... it is kinda disturbing.. lame.. umm
** la du la di da...*musical interlude*
... i don;t think there is anythign left to say

Camping adventure

Yay for camping.. this was the second trip of the summer for me.. the first being gabriola where i made the best corn on the cob i have ever had in my life... but anyways. yea friday morning i picked ben up and we got food then went to meed josh up at rathtevor.. but found that when we go tthere we could not get a site till 12 30.. so we had to wate around.. no problem .. we played settlers.. then we finally got the site.. we set it up chillen and went for a wlk on the beach .. i made a penis out of sand.... i don;t remember why .. but it was becuase of soemthign josh sais ... ( on a side note: I would want my barnicle to bring me milk and cookies ) andways then i had to go to work. but after work marie was coming to get me and then we had to rush back by 11 so that we didn;t get locked out of the gate.. i didn;t leave work till 10 40 ..we made it there in 10 min ... 10 to spare.
next morning I made bacon and eggs for breakfast... thern was some sitting and magica card playing.. then we( we being the people camping ... me josh caitlin marie ben and chase) all went to play soccer..( dumb idea when it is that hot out.. and it was only 11) played for a bit then went to get soem icea cream up at the store... i decided to walk. josh ben and chase ran and marie and caitling drove . it was kinda like a race... i lost.. but was close to beating marie and caitlin.. i was proud. josh walked back with me and he regailed me with his few drunken stories... I miss that kid. he is so entertaining dispite what he says* sigh*... once returned .. THE BEACH .. we made a sand "castle" and when i say "castle" i mean we dug a hole built walls around it and dug a mote.. and waited for the water to come itn.... ok so it started out all fine then for soem reason josh and ben decided to start their own hole and it became a contest... so marie caitlin and i where building out "castle" and then boys where digging a hole.. apparently it was bette than our ppsh ... and wel chase just stood aournd... andways .. it was fun.. i was inside when all the watch came in . tehe ../
then after the beach ... dun dundun.. i had a shower.... that was very cold and the water had to much pressure so it like hurt.. antways.. then food and chilling and settlers and magic cards... eventually we got to playing strippoker I started loosing right away.. i don;t knwo why i always wanna play ahaha i'm so bad at poker.. anyways at the end... marie chase and I were compleatly naked.. caitlin had her underwear left. ben was in his boxers but he had won lots of chips so i;m sure he could have baught back some clothes and josh had only lost his shirt.
this morning i made a green deck adn we packed all our stuff... went that was done adn joshs dad was there.. we started to play a game of magic but got kicked out of the site...
the whole time well generallty we where kinda worried taht the "ranger" would find out we had more than 4 people camping on the site( 4 was the max for one site... ) ahah especially when we where playing strip poker and the greater number of us where fairly naked

now i work tonight.. then have 4 days off. then work friday .. then next sunday ( the 14th ) and then once more on friday (19th ) then i have 3 weeks off. at least i should ... if anyone wants to go camping.. call me.. i can make really good corn on the cob.. i also have a camp site the we prety much don;t have to pay for .. and is secluded and sweet. peace out....... hate in . hahaha i dunno where that came from.. it;s pretty lame .. but w.e

lisa life up date

soo i am sitting here on this friday evening.. it;s a nice night out.. the events of the past week goes as follows:
- seussical shows go very well. castparty is fairly decent.
- 5 people show up to take down the set. lame... i recruit spencer then take him out to brunch as a reward
- lisa works 3 days in a row and decided she has had enough..... calls in sick next day which is convinient becuase she can now go to rasmus's good by party.. rum is my new favorite.. i had a delightful time
- skipping back to wednesdays , spencer takes me out to dinner as repayment for brunch* shrug* then we watch lord of the rings " return of the king" which i believe that i haven;t watch ... turns out i on;y didn;t see tha last 20 mintutes... o well
- ashleyu slept over tursday night.. so friday morning we proceed to mal to get soem school finacial buisness done... lisa is excited to go to school in fall
- lisa and ashley the proceed to go get lisa's ear peirced.. i am now 105$ poorer but oh that much more fasionable.. haha i now have a rook peircing it looks sweet i like it... it didn;t hurt but there was a horrible crunching noise.... ask ashley about my face... ahahaha
- went to the lake... somehow it magically got clouddy and i couldn;t swimm anyways cuz the lake was gross for my ear.. we decided no-one eles would come so we left.. afew min after leaving will calls me
- once i am home fore about 20 min.. i get a call from nolan... he is at the lake... silly boys.. just can;t show up on time.. anyways..
- been chillaxen with spencer. haha looking through my year books good times..
- tomorrow will probably go to my family reunion and stay the night.. ahaha will probably drag spencer along so i do;t have to interact with my family... i find it akward talking to people that i don;t remember but remember me.. haha i well...

