you don't know the things you do for me

today and yesterday where not particularially good days for me. basically i felt like shit. i wanted to run away and hide. to forget that i had ever even thought about theatre. i feel as though i have failed this show. i was useless to help design and unable to paint the set my self. not like entirly my self but to over see it. to have my vision portrayed. no mike had to step in and make it less shity. i feel it everytime someone comments about how good the set looks, because i know it wasn't me who did it. i wasn't able to.
i;m so dissapointed in my self. i dunno what is wrong with me. normally i;m good at this, why was it so hard this time. my confidence has gone to shit at the moment. will i really be able to do this as a job? successfully? i feel small and insignificant. the only thing holding me together right now is the thought that in a short while things will go back to normal. i may be sane again. my head hurts and i am sooo tired . but i need to write this, to get my thoughts out before i loose it.

this all poses the question. if theatre is not for me what would be? there must be many things i am good at. what my dream would be ..to win the lottery and open a gallery. just do art, make things, do whatever i want . sell my wares to people. i don't know.my head hurts

i want you. i want you so bad, it's driving me mad. it's driving me mad
you make my days better
with only a kiss you melt away my frustration
and sadness
the feeling you give me is like a drug
please forgive
that i can't get enough
i love you
goodnight

p.s. one more day till opening. 12 more days till my life starts again
i want a foot massage

I want to be the starlight in the room

i wrote that phrase earlier and i think that it sounds particularialy beautiful now. which is good because thats how i intended it to sound.
"pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind possesing and caresing me "
nothings gonna change my world
nothings gonna change my world
nothings gonna change my world
nothgins gonna change my world
images of broken light which dance before my like a million eyes. they tumble blindly as they make thier way across the universe.
i am a silly girl.silly silly. so , so that i don;t even know the extent. and a miserable wretch. sooo music is pretty much amazing. i need to get the across the universe sound track

i need to go to bed now.to sleep, per chance i may dream of you.
i ;ove you darling. tell me when you are free and inclinded to see me. i would very much an evening, night, hour, minut, in your company.
love love

cuz we are all wasting away...

work t minus two hours. only one more shift before i get like a week off. a well deserved week off.
" screaming feed me, fill me up again" tired today and kinda grumpy. just woke up that way. not really looking forward to the next 3 days. they are going to be a lot of work. more people said they would help out. i hope it is true. i need to figure out something for the bar, like weather we are doing pre order drinks or not. i guess if i think of good system... we will see

..i'm dying my hair... but only part of it.. i wonder waht it will look like..
shower time...

i want life to go back to normal. i'm tired of not eating properly. it seems like i haven't been living anywhere, like i can't remember where i went to bed. i know that it must be here or spencers but i cannot recall specifically spending nights at either. i supose the repetative nights of work blend time together .. one more night to go . i wish i was included in your plans. i hope i will be comming up. it's like your walking and i'm trying to catch up to you. and i have to keep calling for you to wait up.
i want a new dress. i want to be compleatly gorgeouse at opening. is that a funny thing to want. to have people look at you? admire your beauty? i supose i am just vain. it's wonderful if not necessary and think yourself beautiful, but it's also amazing to have everyone else think it to. i want to be the starlight in the room.
are we doing anything on wednesday???? because if not, i think that after preview we should get together an watch a Halloween movie. i mean it will be wednesday which is movie night. and if spencer doesn;t want people over we could probably come here. i dunno. i just think it would be fun.

i'm excited to see a full run of the show. with costumes and stuff. i think it will be good.

i guess thats all i got

what to do what to do

i am trapped in a moral delema. i have a huge print making project that is due on monday. my original intention was to get as much done today and tomorrow, and hopefully it will be finished. but i just can't bring myself to get up and go do it. i just don't want to . what i want is to take this day for myself. steal it away from the rest of the world and claim it as my own. this week so far has been alot of work. what with painting the set and work. *sigh* i was quite frusterated at how few people showed up to help paint. especially those who said they would help. i cannot express how annoying it was on wednesday hearing everyone singing and playing the guitar are doing nothing, while i was alone painting the set. many came to watch at the top of the stairs, but few helped.
*sigh* whatever

today i will be on day 3 of 5 for work. it is going just fine, last night rocked for tips. but working 5 nights in a row is tiresome. i hope that i will not continue to work so much, hopefully when kat gets back it will go back to normal, but unfortunatly we are down a server. one of the girls quit. she was pretty snotty, so w/e . but again i will put out there if any of you girls is lookin for a serving job it wouldn't be a bad idea to apply.

but anyways.yesterday i was exaustedi fell asleep on the couch in the lobby and had this weird dream that i had switched to the other couch and was trying to sleep wile annoying people where sitting to close to me. and i wanted to punch them. and then i was walking around the lobby and into the theatre. but then i realized that i was only imagining my self doing that and was actually still on the couch( the big one) but when i woke up i was still on the little couch i had fallen asleep on. it was strange cuz i actually thought i was on the other couch . haha . anyways.

having the day for me is looking more and more appealing. eep i have to find my brother a birthday present. hmmm it is a big project, but it's not like i won't do it. hm hmm things that make you go hm. i actually think that i have already decided. i just feel a little bad about it.
"i'm taking it back"
i deserve this.

in other news ross has asked me to design his spring show, to which i said yes to. i am kinda nervouse. but apparently ross asked mike and tim if it would be a good idea and they seemed to agree. so prehaps i have more ability that i think. it will be good for me. as it is i am kinda nervouse if i really know enough , and have to ability to create a set design or paint a set on my own. like i have kinda done it but. i never know if it is good enough. i supose i just don't feel ready. experience is all i need.

over all it has been a good week. yes it's been tiring and iritating at times, but meh.

tomorrow seems so far away.
i cannot wait.
~lisa~
man i need to go shopping. there is like no food in my house

taking a cue from eryn

so there is a lot of things going on in my life. i barely have time to think it seems. also i am taking a cue from chekove.
and now ladies and gentle men this is my action of in action

i have am amazingly creative, generouse, and in my opinion fun to be around.
i have an amazing family who i love.
my cat is the sweetest cat ever.
i have had the opportunity to travel the world, i have seen, the Carribean/ virgin islands, venice, turkey greece,france, spain, denmark, russia, polland, estonia, sweden, ext ext.
i have eaten caviar... but hated it.
.. but i tried it
i have amazing friends, that i can say for probably the first time in my life, i feel included and cared about by them.
i have a sweet appartment that i like living in.
i am an artist.. even if it's self proclaimed.
i have sold, given away, and desplay my art.
i've had a painting in a gallery.
i've been offered a scenic painting job without applying for it.
i've set off a big firework and am able to handle them legaly
i've worked on a pyrotecnics for a movie. even if it was a b movie it was fucken sweet
i've hung upside down off a the catwalk
i;ve zip lined through the trees in belize
i'm a sweet bar tender
i've seen a giant gold penis
i've been to a bar made entirly of ice
i have a good fashion sense that matched my personality
i've been in love twice, and had my heart broken twice
my consiouse is inherantly good, even if my mind tries to corrupt it.
i've tap danced in a musical
i played a fetus in a play.
i can cook a mean apple crisp
i've been scuba diving
i've swam with manta rays
i've eaten turtle soup
been to a rum factory... i love rum
i've beem euphoricly happy and depressingly sad
i've been a day camp leader
i've perfecty parallel parked a big budget van into a tiny space
i've been mushroom picking, camping, fishing hiking ext more times than i can count
i give money to food banks sometimes when i go to the grocery store
i've played tackle football and kicked ass
i've played fastball for 14 years, and was awesome
i believe i could make anything....it i dhad enough time.. and duct tape

thats good for now i need to have a nap before work,
i am 20.beautiful and amazing

somedays i have a face, some i am invisible

same old same old.good days and bad, good and bad. i probably will never understand why.
i'm not afraid. i think there are things that are important to you and you need to hold onto those. but i can and do change. i regret that i started writing this blog. it just makes my mind hurt with the things i have thought, the things i found are becoming more true. how can i not live with worry that each happy day might be our last. even in expressing how i feel, i seem in a sense to condemn myself to the fate which i currently dread. my worry and despair is a nuisance to you i think. i feel old and uninteresting. i hold no more exploratory value. i am the known path walked many times. i supose what is most unsettling is not knowing when you will decided you have had enough, and want to move on to a new experience. trying to prepair me for change.. i am not ignorant. i understand.
one day. today. tomorrow, afew months, a year form now. no matter what you want or hope it will still hurt very badly. forgive me for being a bother, as i said before any disgusting display i make can old lessen my time, but i hope you at least kind of understand what the world looks like from 11inches down.

why every week i look forward to the next in hopes that it will some how be better than the present. everything seems so dissorganized right now , but i guess it is becuase of the show.
it's interesting to see one's progression through time. looking back at things that where said. see so contradictory. but i guess life will never make sense. it never claims to.

this water never tasted so sweet

soo tired. work was crazy today. my whole section was full so i had to put some people in another one. there where only two of us on. and i made a mistake that cost me almost twenty dollars of my tip money. i gave carol the wrong bill for someone. and i didn;t realize until he had payed. anyways blahblabh the guy didn't pay enough so i had to pay. but i take responsibility , it was my mistake, but it still sucks.
at least i got home at a reasonable hr. and now i am just chillen, drinking some water... thats right water... i need to for yoga tomorrow so my head doesn't explode... cuz that would suck right. i'm really excited for it again. i think martha and i are going to get twenty classes. then we will be all buff... and hawt.
i thought i had alot to say , but come to think of it .. i don;t so i think i will go to bed.
maybe i'll read a bit.. ooh now i'm excited.
~lisa~
yay for tomorrow , maybe if i'm lucky i'll get what i am

