just because

i think you are neat. your fun, and fun crazy stuff seems to happen when you are around. i hope you get to know me better, and i the same with you. cuz we could have grand times together

wHAT THE FUCK IT IS SNOWING AUGH

i hope you don;t have any ..mmm negative feeling about stuff that went down earlier on in the year. i hope you understand.perhaps as the panda pancease drop we can get anythign out cuz you are pretty kewl and fun to be around.

i wish some things worked out for you more becuase all i want for you is to be happy. i know you just need to find the right someone. it;s good though that some thigns seem to be looking up. yay for summer . YAY for next year...YAY YAY for BULK FOODS!

What the fuck. why do you always do this, misconstrue what i say to you. i'm not being mean. you just think that it's my goal to make you miserable for some reason. guess what it;s not. so the next time that you feel i've ruined your day, think again of what i did/said that you happend to interpret as negative, and maybe you won't fall in to a slump so fucking often. if thats to hard to do then dont even bother with me.

why do i always not see you. hahaah i like you so much. we lie when we say we will hang out.. but o well .. when we are thirty right. we'll get together then.

for you i shall creat a song montage.
" you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey- and I.... Ie.. IIIIi will always Loooove you o o o ..(cuz i ) never knew i could feel like this, like i;d never seen the sky before, want to vanish inside your kiss everyday i love you more and more.waking up next to you makes my day good

i miss you. i wish i wasn;t so forgetful and lazy that i actually sent you an e-mail once in a while. i think about you and the good times we had.i miss them but hope you are doing well. i have somethign for you, a christmas gift... i will get it to you somehow.

i;ts good that what you thought before about me has changed, beacuse you are pretty spiffy. yea i saidit spiffy. glad you are comming to hang out ... sometime. see you soon eh... cocktails too..! yes... we shall have some


omg better get going

doom doo doom doom

Soooo i am just chillen right now, waiting for doug to get out of a meeting. been fixing up the last little pieces of video , and we are gonna burn them to dvd soon.

i found these, cuz i am bored. we watched invader zim last night i am love grrrr soo ,, i though i would share it with you.

i hate mondays

hate them, with a fiery passion that burns eep within my soul. i dread them. they are just so busy for me, art class early in the morning then my over lapping classes.augh.. i just really don; want to deal with it ever. ican;t wait till this semester is over so i can like mondays again. it really up tp the events of the day weather i get through itin once piece or not. and yea i know i am being overly dramatic, but... seriously they just suck so much. it;s not just that i have to get up early for my art class it;s the class. i am sure you have all heard me bith about my teacher.. whats the point in putting efort in things, when you knwo it won;t matter. augh.

tomorrow starts the 3 weeks of madness as well. this week the crunch to finish video's, this weekend tech starts off tech week and then we open. lame lame lame.. i mena i love theatre and i love doing shows.. digital stuff so isn;t my thing. it;s good i am doing it but augh... stess. i wish i just had a nice set to paint. that would be easy.

anyways.
see you all tomorrow.

p.s. i died my hair and i am unsure if i like it...
p.p.s i hate mondays...seriously .. augh... i just want to skip it... o kthats enough ...
augh...


*grumble*

very tired lisa

soo today as a pretty long day. i had 2 apoointments and a big chunk of filming. it was like my day just dissapeared. i cannot believe that this week is already over. back to work tomorrow. i think i get payed though. which is good. cuz i spend money lots. i am very tired right now on account of my business and getting up early and stuff. yesterday was a good day. going out to fast eddies and having soem cocktails and getting kinda tipsy an then haning out at spencers with people was sexy times.

wow it;s getting pretty late. i better get going to go to bed soon . it smells so good in this room. i don;t want to leave.

dududu

good night everybody

love

vomiting happiness

it's true .. i literally can't contain it anymore.
i know i am lame. i just can't help it though. getting through today was an accomplishment. it was just one thing after another which was kinda stressfull, but is a huge releif now that is it over. the rest of the week seems like a breeze, even though there is probably something that i am over looking or that will pop up like things tend to do.