this concludes my week overview... thanks for watching *heart* lisa

a good night

hehe so all day i was tired...just lack of motivation or w/e , and then i got to work and everytign worked out nicely.. and i got everythign done.. and on my break i baught the fragile.. as NIN cd.( sooo excited to see them btw) and then i find out that i am getting a raise...! nice and i am hungry so spencer and i are going on a search for food,.. i want pizza but ia bout i wil find it

i wrote a sweet poem... if youi care for that kid of stuff please read and enjoy
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/20483068/

anyways i'm out ... need food

july 6th

my heart hurts
i'm so tired i could faint
i think i feel dizzy
from the fumes of tha paint.

one more night of work
then three days of rest
i know out of anyone
i'll use this time best

been listening to seusse
now there is rhyme in my head
now your reading my post
to see what ive said.

so thats enough of the rhyming.. i had another verse lined up.. but i couldn;t finishit... so it got cut. umm arts alive is going great who ville is done. just the jungle left,shane and i have pretty much done it all .. oh and tom our little helper hahaha it;s neat getting to know him again kinda.. i dunno it;s weird. um umum... yea like i mention is my little poem after tonight i get 3 days off of work .. that will be a nice break seeing as at the moement i am compleatl drained... i might have to stay till 10 30 in stead of 9 30 .. which woul dbe lame.. but umm.. no it;s jsut lame... tomorow going to seee war of the world with spencer... that should be neat. augh... soo tired... i could sure use like a massage ..*cough cough*.. any takers??*wink wink * augh.. :P umm it seems a little surpressed now but there where people who where all grr and i dunno ya try and help and give advice when people ask... but then they don;t take it... i dunnoi guess i shouldn't bother to much with other people's lives.. takes to much energy... which i have none of right now.. i don;t even really know if my sentance makes sence becuase i stopped half way through and then started again withough readin it.

sometimes i feel a little alone, but othe times as if i'm all that matters in the world.. thats a nice feeling, even if sometimes i don;t think i deserve it. i like everyone to know they are appriciated even if i'm not. people's misconseptions bother me... it's really not how they think. something more but something less, quite possibly a mess. damn that doctor suess and his rhryming technique. there is no way i can fight this , i'm just feeling to weak. so here is the conclusion to my story of the day.you've seen afew thoughts in an interesting way . this is not much time left , i'm sorry to say , but i must go to work. will post again another day

grad u ma ation

so grad today .. neat... umm yea it;s been 13 years... yea next year going for 4 more... what a waste of time hahaha. o well. dry grad will be neat , i've decided that i am going to win one of the big cash prizes that would please me... hmm guess i should get ready soon.. augh school at 10 30 .. for sandwiches i won;t like... free food never works out for me.there is always to many veggies. or weird sauces.* shuddter*
tomorrow is canada way .. I will probably sleep through alot of it. as i am stayng up all nght.. then i am going to a party at my cousin dawns house.. btw if anyone reads this in time and wants they can come.. just ya know ask me about it.. should be fun. umm yea i am le hungry so i think i will make a scrambled egg sandwich .. yumm hehehe





p.s. I am le here...
please don't forget

look around ....

ever feel kinda tossed aside, cuz something better came along... yup i'm kinda down right now... it was silly but it made me sad. i hate akward moments also.. your all like what do i do? *sigh* i'm also bummed about shane taking my idea for mr A using it as his own.. yea yea yea i know none of you care, but it was what i wanted to do for him, my gift, i had it all planned out then out fo no where it gets snached away from you... make you feel violated. trust me if it happened to you .. you would be just as dissapointed.. what i give is all i got... kinda.. now i need to think of somethign eles... DAMN IT ... i'm so not happy anymore... i just wanna curl up in a ball and lock myself away... stupid moods , i know it's not really true but it feels like no one would ever notice....