"i check the mail, but there is no letter from you"

i finally got to sleep in. i wish i could do it more but eventually i have to get up and finish my print making project. the windowers are still thumping away. i keep thinking of all the things i have to do, all the plans, i can;t wait to be done with the next few days. why does every hour seem like an eternity. i guess i need a new watch. every thing seems like forever past, forever away. my head is ichy*pouts* martha and i went to hot yoga yesterday morning. it was intense and i can't wait to go back. i wanna do something good for me. thump thump thump is what i hear. i just don't want to get up, it seems like a waste of time right now. but i know i have to do all those stupid little things. it's been no time at all and already i'm a disaster. do you mind when i message that i miss you. is it an annoyance when you are trying to be alone.are you trying to be alone. two more days of work.*sigh* i don't mind it when i am there. but i hate going and i am always anxiousness to leave.
kylan might be getting a job there. as a delivery driver. i told him we needed people so we will see how that goes.
" fragile she doesn't she her beauty, she tries to get away. sometimes it's just that nothing seems worth saving, i wont let her slip away"
i will most likley have to work till 12 on the night of james' party. i have doubts if i should come. i probably will. i always tent to get upset when imiss out on things like that. thought i'm guessing everyone will be drunk and stoned by the time i arrive. which is never a fun situation i think.
i guess thats it, there isn;t much point of my rambling on for nothing. especially when i have things to do.
i hope you know i miss you

I've given into what's been given, Take a taste of what's within. You cast me over ,yet I've risen and I am real

i feel a little sickish. my stomach was bugging me for a chunk of the day. felt a little better after some food but not 100%. jill is on her way over... i hear her comming....
and.... there she is.

and now martha

if jill was a pink rabbit and martha was a beaver, martha would fuck jill in the ass

it tasted like heavan if heavan was made primaraly of meat

it;s like those cookies gave my tounge a flavor orgasm

wedding singer, yay. nice days for a white wedding.

went to the firehouse tonight it was fucken awesome. drinks sooo good, food sooo good, and an awesome decore. iam excited for tomorrow morning,

i love you so much
~lisa

Omega

What a skeletal wreck of a man this is
Translucent flesh and feeble bones
The kind of temple where the whores and villians try to tempt the holistic tones
Running rampant with free thought to free form the free and clear
And the matters at hand are shelled out like lint at a laundromat to sift and focus on the bigger, better, NOW
We all have a little sin that needs venting, virtues for the rending and laws and systems and stems ripped from the branches of office do you know what your post entails?
Do you serve a purpose or purposely serve?
Wind down inside your adivistic allure, the value of a summer spent and a winter earned
For the rest of us there is always sunday
The day of the week that reeks of rest but all we do is catch our breath so we can wade naked into the bloody pool and place our hand on the big black book
To watch the knives zigzag between our aching fingers
A vacation is a countdown
T minus your life and counting
Time to drag your tongue across the sugar cube and hope you get a taste
WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR? (*background*WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?) SHUT UP!
I could go on and on but let's move on shall we?
Say, you're me and I'm you and they all watch the things we do and like a smack of spite they threw me down the stairs haven't felt like this in years the great magnet of malicious magnanimous refuse
Let me go and plunge me into the dead spot again
That's where you go when theres no one else around it's just you and there was never anyone to begin with now was there?
Sanctimonious pretentious dastardly bastards with their thumb on the pulse and a finger on the trigger
CLASSIFIED MY ASS THAT'S A FUCKING SECRET AND YOU KNOW IT!
Government is another way to say better, than, you!
It's like ice but no pick a murder charge that won't stick its like a whole other world where you can smell the food
But you can't touch the silverware
*laughs* What luck!
Facism you can vote for
*snorts* Isn't that sweet
And were all gonna die someday 'cause that's the american way and I've drunk too much and said too little when you're gaffer taped in the middle say a prayer save face get yourself together and (*sung in the background* SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING!) SHUT UP! (*background* FUCK YOU!) FUCK YOU!
I'm sorry I could go on and on but its time to move on so
Remember, your a wreck an accident
Forget the freak your just nature
Keep the gun oiled and the temple clean
Shit, snort and blaspheme let the heads cool and the engine run because in the end everything we do, is just everything we've done.

sooo fucking tired, if only i could have slept in till 9 I would have been happy. at first i thought i had the most part of today to myself. but then slowly and steadily i remembered things that i had to do, places that i had to be. and then my day was not mine anymore. i cannot wait to have you again to myself.even for the shortest time, i think that is one of the times that i am most happy. everything else is a glimpse of that. i like it when i can snatch your attention for a brief moment in a day. it reminds me. a kiss, a passing glance, the touch of your hand.. and if all i have to do is make an extra trip for a late night kiss, to remind me that you love me, that i love you then i can see no reason against it.*warn fuzzies and a little but of vomit* that all makes sense right now. i think it may be a long 5 days haha. sooo fucking tired. new windows.. thats right we are in the process of getting new windows, we have two so far! hopefully that means that we will have a) a warmer appartment b) ummmm stuff and.. well whatever but the outsides to our appaartment will be finished and stuff. bah i guess i better start my stupidly long day,
~lisa~
Remember, your a wreck ,an accident
Forget the freak... your just nature

" awe the little baby squirrl gone and smoked herself stupid"

i dont realize it very often, but i am beautiful. i had just gotten out of the shower and was putting lotion on, my skin is soft. my breasts are cute and perky. just the right size for me i think. hehe. my body is curvy. it was a nice revelation for me( not that i've never thought that before, but sometimes you forget. perhaps i should put lotion on more often.
my buns didn't turn out like grammy buns, i suppose it will take me a while to get the hang of it. still its disappointing. i'm pretty kewl ya know. baking stuff from scratch all the time. i dunno about anyone else but i think that is really fun and unique. especially for a person my age. haha i guess i am proud of it.. i dunno..
last night was fun.
sexy good times indeed. work was dead so i got to home at 8:30. spencer was having the boys over to play halo, which would not have been fun for me( video games are the devil... lisa gets cranky without her lovin) but anyways came home and invited jill over, i packed her a surprise. but after two hours i thought she was not coming.. so i smoked some of it. but then she showed up! with knitting. haah and we has some good times... and then martha came ove with for good times.oh sexy on a spoon jam. deliciouses toast. i can't wait for the video's. then martha and i had a sleep over in a blanket nest on my living room floor. mmm blankets.

yea that was it

i wonder what this week will be like... the past two seemed packed with stuff. hopefully this week i will have a little more room to breath.
excited for dinner tonight. i hope i look as beautiful as i feel, cuz thats always nice.
horay for turkey
~lisa~

update em

dududu
i am cold. blarg. sooo i have sexy back stuck in my head and it's driving me nutteres. also it seems my glasses have once again vanished into nothingness. i cannot find them in my appartment and they are not at my rents. i last remember having them at costco with jill. and then at the mall. martha and steph when i saw you was i wearing them??? i don;t remember taking them off.*cries* CURSE YOU BLACK WHOLE
so althought i lost my glasses i did have a fun time with jill yesterday. costco adventure = awesome. boourns to gross samples and horay for costco food.

i have just recently decided that i want to knit a blanket .. but i;m not sure how exactly.
work tonight. blarg. tomorrow.. more turkey!!! *DAnces to sexy back in head*.. noooooo

as for recent events, there is no point in me saying what has already been said. but i agree and think there will be many better times in the future as a result. dududu. sad i missed out the other night thought. it sounds like you had a good time. i wish i was there.
anyways i guess i'll be on my way.

life is a lemon and i want my money back

a day off for lisa. horay. it started out with a well deserved sleep in. friday and saturday where busy days. thought not as busy as i had previously thought they would be. i had more time in between my gigs and work. man work is ridiculously busy. friday was pretty sweet thought, i had some awesome visitors.. nathan, jill, lisa and steph.
yesterday after work i rushed home to go meet up with the gang at acme for spencers birthday. everyone was finished and then dispersed, so spencer lisa and i sent for a walk around town in the rain. sexiest trio ever. haha i took spencer home soon after.

anyways balh balhblah , today i went to visit my grammies and got some of her recipes. i tried making my favorite cookies, jumilie jumbles. but they just didn;t turn out right, they arn;t bad, but i can;t eat them cuz i know what they are suposed to taste like. o well next time . also today i baught myself a marinated steak. and it was deliciouse.
hehe somehow i got a song from mulan stuck in my head so i decided to watch it. later i think i will have a bath.
days off are good. hahah though writting this make me realize i don't have alot of interesting things to report. o well

*heart* lisa

for jill...

because she asked.
so today i woke up feeling particularally crappy. you know that feeling in the back of your throat that is all gross and you just know you are getting sick. thats how i woke up. no to mention it was fucken like 7:30 cuz i had to be at school at 8. lame. so anyways it was like i had a ridiculously long theatre history class and the whole time i felt icky. and now my body just hurts. i guess this week i have been going pretty hardcore. tomorrow and the next day are going to be intense. working on bit of nanaimo in the morning/ afternoon and at my restaurant at 6 and 5 till close it think. = lisa being exausted on sunday. i went like everywhere looking for something. yet came home disappointed. nothing is right. we will see where i end up with that. bah not much time to dally.
i wonder how work at the restuarnt will be in fri and sat. good i hope.

