why am i so tired ...

monday today .. hat to go back to silly school... it wasn;t that bad excplt we were gonna have to do our debates in french class and i was a horrible person and wasn;t prepared , laura i apologize.. i'm a lazy person and i should have been more responisble. working back wards before lunch was stagecraft with pizza.. yeh right on... augh i woke up this morning and my triceps were very sore.. i am guessing this is from sledding... oh how the pain is worth it. i hope it snows some more.. i wouldn't mind another snow day haha. though it would probably be bad cuz we would fall way behind in class. i have to prepair for an englsh essay ... and i am not quite sure how... there are soo many thoughts that are cluttering my mind. it;s weird i have all these thoughts and feelings that i hate and don;t like but i am able to understand them rationally so i know what is going on and it kinda annoys me... then there is my second guessing when it comes ( mostly) to matters with other people..... brrrrr it;s vert cold in my comp room .. yay legwarmers...i feel very tired alot of the time, i have little ambition to get things done,..

i'm all wabbly, tilting.. teatering ready to take to fall
collaps to the floor and lean agaist the wall
slide into my mind , pick out my poison thoughts...
these tainted memories that keep sleep from me
and make my white eyes shot

unleash me from my madness
i want to feel loved again
please wash away my sadness
let me love again
take it all away
before I, don;t let me fade away

Who is that strangers looking out at me
looking out beyond borders of ... simple sanity
does she see what i see?
why can't i recognnize this person ... me

unleash me from my madness
i want to feel loved again
please wash away my sadness
let me love again
take it all away
before I, don't let me fade away

let me love again
take it all away
before I, don't let me fade away
fading away falling away ...
fading away falling away..
don't let me fade away

what am i left with

trapped in a glass sphere
floating on a sea of disbelief
the waters around lap against my container
laughting, mocking at the comunity that they share
at what i do not posses,
the sphere , containrer .. prison ,. it is my own head

where am i to start?where am i to end
i am waiting for the future to arive and take me away from ...
whatever i am left with

is there no one to save me from myself
....................
The past few days have been event full and most exciting . friday with the lack of school and abundance of snow.. then slackidness of work.. saturday at work with the power going out .. getiing payed to sit around, and later that night ,, the girls came over ( laura nicole mel, tasha) movies sledding at like midnight with the boys( james nolan dylan) that was good fun cold but fun... so what if i'm a littlle bruised up hahah *sigh* then more movies and some chat... not much since my lifa has been quite uneventlfu latley and those events that have occured upset and confusesme .. these are not worht mentioning. to day we got up and made some pitia pizza's they were good. people left ... i watched troy.. tryed to do homework, accomplished some then gave up.... been sitting doing nothign ... what a way to end the weekend

too much for myslef to handle

same day 400 o clock now... very tired... but it has been a busy day. after doing nothign for many hours i had a mish over to laura's house were her nicoel an i proceeded to sled down a path by her house .. then we went to rutherford school and that was fun haha. we came up with many interseing " techniques" for sledding.. including. have all three of us on one snowboard type thing then haveing laura and i each on a snowboard thing with nicole sretched overtop of both of us holding us together ... good times... then we returned home and made hot chocolate. woot woot and watched " three to tango" hehehe it's funny. now i am doing more waisting time before work!!! yay actually maybe i can have a nap.... oh yes it is sil snowing ... crazy and kinda dissapointing.. as now i cannot go and play poker with josh and people... at least i won;t loose my money ... but were will the fun be???? i must go weat dinner... do day to you...
p.s. nicole.. you forgot your watch... i am holding it for ransom..muahahahahah