tomorrow dudud, i am going out for james's birthday. dunno where yet but what ev.. then the next night,, on valentines day*weird face* i am all up for the singles and "singles"( cuz there are some kinda acceptions) night at fast eddies.. COCKTAILS yay yayaya.. so excited.

then the next day is the wonderful day of appointments starting with an eye appointment and then a dentist one. woot.

my rents leave in like a week and a 1/2 and are gone for .. omg.. 3 weeks.. i will be alone in my house. but not entirely.. Cocktail party. if your comming i;m gonna need ya to bring soemthign like a bottle of booze or some mixes.. maybe soem munchies. no beer alowed.. or pot.. this night is classy and just for cocktails.. and if you don;t like it don't come. i am also thinking that there sould be a girls night, cuz we talked about that before and now we have a good time/ place for it. just throwing it out there..
it;s always fun to have a night of talking and junk food... how about some more cocktails??
auhg.. i mean ... having pillow fights in our underwear


anyways...

YAY ( you knwo what i am talking about)

anyways good night and sweet dreams , i'm hoping for them.. mmm last night... such sweet dreams

never knew i could feel like this like i;d never seen the sky before, want to vanish inside your kiss , everyday i'm loving you more and more. listen to my hear can you hear it sing, telling me to give you everything, seasons may change winter to spring but i love you, till the end of time.

O weary night
abait thy hour
steal me a while from my own company

Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabys
So let me close my eyes
And sleep
Per chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away
I’ll dream away
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

unproductive

i hate it when i feel that way. funny how often i am unproductive though. sometimes i wonder why i am. it's like i have so much potential to do whatever i want. i could paint or read or whatever, any of the things that i always wish i had more time for. but i don't. i just sit around wasting time cuz i'm just not in the right mood.

Like right now. i have the whole night to my self, whether i want it or not, i have it. to do whatever i need or want. but i can tell already that i won't do anything. i feel kinda shitty and i'm probably just plain lazy. whats with me and this being sick, cuz i don;t have a cold. is it some weird flu? i don;t have a temperature but my head and neck hurt like crazy, and i'll just feel really crappy. i've had enough of it. I want to feel better.feel like myself, feel pretty. not feel like crap.

what an awesome depressing post. i guess on the bright side i have most of my proposal done and it had been pushed back until next monday.
but i also have 2 art projects that i am behind on and a bunch of other fun things that i get to do. so as it looks i will probably sit around for the next few days being unproductive, wasiting my time on the computer, till it's last minut and i have to get my act together.
Sweet, i can't wait

augh

i hate being sick. My whole body hurts. i feel to crappy to do anything productive. everyone eles is at school. i always feel lonely when i get sick. i hate missing everything that goes on in a day. tomorrow i will most likely be at school even if i am feeling like shit. i don't want another day like today.
*sigh*

oh that karma's a sneaky one

so today i feel icky. i had to go to work but ended comming home 1/2 way throught my shift.anyways let me start with the adventures of citt

sexytimes. friday morning i get up and have to go to a pre-production meeting for power. augh after an hour we got a pretty final idea of what the set it going to be. blah blah blah. i have to leave.. kylan and i go to my bank and then to meet at spencers where nikki is picking us up. the wonderfull nikki comes and we go to get maddy. then the two in the front seat decided that they want food so we drive in afew circles cuz spencer can't give driving directions*wink* anyways
long story short
we make it on the ferry yay...meet up with. devin, tasia,jill, brianna, michelle, ace and mike.(plus myself nikki,spencer, kylan and maddy) 12 of us all together.

not alot happened on the ferry but we did have some intersting conversations in the ride to citt, in out big budget van. some reminicing of old tv shows... ext ext
so anyways we get to citt. do the wandering around thing. get some really really crappy tours from dougless college students. USELESS. our first years are smarter x2 than their second years. anyways had some pizza*shrug* did this crazy challenge that ended up involving alot of cheating and cheap tricks.