i think i am getting sick because my body, is like " wholly fuck lisa,, slow down" but what does it know.. cocky body... ahahah i like you guys, you bring good times my way. i wonder if jill still wants to hang out tonight, i guess i will just bundle myself up and vege until i hear back.
mmmm recouperation.

i don't think i will dress up for the song party. for some reason i just don't seem into it. i dunno, maybe i'll find something last minut.

umm i guess thats enough for now.. my brain doesn;t seem to be working too cohearantly

p.s. tonight is going to be so lonely, it seems like forever since i have slept by myself.

a broken plate and 80$

so shortly ago i just returned form my first real shift at the golden inn restaurant. i had a whole section to my self. which included a reservation for 16 eep. and i had to close, which kinda sucks but it;s kinda ok too .
so i get there and for the first hour and i am kinda in a rushy panic. and well yea... i had to much on my plate once and it toppled when i was putting the dirty dishes to be washed. broken plate.. augh.. felt so horrible. hahaha like fuck, i suck. but after about an hr i got into the swing of it. hopefully i will keep the swing of it for next friday when i work again. mmy feetses hurt and i am quite tired yet awake. but the hightlight of my evening was coming home with an extra 80$ in my wallet. the big table tipped me 70$, plus some other tables. so really i made more but i had to give 10% to the cooks.. what evo,,, yea.. haah i probably won;t make that much every night. but it excited me... so i am telling all of you.

eryn's b-day tomorrow..
eryns going to be old.. should we start calling you granny..?
no.. ok never mind. forget i said anything... dudu d
night loves

i'm surrouded by yarn

crazy knitting people are in the jill and steph house. eeeee
todays events and such, print making project done... work.. in 3 hrs( which i am still kinda nervouse about, i get my own section today and i have to close everything up eee.)go see spencer still waiting for a call. day off tomorrow. yay . this is my first day off in a long time. it will be nice very nice to sleep in and not worry about when i have to get up or what i have to . and i can relax and then go to eryns birhtday and have a sexy time. oh and kaitlyn and i are wanting to go to across the universe tomorow. people could come if they want. i'm not sure when we are going. dudud
um um um

i don;t got a lot. hmm

yess well...
that is all
love

metaphor for a misssing moment ..pull me in to your perfect circle...

for the most part today sucked balls. to put it plainly i am quite mentally exausted from the past five days. i did not want much today. anything, it could have been anything. i hate time. one way or another it always seems to be my enemy... being to much or too little, no time for me. it;s the story of my life no time for me. i always try to make time for other people. no matter if i have to stay up later .. or go out of my way specifically to see someone. i late being late. i hate being to early. i hate waiting. sigh i hate how selfish a being i am sometimes.
though i supose i deserve a little of what i want once and a while. but.... i hate that i get all sad and moody when it isn't available...

today started early with a bright blast of sun which i loathed with the core of my being... and then a ridiculousely long art class.
"i have become impossible
holding on to when , when everything seemed to mattermore
the two of us
all used and beaten up,
watching faith as it flows, down the path we have chose,
you and me , we're into this together now....
.. until the very end of me, until the very end of you"

"the farther i fall i'm beside you, as lost as i get i will find you , the deeper the wound i'm inside you forever and ever i am a part of you."

i love that song...
anway continuing. i burned my tounge on some stupid tea that i was all excited for but then i thought it smelled funny so i couldn't drink it .. lame
" twice as clear as heaven, twice as loud as reason, deep ans rich like silk on a river bed"
then i went to work at chemainus, which ithey could of actually done withought me. i just didn;t want to go. i couldn;t think, and all i wanted was to be wrapped up an comfy and happy. not the case. pretty much the whole way driving to chemainus i felt like crying. you know when everything in your life just seems to be out of wack or too much. and it seems that the only think that can make you feel better is just to cry out all the horrible feelings and thoughts in you. well thats kinda how i felt, only i couldnt cry becuase i have to be at work.
"why don;t you kill me , i am weak and numb and insignificant"
so they didn;t have alotfor me to do sooo, i did stupid stuff all day.. finally when i was able to leave, i got a call from kaitlyn saying that they where going to boston pizza, which i thought would be fun .. so when i got home i decided that i needed to get all pretty cuz i felt shitty and normally that helps. i told kaitlyn to get hotted up with me, because she wasn't going to see terry and i though would be fun. our boys didn't wanna hang out with us so nuts to them we are going to be pretty. unfortuantly ... at least for me going out didnt make my day any better .
dinner was ok, except i ordered chicken fingers which ya know .. i love.. and i got shitty ones that you like make yourself... like the ones you buy in a grocery store... what i afucking rip off.
" a startlight in the gloon , i only dream of you, and you never knew.
sing for absolution , i will be singing, falling from your grace, ooOOOooo"

soo yea boston pizza sucks big hairyballs. so after that kaitlyn and i went to walmart cuz we had to pick up afew things, and normally shopping , especially buyign things i don;t need, cheers me up... but no...
" i don;t remember, did somethign in my past create a hole"

anyways so now i;m just sitting at home, whining, as you can see, about my day.*shrug* i guess it could have been worse, but alot of simple things could have made it alot better.
" lying all alone and restless...." i used to do it before, but have rediscovered. do you ever type lyrics when you listen to music... it;s kinda like a typing challenge. i dunno, never mind.

now i have to clean my house... but i don;t think i have the will , or engery to do it now..
so i think i migh just go to bed,
hopefully tomorrow is better for lisa.
why not for me ?
"well i can't explain, i'll take the blame , i brought this all on myself."

eeeeee nervouse

and excited. sooo i start my first serving shift tonight in less than an hour. and like i just said i am nervouse and excited. sooo i have about 20 min to waste so i thought i would write something...

umm so yea

yesterday i got out of painting early cuz we (mostly me ) finished what there was to paint , so i went o look for a table..and i found one. yay so all i need is afew more chairs. anyways so you wil actually all know this because you are the ones that where there , pretty much, but i made an awesome roast beef dinner. with mashed potaotes and carrot and brocoli and salad and gravey and yorkture ,... which i kidna forgot to put oil in but they where eatable anyways. and everyone liked it yaya . then somepeople left and some people came... and then my down stairs neighbour came up..

she is was drunk or somethign .. and very scary. she flipped out at gregoire and lisa m and then stormed off. we where all afraid she would come back with a gun. eee. so i made everyone be extra quiet.*nods*
then this morning there was a note from her saying she as sorry and wouldn;t bother us anymore.... even thought i sounds kinda horrible to me i hope she doesn;t. expecially is she is under the influence.. because it is very akward and i dunno how exactly i would ask her to leave, without really upsetting her , becuase she is kinda on the edge already ... eee
10 min till i leave.
umm umm umm
yea i don;t really have anthign eles intersting today say , but i cannot wait for this week to be over so we can have some more dinners here and stuff and i really wanna go to hot yoga. i have been feeling all to flubby latley. DAMN YOU SUMMER HABITS.... but anyways yea realy wanna do it and feel fit again.... becuase kaitlyn can attest to it , i feel fat.


mayhaps i will go make sure i have stuff and stuff
eeeeee
bye

oranger juice and stuff

oh fuck. i could feel it in my ears and now that slight sensation in my throat tells me that misery is on it;s way.... i'm getting sick. i'm blameing you kaitlyn... a ha no just kidding. hopefully i can fight it off. go lisa go. why do you always get sick at the most inconvenient time? i have a hella week and a 1/2 comming up. painting at chemainus tomorrow and sunday. i forgot about those days and just remembered today.ug also today mike called me and asked me to do tech for the crimson coast dance festival. so thats 4 long days. so i;m signed up to be a res tech and a work op, which is awesome, but i am also trying to get trained for the golden inn.. blah blah blah no one really cares, to main point is if i don;t die , i'll have quite the chunk of change at the end of the month.

in other news the mixer was fun. got to know a few of the first years and they are pretty kewl. i look forward to more time with them.
i was thinking today, just how lucky i am to have all you guys as my friends. especially this summer i have felt like i belong and people want me around. that more than just one or two people really know me. i thought it was kinda funny cuz a most of us felt like we weren't really part of what ever group we were in , but i hope that we all feel part of us. if you get what i mean..
anyways i am off to see the love of my life.
farewell

when you hold me you make nothing else matter...

typed therapy

i am in kinda a miserable mood right now. i am very tired, exausted even. and well i am just plan grumpy. i just wanna put afew things out there.

i hate cleaning up after people. once and a while is fine, especially if it is give and take, but i don;t like feeling like a maid. right now i feel like a maid.
i hate the sounds some electronics make, it's high pitched and anoying. i can here it now.
i am hungry but too lazy to make food.
i always wonder why you kinda change your mind in the morining
i worry sometimes that people think i try too hard, but i don't really try to be anything other than i am.
i met an older version of myself, but i hope i age better
i love my new scarf it fucking rocks
i don't wanna take any job just because i don;t have one
i haven't give my dad anything for his 50th birthday yet, and i feel really bad about it, but i can't just buy him anything, it needs to be something specail. i love my dad, he;s so awesome.
i have some of the funnest dreams ever. but two nights ago i had a really scary one. my dreams are never really scary.

i am tried, kinda grumpy ,hungry,thinking about you, tomorrow will be another long day.