I'm wide awake the more I sleep

the time .. 5:25.. i have been awake scince 3:30 and woke once an hour before that... total sleep maybe 3 hours... why i cannot sleep i do not know... but i woke up to get a drink... twice i guess .. have not been able to sleep since i pray that there is no school today becuase i do not belive that i would be able to function.. though i would be able to show lind my painting , get my drawing from mrs haaf, and ask about creating a resume type dealyo to send to B2B to possibly get som work experience.. haha wouldn't that be swell.... oh god ya see that .. i must be tired i used the adgective swell.BUt any who what t to write this early in themoring, haha nothign much has happened ... i did make juice in the dark... although i supose that it wasn;t entirely dark... the snow iluminated everythign quite nicly... actaulyl the first time i woke and looked out of my front room window, i was moved and wanted a picuter but sadly my camera is shit y taking picuteres of snow in the dark.... so imust be commited for memory... gah ... i thoguh that perhaps i would paint it gah , i am sorry for all of you that have to endure my ramblings about painting but it is indeed one of my greatest passions... funnly enough i never did it much intil after a certain relationship was ended... ahaha boyfriends must take up too much time . who needs them... well .. gah << that is sooo my sound for the week. hahaha just thismorning i realized how much i like me cat... she has so much character,.. last night we played tag.. it's very cute... she will chase me then i will turn around reallty quick on her and she will get scared and her tail gets all puffy. theni chase her.. and the game progresses.. but as i was saying before,. this morning i came down stairs and sat in the front room .. jsut to look at the snow. and i hear this little jingle... it is my kitten ( she has a bell on her collar) she comes and sits with me .. i pet her she ( she does this most tof thetime) she will lick your had to show her apriciation as well as purr( i'm sure most cats will mostlys do this) .. then she got up and jumped to the window cill( i dunno if thats how you spell it ... it kinda looks funny .) and she scratched her cheeks on this glass thing that my mom had sitting there,so smart... i dunno it is silly but iwas also cute how she was sittingon the cill, looking out at the snow and jsut purring..... but that is enough about a crazy lady talking about her cat... hahaha . hmm oh here i go again.... last night i made the kewlest painting ... it is my had in the mirror and it;s refectuion ... almost every one of the colors alone discust me compleatly.. they are like gros grens and yellowy and black ish.. but when they are put together,. it makes a beautful contrast of light and shadow... and contrast of colors.... wonderful.. i aslo finished this crazy writter painting.. with a black backl ground and very bright un,ixed colorin on top of it.... and haha my rendition on the van goha 's " starry night" as a birthday gift for jen ,,.. thanks to ashley on the help of what i should paint... haha your a keeper* wink * i really don;t know what i mean by that .. but i luv ya , hehehe
you know what i hate.. i will alwyas think of the kewlest things... but forget to write them down .. and then they are gone dissapeared into the vacume of my mind forever... it's funny. when i was making juice this mornng. ym mind was all like phylosophocal kida.. like you know how when yo think in your head it;s liek you are talking to yourself without saying any words.. well the voice in my head was sounding very dramatic and poetic and sophicticated.... all while i was making juice... haha
O nicole.. remember that sometime we have to watch three to tango.. perhaps i will bring it to school one day and we can watch it in our spare je ne sais pas.. i really hope it is a snow day today i am soo fucken tired... but the hitch is i am too tired to sleep figure out how that works... just like when you are sick or w/e and you havent eaten but you arn;t hungry at all beauce you haven;t eaten ... garh( hmm thats new) i have blabed on enough .... i will find something eles to occupy my time , until i find whats shaken today ..... good morning to you all ,.
p.s. work tonighty should be sweet .. no one is gonna be there.

......................................................................................................................................

there's not much left to love
tootired today to hate
I feel the empty
I feel the minute of decay
I'm on my way down now, I'd like to take you with me
I'm on my way down
I'm on my way down now, I'd like to take you with me
I'm on my way down
the minute that it's born
it begins to die
I'd love to just give in,
I'd love to live this lie
I've been to black and back
I've whited out my name
a lack of pain, a lack of hope,
a lack of anything to say
there is no cure for what is killing me
I'm on my way down
I've looked ahead and saw a
world that's dead
I guess that I am too