augh side note: some of the other students pissed me off they where so rude. like this one guy just bad mouthing every thing fuck. i just wanted to punk him in the face.

carrying on. the team the maddy was on won. yay so proud and team franken-polt( kylan, brianna, devin, nikki, jill) won second for most "creative design" Also brianna won a first aide course, jill won tickets to an opera, spencer won canucks tickets.. him and jill traded tickets. all and all the actauly citt was not the highlight of the trip, however i did come away with 2 stagefab cd jackets and a travel mug.. i like free stuff

afterwards we took a walk then the sky train to get to the ywca. kylan and i where ran over by a tank. and the best way to cross an intersection is to run. anyways we made it and went to our rooms.

me, maddy, nikki, kylan , jill and devin( also know as room "nikmadjilliskydev kavich"
and then spencer , ace and michelle and brianna and tasia's luggage( this come in to play later in the story

so after getting setled in and nameing our room we(spencer, ace michelle, kylan, jill, maddy and myself) went to dinner at moxies. where i had two moxie sized cocktails. mmmhmm. i aquired a sweet ass martini glass for myself and some utensils and a napkin for kylan. spencer got a spoon.the rest( nikki brianna, tasia and devon went to the bars)
we finished and went back to the room where there was more casual drinking i went to sleep pretty fast.

3:30 am... i get up to answer the phone it is the front desk... they are trying to get a hold of spencers room because a drunk brianna and tasia need to get their stuff( they stayed somewhere eles) but no one in the room is answering. so i call. no answer. call micheles phone like 3 times no answer. go down to the room... knock for a while.
FINALLY. a very cofussed spencer opens the door and we bring the bags down stairs.
grumble grumble back to bed

4:45 kylans phone rings. it;s nikki her and devin are lost. devin is being an ass and lying in the street and nikki is trying to get him back. ... a little while later kylans phone rings again. they have taken a cab and are there.. so kylan and maddy go down to get them... cuz the key has and elevator thign and they didn;t have a key anyways... blah blah blah..

everyone gets back into the room .. tires to sleep .. except devin.. he is drunk off his ass and giggleing.. the rest of us are not so happy about this. finally we get him to shut up.

next morning.(minus devin) get up and head out, pick up some breakfast at the the corner store. thank you KCmarket. mmm fruit loops. mike and our ride shows up and we head over to eh massy theatre for a tour.. which was awesome. so kewl. i'm not going into details cuz this seems long already. then walk, skytrain(loose michelle and ace to metro town and mike dicthed us for a sea plane.
215. we realize we will not catch the ferry we want and decided to go to rickies.mm breakfast. soo good. jill acuired a knife for kylan. then we go to catch the bus

kylan reads the shedual wrong so we think we have missed the bus and go for a walk down granvill to the rock shop. i baught a funky necklace that i feel straingly connected to. head back to the bus. hey it;s michelle and ace.
current group: jill, ace, michelle, kylan, maddy nikki, spencer, myself

catch the bus( hey it;s a jo! and mr grumpy).. miss the ferry by like 10 minuts. lame. wait around in a coffee shop then the terminal. spot a trish. yay trish for winning tow gold metals.. woot

on the ferry. we manager to aquire a the perfect seats. and have a chill ride home. kylan and i where grossly over priced for tea.. it;s mostly fucking hot water.. grr.. next time we are making our own
kylan aquires a spoon, knife, fork. I a spoon and we both grab some sugar packets.
arrive in nanaimo... nikki has a parking ticket that is either 27 or 50 dollaras.. lame.. i shall give her some money.
i get dropped off at spencers to find that the drivers side mirrow on my car has been busted off.. not kewl. it;s funny i never realised how much i used my mirror, until i truned my head and had to look at a little metal stub.grrr i decided that it happened because i stole a bunch of things( glass spoon

so anyways i am back to today when i woke up feeling wonderfully happy yet crappy and left work early beaucuse of it. it;s karma evening things out

i went and baught some cheap books at chapers. they are ok,but nothing special.