"look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares "
well katie P might.. i am doing props with her.. it is going to be super fun but i can;t even be excited any more... i should be fucking jumping wit joy.. i have one more day of highschool left and today is fucked becuase of two stupid things that shouldn't matter... but.. it is the little things that count.. thats what gets me.. * sigh*
augh.. i better cheer up befor nicole and ash mo get here... i'm helping them make things .. and i have to make things.. and food and go to work and finish journals and resume.... i duno how i will get it all done.... feels like my suport left me... i'm just being stupid..sometimes i hate myself.

somedays i hate myself..
someday i hate you
i know there are many days
when you probably hate me too

some how i see through all the good
and focas on that bad
it usually happends on the days
i'm feeling really sad

there's no one here to comfort
they've all forgotten me today
i'll sit alone till i'm over this
and then be on my way

does it seem like nothing bothers me?
i'm not really made of stone
sure it's nice once in a while
but i hate to be alone

please remember...
though i'm smiling on the surface
i'm crying deep within
my heart isnt breaking
thats how its always been

i like chips

thats right .. i'm eating some right now.... umm just about to go to bed,,, thought i would write a little something somethign ahaha .. i had a free day today .. no ball or work ,, woot woot.. so i spent the time after school dying soem suits for my pay and braiding 50 foot umbilical cords... it takes like 30 min to do one.. i still have one left btw.. augh .. spencer came and helped me.. then we went and visited ashmo.. and then spencer and i hun out.. haha i went to save on and baught marichino cherries.. they are yummy ummm yea i dunno 9 more days of school left can;t wait till it;s over.. year end actig show comming up excited for that.. and gonoriah... that it gonna be fun ahah OH AND ASH MO"S B_DAY . haha i can;t wait to give her her gifty.. i hope she likes it... anyways off to bed for lisa...

I tried, I Gave up..

..After everything i've done i hate myself for what i've become...
thank you
I *heart* you







i don't understand how you put up with me


...i'm not worth the second thought




... but i guess don't mind

deaylo

I AM: Sorry for the stupid things i have done
I WILL ALWAYS: be there
I MISS: being the one you talk to
I SMELL: like vanilla
I CRAVE: attention
I WORRY: about everything way to much
I REGRET: only afew things in my past
I LOVE: to paint... and eat
I SLIGHTLY: hate myself
I DANCE: like an idiot in my car
I SING: along to musicals
I CANT STAND: for long periods of time without falling over
I LOST: my best friend
I LIKE: to be kissed
I LISTEN: when you need to talk
I CAN BE FOUND:if you care to look for me
I NEED: to know what people are thinking... and what time it is
I KNOW THAT: your upset
I HOPE: I can help
I WANT: to be happy
I AM ALWAYS: overanalizing
I CRY: when i mean it
I FELL: unapriciated... looked over.. forgotten ....unimportant.. out of the loop .. by everyone except one person
I WILL: continue on like i always do
I WONT: stop caring and trying to make people happy
I THINK: too much for my own good
I SHOULD: resist
I COULD: do more
I WOULD: go swimming if it was summer
I DIDNT: think
I LOOK: different to myself than everyone eles
I HEAR: the lawn mower
I HURT: more than i show
I HATE: some of the things i do , how i act sometimes and not being able to make decisions
I FEAR: being alone
I DONT: know all the answers
I FEEL: ...loved
I CARE: what my friends really think about me
I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO: satify my cravings
I HIDE: behind a mask
I WRITE: quotes or poems to help me think
I PLAY: on swings
I LEARN: something new everyday
I WILL BE: recognized.. one day
I SAY: stupid things that dont make any sence
I DONT THINK: people know who i really am
I LOVE TO: be with people.. even if it;s just sitting listening to music
I ALWAYS: wonder
I HAVE: needs
I BELIEVE: in myself... most of the time
I NEVER: thought it could happen

you make me feel alive again and wanted for the first.... when did you cast this spell upon me, please say that it will never end..... tell me anyways

place your hands upon me.. I am soft
I don't bite......
.. Unless you want me to....
unexplainable dilema... the want and the know....or..unknown......I am my own defeat and you my saviour
..don't stop rescuing me....

These sunglasses are to dark...