don't fret precious i'm here

today at school was fine... i might have slept through most of first block....*shifty eyes* then other classes where easy, in my spare nicole and i went to the bucks and sipped some super stuff.... yea aliteration ... oh and watched queen of the damned that was fun , even thought it displeases me somewhat ... vampiers are still vampires.. which is up there in my books. apres l'ecole, j'alle chaque ma maison ... and was inspired to paint... so i started on one of my big canvases.. so far i am enjoying it... a bit stuck on the backl ground but i don;t have to work tomorrow so i can paint, woot woot ummm work was ok not too busy ... eww i had to be the greeter fior and hour!!! yuck . hmm oh and we had this clean sweap thing where we all got duster things and whoever 's was the dirtiest won a prize. i got 3rd and won a fancy note pad thing. back home now eating quick cerial and muse ing... umm gah ok there is this thing at work called items per hour .. and whenever i have the highest they never have the meeting notes so they don't mention it at the meeting *tear* i knwo its not a big deal , but it is nice to have a liitle recognition . sigh . hmmm what to put in the back gorund of this painting. i wonder if a black and white effectwoulr work mmm it would definatly contrast the color gah .. tomorrow. i've always wanted to have some of my art in display in a galary... i wonder if i could hook that up........ hmm lisa is sleepy .. merry christmas to all and to all a good night ...
........................................................
" you look so precious now "

a bit of deep thought

so it is my spare block.... first day back at school and nicole, ashkley and i jut finished a pack of popcorn chicken, then ash and nicole went to get a knife.... but yea hmmmm i had this thought that was all like... " i'm an epifany" which is like the most obviouse thing in the world. so here it goes.. life is meaningless. hahaha but we give it meaning by giving value to things like love and friendsship HAHAHAHA intereupting tought hahaha who cares about the meanings of life... so donni ash nicole and i somehow started talking about pregnancy then somehow .. i think donni.. said it would be weird if you gave birth to mice... then mr fyling said it would we weird if you gave birth to tiny kangergoos . hahahaha there was much laughting involved. anyways i have soo lost what i was talking about... my epiphany IT'S GONE . o well the thought of giving birth to tiny kamgaroos will live with me forever........

woot woot

haha so i was in the tub... and it dawned on me that in like possibly less than a month ball is going to be starting up.. that is sooooo exciting! ahah i've come up with some weird thoughts while taking a bath .. aha not too long ago i thought of the sweetest painting, but i don't think i am that good at painting to do it justice.. so it must wait haha. gauh back to school tomorow.. WOW somehow i just got the biggest craving for sweet and sour pork ... mmmmmy house coat is soo fuzzy.... random .... oh dear have to get up at 745 ish... i best be giong to bed... hmm perhaps a snack first..........
"So crucify the ego before it's far too late
To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical..........
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable

last glimps of freedom

I still cannot belive that it has gone by soooo fast!!, i have to go to school tomorrow, it's unfortunate. i waisted soo much time ... there was so much i could have done. o well. ahaha so when i started this i has something to write but now i don't remember ...... umm of yea , hahaha i had the wreirdest dream. we were doing some play a shakespear.. and i was covering somone's part... but then when it was show night i forgot all my lines and evern what my whole speach think was about , haha so brianna drove to my locker and got a script fr me ,, but it was no use cus my scene was on like righr away .. and then i didn'thave a costume on so i threw on this ungly white dress thing. haha but i still had my street shoes on , hahaha. oh yea but the person beside me had these lines written out on a paper on the floor for me .. but i couldn't read it cas i needed my glasses. and i was just going off about somethign then mr anderson steped in and saved me... he was in the play to playing and old man or somthign . haha i dunno . i was so uneasy though the whole time.. and it soooo weird that i would have a dream like that . cuz i am not a person who normally get stage fright. haha then there was this other part where i remember havign this part and these people got ummm body paint on the carpet and i was like fuck my mom is gonna kill me . haha i dunno thats alll i can remember of myweird dream.
hmm anywho yesterrday my cousins came over and we played wizard then , poker, then we went swimming for an hour haha we though it would be open forlonger ok , i forgot how much i hate pool water... it makes my skin feel grose. hmm then i went to james's and watched someof the 3rd harry potter , but my face was bugging me and it was 1 30 so i decided it was time to go home. thats really all that is up,.. and it's not even interesing . maybe today somethign fun will happen . i still need to meet soemnew people,.. its to bad lots of my friends(including me ) are to youge for the bar and pubs and stuff. i dunno .. ahah aoh and if any of my friends read this hehee it's not that i don;t l;ove you hahaha i just fine it very exciting to get to know someone new... hahah ya know when you make a new frriend and then like you talk about them just cuz like all this new information is fresh in your head.. and like i dunno hahaha, new experiences i guess. o well haha good day to you all ........................................................................................lisa