oh yea if anyone is interested the blood services phoned they are having a clinic feb 20th - 22.. i knwo gragoire wanted to donate blood. and if anyone eles wanted we could go as a big fun blood giving group.*shrug* anyways. farewaell to all. i hope you enjyoed my story and i appologise now for all the spelling and gramatical errors

*waves*

I wish ...

so today i was pretty angry earlier on, for an emulsion of differnt reasons althought they mostly resule from similar things. i was furiouse. i needed to step out and get it out. i wrote some stuff down and it actaully helped alot. i was able to keep going with the rest of my day. i was going to post it as soon as i wrote it but was unable to. then i didn;t know if i should becuase it is fairly harsh. but i decided i would becuase i am done with forgetting how i feel all the time and moving on. cuz i dont really move on , i just supress it and then it comes back even worse, which contributes to my up and down days. so this is me getting it out. you probably won;t like it.it's harsh, i know but i'm tired of keeping it in.

I wish..
..you would listen to what i tell you
..you would respect what i say
..you would realize i never loved you
and never will
..I didn't remember what you did to me...
fucking pervert
..you knew how fucked up you are for doing it
i'm done denying it
..you didn;t always touch me
it makes me uncomforatble
..you would remember that i told you this already
.. i won't have to have to tell you this again
..you would realize it will never be the same
and yes this time, it is your fault


I wish..
.. i learned things much faster than i do
.. i said how i feel, when i feel it
.. i wasn't my own worst enemy

.. i could kiss you at any time of the day
.. you would invite me over when other people are already there
.. i wish i didn't have to be your little secret

there it is, said. realize right now i don;t have the same emotion, like right now i am content for the most part and my mind is fairly blank. but i needed to write this because it's important to get out. just cuz i dont feel anything right now , doesn't mean these feelings arn't very important, infact they are becase why would they keep comming up in my head if they wheren't.

dududu

i hate it when the blogger sign in decided that your sign in infor just isn;t good enough to sign you in ... and it;s all dumb and stuff.
umm today was allright.. i was very worked up this morning then i had art and i just became full of hate for my dumb teacher, aughjdhfaskhfklash.... then i was find and happy and then happyer that my class was cancled.
soo that was my emotional veiw of today... approprate because it was indeed emo monday
sadly i don;t think that geoff got the point. i dunno about you guys but i dressed up to mock him. yea it;s fun and all but i'm still miffed at what he said. and still wouldn;t mind punching him in the face.*shrug* but o well
i probably won;t get angry enough to do it at the right time. it;s a shame . i;ve always wanted to punch someone... they have to deserve it though

hmm other than that there are lots of things i gotta get done. which is lame and stress filled .. i am excited for citt. um um umu

OMG i had the best meal ever today. it was a roast with mashed potatoes and gravy.. and broccoli.. mmmm one of my fave meals... so good. .aksdaksj;l

i kinda wanna have a nap now, but i wanna go see kaitlyn, cuz i miss her. it;s weird i was over there for like a week or 2 and then i haven;t been and yea... sad.

anyways thats all i've got

muahahahahahha

61 Odd Questions.

1.) Do you talk in your sleep?
sometimes

2.) Red Jello or Blue Jello?
Blue

3.) Whats the song thats getting on your nerves right now?
i don't think there is one

4.) Favorite Food Group:
meatand potatoes

5.) What's your favorite color(s)?
blue, red

6.) Window seat or aisle seat?
aisle

7.) Ever met anyone famous?
i don' think so

8.) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
umm it's been pretty good, but i hope ive got a ways to go

9.) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
actaully i grab some and hold it up then bit off 1/2 of it and suck that up... it;s proably not the most atracive way to do it

10.) Who do you like - Ricky Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
neither....