no job and no friends makes lisa a dull girl

today was boring and sucky. spencer left early in the morning and i did not get to say good buy properly which made me sad. then i came home and waited around for my mother to pick me up to go to my knee appointment. talking to the doctor and if my knee is "acting up" ,aka bone chip popping out, on a thursday i'm suposed to call the doctors and see if i can get surgry on that day, when the doctor is on call, other wise if i book and appointment and go in for surgery they might not be able to find the little chippy again.. which would just be a big waste of time for everyone. my knee sucks.

after that i came home did some stuff , baked a sponge cake which is delicious... watched a movie... augh.. and now it is 10:17 and i am not tired yet.. i really need to find a job so that i can appreciate the time i have off. augh places where suposed to phone me today yet didn;t.. perhaps i will have some luck tomorow, maybe i will go there, or just apply at some more places. i really don;t wanna have to work in retail.
i can just imagine it if i did, one of my old managers or coworkers would come to where i work and see me working at some stupid job and .. yea it would suck.*sigh*

i think tomorrow i will make a pie....
is this why my grammy bakes so much, because she is bored? at least she is very good at it by now.hopefully when i am her age i will be as good.

i want to go out but do not know where i would go , nor do i dare take a walk at this hour.

o well

i hate my fucking knee

it fucking hurts. grrr grrr grr

now that i am done complaining *for now* hahaha

last night was pretty alright. i was so unbelievably baked it's not even funny. thanks to dumbledoor baggins, and purple rain who once again kicked my ass. hmmm yes .. i kinda started at the end...let me go to the beguining

my day started my the side of my lover... and seeing as he was still sleeping i decided to venture home and have a little lisa time in my awesome smelling clean house. i watched some futuramma until kaitlyn and steph showed up with all stephs stuff which i helped to move. hung out .. was fed some steak , yummy thanks.then i made some cookies! yay then josh and caitlin came over and we watched the good the bad and the ugly. i was the ugly hehe. it was pretty alright except all of the shots where really long so the movies seemed rediculously long. but clint eastwoods intensness made up for it.

then i got ready to do.. and spencer called yay and he got off work early and came and got me and we went to marthas and had a pretty good time. when i got home i had peanut buttre toast and it was amazing... just so you guys know

.... wow i write about lame stuff.. the thing is most of you guys who read this already know what i do day to day because you are there. perhaps later i will write about somethign profound.

anyways.. love lisa
p.s. yay for tonight

one set closer

yay me. ok so for some reason i woke up at like 545. and was like what is that light.. so i get up and check it out and it was totally the sun. anyways short stort even shorter i got up. and finally finished reading thought the dealy and taking my test for serving it right. yay i passed go me. then i needed a printer to print my certificate out.. i have one but it was in a box. like all brand new and stuff. so i took it out... but i had to find a place for it soo i cleaned up all the computer and tv cords.. yay it looks so pretty now.. but i was still missing a cable so i will have to go to my rents anyways later to print it off. hmm u guess i should try and find a table before i go back to the north end so i can take my dads truck back.. but then i have to take everything out of it ... screw this idea... i'm going back to bed...
*marches down hall*

i'm just kidding... i'm probably get to it later...

so i guess today that i will go and apply for afew jobs. i soo cannot keep up with this doing nothing. it makes me sooo lazy. mm my house smells like hippy.. mmm hippy.
i love my house. have i ever mentioned that. for like ever i have wanted my own place that i could decorate and walk around naked in... and stuff. ya know. it's so nice not to havew to worry about being home at certain times or get bitched at by my other for having clothes on the floor. or leaving things places. i clean up in my own time. generally it;s pretty clean here.

lovelovelove.
hmmm so i am kinda nervouse about applying at a restaurant. i've never actually done any serving and if i get hired i keep thinking that they won;t give me any training and ill be like thrown into it and fail miserably.... yup. sounds fun eh ..
this being so i am tempted to apply at the liquor stores i ssaw needed people. cuz i could so do that super easy. but no lisa.. dont; cop out. go for the tips.... the riches....!

i dunno. i will apply. i can;t not. i'm just abig chicken.

fare well
~lisa~
p.s. I SOOO NEED TO GO AND SEE ERYN TODAY EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee

She's baAAAack

hihi hi. you guys can all stop missing me now*wink wink* my trip was definatly a lifetime experice. but i have to say that i amm sooooo soo glad to be home. althought it is unfortunatle at the moment becuase i am all jet lagged timey screwed up. it;s 4 am and i am not tired... though tkind hungry. anyways for those of you who don;t know i visitied. denmark(copenhagen) , norway(oslo), estonia(tallin), russia(st petersbourge) polland(gadansk) finland( helsinki) and sweden (stolkholm). it was quite the adventure. here are some of my highlights

copenhagen - absolut ice bar(everythign was made of ice) and the erotic museum , need i say more haha you all would have loved it. it had everythign from love myths, to gay porn to marylin monrow to a giant golden penis... which i took my picutre next to .. you will see it it;s awesome. also in copenhagen i liked that everyone rode their bikes and there was this one huge park that everyone went to after work and just pickedniced in .

oslo- there was this park with a bunch of bronze statues about the circle of life. some of those where pretty kewl

estonia - we walked around this old town and there where just wonderful streets and you could just kinda feel how old the city was in some parts.. i dunno how to describe it. um and i baught a little painting, a poncho and some absenth. it;s not the reall stuff.. but who fuckign cares it's sweet anyways

russia,- saw some amazing art work. tried caviar... however that wasn;t so much of a high light than somethign that i just havet o mention.. you will see the pic... hahaha. umm i went to the room where rasputin was assasinated.. it was pretty kewl. umm h-core palaces.. lots of vodka

polland- was kinda boring
so was helsinki
sweden was beautiful , my dad and i baught some swedish chocolate and it was awesome

nanaimo - comming home to spencer..
sorry that was cheesy

now i expect to see lots of you as i have braught back treasures. so now i guess i wil go and find a job or somethign before school starts.. omg it;s so close.eeeee
love lisa

August 1st.. already

where the fuck did the sumer go? in 5 days i will; be leaving for my trip. you know i used to love going away. traveling on air planes staying hotels. everything was so novel. i've realized i really don't like going away. i don't like missing my home , my friends , or the people i love.
every year imy moms side of the family has a reunion on the august long weekend. i used to love to go. to see my cousins, to enjoy the theme, to do the horse races. but now i just never want to go to it, and i mean i feel bad about not going to see my family... but i never remember who anyone is, or their names. they all pretty much live in victoria so they see each other all the time.
in2003, i went away and satyed the whole weekend, and all i wanted to do was come back. i was missing mine and jame's 1 year aniversary. my first real boy friend and i miss our anniversary.

i guess what i really mean by this is , right now the people that are most important in my life have changed. and while i love my family, i don't want to leave without those people.

in other news i still have a cat. the owners have not returned from where ever they are and i am worried about the other cat still in the appartment below us. i've given it a bit of food, which it seems to have eaten. but i wonder how long i should wait before we take measures to remove the cat. like i feel wrong about going into someone's place when they are not home, however what the fuck are they doing leaving two cats for so long with no one to take care of them. no one is. it 's heart breaking to hear the other cat meow, and feel so helpless.
aggggg.

if your not going to take care of your pets don;t fucking get them in the first place.

in 5 days i will miss you all
~lisa~

In todays news..

I made cinnamon buns. they are deliciouse.

currently i am sitting at home. I've been at home pretty much all day just relaxing, and of course baking. I also make kaitlyn a birthday cake. cuz thats how awesome i am. I have discovered that the best grilled cheese sandwiches are made with marble cheese. trust me. try it.

Yesterday was jills birthday. yay jill. 20. since it was not so nice for going to the river, her and i celebrated with some substances, she's the man, cupcakes, and strawberries in chocolate. this was followed by a trip to walmart to look at house goods. and then to the grocery store to purchase a roasted chicken. after which we headed to kylans, and jill with her cavewoman/ hunter gather skills made a fire. i made a bed and napped. life is hard sometimes

eventually everyone showed up and chilled. man was i full at the end of yesterday ... hahahah that sounds so dirty... full of food kids.. food. hahahah

today today today , as you already know i have been baking... OH i should makes jello shooters.... and so i shall. hehehe i am so fucking brilliant.
i gotta go ...geniouse has struck,,,, farewell,

What iz up ... bitches

so i am home now. i had a good time but am glad to be back.. and much richer than i left. yay
hmmm there wasn;t alot that happened some drinking, going out for pacho's( potato nacho's sooooo good ) the weather was well. mmm yea illiteration. went out in the dinngy.hehe. yea and painted a set. i hope everyone likes it.. cuz this is kinda, pretty much the biggest show i have working on .... mmm yea probably. he he.


but in any case i am back and now you can all stop missing me. i have 11 days before i go on my trip. and there is lots going on in between. two very special girls birthdays. eh.. eh .. yes i think so ..
today i am soo going shopping. hopefully i will find something decent. all the clothes seem very ugly right now. but as a treat to myself, i'm gonna try and spend a little more on things like pants and shoes... because i need them desperatly. a pair of both where compleatly destroyed by paint.*shrug* yay new.

i hope to spend many days in the sun with the people i enjoy.
any idea's for adventures kids? i'm up for sum

another good day...

yesterday in the late evening my day did improve, after much "medicine" my head ache did go away and i was able to have some fun. i am glad that people seemed to have a good time last night, eryn in particular. today is not looking well for me. staying in bed all day seems a good idea.
see you when i get back

sometimes i don;t know why i bother

The following is a blog of no real importance, i'm in a rotten mood and can thus see not in a positive light...

what the fuck, it seems there must be something wrong with me. either that or it;s the entire world. i think that i give to much, i must because i always feel like i am just waiting for something in return. to fill the empty hands, empty heart, that i am left with .perhaps people are not as generouse as i, but in any case a thank you would be sufficient.
i'm not greedy, i don;t grasp for everyones attention, i realiziwhen it;s my fault. i don;t like to make people feel bad. i'm aware of the environment. i recycle what i can ..try not to waist. So what, i like to shop, find sales good deals, own nice things.

am i not kind, considerate, loving.
...........................................
a short while ago spencer braught my a dozen roses for no reason. it made me feel special
last night eryn did the dishes that i had been dreading doing. thank you soo much , you don;t know how relieved that made me.
.......................................
perhaps i am merley blind, or selfish in a way i do not realize. i suppose deep down it is I who has caused my own distress and misery. i hope that my day improves, cuz right now it;s kinda shitty.