... i can't see the sun today. my happy mood depleated... there isn't much to say. a silly little incident, it drained my good mood dry... some one knock me out of it...it feels like I could cry. I feel the tears are welling, i choke to hold them back. don't know why i feel so sad... happiness under attack.

so this is compleatly ridiculouse... i feel soo sad today... like at any moment i could start to cry.. it all started yesterday when the boys( spencer and tayler) where over.. they play crocano while i dyed my hair... when i was letting it set i came in to visit them.. got soem cheese ans crackers and offered them whatever they liked... they where difficult. so i leave and come back and they are laughing and they won't tell me what .. it really bugged me fore seom reason ... it was as if they where makeing fun of me behind my back while i was there... so i went to finish my hair and all the time i was just stewing... my disadisfaction escilating...when i returned they where all quiet , as if they knew that had annoyed me and where trying to be all nice " your hair looks nice " mmhmm i dunno about you but i don't wanna hear compliments when i am in a bad mood.. especially when they sound kinda forced. augh .. it's not their fault they just kinda pushed whats was already there becuase earlier at baseball michells was being such a power hungry bitch. the first drill we did she just couldn't be pleased.. we had to do push-ups when we didn't yell loud enough.. and missed a cover.. or a throw.. just so you know.. if you don;t already my mouth is all screwed up right now.. the skin around it is all dry and hurting and my lips are cracked. i cannot ( or at least could not yesterday) open my like at all.. like it hurt to eat anything cuz i would have to open my mouth .. so you can imagine that it is hard to yell.. also, i'm getting sick so my throat is all buggered.. quess who got to do push ups... she said for me to yell louder... told her i couldn't my mmouth was all buggered .. so have to do pushups cuz i am making up excuses .. does she thing that i am lieing to piss her of.. i know she is in a bitchy mood why would i wanna anger her firther... it;s not the fact that i had to do pushups that bugged me it's the fact that she didn't even think to believe what i was saying... so the rest of the night i was kinda ticked off... yea be had to do abunch more pushups and she yelled abunch more... so you see it's not that the boys did anything bad... they just havebad timing... so i am in this shitty mood and i get to have rehearsal and work... wonder what tomorrow will be like

thanks cupcake

soo i'm happy, but worried at the same time... digging myself in a hole again, but once you've started digging you don;t wanna stop cuz you like the hole.. it;s nice and cozy and protects you .... sometimes you go to deep ...and you can;t get out.

" listen to my muscle memory"

" I want what I want"

"nothing seems to satisfy, I don't want it , I just need it "

The Road of desire goes both ways ...

omg ... creepy

ou are a WECF--Wacky Emotional Constructive Follower. This makes you a Candle burning at both ends.

You work until you drop, and you play until you can stand to work again. You have so much enthusiasm that you can find it hard to control on your own, and you appreciate the guidance that channels your energy and lets you be your best.

In a relationship, you require lots of attention and support. You often over-contribute and end up feeling depleted and cheated. You may benefit from more time alone than you grant yourself.

Your driving force is the emotional support of others--especially affection. You can run on empty for miles if you have positive energy behind you. Without it--as it occasionally must run dry--you are depressive, listless, and difficult to motivate.

You need a lot of affection. Get it any way you can, but never at the cost of your self-respect or well-being.

HOLY CRAP... its scrary how these things work out someimes...

i knew it.....

How evil are you?

What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.

i don;t think there are words to describe how i feel right now... i hate myself. i'm sorry beyond belief... sorry doesn;t even beguin to describe how i feel i betrayed you. i'm stupid. i should have known... i should know by now not to trust myself. i know for sure. tomorow is going to be hard. i know it.... i can;t think of anythign to do to show you ... i hate myself.. i'm stupid. i want forgivness , but do i deserve it ... i hate myself ...

HOLY COW

aha chill laura chill.. hahaha yea so it;s been like about a billion years scince ihave posted anything but i;v ebeen busy with stuff and stuff. perhaps i will have more time nwo that festival is almost over adn i don;t have math . miahaha thats right i am a slacker and got out of math.. ok so it is saturday .. i worked all day and am uber exaused.. umm yesterday i also worked and then went to tidy;s that was fun .. interesting stories... hahaha um the day before that .. thursday it was my birthday .. super duper super..umm yea .. so i can do stuff....like vote..and buy porn... umm lets see lets see. i made the sweetest tree omg it;s so amazing.. i made it for the festival play. umm i also designed the shirts... theya re soo sweet it is gonan be an amzasing show . we had a reheearsal this morning and we went thoguht the whole show... it;s a very emotional production i was so excited to see the last scene.. the mute scene omg i take credit for that,,, my idea hahaha ,, watch everyone will forget ,,, it';s most likley just in my head, but it seems to me that i do these relly kewl things or accomplishsomethign and eveyone kinda brushes it off . it makes me feel crappy, i guess i would like more attentuon .. i dunno *sigh* ummm yea i am lost and no so much sure what to write.. sooo i wil end here .... the end