11.) Basketball or Football?
baseball

12.) How long do your showers last?
15min

15.) Are you self-conscious?
sometimes

16.) Have you ever given money to a bum
i dunno , it;s a possibility

18). Where do you wish you were?
on a beach somewhere

19. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance.
no

20.) Can you tango?
nope

21.) Last gift you received?
i cannot recall

22.) Last sport you played?
probably soccer.. haha which is funny

23.) Things you spend a lot of money on?
food, gifts for people, clothes/ random wants

26) Favorite FAST food restaurant?
A&W!

27) What food will you not eat?
tofu, i don;t understand it and it scares me

28) Can you sing?
ummm kinda sometimes .. not while i;m driving

30) What's your least fav. chore
washing the dishes.. it makes me hands all soggy

31. Favorite Drink.
rootbeer, or apple juice, or raspberry juice or cocktails

32) Are you a vegetarian?
Hahahahahaha

33) Do you believe in Heaven?
no

34) Do you miss someone?
yes

35) Have you ever come close to dying?
Nope

37) Are you eating?
i was... but now no

38) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
yes if they are conneted to the tops of the broccoli...

39) Do you wear makeup?
yes

40) Whats your worst fear?
natural disasters or getting pregnant

41) Would you ever have plastic surgery?
nah
42) What do you wear to bed?
depends, pj pants and tank top/t-shirt.... or nothing....

45) What kind of shoes do you wear usually?
brown shoes
46) Do you want kids?
yes , but i am already scared for them

47) Future child's name?
i like boys names for girls... like alex or jo...

50) Do you snore?
a little bit i think

51) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
venice or hawaii

52) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
negative... i sleep with a rock

53) If you won the lottery, what would you do?
i would build a theatre, or just work in theatre for the rest of me life

54) Gold or silver?
Silver

55) Hamburger or hot dog?
thats a hard one... depends on the mood i like em both

56) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be ? potatoes, cuz you can cook them soo many ways... mashed , baked,fried, fried potaote sticks

57) City, beach, country?
beach

58) What was the last thing you touched?
before the keyboard, the mouse

59) What did you eat last?
nachoes

60) When was the last time you cried?
the 19th , i had a stressful day

61) Do you read blogs?
*blush*,,, i do sooo not look at everyones blog like 3 times a day

----------

1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
i'm not wearing any ... take that question 1

2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
all of the work that i have been/am .. putting off, and how it is gonna suck to actaully do it
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
these surveys.. yay survey...

4. Honestly, what did you do today?
worked

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
yes, but not all the time
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
no i don;t think so

7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
no

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
ummm no actaullay

9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
eating, being with friends, cupcake, sex

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
only when they get cracked and then i bite the rest off

11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
ummm upbeat i supose thoughi am exaused

12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
umm not really, but i guess you could kinda say yes... but no

13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yes...

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
indeed

16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
umm kinda, it;s probably not realy hated though

17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
kaitlyn, my kitten , spencer

18. Honestly, are you loyal?
yes

19. Honestly, are you in denial?
a little bit

20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
umm no actually i'm kinda tired

21. Honestly, who is your best friend?
spencer and kaitlyn

22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol?
no...

23. Honestly, do you like someone?
maybe...

24. Honestly, does anyone like you?
the answer is yes
25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
i like where it is

26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
yes i belive i did


so that was some fun to get me going on this post, cuz i need to update but i don;t have a lot to write and well i needed something to distract me from actually doing my art project. i have to make a colage but all the pics i already cut up are at school. so i have to start all over again. augh.. i remembered that i had to do it last night and then i got to work all day.. wee then tomorrow i get to finish my other art project...