And Now... and update

so here i am . dudud duh. anyways i get my own internet tomorrow. presently i am at spencers. he is still sleeping. i can't get how he sleeps so much. i supose that he does stay up late. it;s funny i have found that in the past year i don't sleep as much as i used to .. like even if i wanted to sleep in , it;s only till like 9:30. anyways today should be an awesome day.

for those currently out of the loop. i am done done with petsmart now. my last day was on sunday. patrick the store manager was sad to see me go. although not entirerly becuase shortly he would also be leaving the store. he said that i should come and work for him in his new store on the main land. haha. other people seemed sad to see me go as well. giving hugs and " it was nice working with you" which i found odd. anyways YAY freedome.*dances*.
so after sunday i drove down to chemainus becuase i was suposed to be helping out with some photo shoot. the peopel got stuck in trafic or soemthign so where 1/2 hr late. lame. then it took hardly any time to get the set up. i was suposed to help them out sunday night, monday for like 12 hrs and tuesday(today) for another 8hrs. however they did not need me. so yesterday i ended up doing light walking for the kids show. then i visited with meghan which was lovley.yay meghan .then when home. the awesome part of all this is i still get payed for all the hrs that iwas shedualed to work . WOOT

so i have a day off with pay today and i am going to use it to my advantage. a nice visit from the pot fairy and a trip to see mr potter. then who knows... probably a nap for me hahaha

on saturday i am leaving for kelowena to paint my set. which shouldn;t take that long. afew days perhaps. and then i shall be back for some more time off.

anyways i;ll probably be posting again soon. sincew by this time tomorrow i will have my own internet

posty posty

i supose i shall post, just to give you all an update. presently i am at my parents house doing laundry. kaitlyn and i do not have internet yet, but are hopping to get it soon. the problem is that we do not have a phone line or cable. sooooooooo i pose a question to all those who have been movied out and got interenet. did you just break down and get cable along with your interenet or was there a way to just get it ?

anyways so the house is good. many of you have come to see if and hang out and even claimed part of it as your own. i of course am speaking of eryn who has a cubby in the closet and conditions on the fridge in exchange for some cleaning services. i think it is a good agreement hehe
so pretty much i love kaitlyns and mines appartment. the only down side that i can see is that with it being summer it and there being lots of windows it get quite warm in the apparment. this is fine during the day because we can open all the windowns and the down balcony doors and let the air fow through ,. but at night the misquitos; come out and there are no screens :P
i can survive the heat becuase of my reptile like body adjustments to temperature, however any nomal person finds it unbrearable... or so i;m told

in other news this past friday i gave my two weeks notice to petsmart. i'm tired of them treating me like crap and doing all their work. that being said there is no point of me finding another job until after i come back from my trip. so at the end of august. so actually i'm not taking that much time off work. since i am doing afew days up at chemainus and then going to kelowna for a week. i am wanting to look for a waitress or hostess job where i can get tips. that failing i may look into the delivery of food since that also gets tips. what i don;t want is just another 8 $ an hour job. i want some perks for my hard work damn it

soo hmmm i think thats all i got. i'll post again when i have the chance.... or the interenet... dun dun

love

what the hell am i doing drinkin in L.A....

that song is stuck in my head. so does everyone wanna hear some great news

i lied it isnt. my knee is still fucked up, it still has a nice bone chip in it. infact it;s worse. it is killing my right now. fucking fuck fuck fuck ... im not pleased.
work lately has been very tiring. it;s like twice the work effort because im gimped. sigh. but whatever. two more days... i'm gonna see if i can get out early today.
yesterday hmmm after a long day of work, i went to spencers where he was just starting his day. we hung out and watched some sopranos then went out to dinner with glenn, robyn and another girl. you should all be proud of me it was indian food and i ate it and pretty much enjoyed it. i actaully wouldn;t mind going back there when im not full. when we returned to spencers i pretty much passed out from exaustion.

i had this weird dream that took place at rutherford school. and we had made these butterflies and where either doing some excersise or playing a game. the there was this other part with like an obstical course or something. the last part i remember was comming into a room , and it had a bunch of pallets in it and steel with pallets full of stuff . like the recieveing at my work. but it was just a small room and it was so crouwded. and i think it was "spencers" and he was either lying down on a really tall pallet or something and i was thinking about how i was gonna make space. like i remember there was a skid of litter that i was gonna get rid of and two skids of nutro that i was gonna put together. this probably sounds like non sence. but going over it actually making me think about what it means which is funny. well not funny really but anywyas. me at work while spencer is sleeping it makes sence. i guess i am kinda just dissapointed at it. it;s like work why try so hard at something, put so much effort into it if you know there isn;t anything to do to change it.
i will probably have to quit work soon, well i dunno when but there is no fucking way i am staying there if they make a certain someone a manager. i need to get a job as a waitress somewhere so i can get tips and have lots of money. i just have to get some more training and my serving it right. it will be worth it thought.


oh man going to work is the last thing i want to do today, but o well.
~lisa~
p.s. when i have a day off, i want to spend the day with you. the whole day

*dances*

we got the place! gonna start moving in next week. you all have to come and visit!!!!

don't you hate when you feel like crying but you feel silly cuz you have no real reason to be doing it... i hate life sometimes

loss of inspiration

don;t you hate that, when you get all gung ho about working on something and then you just loose it. you just stop careing. it;s funny how fast your feelings can change. anyways
its funny how some funny stupid things that i think, continually prove themselves to be true. like when something is going good i can;t acknowlage that it is or it will turn the other direction.
without fail, it happened today. even thought i know what would happen, i guess i thought maybe this time it wouln;t, but i went and did it. whatever. i guess some time alone isn;t the worst thing in the world.... however missing someone you love is.

it;s not like i have much to complain about. i supose i'm just being selfish. i have other people who love me and would gladly spend their time with me. but somehow when i can;t have what i want, it;s all i want. you know.
anyways ... so i haven;t posted in forever or like a few days. last thursday i think it was a bunch of people came and visited me and i felt super special. i swear people never come and see me. so thank you to jill, josh,ben, gregoire, and eryn who traveled vast distances to see me. and to kaitlyn and spencer who where stuck with me by defult. i thank you for puttin gup with me.

kaitlyn and i went to hand in out application today. i hope that we get it soo much. it is so nice and will be much closer to everyone so you can all come and visit and have cocktails and stuff. spencer can come visit me finally. you better anyways, no excuses now. terry will come over hopefully. i think he is scared of my parents so he like never comes over here. perhaps it;s me he is scared of thought.....
we thought, kaitlyn and i, that we could go and have a picknick once we move in, i mean when we hopefully move in. i'm scared we won;t get it for some freak reason. its like what i was talking about before. getting to excited about something and then it not going your way.

kaitlyn is going to he far off home tomorrow for like a week. man it;s sooo weird having so much time. i can't wait to get back to work kinda cuz then i will have stuff to do in the day. i actually have stuff to do though, of course i just procrastinal though.*sigh*

hmmm i'd like to thank my blog and it allowing me to ramble aimlessly. i was feeling alittle down and you made me feel better.
~lisa~

sigh

sooo i am fricken bored out of my mind. i love them but i can only watch so many movies in a row, particularially by myself. it;s fine with people but doing it alone is so no fun.
so far today i have watched two movies. done some sitting around... wasted as much time as possible on face book. read blogs. hobbled around the house. texted people, looked up laptops , looked up appartment and created a list of them. compleat with newspaper clippings.

last night was fine spencer came to visit me and he spent the night but he left early this morning which made me sad. and then i was fine, but now i'm so bored and lonely.

if you aren't busy feel free to take pitty on me and come visit. even for a short while. i have a week off work pretty much and i'd rather not spend it alone. just call my cell or stop by, or send me a text or anything.
i guess i'll watch another movie. i got nothign eles to do.
augh bored bored bored

lisa the cripple

not that much.. but i needed a title.. anyways
soooo what has lisa been up to. well i went to kelowna on friday after work. friday was a long day . got up at 7 work work work .. then took the ferry and drove..said hello to everyone... and went to bed.. yea i know i was lame.
but saturday we ( me robyn cody,and jordan) got up and went to get some breakfast. it was good
then back to the beach house to pick tim, who was going to help out with pyro.
then we headed out to this movie set. now before you get all excited ,, it;s a really bad b movie called hells tome. but it was kewl none the less.