"She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men"

mmm chocolate...

hehehe my mom braught me ferrero rocher;s from work hahah , they are soooo yummy, love them ahah but anyways i am quite tired hahah , will be nice to sleep in my own bed not that jens bed wasn;t comfty last night hahaha , but the petit dylhan elbowed me in the face and stole the blankets... doubt i will share my bed with him agian hahaha, so today is the first day of 2005 ,,, thats kinda a scary thought, hahaha time flys eh , back to school in afew day s.. yuck,.. played some poker today that was good, fun haha , i'm not very good, i supose itwould help if i knew what could beat other things but whatever.... my toes are cold *tear* my leg warmers do nothing . o well hmmm think think think oh so i decided that i realy realy don;t like cold weather..( not that i did anyways.. summer rocker,,, skank tops and whore shorts& thumbs up , smile with sparkle* ) i was trying to leave joshes.. and the lock on my car was frozen... i couldn;t evern get the key in ,, and my car is horrible in slippy roads... *shaking fist * stupid car haha o well i supose i shouldn;t complain tooo much ,,. damn it this was suposed to be short i'm tired and am in need of sleep ... *sigh * i am toren , tired yet wanting to paint, ... sleep wins .. haha but then agian i can;t eat chocoalte while i am sleeping.

I"m a million different things
and not one you know

hey, and we love the abuse
Because it makes us feel like we are needed now
...
We used to love ourselves, we used to love another
...
'Cause it's so lonely I feel like I have died
I thought angels never learned to say goodbye

Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight sky, goodnight to the cold air which freezes m tears before they are born. chills my skin and makes me numb... i don't need to feel... not now... goodnight

new years eve bitches

hahaha so we are all just hanging out at jens at the moment, the computer clock says 1142 oooo it;s sooo close its funny though beciase it doesn't feel like new years haha o well , today was a bit of a frightfulkl mess, like none of us knew what was gonn happen tonight but thankfully everything came together. first we all went to amys and then proceeded to jens . where a good deal of us are staying the night, i'm the DD haha , volunteered myself *wink wink *
hha tis quite a random thought but i'm looking over at jen's fireplace and the mantle is all decorated christmas like and her tree is right next to it... it looks very cozy .. but anyways
back to new years 1145 now... omg i need to finish this quick.... not so much likeing the bob marly that is playing... yuck ... amy and nolan are suposed to come back after they are done downtown ... to bad there wasn't a big ass party with a bunch of people that i dunno , i've jsutbeen thinkink ... and i haven;t met and new people recently and i find that a very exciteing think haha, my bro and soem people are going swimmiong tomorrow , perhapos i willo she is ashley or someone wanna come and we can find some hot boys or somethign hahah a....awww i wonder when the panto people are gonna stop by.. hmm i hope the do . i am wearing jen's sweater thingy... it kinda smells like grease .. she probably had it at work ,, but o well it keeps me warm ... shhh don't tell anyone but dylan is a stupid boy ... *loud*SHHHHh * obivouse wink* hahaha jkjk , he is a kewl little silly boy ... i so did not expect to write this much.. ohh it is 1150 now... festive festive festive hehehe, best be off, haha get the count down started
P.S OMG hahaha JENS DAD HAS FIRE WORKS.. ISNT THAT KICK ASS HAHAHA WOOOOT .... BYEEEEEEEEEEE