OMG tomorrow i get my stove back , yay i can have real food. yay anyways this weekend has been quite agreeable. though packed with much work.i am excited for lots of things comming up, mostly moving out. oh i dunnot thing i actaully mentioned to anyone.. but after or 1/2 way throug the summer or w.e i am going to move out, and possibly live with kaitlyn. which would be very sweet, i think that we have agreeing habit and temperments. anyways i would love to move out asap however it would be wise to work a while in the summer and save up some funds. i am also planning the things that iwill need and i shall stock up on them before i move out so i have everthing. *nods* good plan eh...
anyways i dunno whateles i want to write... if i think of somethign i'll come back . but right now i am having a bath..

on my drive home i listened to my thoughts,

and i think i'm going deaf.don;t you hate that. when there are just so many things going on inside your head that listening to quiet music seems too loud.
uuuuggggg*clutches tummy* i just can chow down 2 papa burgers like i used to. i want my kitchen back , then i can eat real food again. soon Soon!
things have been really up and down for me the past little while. it;s like at one moment everything is perfect,but the next moment none of it exists. it isn't allowed to. and as much as i try to stay positive that things will be better again. it is hard for me to make that transition sometimes. i've been finding school particularially draining this year, or this semester rather. like mondays and wednesday with the overlapping classes, or the rushing to meetings after other classes. it's like everything is going so fast and i am stumbling to keep up. running for my next minut of peace my next moment of " happyness" hahaha i am so dumb... w/e never mind

*sigh/ deep breath* btw this isn;t anything but me letting things go. i'm not that great at etting things out there, i'm getting better but still , i'm pretty bad at it. andwell writting things helps me get them out.

you know what bugs me.. when you have something that you want to say, and youthin kabout it.. and find exactly what you wanna say, but when the moment comes, the words just don;t seem right or you forget. that happens to me all the time drives me nuts, thats kidna why it's better to write things. though when i actually have somethign important to say i never do because that would be kinda cheesy/ silly. *shrug*

my world on blood

you are my blood.this high that you feed. this high that i feel. it eats the pain of life . the troubles of reality. i am free and my wildest dreams become reality. but then i can see it comming. the crash. the world stops
colours are not as bright. the world has become dull as if covered in a haze of dust. this dust covered reality i see. i dream of those colours, until can drink of that blood again...
and be free.

i enjoy how writting something can make you feel better, even if only for a little while.

this is my new post

today
hmm weird, for some reason there is a line under my typing, i don't knwo hoe to fix it omg. anyways. today . worked. not that hard though. i was kinda bored for parts but o well. it is over now. came home and had a nice bath*nods* yea all right. i have nothing really super duper to say.

yesterday i went to the film festival at the school. there where some pretty sweet ones. i wish i had awesoem ideas like that. o well . came home earlyish and went to bed cuz i had an ugle head ache.
i've been thinking alot about things that i wanna do, for a while now.like for next year and stuff. like i used to have a plan, but then the world changed a little and now it looks like there is something better. well maybe not better but differnt that i think is best for me.*shrug*... ok bare with me... i have this intuition( belive it or not) that i know when things are right for me. it doesn;t work for everything.. like it;s more like i know if i am ready for something. normally if i get this its like, whatever it is becomes so clear as to what i should do. and in my head it's " this is what i am going to do" there are no doubts, i just know. anyways. we will see what my rents think. and really it;s not that big of a change it;s just what i want/feel i need.
i dunno if some of you will be excited or dissapointed in what i am doing or really if you care at all. but i'm putting it out there.. without putting it out there i guess... i gotta have some surprises.

oh yea. soooo also my parents aregoing away from feb 23- mar 10th. away for my b-day on the 3rd.. they better bring me back soemthign *shakes fist* no jkjk.. like i need anything. but mayhaps we can have that girls night or a mini/ casual cocktail party, cuz i don;t want my house wrecked and don;t wanna have a big party with many drunks, however i love cocktails and it would be silly for me to drink alone. ahaha right right..
just putting that out there too


yar

emo post......: P

i am soo tired. i dunno why. today started out great, like driving to school i was in the best mood in the world, when i got to school i fluke dout and got a spot at the top. after stage craft thought things just kinda went down hill. rushing around to get things done, going to a long pointless art class. i got to learn how to use a ban saw... never used one of those before..ha. kaitlyn and i made some props but we where both like dead. so now i am home maybe i will read or something.