so what we where doing was. there was suposed to be an expolsion in the film where they blow up a monster. and we where going to make the expolsion.
so anyways we get introducted to everyone and then go off to do some test shots. jordan has a video of one of them on his blog btw. it was pretty sweet, i learned how to make the exposive charges. and was not so bad at it if i do say so my self.* nods head*

so we did that for a bit and then go around to actually doing the explosion for them to film . haha at this point it was starting to rain which sucked. but what didn;t suck was how big we where making the explosion.. very very sweet

so we finished that up and went to the beach house to get cleaned up and have a few drinks.
then to dinner. more drink. man i had the best drink.. i wish i remembed what was in it.. of and i met the set designer for miss saigon ,. he was pretty kewl. haha

back to the beach house. more drinks .. and then we decided to have a little pyro compotition. so robyn and i where on one team and cody and tim on the other.. and we made some charges and set them off in the yard. robyn let me fire them off which was super kewl... we totally won.
then some more drinks and such.. and then i painted a door. it looked really kewl when i was painting it.. but i dunno if it still looks that kewl sober. anyways. it has a tree that looks like a woman and a big water drop, some space, and a wave with a confused shark and ogo pogo . nice eh.

to bed.
next day up for breakfast, then to a prodiction meeting, then a long drive home. robyn and i stopped at ikea on the way home and it was awesome!! i want to go there and spend like day looking at everythign. i did buy a lamp thought... it;s kew;; and green . ferry , extext
it was a pretty good time
then today i got to get up and go to the hospital for 9 30 .. to go and have my knee surgery. horay. got changed into hospital gear waited in he waiting room. then waited ina bed .. then waited in a bed in the hallway. then they couldnd find a good vein for my IV... well not until they stabbled me afew times and decided to try my arm. woke up in the recovery room. naped for a bit. got moved to a differnt place have some apple juice and arrow root cookies.. which i love yum yum. and pretty much came hom eafter that. i wa nervouse before but it all when well. and how i am just a bit of a cripple gotta take it easy for a while, probably have take mor time off work than i thought but , meh, it's fine by me, if people wanna come visit me at all i have no objections. call me first on my cell just to make sure i am here. but yea..

oh and the best part of the whole things was i got soem care bear stickers.. i was answering some questions ith a nurse and when we where done i was like ..." can i have a sticker" and she gave me a whole little section. yay

anyways. update compleat.

this is my night off

i decided i needed a break. just a short one *wink* haha
i have to work early tomorrow and there are somethings i should work on... but we will see .
anyways. a break from my hard core party life style haha,.. well not quite but probably as close as i will get.
umm i don;t remember what i did friday i think i went to spencers.... but yea . sat i worked then hun with eryn a bit. watched some hercules and had some good talking time. ... i really enjoyed out time together hehehe
then i went to see spencer any stayed the night there.. then work the next day omg it was soooo boring almost killed me... except that 1/2 way through my shift james and kyle came into visit me on the way to the liquor store. they told me to phone them after work.. so i did and kaitlyn and i ended up going to tylan's house* jame;s friend* and played beer pong.. well i played rum and coke pong because i don;t do the beer. but i rocked pretty good. i must say and then we played flip cup which was sucha fun game. kaitllyn was all pro at it. eryn and tasia came and hung out a bit. but sadly did not partake in drinking. later on . me james, kaitlyn and rainbow boy* jessie* walked to jessies house... we where on 9th street .. and it was past where you turn off to go to butter tubs from the freeway. anyways long story short it was a long walk. but a fun one.
then once at jesse;s i wanted to go to spencers so i could pick my car up in the morning. soooo james walked kaitlyn and i to spencers.. but there was no - one there. so we just sat down.. but then .. who walked through the door. a kylan martha and spencer. very drunk meets high. we we all chilled and it was nice. kinda weird having all the people i have actually dated in the same room together. but i was really drunk so it was ok. not that iwas bad or anything but yea.

so the next day i had to go and get my car.. so i walked from spencers house on campble street to my car on 9th street. which was no soo bad, it only took me like 40ish minuts , that including a stop at the 7-11. and eww did i mention 9th street is one big hill. that was the worst part. anyways. oh and the glass for my window came in so i went and go that put in .
then some stuff happend. i baught 2 muse cd's the new marylin manson cd and 2 glass monkeys filled with maragrita mix.
took rick to spencer. chilled. the boys went to the pool( lisa could not go due to lack of pool attire)
but eryn was like hey lisa i wanna get fucked up so i was like ok... and we went to the liquire store and played some drinking egyption war. i dyed my hair and then when the boys returned we went for a nice picnic with our friend the apple pipe. then to tim hortons where we found martha, jill, biff, james, kylan , alleah. and it was nice.. i had a bagle.. mmm bagle

so eryn and i are girls gone wild hahah. i have enjoyed the past few weeks, thats how i wanna keep rolling.
wow long post.. *shrug*
I"M GONNA GO MAKE HOT CHOCOLATE

augh

ya know. there are just some things that i see sometimes that piss me off. let me tell you a little story. all my lifepretty much i was and underdog, fuck i still feel like one sometimes today. i was the one that was left out of a group. in elementary school i had many friends who where not my friends. in grade 7 i spent most lunches inside with one other person. on my fast all team ( which i played on for 8 years with basically the same group of people) i was never invided to the girls nights, or on camping trips or anything like that. i was the tag along. same thing in high school.i was the after thought person alot of the time. drove me fucking nuts, people say their your friends but don;t wanna hang out with you.*shrug* anyways.. so now a days things are a bit differnt, i feel accepted and all that crap. but what gets to me now is some people not thinking i am capable. not trusting me. i guess this is mostly my rents and people from work. but anyways , but i;m really getting at is it drives me nuts to see someone i care about be shuned and not trusted. i believe it, i've even experienced it. i don;t see why the people that should be closest to this person don't believe then. to see someone punished for doing what is best for them,is so unfair. i'm all about the fairness, and this does not register on my fairness scale. i don't want people to argue, or fight or not talk to each other. i wish people would try to understand. hahaha and i'd also like world peace.... cuz i know if i want it it will happen*rolls eyes* but what eles can i do but wish for the better. anyways..
just keep on it, it;s the people who have turned against you now, are who will be missing out in the future. damnt it why do i keep saying epic soundsing things, it sounds so cheesy when i am trying to be sincere. anyways i'll be there for ya. i know what it feels like to be thus treated.

i don;t expect anychange or people to to give a damn what i think. but i guess i can always hope in some small way i can make a difference.
again with the cheese.

~lisa~

i'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round...

i really love to watch them roll

today thus far has been very productive. i slept in and watched two movies with kaitlyn. well 1 anda 1/2 . first the end of kate and leopold which was awesome and i am going to buy it. amd second life as a house. which is also very good. then i went and ordered a new windshield got a new watch battery and returned some movies.. i get things done in their own time. i gotta unwind before i can act again.
do you ever feel like you dissapoint people, even though they will never say anythign about it.

last night was an amazing adventure. i would like to thank all the participants. nathan, eryn ,jill, martha kylan and kaitlyn. nights like that create memories that make life worth living. there was only one thing that could have made that night better.

i have a head ache. i think it;s cuz i'm hungry.. grrr i hate waiting for dinner to be done. i also hate having to say weather i will be home for dinner. i can't wait till i cna just flow. and do whatever i need at the time. i hate setting plans sometimes, becuase then i am set in one direction. however many times i like making plans becuase then i am certain at what i am heading for. i guess i am torn. anyways
i cannot wait to see everyone at some function, that we need to have. just thinking about it makes me want a hamburger. can you tell i am hungry. hungry for excitedment*clenches fist in the air*

anyways. yea. ttfn

why

someitmes so i just don;t understand. like is it something abotu me that people see as threatening so agressive? all i try to be is nice and yea i;m a little crazy , but does the rest of the world really see me the differently than i see myself.

in other news. someone smashed in the drivers side window of my car. sweet eh. there wasn;t even anythign in my car. fuckers. i wonder if someone just hates me and is takin it out on m car. *sigh* however spencer's aunt and mom have offered to pay to get it replaced since it happened at their house, which is super nice of them, perhaps i will only get them to pay part of t thought.

hmm also i am finally done chaning light bulbs. spencer and ace did it last night and got it all finised. i'm so glad. i hated staying up that late all the time.

hmm well thats enought for now. i am looking forward to erin;s and mine;s night of fun . hehehe
farewell

i am sooo hungry

this is me waisting time and distracitng myself until dinner is ready. hmm lets see. so i've been workin. and stuff. had monday off which was awesome, i slept in. then some boy came over and took me to a far of place. haha and make me an amazingly deliciouse.( omg i'm sooo hungry) steak dinner. and i make an ok apple crisp. it wasn;t my best but never the less it was all eaten. i had a wonderful evening.
ok but then yesterday happened. so it kinda starts with me getting a phone call from my mom at 9 saying that i could have my knee sugery tomorrow and to call this number. i asked her to check what time i worked.. 10 AH... i thought it was like 3 ... soo lisa rushed home to get changed for work.. deading the fact tha ti have to tell tracy( she is the one who does my shedualing) that i am going to be out of commision for a few days. so she comes in and is fine with all that so i phone the number back. " sorry so and so is out to lunch can you call back in 1/2 an hr" fine so i do and she informs me that i didn;t call back soon enough and they gave the spot to some one eles. augh. oh this is also after i founf out that nathan got a better job and isn;t going to work with me. i don;t blame you nathan... i so would have done the same thing. it just sucks cuz we are still short a cashier and i really don't want to get stuck doinf cash.
soo yesterday was very frusterating for me.

but it got better near the end. today was fine, i moved sone dog food around. Oh i have tomorrow off. if it is sunny out and hot does anyone want to go to the lake or have a picnic with me? i want to go out and enjoy the sun while i have a day off to do it. also tonight ace and i are changing lightbuls some more.

on another side note; i miss kaitlyn. haha i like never see her. everyone is always like oh hows living with kaitlyn .. and i;m like "I dunno" haha we have like different sheduals haha. o well
we had a good time watching dumb movies on sunday ...