police cars need gas too

so been trying to get things figured out with jenn 2 about having a newyears shindig.. baught soem munchies today... that was my first trip to wally mart... like almost as soon as i get home. the petit dylhan comes on the computer and askes if i would like to go to the mall ... he wants to puchase soem new running shoes... fair enough i have nothign better to do .. so afew hours later and another trip to walmart.... dylan still doesn;t have any new shoes.. but we didn;t come away from the mall empty handed... no not at all .. dylan nowhas boxers that say " rub my nuts for good luck" and i found dick tacks... a festive button for ashley and a new red fuzzy colar for myselfmuhahah heheh yay. there goes 25 more $ hahah . anywho we also stoped at the food court where dylan had some crazy raspberry drink with a mood booster called " horny goat weed" .. it was intersting.. dylans , no pink ,, hair also got alot of compliments... dude that hair is pimpin( bootleger guy)... and .. ( some lady at a kiosk)oh how hansom you look with your hair that color... indeed. she wanted him i could tell ,. haha the guy at bootlegger was right,. he wasn't even out of the mall and the chicla stated hitten on him... obviousely iw as int he shadow of greatnesss... haha my day so far... sweet eh ... excelpt all together i a'm about 75$ poorer ... need to get me some of the horny goat week to boost my mood... or wait i'm sure work tonight will be super enough. hmuihahaha *twitch twictch*
anywho sooo tomorrow, hopefull yhtat is fun .. hopefully jenn ( 1 or 2 ) will be able to have people over.. i miss everyone. i need a mood booster:P hahaha. super .......... le fin

creative block

i have everything that need except the will and inspiration to do it. a blank sheet sits infront ot me waiting to be embraced by the colored touch of my brush ... yuck. holdays made me so lazy, having nothing planned makes me lazy . i have so much that i could do ... augh fuck me in the goat ass *grumble grumble*

solitar

never was good at that stupid game... but perhaps i will become a hermit... i dunnno, i s my company t soo distasteful? je ne sais pas, i know that people are busy and stuff but i find it that when soemthing is going on i am never contacted. i supose that you could look at it from the angle of i never call anyone up , but i do fine it distastefull to invite myself to events.. that and i hate the phone. *cough* so what is one to do ta da become a hermit, if i am going to feel left out i might as well do it to myself and keep what dignity i have , perhaps there is nothing to be excluded from

now at this point i understand nicoles point of view. ya see i never quite understood how she could both want and hate the idea of " couple" . I COMPRIHEND . it has been so long scine i have not had someone to love or concentrate my affections on that i lost sight of this... compleat lonliness, it's not just the feeling along for a little while but knowthing that there is none to wash away all your troubles even if it is just for a short time. now let me explain , love is a funny thing as we all know and so when i am saying that there is no one .. friends and family in this case do not apply . it;s just the type of love, getting back to my first point looking at a couple, i am so over runn with jealousely that i can;t stand it and then i go on wanting what set couple has to releive me of this hate/ jealously... i just if it can be explain any more than that. but i don;t hink anyone reads this anyways