>>> this is a drawing i did last year in english. i like it. i kinda wish there was a bigger person than me that could just pick me up and carry me in there hands.. like. i dunno if that makes sence but for me , in my exaused state the thought of not haveing to walk around and stuff is pretty sweet. anyways i was just looking through my art and decided to share it.

i cannot wait for this week to be over. i will have no more dumb rehearsals , or plays like that to worry about. however i do have media stuff and art that i will have to do. augh.
i just want to relax, i want to have fun. so many things just agrivate me. augh fuck i want my glasses. driving me nuts.*sigh* i am unsure as to what i should be doing, how i should act sometimes. there are things about life that are funny. i hope that you understand me a little better now that you have been where i am been. or maybe not. i wonder sometimes if my life is all in my head...

i better go lie down now, before i hurt my self with philosophy.
much love
~lisa~

My little mouse is very hungry

went to the mall yesterday with kaitlyn, cam back with some sweet shat. some new earings, a necklace that is a big black heart, ohh so symbolic. hahaha. 3 long sleeve shirts 2 foxy dresses. and the sweetest head band ever.
oh and new underwear. there is somthign magic about new underwear. it just makes you feel hot. and of course when i finally got home i tried on each pair in front of the mirror... and boy did i feel hot. got 2 pairs( blue and pink) of lacy boy shorts, some satiny ones, and one that says" my little mouse is very hungry. i know most people don;t actually care about my underwear but i figure unless i get really lucky, i won;t get to show many people or share .. ya know. anyways now you know and now they may live in darkness in peace

" my little mouse is very hungry:" so cute. the poor little guy. sooo hungry. if only he had some cheese to satisfy him. a nice stick of cheese for a nibble on> * evil grin* i know how you feel little buddy. i could go for a stick of something to nibble on myself.

today at work, was alot of work. my day started out very well i was quite happy, happiest i have been in along time. all i had to worry about was work. but then i got tired of working , and it was less good. rushed to stupid rehearsal to be there for 1/2 hour. lame. and now i am home
i am kinda excited for tomorrow. i get to year my new clothes... in particular that i am excited for is my hair band. i pretty much love it.

and now for some retorical ranting
why why why must i be like ya know... sometimes. with the wanting of the not getting yeesh. *cries* and me with the more difficult of the stuff with the akward angles, augh. and the dumbness.... i guess what i am really saying is this sucks.
.. poor little guy. why you gotta be like that with the goodness and ya know, it;s not your fault i just gotta control the animal, but sometimes he gets all caged up, and could use a little run in the yard ,some excersize. hahaha oh lisa lisa lisa what are we going to do with you.

anyways i apologize for that. everyone has their vacation days from reality. i'm in cuba right now... mmmmm.... warm....

i will see you tomorrow, yay.
*dances*.... some more *dances*
dududud
omg this post just doesn; want to end.
i'm not bored i swear.
goodnight and LovE

the monster

there is a monster. it is green. it is ugly. it has stone skin that is cold as ice. the monster thinks only of the monster. it is fed with sadness. it grows stronger with fear. it is weakened by happiness. however it cannot be killed. the monster has a mind of it's own. it will not listen to reason. it crushes hope for fun. it will eat your soul for breakfast.
there is a monster. it lives inside me.

tortured artist

Oh my soul is dieing
my dog has run away
now my lovers left me
i just can't face the day

my paintings are not beautiful
my tallents gone array
i need a bowl of ice cream
to help me face the day

i need to dye my hair again
the black has gone away
can't stand it when my roots show through
how will i face the day

no one listends to my whining
i'm sooo misunderstood
people should appriciate me
i won't face the world today

blacks my favorite color
my life is not okay
i'm such a tortued artist
why bother face the day

random thought

Who is that stranger looking out at me
seeing beyond the borders of simple sanity
does she see what i see?
why can't i recognnize this person? me