WEEERE dinner is ready HUMAAHAHA
*love

i am the hottest secretary around

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gather around my children and i shall tell you a story

so this one time there was this guy.. ok forget that ,we all know my story telling is as good as my typing skills. so anyways just got home from work. it was an alright day. dudu i was ridiculously productive, saw nathan before he had his interview. hopefully he gets a job working at my store that would be fucking awesome. dududud

sooo i got my contract for a show today. i am the scenic painter for miss siagon up in kewlowna. my first real job as a scenic painter. kewl eh. i'll be going up to kelowna for a weekish at the end of july. hopefully i get the set done early so i can come home thought. i need to get some time in with a certain someone before i go away on my cruise. for those of you that don't know i am going on a cruise around the blatic sea. i'm going to russia and poland and denmark and stuff.. anyways it will be a great experience. and i am sooo freaken lucky that i get to go. but part.. more like half of me doesn;t want to leave. i know i'm a big baby. barb is without tim for like months.. andi am complaining about 2 weeks. i just don;t want to be away from some who makes me so happy.

the past two days have been wonderful btw.
OMg so last night spencer and i went to see 28 weeks later... i was sooo scared. i pretty much never want to seee that movie again. so scared
i also recently saw shrek the third . and i liked that. funny funny

umm hmm what eles is exiting. not much

tasia and brianna i have friday night off, saturday off and sunday night off. pick a day and we shall watch some horatio! i heart horatio.

jill we shall find some time for cocktails.* serious nodding*

i still have to make cookies

i want to paint something but am not sure what any suggestions.

lovelovelove
~lisa~
p.s. you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey, you;ll never know dear how much i love you, so please dont take my sunshine away

waiting around to change light bulbs

.... thats what i'm doing kids. ace and i are going to change the light bulbs on the aquatic centre. we have to repel from the ceiling to do it. which is kinda kewl , however we have to do it at night after the pool is closed. lame for being past my bed time. yay for 25$ an hour. woot. so there ya go.
umm yea kaitlyn updated about kids fest and that is pretty much the dealyo , it was a week full of drinking, horrible balloon, crazy people, useless volunteers, and kevin the bar tender who will forever hold a place in our hearts.

in other news i miss spencer sooo much it;s been just over a week since i've seen him but it seems like forever. i can;t wait till we go somewhere together. me and my love *dreams*

dudud also i go a new cell phone yay. and it is still pretty and red. i now have unlimited texting, voice mail and a camera. neato.

hmm what eles is new.hmm OH i painted a sweet painting of the beach house( klaus and codys house in kelowena ) it;s the pic that you see.. it's kinda a crappy picture... don;t judge me

anyways

i guess thats enough i shall go

LOVE and Cookies

mmm coookies
~!lisa~

hi kids

so i am super tired so i am not going to post my eppic post tonight , however kids fest was a ridiculouse amount of fun. afew hard days but it payed off with the good times and getting liquored. i got to know afew people a bit more nad i met some awesome new poeple. i wish i could go back in time and relive this week... but i guess i will have to wait till next year.

i will go into details tomorrow, YAYa day off.
butfor now i am going to bed

much love
lisa

don;t judge me ...

mmm sweeet taarrts

so things have been better since my horrible day on friday. went to spencers and watched some movies and hada relaxing night and then slept in. saturday was a pretty laid back day at work. then came home had my self a shower went out and baught some new roller blades. i heart roller blading. i used to do it all the time but then somethign happend to you rollar blades so i stopped anyways... i went for a rollar adventure to the mail box and realized how out o shape i was.haha
o well
yesterday i got some decorations made and got spencer a new mug made( cuz i broke his other one on the horrible friday) it took jo 3 tires to make. and i love her for it. ummm went rollar bladeing and stuff. had a wonderful sleep
got uptoday and had a boringish day at work. only 12 more days to go until i (possibly) get a day off. eeep

i can;t wait till it actually gets hot. stupid may.*shakes fist* wanna wear my sumer clothes.
that is all for now....

addition. there is a funny occurance that i find happens to me. thought it is most likely in my head. but here it is anyways... it always seems that as soon as i admit(not when it happens but when i admit it to myself for the world) that something is going well or i am partiularially happy there is almost always something that happens which counteracts my good mood or attitue or whatever you whish to call it. it;s not always really bad or anything, mostly just a shift in plans or some crummy news. i guess thats just the way life works:P damn you sometimes life. o well
i want to see so many people , but i can;t decided who to call first, so i will probably end of doing nothing.. or just procrastinating alot. i still have many things i need to do, but i just don;t want to. and that is horrible.

ok ok .. i think i am actaully done now... though i wouldn;t be suprised if i update again before the night is through... don;t blame me, blame boredom
~lisa~

"today is not your day..

tomorrow isn't looking to good either." so today has been full of lots of crappy things and happenings. first of all work was ridiculouse. 9 skids where delivered and i had to recieve and work them. ( i only got 5 worked though) but keep in mind these are pallets stacked about6 feet tall with , 40 lb bags of dog food and litter. i guess i don;t have the most mentally taxing job in the world but the things i accomplish are amazing sometimes. i actually did all this in like 4 hrs, before the stuff was delivered i worked 3 other skids and did some cleaning. and you know all the customer service. not that anyone really cares what i do or how much i accomplish at work, but i makes me feel better to complain about it. anyways. it just makes me angry cuz there where twice as many people in petcare today doing 1/2 the work that i was doing. dfjglskjhdf
oh and i dropped a pallet on my glasses and chipped a piece of, which i have since glued back on. it looks... ok . of and my parents had to make a big deal about my renewing my cell phone plan. that just added to my awesome day. all i wanted to do was get somethign new as it makes me feel better. but no big comotion.
oh and then i broke spencers grad class that adam baught him. great. i know how upsetting i is to have someone break somethign that you love. i too have had one of my favorite glasses broken. i shall be replacing it as soon as possible. i feel so bad. *cries* at least it will give kaitlyn something to do while she is at work.

also just from all the comments that people have been making, and stuff i kinda am worried that i won;t do a good enough job for kids fest. i was fine but now i just feel that i am going to dissapoint everyone with less that amazing decorations. pretty much i can;t wait for may to be over with , or at least the first three weeks of it. *sigh*

so , work sucks, i am in a strech of 19 days without a day off. i have sunday off of petsmart in which i have to make a bunch fo decorations. then 5 days at petsmart and then kidsfest starts. and i can just tell that during kids fest i am going to have to work night shifts. if that isn't bad enough. spencer is going away to hawaii. which i mean is super great and fun, but i will miss him.

i have decided this is the post of suckiness and depressing. looking at all this is just making me feel worse so i will stop.

this is me

posting for the second time today becuase i am kewl like that. so after this morning 's augskjdhfsk.. i went to walmart where i baugh some lame things like new shampoo, bu ti also baught this really kewl top and super comfy pants.. mmmm comfy. then came home sat around a bit.. then headed over to wake up josh. boy i missed that kid. we had one of our good talks that we always have and it was wonderful. he is moving back to nanaimo for the summer which is super exciting. umm
then kaitlyn and i went to our exam. which was easy, done in less than 1/2 hr. dudud. came home made afew decorations. 7/20. soo yea.. not i am being super kewl and doing my blog.. gonna go out later.. i started out this morning and the day seemed so awesome and it was sunny and warm. and now it;s all cloudy and stuff. it's kinda a downer.

o well , perhaps i will go and paint my nails

p.s. 12:08 was the highlight of my day

AHGFHDIFG

what the fuck. thats all i have to say. sorry for getting upset becuase you think my work isn't good enough. creative critisism is fine, but you really insulted me. I don;t like asking poeple for help. however if i truly need it i will ask for it. this is my job, my contract. you said you would help me made me feel like you don;t think i can do it... have a little faith that everything will turn out alright.
and now you make me feel guilty. just cuz i got upset doen;t mean you;ve done a bad job. you do pry sometimes into things i don;t want to talk about, or ask me mundane things when i have a long day , or a bad day , when i don;t really feel like talking. that doesn;t mean i don;t love you or appricate everything you have done fore me. your great and i wouldn't be me if it wheren;t for you.. and i like me. you don;t know how often i say how often i said tha i have the best parents ever. but thats doen;t mean i won;t get annoyed frusterated. just leave me be and i will get over it.
you had a suggestion which was fine you just presented it in the wrong way. i don;t like sit downs, they make me nervouse. but you know whatever.

you know, sure your kinda crazy sometimes, but i will probably end up just like you.
Love

soooOOOoo

didn't do a whole lot today. we i kinda did but not really. i worked at the port for 8 hrs doing some load in stuff.. which actaullt involved alot of stanidng aroung and ridding in robyns fancy H-core new truck.. wow is that spiffy. and then i came home and had a bath and finished the book that i baught yesterday.. it;s called "can you keep a secret" by the same author that wrote the shopohoci series. and it's pretty much the awesomest book ever. i read it afew years ago and decided that i wanted to read it again.. so i went and got it yesterday and practially reay all of it cuz i am lame like that. anyways...
on another not i think i am currently addictied too dunkeroos they are sooo tasty, such a fun little snack.yum yum yum

just for fun this is a piture of me dressed as my kinky superhero" spanlk me pink " at my my first year mixter
i soo broke that cock open,,, gave it head good. and there is ace.. i think he was like hetero sexual man or something.. or man man... i dunno he has a big" man symbol" you knwo the one with the cirlce and the arrow.. anyways it was pretty kewl to say the least.. i hope you firstyears are excited.. cuz yo uhave to make you ... pinata..
you knwo what we has a penis for ours and i made one fore this year.. but after i was told that normally it rotates from penis to breasts.. so maybe next year you wanna make some breasts.*shruf* or a vagina... depends how creative you want to get..