du du du

there is just so much to say .. where to beguin. Lets start at christmas, its; a was cheery day much like anyother... my mother work me up though.... " we have to go open presants" she says . fine. hah downstarts we go. got some sweet stuff( haha not like the umbrella of last year .. oh dear) i got the fuzziest housecoat imaginable , the scarlet pimpernel dvd set , manson cd, and some anne rice books..OMG and my dad made me an easle yay haha i was soo excited to give my brother his gift though ahah it was a carebear hahahah long story .. anywho then we went to my grannies and my uncle gave me paint stuff and my granny gave me leg and arm warmers.. haha its; a weird thing. parents .. they kept onm bringing p being stick , like how sick we all were the past week ... way to cheer up the holiday .. after that we went to grammies' waited around a while(watched me movie: ) then everyone showed up hahah auntie libby gave all the cousins a back of harry potter jelly beans and we played the jelly buttion game,... ( you open the little hole and shake it till one comes out and you have to eat it.. this seems find but there are all these grose kinds like soap and dirt and vomit.. and they really taste like what they are ) then i had to go to my aunts for dinner. .. i'm the only one my age, it;s not that i don;t like being with my faimly .. it was just more sick talking and some political junk.. i wasn';t paying much attentuion cuz i was hungry hahah .... dinner was excellent except for no buns to make tiny turkey sandwixches and.... lumpy mashed potaotes.... o well hahah a. chocolate icecream for desert *wink wink* yea i dunno what the winker were about ... after dinner i went back to grammies to chillax with all my cousins haha made myself soem tiny turkey sandwiches ,. hehehe we watched return of the kind... i lots alomost right away at pass the ace... but that don;t matter i was super tired so i returned home earliey ish ... i had to get up realy the next day for shopping, and early i did get up.... make no sence i ... ummm i picked caitlin up at 7 .. isn;tr that ridiculouse. we made a qick stop at future shop to see if they has a cd i wanted, OMG it was so busy, line ups people everywhere... at 7 in the morning... saw shane and laura.. we contunued on .. michaels, tim hortons, sports check , mall (lasenza ,hmv, stiches, ) chapters mall suzy sheer (why can't i spell that?) all together i baught 3 pairs of undewear, canvas paint, a brush, 4 shirts, a pair of jeans, cd, caitlins present , and shoes ... good haul hahaha
after shopping , went home and cleaned up a bit, and went over to joshes... played soem pool , came home milled around the house.. sarah arrived around 9ish ,, she's very nice .. bubbly ( by the way she is my brother girlfirned that he met on the internet, she lives in nova scotica.. it's kinda weird but she is nice)
thats all the is realyl interesting latly haha only painting and watchign movie is the rest... and it seems as though i hace written a whole lot of noting so i say good day to you

World so Cold

When passion's lost and all the trust is gone,
Way too far, for way too long
Children crying, cast out and neglected,
Only in a world so cold, only in a world this cold
Hold the hand of your best friend, look into their eyes,
Then watch them drift away
Some might say, we've done the wrong things,
For way too long, for way too long

Burning whispers, remind me of the days,
I was left alone, in a world this cold
Guilty of the same things, provoked by the cause,
I've left alone, in a world so cold
Fever inside the storm,
So I'm turning away,
Why does everyone feel like my enemy,
Don't want any part of depression or darkness, I've had enough,
Sick and tired, bring the sun, or I'm gone, or I'm gone

I'm backing out, I'm no pawn,
No mother-fucking slave to this,
Never lied
Never left
Never lived
Never loved
Never lost
Never hurt

I need to find a darkened corner,
A lightless corner,
Where it's safer and calmer

world so cold-mudvayne

If it breaths ...

hehehe so today is a day ... one of many days .. hmm well actaully its thursday i do believe.. the past two days have been quite a blurr seeing as i have been sick and when you sleep till 2 go to bed at 7 and wake up countless time during the night you tend to loose track to space and time.. but i have made it here... feeling quite a bit better yet still a bit crummy.. good enough to go to work at least( seeing as i skipped it the opast two days ) work is going to be ridiculouse .. two more days tongiht and tomorrow left to shop for christmas... yikes ..anywho feeling well enough to put make up on.. which .. in turn makes me feel better.... funny thing that make-up does... make-up makes lisa look pretty.. pretty lisa feels pretty making lisa happy... now by this i am not saying that the way i looks is all that makes me feel good about myself but it thuroughly amuses me to get all dolled up hahaha anywho... just under 2 hours to waist till work .. dudud . what to do what to do . well i don;t particularially feel like doing anythingjust kinda sitting, even though i am bored of sitting funny how things work like that... tomorrow i will have to get out of the house and do soemthing exciting .. what i do not know,, i am bored of this.. THE END ...