---------------------------------------------------------------------
i just thought i would get some writtng out. some of those are old, some are new. i dunno about you but i think that i can have some pretty poetic thoughts... well you might not be able to tell from these but the other things that i write sometimes. they are pretty deep. slightly tortured.. even .. prehaps... i guess i can be a true artist ... since i'm all tortued and stuff. anyways. it;s always night to have people read waht you write sometimes. like i'm sure there are quite afew of us who have a book. not really a journal or diary but more of a place of refuge. where when they get to be to much all your thoughts go to live in writting. do you ever look back through your book? i do. you can see how you where feeling. what changed. what was important to you when. it's crazy to think about it, well for me. looking back 4 years in time( thats how long i've had the same book, it;s almost full now) and knowing exactly how i felt. imagine that in 10 years or 20. it kinda blows my mind a bit. just a little thought i don't have a lot to spare.

i am working towards something. i don't know how i will do it. i want to control it. i want to defeat the monster. however i don't any weapons. WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT A GREATSWORD... jkjk.. i don't mean anything, or expect that you come to a final conclusion. i will try with all my will power. it's not that great though, like plus 2 or somthing. but that doesn't mean i'm not trying. there are times when i wish things could just be easy, but i guess that if they where they wouldn't be worth fighting for... right.

i would like to wish all that read this a delightful weekend. i hope you have good sexy times.

loVE

p.s. je t'aime petit gâteau

" famous people aways get sex, thats the main reason it;s good to be famouse"

" we are creatures of the underworld , we can't afford to love"

so today was a pretty good day i slept in , went out to see a movie.. children of men.. man that was intense. sad at some parts and kinda sticks with you. still good though. then went out for coffee and then sent spencer on his way to work. *sad face* i then came home and had a sweet dinner and watched movies with my dad.. yea thats right. we watched moulon rouge and the italian job. haahaha the funny thing is( well i think it;s funny) is my dad put on moulin rouge then i wanted to watch the itallian job...
i remember when i first went to go and see moulin rouge. it thought it was so amazing, like just the way it was filmed with the camera angles and stuff. and i loved the songs. what can i say i;m a sucker for musicals. anyways i thought i was so beautiful. i decided that i was a a bohemina revolituonary becuase i belive in truth beauty and above all things love!
" love is like oxygen , love lifts us up all you need is love"
hahah of course this was in grade 9 before i had actaully been in love and had my heart broken for the first time. *shrug* aaaa what wisdom comes with life experience.

i was walking today. and i had a thought. suddenly i fell to my knees in pain... no jk
i was thinking that normaly when you change( like we are always changing like little things about our personalities and stuff, ) yoyu don;t notice it. it;s so gradual that it;s like " OH wow...."
but today i just felt like a part of me was differnt. not bad different in anyway. i can't exaclty descrive it, but i think i might like it. i just wonder if it;s like a thing that is ust for now or somethign that will stick around. anyways

here are some wise words given to me from chocolate.
"let us enjoy our love, as long as we may"
" treat your friends as you would your paintings and show them in their best light"

i dunno exactly what the second one means but i like it becuase it talks about my paintings*wink* haahah and the first wel thats just chaulk full of relivancy.

and now i shall leave you with some more wisdom and mushyness from the moulin rouge...
because it;s beautiful...

" the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return"

" never knew i could feel like this , like i'd never seen the sky before, want to vanish inside your kiss, everyday i love you more and more, seasons may change, winter to spring, buti love you till the end of time"

yesterday was ok

had a dentist appointment, went through some old pictures for my portfolio and stuff.i found some really great other stuff. it made me happy, but now i miss it, it makes me sad
today does is not going to be a good day i can feelit right now, i work 1:30 till 10 and i already feel like shit. it's like i am always waiting... but when something arrives, it leave right away.