anyways that is all i got i guess

p.s. if you want to make a crazy pinata i can help you shape it or w/e
p.p.s only if you want.
p.p.p.s even though ti hate paper mache

pirate ship

so i just had this dream and it was kinda crazy and fun. so i thought that i would share it with you.

it started out as some contest where afew of us had to swim over to this ship and stay on it for a while. which is all fine and dandy, except the ship would eat you if you made it angry. so we get onto the ship and there is this list of instructions:

don't step on any of the ships feet/legs( so for some reason there was a bunch of furnature on the ship, if you kicked a table leg or something .. .it made perfect sense in my dream

don't forget where you are( so like you are on a pirate ship don;t, start arguing about something not pertaining to the ship or without using any pirate referances.

i think there was another one but i forget.

and the thing was if you did any of these things, the way to make the ship not eat you was to do pirate things. so say things like
arrrr, mate , scallywag, stalty dog.... or start using a gruff voice or sing sea shanty songs. sooo but it;s are not to like bunp any thing ona a ship so pretty much all the time we where saying pirate stuff and singing. cuz if you kinda stopped doing that the ship would start to like wavy.. like tha walls would move in together or the floor would move.
so it started out with maybe 5 of us on this small ship , but as my dream went on the ship got way bigger, it was like a house...( a pirate ship house) and more people started showing up like, pretty much all you guys. so that went on then we got close to the harbour and where like lets go on land. and i;'m thinking in my head yea ok, we';ll stop at a port somewhere..
side note.. i was out on the deck and it was like night or somethign , but it was realyl bright cuz or the moon or something and a saw a bunch of dolphings and it was awesome
andways so i go back in the cabin and the nixt time i come out we are waiting at a traffic light...
and i think to my self what the fuck and i look over the side to see if we have wheels or something and there arn;t... this is impossible i thin kto myself, but then i'm just like "ok"
and we continue on our merry way.

what is awesome on another intersting side note, there was a note that i had to read. and I read it. but i've heart that your aren;t suposed to read in dreams.
anyways i have to go and make like 10 decorations today ... byee

this is for you

I love you darling...

When you look at me I feel beautiful

because thats what I am in your eyes

The safest place I can imagine is in your arms

and the coolest breeze cannot withstand the warmth of your touch

an ambiance that i don't care to be without

You make me happy

when, for all of the day.

The weather in my life,
was a particular shade of gray.

each night i hold your heart in my hand
you tell me to sleep sweetly

and my dreams will be sweet...

they will be of you

shitty post

so i've went throught everone's posts, so i guess it;s my turn to write a new one. but it really won;t be very exciting.
sooo i guess i'm glad i left the party so early, no so glad at that darling spencer was sick. also not so glad that i had to be at work the next moring at 8.. then after leaving at 4 have to go back to work for a stupid staff meeting at 6:30. grr much anger. hmmm the i got to work yesterday on cash, which i haddn't done in forever. the day was soooooo long. then watching the best movies ever. blood gnomes rest stop and ... goules.. we fit soo many people into spencers tiny living room. crazyness. but i was uber tired so i , along with kaitlyn who is compleatly moved into my house now, camehome and went to bed.
had a crazy dream like i always do. and now i am up waiting for work at 11. sweet eh. i have to start doing the decorations for kids fest. it seems like i just have no time in the up comming weeks, i just hope my whole summer isn;t like that. i'm sure it won;t be but you know.

ok so who ever is comming camping, i will be a making a map before we go, and if you can;t come both days but can one day ... tell me cuz there are other people and i have to make a trip back to nanaimo anyways... so then you can get a ride to camping and not miss all the fun. ok ?

anywyas i have to go to work at 11, and i still need to shower get dressed and eat so... yea
sorry my post was shitty. if you want a good one read eryns... cuz it;s awesome like her

T minus two days ...

this is just for me..

i am beautiful
I have a wonderfully curvey body, with soft skin
I have soft hair
I smell good
I have cute feet
i smile lots
i am kind
careing
and generouse( probably too much so )
i believe in fairness and treat people thus
i am honest
i am creative
i keep things that people give to me, so that i can remember them
especailly from those people who i care for alot
i don;t hesitate to help people
i always offer to help people move, becuase i know that no- one likes to do it
I am content with the simple things
i do not need things to go my way all the time
i am a good listener
i can get the most " bang for my buck"
i am some times a nerd/loser( see above)
I love to give people gifts. especially for no reason.
i am forgiveing
i am good at painting and fastball
i make most of my own jewlery
sometimes the simplest thing can cheer me up, like a surprise flower, or a text message or a hug
i can comprimise
so what if i can;t spell worth a damn. that isn't how i roll
i have an excellent work ethic
i like to cheer people up
i am not a lucky person, but i buy scratch tickts anywas becuase they remind me of my granny
i am thankful for the things that people do for me. i hope you all know
i can french manicure my own nails and french braid my own hair
i love going to flea markets/ garage sales and finding unique items
i feel beautiful naked
i am responsible
i make amazing apple crisp
even though i don;t like lots of differnt foods i am actually a good cook.just not a very divers one
i have friends who are awesome
i am in love
and feel loved
and except for some little bumps i am very happy with me life. i am glad that i know the people i do. proud of myself for where i am , and what i have accomplished. i am excited for the future.

T minus three days ...

so i just looked in the mirror and realized i look absolutly aweful. i guess it fits. the last hitchhickers was tonight, just got home actually.( cuz i am lame and didn;t go out with everyone) anyways i'm glad we are done cuz it was fun to do, but am glad that i wll have those days back again. last class today as well. bothe where kinda just talking about the courses.*shrug*
my cat is cute and exploring
there are lots of things i could be doing right now but i really just don;t feel like it. so i think i will go to bed. i also have nothign interesting to say.
here is a picture. i like it

"is it all to much or just not enough"

i wonder sometimes if there is anyone in the world who has it all together. everything ya know. and then wonder if there is such a person , would i ever want to be it. just a thought
i have a lot of thoughts. i think most of them or ridiculouse or my mind just over reacitng. so i try to ignore them. other wise i get myself all worked up, and doing that is never a good thing. but i get these feeling/ intuitions and i'm like what the fuck is that all about. and i guess i come to some kind of conclusion which turns out to be .. well just silly.
" life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"
i was wondering on my drive home. which part of my life is life and which part is the making plans.i guess all the work and stuff is making plans and the just doing whatever is life, but then again i make plan.s....... ok .. i give up i'm just confussed and i know that i am probably getting this all wrong. i suppose life is just moments and the rest is all crap
i wonder... i wonder. there are so many things that effect other things.. and the slightest change can drastically effect the outcome. how much is enough and what is too much. no one really knows eh. you just gotta go with it and screw up some times to figure it out.
like how do you commit your summer to making/ saving money yet still have enought time/ sence to relax once and a while
how do you spend time with people enough so that you are close friends but not to much so that they are your only connections?
how do you show that someone that they are on your mind all the time, and that you love them more than anything, without smuthering and pushing them away.

there is so much uncertainty. the "how much" sometimes it just fills me with worry and doubt. it;s like playing a game almost. the strategy game of life... augh.

i just hear this song playing on the radio and i like it.it's all like mushy and stuff. here at just afew of my favorite lyrics cuz i don;t wanna have a huge post

"I don't know what I was thinking
'Til I was thinking of you"
"I don't know how I was living
Until you came in my life
I always knew there was something wrong
Then you came along
Baby, you made it right"

"I couldn't pick up the pieces
'Til I was falling apart
I didn't know I was bleeding
'Til your love fixed this hole, baby, here in my heart"

i guess thats enough.
p.s. i can;t wait to move out
p.p.s how much?

mmm mini eggs

sooo hows everyone doing, having a good easter yea? yea?... as for me *shrug* i had to work today 8-4... however it was so boring and dead that i got off an hour early. neato. and i am waiting around to hang out with people. duuud uud u.
so yesterday kaitlyn and i drove back from kylans and just kinda didnt; do alot. then she went to work and i spent like 50$ on some ...INVADER ZIM dvd's.... i had to...
and then i went to walmart to get pictures developed and some other things.. and i went to watch a knife demo and ended up buying knives... it was such a good deal though.. i got 3 big (foreversharp) knives.. 3 pairing knives, 2 juicer things, a pair of forever sharp scissors, and a filet knife for 28$... haha
then i come home and find out that my dad had an extra pairing knife and big knife from when he baught a set like that, that he was giving me... so o well .. now i have lots of sharp knives..
hmm then what..
rented and watched some movies with spencer
had a super awesome sleep which was sadly short due to the having to get up for work.
*tears*

ummmm i am excited for school to be over with, just so i don;t have to worry abotu going to class and having to do stuff


anyways i think i am done for now.. here is a list of people i think should update their blogs.
kailyn
martha
naaathan
it;s good thats its short. anyways...

LOVE