Fuckidy fuck fuck

isn't it wonderful how randomly scatted my blogs are .. one hear.. one there... there just ins't enough time in my hecktic day to write on a silly web page.. though i do find it quite amusing... today .. started fine then got very worse.. then got a bit better... surprisingly at work... hahah it;s funny house taking people's money and puttingthings in bags can help to drown away your worries... though it more often than not creates stress and worries... especially with the fucking rude people... fuck to rude people they can kiss my ass. .. like serioously if yuou don;t like the line up dont; fuckin shop at walmart! time is money .. then you must spend time ..waiting in line... unless you are smart like me... muahah but shhh i won';t tell haha. it's ;like that wonderfull little quote dealy o...."the steps for succese... #1 don't tell eveything that you know... and #2 ......." hahah delightful..saw lots of peoplt oday at work .. mel and kenji. and nolan... grr nolan made me disgruntled today... like way to make me feel worse about myslef.. boy just don;t understand that girls have aliitle more emotion than them ... so here is how t went down . he asked how iow as... i said not good so he asked me to explain... so i did about how i am not likeing how i am a shamelss flirt... especially when i am drunk and how i fukced things over with a certain person . hahaha,. so he tells me to get over it and move on ... i agree... yet comment that things are harder to do when you feel alone... then the come bacl with the retort... lisa .. i haven;t had a girlfriend in year... get overit... and i am just stunded.. and in my mind i am thinking.. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.... it is not about having afuckn boyfriend. its about having soemone that i can depend on and go to for reaurance.. ahsn crap liek that ...like . friends kinda work ... but there is a different connection when you have soemone to really love... thats my problem .. i'm got to much god damn love and no one to give it to ... so here is me trying to love and its; leadind me into a pit of anguish ... what is one to do sit it out? thats seems like the onlything to do... but i supose i just don;t have any better ideas.... none that would work anyways
continuing... i am soo tired... last week with the play took alot out of me and now i am sick and stuff not so much fun but it turns out that i don;t have to work until friday ... thats a plus... perhaps i will get soem painting done anyways where was i .. oh yes tired lisa... i need soem time to myself... take a bath all that jazz... did i mention i am in dire need of an eye brow plucvking... well the thing is... i need to pluck my eye brows.. its like a fucks forrest... groose... i can hardly look at myself in the mirro.. and that is aost hard to belive aahaha cuz i like lookinga t myself... there is a bit of narsacisst in me ahah a. whats so bad about wanting to look good. :P anywho saw this nice vest thing today at work... think i might buy it ,. ahah oh dear i'm so shallow... so what if i like to buy material goods to make me happy... does the job at least for a while... oh got my english teacher would be apauled.... i so no sentances. or rather one very long sentanxce strung togehter with an astonishing amount of elipses... though i do have some nice vocabulary words...

long day.. not over yet it's only 5:30

today has been an exausting and tumultyuouse day...got up same time as eceryotherday.. went to school.. bahhi tried to sign up for grad photoes but there was no-one there to help me.. i dunno what i am gonna do.. my procrastinations have fucked me over..... augh anyways continuing onnnn. started constructing the haunted house today... its; pretty much all set up the props and details have to be added tomorrow thats gonnd be ther funnest part i think.. hahah to much driving todau hahaha o well of dear there will be more tomorrow. i am quite please witht he way my curved room looks, omg i still have to find a costume this is gonna suck... here goes my procrastinations agian. hwat ya wana bed i will forget it until the last muinut.. i'm thirsy.... oh dear how my mind wanders... but sometimes it just gets stuck on one thing.. then i can't think of anythign eles and it drives me insain... even more so i guess... i am sooo tired.... it i were to lay down not i coulf fall asleep in no time.... but i must not there are things to be done. tomorow is gonna be even busier.... set up .. musical theater... work... laura's.. laura's will be sweet though . then the next day more set up and then hopefully going to see the guys perform.. that will be sweet though hmm sometime tomorrow i will have to trade vehicles with faja . shmea perhaps i will be offf..... i hope tonight ends nicely...... i'm still thirsy......

i'll give you blog

over all i do belive that it is an interesing concetp.. but to what extent is it;s usfulness,... in my opinion the only people who are going to read it are my closest freidns..who i can enevitably talk to in person... and convey to them my thoughs and emotions in much more deatin.... stop.. start again... lookinga t it from a different perspective it is jsut like a journal... a place to display.. my rants rages ext so people can better understand where lisa... beign me .. is comming from.. this poses a problem... whilein the process of ranting i often don;t esplain myself to my full potentianl.. there my friend is the place where people may become offended by my opinions... o well .. change of heart. who the fuck cares right, now... so today started out alright, my classes went by at a decent pase got alot of painting, done... painted probably a total of 3- 3 1/2 hours todya... ahhh its;so crazy... after shool painting/ haning out with ashee and kenny was fun.. then when i got home it went down hill, i have been wuite bored,.. on the plus side though i actaully compleaed my french homework andn i am almost done writting comments in my scrappy book.... i have been slightly sullen... do youknwo what it feels like to miss someone and not know if they miss you in return or even feel the same way as you... it is slightly deperssing. perhaps tomorrow will shed soemlight on the subject, ahaha, cant; wait for saturday probably gonna go and see the oragne edition play.. thaty should be fun, andf i get to dress up ! . ehehe i dunno if i wanna be a butterfly or hte tooth fairy, mayeb iw ill get soem stuff togehter tongiht... himm i waonder if i could alter my other fairy costume then just be a a regular fairy... ow ell only time will tell.. time. time time.. sure has snuck up on my... i mean haloween alreay.. it seems like the year just started one things for sure time goes by faster as you get older...oh deatr there is so much chaos going on right now.. seriously it;s like a fucking soap opera.. except no one is in a coma .. yet.... honetsly it;s taking a tole... i don;t remember the last time i was feeling this streached out... like people talking about other poepe and i keep stickingup for certain people becuase i understand where they are comming from but then the people that i am sticking up for are just makign things more difficult for themseld and it is all one big mess... just a big mess. i guess a good analogy for it would be like a boulder rolling down a mounting gaining momentum... knocking down trees and destroying cities untill it settles at it;s reting place. i dunno what to do about this.. i just gotta go with the flow and i'll make it thought i jsut need to be loved
oh and that . baahh, so lets put this right out there... lisa likes james.. and from what people tell me james likes lisa...te he . fair. enough but it annoys me that people are all inteh business of pushing us together... aka are you going out yet... when are you going out...you should go out... fuck left things happen natuallly like i dunno keeping me informed is grand but sometimes things go to far and we start messing with people's lives... ahhhhhh my brain and i am also sadened...i wish i could spend more time with set person but he always seems to be busy.. not time for a lisa.. tis horrible .. today afterschool i was painting my flat for the haunted house... listeing to music then the cd was over and this sad music came on i felt very lonley.. just one lisa in a bit room is to few poeples... Sigh.. o well perhaps tomorrow will be an improvment....

smarter than the average bear

so i have some spare time and decided to write myslef a little shpeal , but then realize i have fogotten my sign in name.. smarter than the average bear i know, anywyas, ahahaha work really screwed me over this week, i went in today to return a chair( by the way i work at wal-mart) and check my shedual just for the heck of it, and found out that wow i have to fucking work today , i was not pleased..... my idiot boss screwed up my whole wee's shedual so it is different that the one i have, baahhh, will find new work soon , ahh on a more pleasant note i baught the new greenday cd tody , it is an excellent cd, love it love it love it, ahahah did soem work on my scrap book to , i gluded like 130 pictures bahhh soo many, but the memories will last forever hahahaha that is all for now i hope that int he future i remember my id and don;t fell like such an idiot , ahaha,